Visitors after birth

[Lacey31]

DH and I are expecting our first child and have in laws round the corner and my parents a 5 hour drive away. My parents are easy going and flexible and will do whatever so if I say come down straight away they will, or they'll happily wait a few days to visit. The in laws will want to be there as much as possible I fear.

Can anyone advise me how soon they felt ok for people to visit the baby? Even if just popping in for a few hours?

My mum was my birthing partner and my dad visited the next day. My MIL lives abroad so she came after 2 weeks As her flight was booked for my due date which I didn't reach

You honestly won’t know how you feel until you give birth. And even then how you feel then and how you feel a few weeks later might change.

I couldn’t stand my MIL near us for a few weeks (lovely, good hearted woman but very overbearing), but was desperate for my mum.

Later on I was grateful for anyone at all that would hold my baby while I had a shower or slept 😆

Take it day by day!

With first child people cane in hospital and within hours of being home.....(I hated it)

With second we said we would let people know and aside from pil disregarding that and turning up at the hospital (😡) it was a couple of very lovely peaceful days as a family of 4 before the visitors descended upon us (and we decided when!)

My parents stayed a week after the twins were born. They assisted me with the childcare and emotional support. But it’s your decision to make.
Will they actually help out? What kind of relationship do you have with your family? When I was in the hospital after birth my mom and dad actually went to the NICU to see my son and softly talked with him as well. Plus they looked after the step child and brought me stuff to read and eat too. That was appreciated. My mom even made me cups of coffee and kept me sane.
However they were also respectful of our reasonable wishes. On the day I gave birth it was just me and my partner in the actual delivery room. My parents were waiting for any updates outside with the step child. My entire pregnancy was high risk.
I have a decent relationship with my family. Do what you want to do however.

I has both DDs and was home after 6 hours. Visitors came straight away.

Do what you feel but I felt it was important to be fair to both sides of the family. So if my mum was invited then so was DH mum. I hate that in laws seem so excluded on mumsnet. My mum had no more right than DH mum.

I actually had an open house for the first 24 hours which I'm glad as I was on a high for the first few days. Having everyone in one go meant I had the next week or so to myself.

Hi Mumsnet community

This is my first post. I am TTC my first baby :-)

I got my mirena coil removed in mid July and then got my first period after one month, second 3 weeks later and third three weeks after that, three weeks ago I thought I was getting my third period but it was spotting. I have been spotting every day since. It varies between black to born to red. Sometimes heavy enough to be a light period and other time only when I wipe after weeing. I also see flakes in the toilet :-/

Has anyone else experienced this?

Apologies if this is TMI. I am new to mumsnet and this is my first post.

Thanks all for any advice.

Apologies- I appear to have posted my question in a thread- hmm...

First time granny here, however easy going your mum is, she will be desperate to be asked for support so if you get on, give her permission to set off as you are in labour and do whatever you need her to do (you won't know what that is yet)

Ask the pil to support you by hosting your family so you don't have to deal with a housefull.

On day 2 when the midwife came she found the baby with 2 grannies (1 rocking, 1 cooking) and 2 sleeping parents.

We lived far away from parents when first 2 DC were born.After DC 1 , my DP came up as soon as I was out of hospital and DM stayed to help( I was grateful for company but was absolutely fine.) DPil didn't visit for a couple of weeks. No idea why not but DH was dreadfully hurt.
DPil were staying with us when I went into labour with DC2. They were able to help for a few days after the baby was born with our toddler.i can't remember when my DP visited.
When I had DC3 we were living close to family. Everyone visited while I was in hospital( after c section) which was lovely.
A new baby is a new family member for everyone. I have no comprehension of restricting visits apart from obvious immediate recovery and clean up if needed.mind you my family members are thoughtful and don't outstay their welcome or expect new mothers to provide Victoria sponges or clean the loo.

I had visitors in the evening each time, first one was in hospital, other 2 I was at home. I felt fine, didn't have traumatic births, and had no inclination to sit around babymooning or anything like that.

No rules.

My midwife came to visit me when my daughter was 18 hours old,

I was doing the weekly shop in Tesco with my baby and toddler so was not home for visitors.

speakout we were out at a cafe having lunch when the midwife came for her first visit, DD was also approx 18 hours old!

SoyDora

Not just me then!!

DD arrived a little early and OH had to go to work the next day. No food in the house, so just me, a 2 year old and a baby.

My mother came to visit, but she is off the wall and took it upon herself that day to gloss paint the woodwork in my kitchen (really helpful) when the midwife called.

I know my DM would have been the greatest support and would have no issues having her visit a lot/generally being around but she's no longer with us. Everyone else will be invited when we want them and not before.

I am envious of those with mother support.

When my DD was born we popped in on the way back home to see my mother for half an hour- we pass her house on the way back from the hospital.

DD was 4 hours old at that stage. I settled down hoping for a cup of tea.
My mother wanted a cuddle of baby ( understandably) and she had a friend with her.

OH decided to get a chinese takeaway ( it was early evening) early summer.
My mother wanted to sit outside so asked me to haul two wooden garden benches from the shed, make and bring tea for us all in the garden.
I refused of course- but that is the level of support my mother brings.

It’s only on mumsnet that everyone seems to hide away for weeks. In the real world, everyone I know had people (mainly grandparents) come to visit either at the hospital or at home (depending on how long you were in hospital for) within the first 24 hours of the birth.

This is so true! Post baby mumsnet is a little weird!

I had both parents, siblings and siblings in law visit twice in hospital as I was in 4 nights afterwards (c section and infections).

I LOVED having visitors, even at home everyone was round constantly afterwards, it helped deal with sleep deprivation...distraction! It's also amazing everyone you love meeting your little new love. Nothing like it!

This is so true! Post baby mumsnet is a little weird!

And as other people have said it’s absolutely fine if you have lovely supportive families who help and don’t outstay their welcome.

As the post above yours ably demonstrates not everyone is that lucky.

I don’t get what is hard to understand about this.

My mum was a birthing partner so she left afterwards as she had to work.
Pils visited on the same day in hospital unfortunately.
3 days later, most of the family visited me at home, all in one go.
Oh did the drinks.

I was in hospital for 3 days after having DD. It was a difficult birth and I wanted my Mum afterwards so my parents visited the same night. I was still in recovery and they stayed for 15 minutes. They came back the next day only when invited, did lots of shopping for us and generally did anything we asked of them.

We asked PIL to also visit in the hospital where I could be in control a little - they had to travel but are retired and with no commitments - but they refused. They came over the night we got home, didn’t even ask how we were (I was pretty poorly and they knew we’d been kept in for extra care) and didn’t look at DD until we had opened all of their presents. They came back the next day for HOURS, didn’t lift a finger and visibly winced if we even said the words “breastfeed”. It was awful, I felt so uncomfortable in my own home. I was very much just the vessel that delivered their grandchild, they made it very clear that my welfare and needs were far less important than theirs.

The final straw was when my brother arrived - he was about to be deployed on tour and I desperately wanted him to meet his niece. MIL moved the baby away from him and made snide comments about how my family would get to see her more than they would.

Next time, I’ll be having an ELCS and if the in laws choose not to come to the hospital then they won’t be invited until breastfeeding is established and I feel less vulnerable.

With my first I had a horrible birth, lost a lot of blood and needed transfusion, and was quite poorly. I absolutely did not want any visitors in the hospital (was in for 3 days) so I didn’t have them. My parents popped round for an hour the day I got home, which was absolutely fine.

In-laws came over when baby was 8 days old, the same day that baby had tongue tie cut on the dining room table, and they stayed all day. It was a bloody nightmare. They were very helpful, cooking food and doing jobs, but they were just there! All I wanted was some peace and quiet. Ended up spending almost the whole day sat upstairs in a bedroom trying to feel my baby, who was obviously not good at latching due to tongue tie, and crying a lot (both of us!). A few hours would have been fine, but they had a 2 hour drive which meant they had to “make a day of it” apparently.

With second baby, I felt so much better, and my parents saw him at the hospital which was actually really nice. In-laws didn’t see him for a few weeks I don’t think (can’t actually remember) but they weren’t really fussed.

So, I would def warm people that it will completely depend on how you feel after the birth, and that you will let them know when you are up for visitors and ask them to respect that and not take offence.

My parents and brother and SIL visited me in hospital. My in laws live further away so it was a couple of days later.

Oh look another controversial thread that an OP starts and never comes back to.

Can't be that concerned.

With one of mine, both sets of grandparents were with us within 15 minutes of birth!

With the others, mine were with us either dame day, or the next day, depending on time of birth.

I don't understand the idea of hiding away, I've known no one in real life who has done this.

I found my friends easier to deal with than parents in law. Friends visited to support me. Parents in law only interested in cooing over baby. Parents came week after birth and helped running about doing things like buying me new clothes, doing the shopping etc. That was find