Visitors after birth

[Lacey31]

DH and I are expecting our first child and have in laws round the corner and my parents a 5 hour drive away. My parents are easy going and flexible and will do whatever so if I say come down straight away they will, or they'll happily wait a few days to visit. The in laws will want to be there as much as possible I fear.

Can anyone advise me how soon they felt ok for people to visit the baby? Even if just popping in for a few hours?

My first visitors were at 10 days

Had DD Thursday morning (early hours), got home Friday morning. Parents & InLaws came over on Saturday.

My parents came to hospital, SIL and MIL visited a few days later then we went to visit both families the next weekend.

Honestly DD is an easy newborn and it could get quite boring when she was asleep, I was pretty happy to have visitors.

Both sets of parents on the ward a couple of hours after C section, friends from around 3 days

My mum and MIL were both over the day after I got home from hospital so 2 days after birth. Tbf I am surprised MIL waited that long! When my DD was 3 days old we had a lot of family round all at once (they stopped in before going out for a birthday meal) and I did find that a bit overwhelming although it wasn't a long visit. I generally didn't mind, the only thing that bothered me is people 'popping by' without letting me know first. I still don't like that actually!

DD arrived on Sat afternoon, we got home on Sun and PIL were the first to visit for a couple of hours on the Mon. I really appreciated a night to get used to having DD home and get some rest in my own bed before seeing anybody.

Probably won't get that luxury next time round, as we'll need PIL around for childcare.

I can't wait for visitors so I can have a nap and a shower hahaha

I had a home birth which my mum attended. My MIL came in as soon as DS was born whilst my legs were akimbo and I was still passing the placenta, she was also the first non medical profession to hold DS (yes, she even beat me to it). We tried our best to make MIL feel included because she is a very insecure person but as the saying goes "give an inch and they'll take a mile". When DS2 was born MIL was made to wait until the next day.
Don't understand the trend to keep babies away from family members, I have a fractious relationship with my PIL but they are my DC's grandparents. I didn't consider that giving birth made me special as women had done it before, many in horrific circumstances.

I think people should relax, be grateful for a positive outcome and share the joy.

Before I he DS I was adamant that I wanted to be left alone at home for a few days before the inlaws descended, but in reality my mil arrived the day we came home from hospital and stayed for a week. My parent arrived a couple of days after and stayed for 2 weeks (they live far away)

I personally found that I needed much more support in the early days than I had anticipated. I was recovering from a pretty tough birth, trying to establish breastfeeding and my DH (although awesome) was as petrified as I was about “breaking the baby”. Having people who had been there and done that on hand for a good few weeks was a lifesaver. It’s also great to have someone there who can make you a cuppa/put the dinner when you are tied to the side with a cluster feeding baby and a partner who doesn’t get home from work until 8pm....

See how you feel - you may just be glad of the help in those early days!!!

This is my third pregnancy- we have a strict no visitor rule for a week, then it's an hours visit at a time we choose that's convenient for us.

I think it depends on a lot of factors. My LO is 2 weeks old and spent the first week in intensive care. I've had some complications and been very sore. I've not felt up to heaps of visitors. If you have major surgery or an infection you may need a few days or a week to get on your feet. Also depends if LO has any issues feeding etc which will impact on how you're feeling. If you have guests that will only stay for a short period that's very different to family coming to stay for a week (which is what's happening to me) so we told them to come later on when we were more able to host. You have to just see how you feel.

I've never had anyone visit me in hospital, I didn't really want anyone crowding around 3 hours after I'd given birth (that's how long it would have been had anyone been invited). First baby my parents met 1 day old, we called on the way home from hospital (we had to drive past anyway), in laws it was a bit longer. Second baby I went home about 5 hours after so I called to see my parents on the way again. The in laws it was about a week.

We saw my parents a lot more in the days/weeks after, we popped around their house or them to ours every few days. I didn't find it suffocating though and we could have just said no if we wanted to. I don't really like my in laws so their visits were tolerated and so weren't as often. I didn't really appreciate my mil asking my husband how my vagina was and whether I was stitched up, I found it totally bizarre that she felt the need to know! I actually had to ask him when we had our second not to discuss this stuff with her.

It was several weeks before I felt up to having visitors but have to say I didn't mind any of the grandparents, they were helpful.

We had visitors at the hospital, MIL, SIL, GGM, and GGG, 8 hours after I gave birth during the visiting hour then they left when it ended. BIL was working so couldn't make it. We were still in the hospital because we were required to be for observation.

I think a hospital visit initially is easier because it's time restricted then wait a couple of days for home visits. I had a straightforward normal delivery though and closest family are an hour away.

The 3rd day was really hard because the baby blues set in and I cried at nothing at all constantly. I wouldn't have wanted visitors then.

*GGF not GGG

It totally depends on how you are feeling, and who the visitors are. We had visitors in hospital, (only parents, brothers, sisters, in-laws etc). I was happy with that as we were in for 3 days, it's quite boring, and you don't have to make the tea, tidy up etc. I felt that it got it out of the way.
Back home, I requested immediate family only, because it was exhausting, and keeping myself and my baby clean, fed and dressed took literally all my time. As a previous poster said, I wanted helpers not visitors at that point. Some people turned up anyway, and I found it really intrusive.

We had a lot of minor problems in the first few weeks, and it was probably about 4 weeks until I felt capable of hosting someone and being sociable.

OP as many have said you really do just need to see how you feel. And if you don't feel up to visitors generally most people are very understanding.

I did want immediate family to meet DS at the hospital. I just asked that no one come to hospital until baby was born. MIL wasn't happy about this, demanding to come to the hospital during the birth . Glad I stood my ground on that one.

I was on a high after baby was born. Had to stay in hospital for a few days afterwards for breastfeeding support. On day three my milk came in, exhaustion hit and I could not stop crying. So definitely wasn't up for many visitors at that point. My family were so respectful and were happy to visit and leave the room for a bit when midwife was trying to help me to latch baby on. I had to ask MIL to leave the room.

On our first evening home my family called in for a flying visit and even dropped us off some food. That night (9:30pm) we closed curtains and blinds and were getting ready to head upstairs to bed. I was sitting with no top on. DH and I had spent the previous 10/15 minutes trying to latch baby properly. Finally succeeded. Loud banging at door and windows. Then his phone started ringing. MIL and FIL had travelled 40 minutes to visit, despite us having told them we weren't up for late visits and explaining about feeding problems .

Anyway, I'll not keep going on about it! Just making the point that there is a massive difference in having inconsiderate and considerate visitors!! I much prefer the latter.

After a couple of weeks and when DH went back to work I was delighted to have visitors throughout the day.

Hospital visitors can be quite underrated (as long as you have a straightforward birth).

My house definitely isn’t always Visitor Ready, and having the midwives around to carall lingering inlaws out the door is fantastic. Much more preferable to being expected to host in your own home and remembering that you’d left the Anusol and maternity pads on the bathroom windowsill just after your FIL nips to the loo.

@sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch

I was happy to have visitors at the hospital but then wanted a few days to ourselves when I got home so we could settle in a bit and that was the same with my first one as it was such a new experience and also with my second one as I wanted the older one to get used to the baby. The hospital had a nice day room you could go to with visitors if you wanted and that made it easier to send them away when I felt I wanted to go back to the ward.

I was a bit unwell after having DS2 as I'd had a bad chest infection and had lost quite a bit of blood and we both snuggled up and nodded off while I was feeding him lying down, so I ended up sleeping through both DM visiting (she came to pick up DH and take him home as he was too tired to drive safely) and MiL too (she'd come to bring me something I'd asked for, maybe clothes or toiletries). I saw her leaving as I woke up. They came back later with DS1 when I was awake and I must have felt much better and really pleased to see them as I have a photo of them all sat on my bed with me standing behind them with my arms round them!

@PennyMordauntsLadyBrain
that was just the start of it.

I daren't go in to full detail lest I be accused of being another mumsnetter MIL basher .

When I seen the obvious look of glee (that she could finally get to feed baby a bottle) on MILs face when I could no longer breastfeed I actually started to dislike her.
I had had surgery on my breast abscess, a drain in the hole in my breast and had lost nearly two stone weight.

Some people lose their minds and all consideration for the new family goes out the window when they see a new baby. The baby rabies!!

I'm surprised how many people seem judgemental and have said on this thread that they don't understand people "hiding away". You may be social and enjoy people visiting if you feel bored, but equally others might prefer some privacy after a possibly long and painful ordeal. Likewise, having a child is a big change, and time just as a nuclear family can be helpful in making a sense of it. I want my child to have a very close relationship with their parents, but that doesn't require them to visit us hours after the birth. It's great when family and friends are excited, but that comes secondary to your physical and mental well-being and comfort.

Grandparents* baby-brain typing!

When I seen the obvious look of glee (that she could finally get to feed baby a bottle) on MILs face when I could no longer breastfeed I actually started to dislike her.

Wow! She would NEVER have been allowed to give mine a bottle if she’d acted like that.

I had visitors in hospital with DC1&2, both were traumatic deliveries and I felt and looked like shit. I really didn’t want anyone there, I felt like I was incredibly vulnerable. With DC3 I had more backbone and said no to anyone visiting hospital, I’m doing the same this time. They can come when we’re settled at home but not in the hospital.