Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Gender disappointment

113 replies

S8765 · 25/08/2018 21:42

We found out today what baby's gender is, I cant help but feel devastated and I've cried for hours about it. I can't stand the comments of congratulations and I just went to feel better about this...I'm really worried this will effect me throughout the rest of this pregnancy and when baby arrives. I just don't even want to talk about the baby with my partner or my older child. I feel so guilty too. :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 26/08/2018 19:18

Can you explain why you feel this way? What has disappointed you?

I’m not offended, more upset that a little baby is a disappointment just for its gender.

Confidenceknocked · 26/08/2018 19:22

I do know a bit how you feel. When I found out DC2 was a boy I was really sad. Purely for the fact that I lean on my sisters for everything and we are so close, I wanted that for my eldest. Now my son is here and I am so in love with him, he is everything I could’ve dreamed of and after the initial shock from the scan I never considered his sex as a ‘burden’ again.
OP it’s ok to feel disappointed sometimes or to have emotions, you will get over it. Sometimes hormones can make you irrational, never apologise for how you feel. If the feelings don’t go away, speak to someone but I am 99% sure they will.

GinUnicorn · 26/08/2018 19:31

Honestly I wonder if it might be partially hormones. I was so convinced mine was a girl that I would have been really upset if I was wrong. It’s totally stupid but I felt like somehow we were bonded already and I was so convinced.

I think in reality pregnancy hormones were cooking my brain as I would have been delighted with a boy as well.

Be kind to yourself - hormones can make everything seem much bigger than it is.

shirleyschmidt · 26/08/2018 19:38

I must admit I can't understand being consumed by the sex of the baby, after all just having a child makes you extremely blessed, as I'm sure you know. But I do totally understand having a bit of a preference, I think that's probably very normal.

All I can say to you is, don't worry about your feelings towards the baby when it's here. Right now the baby is a bit of a stranger so all the lovey feelings aren't yet there to balance out this period of disappointment. And without the baby in your arms you can only focus on the negative.
But If when baby comes out, the doctor says to you: 'oh it's not the gender you wanted, but we've got this one here in the 'right' sex - you can take that instead?' There's no way you'd be remotely tempted! On the big day, you'll only want YOUR baby, whatever he/she is.

doowapwap · 26/08/2018 19:38

OP you do need to talk about you're feeling but you're not giving much away here. People can't help if you don't give a bit more detail.

Is there a reason you are so upset? What is about the sex of the baby that is a disappointment?

BlueBug45 · 26/08/2018 19:56

@Confidenceknocked the siblings I'm closer to are actually my brothers. This is one of the many reasons why posters have said you can't stereotype children by sex.

123whatsmyusername · 29/08/2018 15:41

Devastated? Over the fact you have a healthy baby? That’s something I dream of, having lost my daughter earlier on in the year, with a strong chance of any future children I have not surviving either due to a genetic condition.
Please remember that you are lucky to have a healthy baby and that when they’re here, I’m sure you’ll love them with all your heart. Many people would give anything to have a child and couldn’t care less about its sex. Take a step back and see your situation from the point of view of someone less fortunate.

unicorncow · 29/08/2018 17:00

@S8765 hi, I'll be honest, when I found out I was expecting a boy this time I was quite disappointed, I had hoped to have a girl mainly for the "girly" things, pink, dresses, princesses etc etc! Now that he's been born I feel really upset to think I ever felt that way! I can imagine my gorgeous little boy being anything other than what he is, he's amazing and lights up my life more than I could have ever imagined!

Joeybee · 29/08/2018 19:13

Gender disappointment is such a common thing. It's okay to feel disappointed, trying to autores that disappointment or be hard on yourself will not help you deal with it.
However one way or another you have to deal with it and accept the sex of your baby.
I found this hard at first. I'm from a family of men, there are very few men in my family, growing up I was surrounded by brothers, male cousins and uncles. Only women were my mum (who I had a complicated relationship with) an aunt who is not a very nice person, and my Nanna who I was close to (she's now passed away).
So I've always craved a close relationship with a female and have wanted girls in my family. My Husband also preferred to have a girl.
I got pregnant and had a miscarriage and that changed my mindset completely. I realised that it didn't actually matter whether baby was girl or boy, that I'd love them unconditionally whatever. Also whatever expectations I had of having a girl may not live up to the reality.
When I got pregnant again I just wanted a healthy baby, I'd have loved a girl through.
Anyway we found out baby is a boy. At first I was a little disappointed, but ultimately happy that all was okay. Also I really soon got used to the idea of a boy and started imagining baby as a boy. Knowing the sex helped me bond with the baby and pick out names and imagine what he'll be like. I now can't imagine anything else and it just 'feels right' that he'll be a boy. The disappointment has gone completely, it just took time and honest conversations between me and Husband about how we felt.

Kittykat93 · 29/08/2018 20:55

Why the fuck is it always boys people are disappointed with?? not that you should be disappointed with any sex.

onetimeposter · 29/08/2018 21:01

It is women who are disappointed with sons, not men.
Being pregnant with a boy feels like a booby prize when you tell people, especially if you already have one.
Compare that to the middle east, and china, where boys are revered and girls rejected.
I have never heard of gender disappointment with girls.

woodfires · 29/08/2018 21:12

I wasn't disappointed because I had boy/girl twins but I was worried about how I would parent a boy, what we would talk about, what interests we would share, I could relate to being a girl because I had been one, boys seemed a much more distant thing. In reality I ended up spending with first couple of weeks just with DS, I was aware I adored him as soon as my brain wasn't addled with drugs. He does like loads of different stuff to me but that isn't important, there is also lots we can do together. My DD is also fantastic but unsurprisingly really she is her own person and not my clone so she also likes lots of things I don't as well as things I do. For me I had over estimated the importance of a child's sex in parenting.

LBNM19 · 29/08/2018 21:26

Maybe you shouldn't of found out if you knew you would be so dissapointed?

I'm pregnant with my 4th baby, my 4th boy and can say I've never been disappointed.

My oldest son is severely disabled and has a condition that is life limiting. Meaning one day he won't be with us anymore, he is only 6 and been through more than most already.

The condition is genetic and we've gone on to have healthy children despite there being a 1 in 4 chance of passing it on in every pregnancy.

Maybe that's why I've never felt disappointed but I think maybe you could see past your babies gender and try and just be grateful your having a healthy baby.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad but if you look at the bigger picture things could be alot worse.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5