Abortion - Heart and Head!!

[mads20]

Hello, new to this and been debating for days on whether or not to post on a forum. I am 20 years old and just found out on Monday i am about 4/5 weeks pregnant (my clear blue said 2-3 weeks but supposedly this would be 4-5 weeks medically). This was not planned and we really tried to prevent once myself and my partner had realised a mistake had happened (we tried to get the morning after pill from 3 places all out of stock!)

Anyway, i have just been on holiday with my mum and the whole time i knew i was pregnant - i didn't feel right (sickness and dizziness) and i just "knew". My instant reaction was not happy or angry but confused - i have been with my partner for 4 years and we speak all the time about wanting children but obviously not yet! we don't live together, have no savings (we first got together when we were only 16&18 and have been enjoying our freedom as young adults) and to make matters worse i got myself into debt big time last year. luckily my parents were able to consolidate this debt and i am currently paying my dad back around 567 a month - up until june 2019!!

my boyfriends insant reaction is to get rid, we have spoken to both of our mums who say the same - it is up to us but you don't have to be a genius to know that this is the wrong time. i can't however seem to draw the same conclusion and already feel emotionally attached to this baby, the thought of terminating is something that i am really struggling to come to terms with and something that i honestly feel i will never get over. i know that everyone is trying to suggest whats best but i don't feel like anyone understands what i am going through.

the biggest issue is finance and the fact we both live at home still, i am petrified to tell my dad as i feel he would be massively disappointed but i know the only way i would stand any chance in keeping this baby is if he can lower my monthly payments on the debt... alongside this we both have cars on finance - no idea how i would get out of mine - if it wasn't for the debt management i am doing each month i would have around 700 disposable income but whats done is done and i really don't know how i would get my dad to come around to this decision.

my boyfriend also refuses to rent a property as he is strongly against it, i said to him this is the price to pay for making this mistake with me but i cannot get him on board to keep it yet let alone to move into rented accommodation.

i am really torn as i wake up everyday thinking i am strong enough to go through with the termination for the sake of this baby future but as the day goes on i know i will not be able to go through with this.

we have an appointment tomorrow with my GP to discuss abortion, how it works and the process but i know all i will want to hear is the development of my baby and for a reason to convince my boyfriend we should keep this.

i feel like i am the only one that wants this baby and as much as my boyfriend is supportive i know he will never understand how i feel, if i go through with this abortion i don't know if i will cope :(

sorry for the mammoth post!! has anyone been in a similar situation and can provide any help/support? xx

That's great news op! What did he say about the money?

So so happy for you hun!!!

How wonderful and supportive of your family. With them behind you, you will conquer anything.
Good luck with everything x x x

mads20
I am so happy for you. Trust me when I say everything works out I the end and with your family's support you can't go wrong xxx

So happy for you OP. :) xx

thanks everyone!! we didn't discuss the money in detail but i got the impression they will help me to sort - my dads phrase was "even with 80,000 in the bank you won't have enough but thats not a good enough reason to get rid of a baby"... honestly i am so happy i told them i almost feel silly for worrying so much! tomorrow i will be cancelling my termination appointment and getting my name on the antenatal list.. now that i have come to terms with my decision i am so excited for the future!!! so grateful for everyones support xxx

actually, i suppose correct term is prenatal!! my bad :) xx

So pleased for you. Made me feel a little weepy in a happy way. Big hugs xxx

Congratulations. Enjoy your pregnancy. You asked in an earlier post for details about pro life organistions for support. Life charity give free counselling for pregnancy related issues to anyone affected so it may be something your partner would benefit from. They support people who are pregnant or who have had abortions and are struggling. They can often help with things you may need for the baby and there are some shared houses for mums and babies. Hope you get plenty of support.

Great news @mads20 best of luck with the pregnancy 💕

As a parent i say NEVER EVER abort.

I understand your young and lack of money but being a parent gives you so much more than you expect.

I didnt want kids and i was like you but i am so happy i am a parent

Congratulations 💖 xxxx

Wel done for coming to your decision in your own time, congratulations

Oh @mads20 I'm so pleased for you. I remember this feeling completely. Congratulations

How far along are you? I'm now 9 weeks with baby number 2

I had an abortion in my very early 20's. I wasn't in a stable relationship and was just starting out in my career. For me there was no choice. But I think about that decision often. You need to be very sure.

@lilly1207 thank you so much :) I think I am 5/6 weeks as of yesterday! my clearblue last Monday said 4-5 so it depends which end of that I am :) going to give my doctors a call today to get my first appointment booked in... is it true I have to wait until 8 weeks?! Agony!!

aw Congrats :) how have things been for you? xx

Good luck, OP - I hope everything works out for you

@mads20 everything is ok at the min. I had a scare at 6 weeks and had some bleeding but I had an early scan and all ok, I'm just taking it easy at the moment.

If you wanted to you could have a private scan early, I think you can get them booked in at 7 weeks for reassurance and dating.

Every GP works differently. I just phoned them and they booked me in with the midwife. Just waiting for my actual booking in appointment which is next week (as I'll be delivering at a hospital out of my area). Then can get my 12 week scan booked in!

Xx

Congratulations OP. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy

Tbf it sounds like you've already made up your mind. It doesn't seem like you will go through with the abortion, and I applaud you for that. Although the situation is dire, if you are determined not to become a statistic of poor young families, you won't be. I think a lot of the points you raised - especially about your boyfriend not wanting it and your father being disappointed - are short-sighted. I think they will have a lot to deal with at first, but they will both warm to the idea and feel a bit silly looking back, when you've got a baby that everyone loves (usually happens in good families as you mentioned yours is).
I think it's important to set some goals for studying/working and avoid falling into a rut. If you can find temporary accommodation in the meantime, try to work on saving up for a house or flat - your boyfriend has a good point and he should be heard too. Good luck to you x

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am pregnant with my first, we have just got married and hoped to have kids quite soon after the wedding anyway but we also have a fair amount of debt that we are paying back. My parents don't know about my credit cards but they would be furious if they knew. My dad is constantly saying how we can't afford to have kids - but I am not very close to him so I take everything he says with a pinch of salt anyway.

I would like to pass on a piece of advice my mum gave me: if everyone waited until they were financially ready to have a baby, no one would ever have a baby.

If you want this baby, and you will love the baby and do the best you can for it, that is all anyone can expect of you. No parent is perfect, but the fact that you have the sensibility and awareness to know the limitations of your potential parenting speak volumes about your maturity and potential. I think that is more important at the end of the day. There are so many people out there who get themselves pregnant and have no idea of what problems will be facing them and expect other people to step in and take over when they can't cope. From what I've read you don't seem like one of those people, and whatever your decision, I think you will be able to manage it. I hope you have all the love and support you need to live with whatever the outcome is.

@mads20 I came back to find out how you're getting on.... And yey! Fantastic news by the sounds of it you're going to be an amazing mother and I'm sure your partner will come around. A year from now the pair of you won't be able to imagine life without your little one!

So glad you have your parents support!

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.. Massive congratulations to you!

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy. I've very pro choice because I believe hat every woman should be able to make the best choice for herself.

You sound so excited!! It's pretty clear you are making the right decision for you.

Congratulations

Just a note. If the clear blue says 4-5 you'd actually be 6-7 as the first two weeks are counted before you're even actually pregnant, so you're probably 7/8 weeks now.