House guests at 40 Weeks

[annawoolfworries]

My mum is bringing her partner to stay over my due date, despite me asking her not to. They are arriving next week and I’m fuming. I’m going to have to give up my bedroom for them & I know it will delay my labour as she did the same thing last time, and I went into labour when they left. I’m not sure how to approach this as it’s going to cause a massive row. Which I don’t want at this stage in my pregnancy. She’s already avoiding speaking to me as she knows I’m upset. She’s not uk based so hasn’t got a home here and says they can’t afford a hotel. Wwyd?

Oh god! That does not sound ideal. I wouldn't fancy houseguests at that point. But I'm confused - did you invite your mother to come and stay or is she inviting herself? Can't you just tell her to visit after the baby's born if that's the issue?

I'm not sure if it's the mother coming or the partner coming that's the issue! If you invited the mother without her partner... wouldn't she need a bed anyway? And if she's flying over especially from abroad I guess I can see why she might want her partner with her too?

But confused about the situation!

Get your partner (or a friend ) to stand up for you and tell her she is not welcome. She has a choice to delay her flight or sleep on the streets or go into debt for a hotel room but she won't be staying at your house.

Much sympathy... Sounds like a nightmare, I wouldn't be impressed either!!

Send her some links to air B&Bs near you because you need your own bed.
. Cf...

OP just say NO...that is the most appalling thing l have heard for a long time.

Email her, 'sorry but this time l cannot put you up until x time after baby is born unless you stay in a hotel.'

If she is upset so be it end of. Why is that so difficult you are not a child!

Why are you giving up your room and why have you not told them that they cannot stay?

Tell her not to come! You don’t sound like you want her on any level. Even if you weren’t having to give up your bed. Why can’t she sleep where you sleep? Perhaps if it was more of a bother she would know. You should be in your own bed as stress free as possible.

Tell her to come once the baby’s arrived and you are settled in. Then she still have to sleep somewhere not in your bed. She dosnt want to “miss” the baby like last time does she??!

The spare room has a single bed. My room has a double so they’ll need that. I did say that she could come when the baby is born but she said she wanted to help before and be there for the birth potentially. Then after this she left a voicemail saying she’s bringing her partner and flights were booked

Email her and tell her not to come.

Contact anyone near her to tell her she can’t come.

If she comes anyway don’t give your room up or prepare anywhere for her to stay.
she can pay for flights she can sort out a b&b or something.

Why would you give your room up at 40 weeks pregnancy?

This is ridiculous- why can't you say no?! If you don't want her there you need to tell her.

You need a double bed surely for yourself at this stage of your pregnancy.

What does your partner say?

She can take turns with her partner to sleep on the bed if she wants to bring him. Or book a hotel/b&b whatever.

Don’t be guilted into giving up your room.

Your mum and dp can both share the single bed ( or one can sleep on the floor). Yanbu

I feel like you should have probably told her at the time that you didn't want her there when she said she wanted to be there for the birth! Did you agree or say nothing? Bit tricky if you said yes at the time! Might be worth investigating local airbnbs..
I'd have thought if they can afford the flights they can afford the airbnb! To be honest I'd be tempted to just book and pay for it myself and then at least problem solved - probably worth it if you're really worried about them being there!

You can also point out that you weren't aware that her partner was coming and there's no room for them both so they'll have to stay in a local airbnb 👌 surely she won't ask for your bed?!

Tell her to pick up an airbed on her way. Don't give them your bed! That's really rude of her.

Absolutely do not give up your room for them.

So you hadn't even agreed to her bringing her dp?

Absolutely not! I don't understand these situations though, we had a lot going on and a relative texted to say they were coming to stay, we responded and said absolutely not at the moment as we have far too much going on (relative dying in hospital amongst other things) you need to put your foot down. Giving up your bed is an absolute no never mind them staying with you

Absolutely not! I don't understand these situations though, we had a lot going on and a relative texted to say they were coming to stay, we responded and said absolutely not at the moment as we have far too much going on (relative dying in hospital amongst other things) you need to put your foot down. Giving up your bed is an absolute no never mind them staying with you

Do not give up your room!

In fact, don't even let them in! It sounds like she didn't consult you, so she can get bent, imo.

I'm going to be blunt - fuck no!! Tell her to book a hotel. I'm 14 weeks pg and would not give my bed up for anyone! You need to man up and tell her straight.

Be strong op x

I was fine with her coming, but the dp not so much and I said twice I don’t want him staying while I’m so pregnant. Thanks all. I’ve messaged to get definite plans off her as she’s been very vague about things all week. I wasn’t sure if I was being precious not wanting to give up my bed, but I can see it’s not unreasonable.

Brill - if you were clear on her dp not coming, and she booked a flight for him anyway, you absolutely should be firm about them not staying. Either he can stay elsewhere and your mum with you, or they can both stay elsewhere. Pribably the latter would be easiest for everyone. And no one in their right mind would expect you to give up your bed for them so regarding your worries about an argument I think there should be no need for one - there clearly isn't enough space in your home for them both to stay! :) good luck!

Don’t be a doormat. You’re pregnant-she is being ridiculous to expect you to give up your bed now. Her coming is a hindrance, not a help.