House guests at 40 Weeks

[annawoolfworries]

My mum is bringing her partner to stay over my due date, despite me asking her not to. They are arriving next week and I’m fuming. I’m going to have to give up my bedroom for them & I know it will delay my labour as she did the same thing last time, and I went into labour when they left. I’m not sure how to approach this as it’s going to cause a massive row. Which I don’t want at this stage in my pregnancy. She’s already avoiding speaking to me as she knows I’m upset. She’s not uk based so hasn’t got a home here and says they can’t afford a hotel. Wwyd?

Depriving you of your own bed & bedroom is no help at all. She's after a cheap holiday.

Do not give up your bedroom!

We had a houseguest when I was 38 weeks pregnant and I almost lost my mind. DPs friends little brother who had been backpacking and finding himself in our country, DP agreed without asking me. Expected us to cook for him and to look after him I think, one day asked me to take him 40 minutes across town one way, um no mate I'm 38 weeks pregnant. DP had to ask him to leave too after two days turned into five! Think he was just enjoying free accom and food and too young to realise what an huge upheaval he was causing.

I assume she is coming to help with smaller dcs while you are in labour etc. All good. We did the same thing while living oseas. Just tell her that she in the spare room and it only has a single bed and ask her where the dp is staying.

Just to update - I tried to speak to her this morning and it caused a major row. She basically said I was being a bitch to her partner and she doesn’t see why I can’t sleep on the sofa. She also claimed he doesn’t want to be there when I’m in labour
Despite him staying over my due date. They can’t afford a hotel, have a week until they fly home and I’m being made to feel very guilty. I said maybe it’s best they don’t come as I don’t need the stress. She thinks I’m very unreasonable.

She can't see why you can't sleep on sofa?! Is she for real?! X

OP no mum should expect you to give up your bed while pregnant, I know I didn’t get much sleep at that advanced stage as it was. Your mums priority should be your happiness and comfort. You definitely don’t need the stress, don’t have them stay and don’t ever give up your bed again. YANBU.

WTF?! She doesn't understand why you can't sleep on the sofa?!

I think you're right that it might be best if they don't come. If she honestly can't understand how unreasonable she's being I wonder how useful she would be anyway.

I hope all goes well for you OP, that you manage to get some rest and stress free time before you're due (congrats btw).

Why can't she sleep on the sofa? If it's good enough for her pregnant daughter it should be good enough for her.

You really aren't being unreasonable. I remember from about 38 or 39 weeks last time I didn't want anyone to visit the house, let alone stay in it, I just wanted to be left alone. Midwife said that was normal when she came to do her visit and actually asked if that was how I was feeling, so it wasn't me being precious about it.

Tell her not to come and if she does don't let her in. Definitely don't give up your room for her. What does your DP feel about this?

Sleep in the sofa when 40 weeks pregnant? Fuck that shit. No way are you being unreasonable. She is.

Stick to your guns. Tell he that it is not going to be possible to accommodate them. That you are not able to give up your bed on this occasion or any occasions for the foreseeable future as you will then have a newborn.

She said she wants to come over before the baby to help you. Help you with what exactly? Making sleep even more difficult but turfing you out of your bed. Having an additional guest who you are uncomfortable with. Causing a major row before she even arrives. How exactly is she helping?

My parents are not UK based and I feel awful for telling them they can't stay until my dp is back at work. We would have the space but I think it's so important to have that bonding time after birth and find your own rhythm with the baby. It's appalling that she thinks you'd be the one sleeping on the sofa - how about her dp sleeps on the sofa? They're the guests, even invited at that point, so if anyone, they have to compromise.

Oh my god OP this is appalling.

The fact she told you to sleep in the sofa at 40 weeks pregnant in your own home gives you a guilt free pass (as if you needed one) to revoke her "invitation". Unbelievable.

Send her this link.
Inflatable airbed
Tell her her DP can pick it up on his way to your place. And that you will probably be in labour while they’re with you - if her DP objects to that he’ll be needing a hotel.

I think you just need to say no. Ask her to change her flight until a date in the future or they can stay in a hotel. She sounds like a entitled nightmare! If they insist on still showing up, just don’t answer the door.

My mum and stepdad live overseas. With our first, they came at 6 weeks and stayed in a holiday let in our village to give us space. With our second, mum came on her own (we also only have a single in the spare room) at 4 weeks. Both times she only booked her flights when I was ready for guests.

Surely, the whole point of them coming is for your benefit? What’s the point of making you miserable? Also if baby has arrived, where will baby sleep? Not on the sofa and certainly not in your room with them? I would say a firm no and tell them you won’t be available when they come unless they book themselves a room. Otherwise don’t answer the door and ignore.

Of course you're not being a bitch. She is being utterly unreasonable. Don't doubt yourself and don't back down! It's ridiculous to expect you to be ok with this. There's no way I'd have had essentially a stranger come and stay over my due date.

'It's a shame you both booked flights when I said I wasn't okay with that. You can come here alone, or stay elsewhere, but you cannot both stay here because I am not comfortable with that'. The end. Let her sulk. Poor you.

Agree with everything that’s been said. YA definitely NBU to not give up your bed!

I just also note, OP, that your mum’s presence won’t have a bit to do with when your labor comes. If you went into labour last time after she left that was coincidence. It could well happen again but just as likely not. All the more reason why you need your own bed, really.

If she can afford a flight then she can afford a hotel/b&b.

What a cow she is! I’d be telling her to fuck off and not come at all.

What a selfish woman your mother is! Expecting you at 40 weeks to sleep on the sofa. I’d be tellling her not to come. If they do, don’t give up your bed, let them have the single bed and sofa.

W.T.F?! She thinks you should sleep on the sofa at 40 weeks pregnant?! You’re very much better off without either of them there. Jesus Christ - that’s shocking!

And as previous poster said, if they do come they can have the single bed and sofa.

Eh? What sort of woman would expect her pregnant dd to sleep on a sofa at 40 weeks pregnant?

No one I would want in my life. Message or call "mum I appreciate you want to see me but now is not the time. I dont have the space for guests and am not sleeping on a sofa at 40wks pregnant. You need to either cancel your trip or make alternative arrangements for accomodation. I am not willing to budge on this, let me know which if these two optipns you go for".

Stand your ground OP. It's your mother who is being the bitch and the unreasonable one, not you! She sounds like a nightmare tbh.

But if you have a single spare bed then surely you can sleep on it? And DH on the sofa?

I’m not saying you should do that, but I don’t understand why you have room for just her, but you are both proposing you sleep on the sofa?