House guests at 40 Weeks

[annawoolfworries]

My mum is bringing her partner to stay over my due date, despite me asking her not to. They are arriving next week and I’m fuming. I’m going to have to give up my bedroom for them & I know it will delay my labour as she did the same thing last time, and I went into labour when they left. I’m not sure how to approach this as it’s going to cause a massive row. Which I don’t want at this stage in my pregnancy. She’s already avoiding speaking to me as she knows I’m upset. She’s not uk based so hasn’t got a home here and says they can’t afford a hotel. Wwyd?

No way would I give up a nice comfy double bed when 40 weeks, your dm and partner can either sleep separately in the single bed and sofa, sleep together in the single bed, or fuck off elsewhere.

If it is less stressful right now to give in to her absurd demands, then do whatever you need to do to feel less stress. Sorry you have to deal with this madness.

I really hope she and her partner have gone before you go into labour.

It’s made me so cross this week. I’m not even sure how greeting them tomorrow is going to be. I’ve not seen them for five months, but I’m feeling less then overjoyed about tomorrow. My DP is pretty angry but also thinks not causing a big fight is sensible and hopefully I’ll go into labour once they’ve gone to visit people at the weekend. I’m due Wednesday & I'm desperate to not be pregnant anymore, so hard not to resent the intrusion.

Then youvhave your bed mum has the camp bed and he can have the sofa.

Stop being a pushover..

Your house your rules

No way are you to give up your bed for them! They can sleep one on the sofa and one in the spare bed. Cheeky fuckers!

Please don't give up your bed, OP.

I totally get where you're coming from in resigning yourself to the visit to avoid a stressful argument when you least need it - it's very easy to sit behind a keyboard and say 'tell them where to shove it! Cancel the trip! Stand up for yourself!', but it's never that simple and you know your relationship with your mum better than any strangers here - but try to stand your ground at least about the bed. You really really need what little comfort you can get right now and it really is completely beyond unreasonable for her to take that from you.

You needn't say it in any kind of confrontational way (not that she won't turn it into a confrontation, but still...) - when she arrives, explain that you've made up the spare room and the sofa for her and her partner because you're in a lot of pain/discomfort and you need the support of your own mattress. Present it as done deal, not a discussion, but in as kind/diplomatic a manner as you feel you need to in order to reduce the chance of an argument.

If she wants to then cause a row about it, I'd ask your DP to step in on your behalf and just calmly remove yourself from the situation. Let him fight that battle for you.

Easier said that done, I know...

Please please do not give up your bed. I can't imagine any decent parent would allow it anyway.

OP I get you've taken the line of least resistance to get through this, but if it's uncomfortable and you can't settle you must move them.
Re entertaining, food, catering, washing machine, vacing over etc- DO NOT DO ANY- look at your index finger and practise pointing it and have the directions clear in your head to spout out- milk, fridge, second door on right in kitchen, I'll have one too please. Good luck with it all, if it stresses you too much your DH has to step in for you and move them out

I hope things are going ok so far op :). How long os your mum staying for ? X

I can appreciate that you want to take the path of least resistance, but she is treating you appallingly, and you're letting her (I know it's hard).

You're worth so much more than this. You'd never treat your kids this way, so why should she be allowed to get away with it?

Op- you know this is deliberate right? You said she did this the last time you were pregnant. These types of mothers test your boundaries and know where your buttons are because they installed them. You say you are your mother because you would want your children to not want to see you. But would you treat your children like this? Would you think it’s reasonable to kick your pregnant child out of there own bed?
I hope it goes well but do try to keep some boundaries. Best of luck.

Where is your DP sleeping? Has he been relegated to the floor or sofa? He needs a bed too, he's about to get the sleepless nights from a new baby, your mother can just leave whenever she wants and not have to deal with them.

Your mother is being incredibly selfish and clearly doing it on purpose.