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Original poster

Did you find out the sex?

116 replies

DanaNakers · 08/04/2018 12:00

Bit of a dilemma. I don't want to find out the sex of out baby but DP does. He's not militant about it and respects that if I don't want to then he will roll with that. I also want to keep an open mind, so was wondering...

Did you find out the sex at the scan?

If yes, why?

Did you regret it?

If no, why?

Pros and cons to both?

Thank you Smile

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muddabitch · 09/04/2018 14:17

i had cvs with all of my pregnancy's due to me being a carrier of a genetic condition that affects boys so i found out the sex before 12 weeks with all of them.
It was nice being able to plan for my son/daughter so i don't regret it.
I also have friends who didn't find out they also don't regret not finding out.

Americantan · 09/04/2018 14:19

I wanted to find out through curiosity and wanting to visualise my child before they were born.

Heregoeseverything · 09/04/2018 14:26

We found out. I had a slight preference and wanted to get my head around it long before baby arrived. I have to say it has really helped with bonding - "the baby" and "it" or "he/she" becomes "baby's name" and "she" - it feels much more like I'm carrying a real person, my daughter, not an alien creature!

I do think I would always find out if there were any preference on the part of either parent. In my experience humans are susceptible to the cognitive bias that if they want something enough it will happen. eg there are often threads on MN where the poster says, "I really wanted a girl, so was shocked to find out it was a boy" - as if what they wanted made a girl more likely. Some people are so confident in "hunches" that they might as well have had a gender scan, the difference being that the hunches might or might not be right, and it becomes more of a shock than a surprise if it's wrong. I have a friend who is very intelligent and rational generally, and decided with his wife that they would leave the sex a surprise. He developed a very strong "hunch" that it was a boy (I suspect his preference was for a boy) and was in shock for a few months when a girl was born. When speaking to him now 9 months later, he still seems somewhat at a loss as to how this could have happened...

lizzyttc2017 · 09/04/2018 14:51

We didn't find out even though I was so so tempted approaching the 20 week scan. I'm so glad we didn't though, 6 more weeks till due date and I'm so excited to meet my baby boy or girl and announce who they are to family and friends! Do whatever you think will make you happy though, if you think you might regret finding out don't, you're gonna find out eventually anyway! :) Best of luck!

Lillipuddlian · 09/04/2018 14:57

no. never. x4. zero regrets.

Lillipuddlian · 09/04/2018 14:59

the moments I found out the genders of my children are burnt into my amazing memories of their births and I would never change that. Old school!

ilovekitkats · 09/04/2018 15:04

I found out I was having a girl, as I wanted to be prepared, didn't need or want a surprise. Also a friend had a girl 7 months earlier and was able to pass on all the clothes and things as she grew out of them, whereas if we were having a boy she would have passed them elsewhere.

We were able to pick the name easier, as only one list to consider. I just like to be organised in life, and having a baby was no different.

We didn't use the name before it was born, but called it baby S for say Susie (not actual name!)

I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to know, and others can't understand why you wouldn't want a surprise, so very much each to their own.

Dreamingofkfc · 09/04/2018 15:06

Didn't find out with my first two boys, found out with this one as my four year old wanted a sister....he's now excited for another brother!

memyselfandmuffin · 09/04/2018 15:24

We found out. I didn't want to know initially, but my DH was really keen to know and I didn't have any strong preference (as I thought), so we went ahead with it.

Turns out I'm so glad we did find out! I'd thought I didn't have a preference but we found out we were having a GIRL....and I hadn't realised how certain I'd been that it was a boy! I had such a strong feeling, plus the Chinese calendar/loads of those gender myths agreed, plus both my family and my in laws were sure it was a boy. So much so that I actually had a little weep on the way home from the scan, because 'it wasn't going to be how I thought'....I know, I know, of course you can do all the 'boy' things with a little girl, but it honestly almost felt like I'd lost something!

I'm eternally grateful I don't have to deal with that after the birth ...everyone said we'd just be so glad to meet her we wouldn't care, but my hormones have very little to do with rationality...

And as far as the surprise after the birth goes...I just can't wait to meet her!! Her sex seems such a minor thing compared to finding out what she looks like and her personality!

Only we know the sex though. We haven't told either family...they're going to have to wait and find out when she's born Grin

Cheeseandapple · 09/04/2018 15:35

I was desperate to find out and DH was happy to go along with that. It meant we could think about names and has helped me bond with her and think about her little life! Con is that after telling our families, we've been given A LOT of very pink clothes! (Don't have a problem with pink, at all, but some girls clothes are just ridiculous)

Corkscrewbetty · 09/04/2018 15:41

Part of me wanted to find out... but I waited. EVERYONE said girl. I told the midwife that everyone KNEW it was a girl and when she came out, she said "Everyone was right!". It was a lovely feeling. It was totally worth the wait. I just felt it was all the more exciting.

stepbystepdoula · 09/04/2018 16:17

I have 4 children and didn't find out with any of them.
I can only say it was wonderful finding out each time and that not knowing gave me a little extra urge to keep going throughout labour 💙💟

seven201 · 09/04/2018 16:43

We found out at the 20 week scan. Helped me bond and plan stuff. It's a surprise whether it's at a scan or at the birth! My friend had horrendous pnd (was hospitalised for two weeks because of it) and didn't find out the sex and thinks that might have helped if she had. THere's no right or wrong though, you need to do what you and dp want.

gussyfinknottle · 09/04/2018 16:52

No. Happy with surprise.
Had I had a second though I would have done it to help with planning. I was diagnosed with MS when dd was about 2 so I needed all the planning help I could get.

FairfaxAikman · 09/04/2018 16:56

We found out (eventually as DC was uncooperative to begin with) as I am not good with surprises due to past family history.

It has helped us bond and made picking out a name so much easier.

Liz3891 · 09/04/2018 17:25

I'm going to find out from my Harmony test in a few weeks. I'm dying to know. I have a strong preference for a girl, so I'll need time to get used to the idea of having a boy if it is one!

What I don't understand is this "buying clothes" stuff. Why buy different clothes for baby girls and boys? They're just babies and don't care what they wear!

TinyPawz · 09/04/2018 17:51

Although the lady across from me had been told boy and surprise surprise a girl appeared. I remember this vividly because of the name she chose. I was utterly amazed that she came up with the name at a moments notice. Lil miss was in blue for most of that day until granny arrived with pink/sparkly/bejewelled outfits.

FranticallyPeaceful · 09/04/2018 17:58

Didn’t find out with first, did with second and third. Made no difference really! Although for some reason knowing with my second helped bonding

Bluetrews25 · 09/04/2018 19:01

Wanted to delay the surprise until the unwrapping of the gift, so to speak. I still bonded with pip 1 and 2 before they were born. Also wrote in my birth plan that I wanted to find out for myself and please not to do the 'it's a xxx' thing.
Brilliant moments, even though I got the opposite of what I thought and deep-down hoped for each time!

Thanksforthatamazingpost · 09/04/2018 19:09

Found out the sex both times here.

Catra · 09/04/2018 19:21

Yes, we found out the sex at 11 weeks when we had a private blood test (the purpose of the test was primarily to check for chromosomal abnormalities, finding out the sex was optional.) It would have driven me nuts waiting until the 20 week scan, let alone the birth!

We wanted to know because, 1) We felt like would enable us to bond with the baby better, ie: talking to her using her name 2) I wanted to start buying things and while I've actively shied away from the pink / blue thing it was useful to know.

No, I absolutely don't regret it. I think I would have died of curiosity not knowing. I agree with what another poster said entirely: As far as the surprise after the birth goes...I just can't wait to meet her!! Her sex seems such a minor thing compared to finding out what she looks like and her personality!

PhoenixRisen · 09/04/2018 19:39

Yes. Several reasons. One is that I can read ultrasound images enough to be able to tell for myself, unless that part is hidden - I would have been able to work it out during the scan (I'm not a medic, but I am rarely wrong, twattish as that makes me sound!).

Two with the first we wanted to know as a friend was wanting to give us lots of clothes for girls from 0-5 years old. (It was a girl and her gifts saved us hundreds! Amazing!)

Three with the second I wanted to prepare the first for having either a little sister or little brother.

Four I just wanted to be as ready as possible. That included picking out names. Being a mum doesn't come naturally to me and I felt like I need to retain some element of control.

noeffingidea · 09/04/2018 19:42

1st pregnancy - we asked but the hospitals policy was not to disclose the sex.
2nd pregnancy - we asked and were told. I'm not sure why we wanted to know.
3rd pregnancy - we didn't ask. To be honest I wasn't into being pregnant and wasn't very interested in the baby at that stage.
It didn't make any difference to the excitement of giving birth either way in my experience. And my husband left all those kinds of decisions up to me so it was my choice whether we found out or not.

LeighaJ · 09/04/2018 19:43
  • Did you find out the sex at the scan?

No, we found out with CVS testing just shy of week 15.

  • If yes, why?

There were so many question marks about her because of a genetic condition my husband has that I just wanted all of the answers at once. No more question marks over her head.

  • Did you regret it?

No.

If no, why?

It was always going to be a surprise whether we found out from the genetics counsellor then or after delivering her. So, why wait? That logic is what convinced my husband who was on the fence initially about finding out the gender. It was a friend/co-worker who has 2 kids that said something along those lines to him.

Pros and cons to both?

Pros.

~ Sated our curiosity.
~ Allowed us to plan for the baby better, neutral colours are nice but can get boring.
~ I was able to take advantage of good deals on gender specific items I would have had to take a pass on had we not known the gender.
~ It also meant family and friends didn't have to pass on good deals if they came across a gender specific item.
~ I think people get more excited and feel more connected when they know the gender.
~ Allowed us to settle on a name which is what we call her by when talking about her IRL vs just saying "The baby." Or "My baby/Our baby."
~ I think people are more generous with gifts when they know the gender as well, that wasn't a motivating factor but being first time parents we really appreciate all the support.

Cons? Can't think of any other than politely asking the grandparents to be, not to get in the habit of calling her princess and to please not buy her clothes that say Princess or Diva etc. on them because my husband and I feel that sends the wrong message to kids.

muffyduffster · 09/04/2018 19:53

We didn't find out with dc1 and it just moved me a bit happily remembering dh telling me she was a girl when she was born Smile
Not finding out with this one either (it's a bit annoying to some of my friends/family who have boy stuff to pass on and/or are expecting a girl and I could pass my stuff on to them!)
I would say that the midwives got quite excited with our first as they don't get many surprises at our hospital! Very sweet.

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