Did you find out the sex?

[DanaNakers]

Bit of a dilemma. I don't want to find out the sex of out baby but DP does. He's not militant about it and respects that if I don't want to then he will roll with that. I also want to keep an open mind, so was wondering...

Did you find out the sex at the scan?

If yes, why?

Did you regret it?

If no, why?

Pros and cons to both?

Thank you

@boodles101 I don't know why (must be hormones) but I teared up a bit at the thought of DP telling you when giving you your baby. That's lovely.

The MW said to my DH look the babies head is out, he looked and his face went grey 😂 he stayed too end from then on and left it to the MW's

I didn’t find out with my first because I wanted the surprise when he was born.

This time I have found out because my DS1 is 10 and I wanted him to be prepared as he was desperate to know, I wouldn’t have found out otherwise as would have preferred a surprise!

We didn't with DS. I loved finding out when they put him on my chest. It was such a special moment.

Now having twin girls - we're having so many scans and it was such a shock that we felt knowing the sex would be better for getting ready for them. Also makes it a tad easier for names.

We're having a NIPT at 11 weeks so we'll find out then ...I have a strong feeling it's a boy so I'm looking forward to seeing if my instinct is right!

I found out with all 4. Didn't change the overwhelming feeling of absolute joy when they were all born. Such an amazing experience whether you know the sex or not!

So many answers! Thank you. I love that there is quite a balance between finding out and not finding out. I thought most people would be one way or the other but seems a fair few for both here! The only thing I worry about is that I know deep down that DP wants a boy, and of course he would be happy simply that baby was healthy and happy, but thought to myself that he may also be less disappointed if he found out when his baby was in his arms rather than at a scan! (Potential for awkwardness)!

Hmm, decisions decision.

Thanks again all.

@DanaNakers just a thought about about your DH wanting a boy, I was happy either way (29 weeks preg with first) but I come from a family of lots of women and had always assumed I would have a girl, it's what I've always imagined. DH wasn't super keen on finding out the sex but I really wanted to as I thought that given the above I'd need time to get my head around it if baby was a boy so we did.

Sure enough this little one is a boy and as soon as we were told, my honest reaction was an excited and ecstatic "it's a boy!!!" Rather than "it's not a girl..." I've been delighted since the moment we knew and I'm now more worried they've got it wrong because I've bonded with him as a boy and I'm so excited to have a son!

I can see pros for finding out or not finding out but just thought I'd mention this as your DH may be surprised at his reaction if you're having a little girl. 😊

Thanks @meow1989

I don't think he would be devastated and if he was disappointed, I think he would be do discretely. He already has a little girl (who is lovely!) so I understand his hankering for a boy.

I'm actually feeling a bit torn between finding out or not now!

Thanks @meow1989

I don't think he would be devastated and if he was disappointed, I think he would be do discretely. He already has a little girl (who is lovely!) so I understand his hankering for a boy.

I'm actually feeling a bit torn between finding out or not now!

Oops, double post. Sorry!

Didn’t find out with either, I wanted the surprise when they were born and the ‘we have a boy’ moment was amazing after all that hard work!

We did. It's our first and since we've found out I think it's helped with getting used to the idea that there are 3 of us now (or rather there will be in 9 weeks time) as she has a name and we talk to her and about her (not that anybody but us knows that, we just tell people 'We have some names that we like but will wait and make a final decision once she's here'). It's made the whole thing a bit more real for us and has shifted the excitement from 'we're having a baby' to 'I can't wait to meet this person who is already a part of our family'. I can understand the flip side of not wanting to find out but for us it was a case of 'Well, a human is going to come out of my vagina, that's surprising enough for me!'

I didn’t with dc1 & dc3. My husband told me dc3 was a boy and it was the most joyous moment ever. I loved not knowing.
We did find out with dc2 as I was desperate for a girl. She was a girl and I burst into tears. Also a special moment but not as special as finding out immediately after birth.
There are so few surprises left in life.. not knowing the emasculated of your baby is one of them. I much prefer not knowing. Get your DH to tell you as baby comes out.. it’s wonderful!
I also think not knowing helped me through labour as I was excited

*sex... not emasculated! Silly typo

I didn’t find out with DS and spent the whole time convinced he was a girl (I didn’t have a preference) when he was born it took some adjusting to him not being the baby I’d imagined or bonded with, I did have PND and not sure if they are connected.

I’m pregnant again and have found out this time and I love talking to her and 2 year old DS has bonded with her so much already. He very proudly tells everyone his baby sister is in mummy’s tummy!

I've found out with all 3 of mine and don't regret it one bit. But I also hate the guessing from everyone and I couldn't cope with that for the full 9 months lol! DC1 was a boy, and in my dh family they hadn't had a girl for 50 years. So when I was pregnant with DC2, everyone was saying he from the start and adamant we'd never have a girl and it really wound me up! Turned out she was a girl which was my gut feeling anyway!

Agree with someone else upthread though about not telling people the name if you do find out. We've not long found out DC3 is a boy and we had a name picked from the start so the other two had been telling everyone what his name is. Now whenever we see family the first thing they do is rub/look at my bump and say ahh look at how "name" is growing, and I bloody hate it! Just feels too over familiar for my liking so that's the only thing I really regret!

I wanted a girl so chose to find out because I wanted the green light to buy little dresses and decorate in pink. It turned out to be a boy and it took me several weeks to deal with gender disappointment. Glad I did it in advance and came to terms with it before he was born - I'd hate to have had to deal with that right after giving birth.

Found out at scan and pleased to be able to use the right pronoun. Tbh I've always been far more interested in seeing her face than her genitals, so don't feel that any surprise has been ruined. That's just me though.

With ds yes. I felt that I was carrying a girl and was starting to get really invested in him being so. So we had a private scan as our trust won't tell you at twenty weeks and he was most definitely a boy.

With hindsight it was absolutely the right thing to do as I had a traumatic category 1 emcs, hallucinated and then was convinced the baby they tried to give me wasn't mine. I think accepting him without that scan might have been considerably harder given my mental state at the time.

Currently pregnant again, have no strong feelings either way. However my DF who died last month thought I was having a girl. Now I'm toying with the idea of finding out because I'm concerned they'll give me a girl and I'll burst into tears.

I'm not a great surprise person though.

Found out with DD. Both of us really wanted to know! It helped us bond, I think.

And now with DC2 (a boy!) we both wanted to know, plus we also wanted to be able to tell DD, because she's 4 and would've questioned us endlessly about it being a boy or a girl. And it's helped us bond again.

I didn't with dc1 and 2 but DH really really wants to this time. We still have a couple of weeks to decide.

I really loved not knowing so I'm a bit torn esp since this will be my last baby. But in a way would like to know as this prgenancy has a huge surprise and I'm having trouble coming to terms with it and not panic how I'm going to cope haha. So perhaps knowing would help?

Anyway I am really enjoying reading all your responses!

We found out and would again without hesitation.

I found within a week of knowing I had bonded with the little man I was carrying. I can't really describe the feeling but I felt a lot closer to him.

Good luck with your pregnancy

I had to find out. I was itching to know the day I got my BFP! I was driving myself insane, doing all the old wives tales in the book, to determine the sex. I had a private scan at 16 weeks. I really, really wanted a girl and had a real fear of gender disappointment if I found I was having a boy. So thought it best to find out early. I got my girl, I cried when the sonographer told me. I still can’t believe I have a girl. In hindsight I know I would have loved a boy just the same! And would love either next time!

We don’t know what we are having (almost 33 weeks).
Dh wanted to but I didn’t. He didn’t feel strongly enough about it to push the matter.
I’m so glad we haven’t found out. I’m so excited now to meet the little one and see if we have a son or a daughter.
It really is a cliche but we’ve had a few complications and I will just be so grateful to have a healthy child.

We decided not to. My mum who is mega religious told me she knew( she had a revelation) that I'd have a girl. She told me this right at the start of pregnancy. That made me happy as I wanted a girl. Dad wanted a boy .My bump was very small and I didn't know until about 7 months só was easy to keep it under the radar as it was my first and was scared of complications. But when it was too hard to keep it under wraps, I started telling a few friends/ colleagues and that's when I got scared because people started predicting what I would have based on my symptoms,( or lack of : no morning sickness and very easy breezy pregnancy) , how I was carrying my bump, skin etc. One friend even said to me : "you are having a boy and I'm never wrong". Well, guess there is a first time for every! It was a girl!!!! my princess.

Re pros and cons:
It made me more nervous the further along in the pregnancy and the last month was the hardest and I was itching to find out. It put me on edge. But me and dad agreed to stay strong.
It made it hard to buy little bits and people were dying to buy gender specific clothing and kept pestering me thinking I would cave in and find out/ tell them.

If I have another child, I would like to find out but I have no regrets re my first pregnancy and our reasoning was that it made it more emotional and special to meet baby and find out then and hear the midwife say what it was .
There's so much technology and you can find out so much about baby via scans / heart monitors, we just thought it was a nice touch.

Congrats on the little one.