Did you find out the sex?

[DanaNakers]

Bit of a dilemma. I don't want to find out the sex of out baby but DP does. He's not militant about it and respects that if I don't want to then he will roll with that. I also want to keep an open mind, so was wondering...

Did you find out the sex at the scan?

If yes, why?

Did you regret it?

If no, why?

Pros and cons to both?

Thank you

Sorry * I meant show, I didn't show until about 7 months

Didnt find out with dc1 as I wanted dh to tell me on delivery.

Found out with dc2 because everyone kept asking dd what she wanted! She was 2.5. She wanted a toy haha. It frustrated me.

Not planning on a third but if I fell pregnant Id keep it a surprise til delivery as I preferred it.

Didn't find out with any of mine. Wasn't given the option with first baby because if hospital policy. Also, I have identical twins...knew they were identical from first scan as they shared a placenta, so knew it would either be two girls or two boys but didn't know which. A friend was told her fourth was a boy but they'd got it wrong and she had a girl !

I found out with DC1&2 but decided not to with DC3. I was convinced DC3 was a boy so when she was born it was a huge surprise. It was tough because we only really had a boys name planned out and I almost struggled to accept she was a girl for a while... I always referred to her as ‘baby’. I preferred knowing.

I haven't found out. I've had 3mcs and this pregnancy has been quite "medical" with lots of extra scans etc. I wanted one thing about it to be natural and a surprise. Also it's my first and the sex makes no difference to me whatsoever - I just want a healthy baby. I'm now 40+1 and really excited to find out!

We found out because we wanted to know. I found pregnancy very weird and a bit abstract - am i making sense? When we found out the sex i cried like a loon - it made pregnacy all the more real.

I am a giant weirdo, though

Birth was fucking awful and ds was whisked off for 7 hours so there was no skin to skin or anything. I think being told 'it's a boy - whisk!' would have been too much. I didn't even see him. 6 years ago and i'm still stressed about it.

We found out with DD and are having a private scan to find out early this time.

I wanted to know so that I could plan and buy things as I'm awful with surprises and hate not being prepared.

This time I want to know so that when we tell DD (3) we can make it more real for her and not such an abstract concept. As well as the above pre-planning reasons!

Harriet, congrats on your little one.

We didn't with our first as we wanted that moment at the birth. She arrived early and was taken straight off to have oxygen and a bit of help. I forgot to even ask what sex she was for ages and then I wasn't that bothered as was just worried whether she was ok. Also it felt a bit odd as we'd both had a feeling it was a boy.

Decided to find out the second time. Firstly it was for practical reasons, DD has piles of outgrown clothes, many of which were unsuitable for a boy and we wanted to know own whether we could get rid of them. Secondly my husband had quite a strong boy preference, he always imagined himself having a son and since we were planning on two children only this was his last chance. He loves our daughter so much and would have adored another just as much but would have been a bit sad about never having a son. He wanted to get over these feelings before the birth as he didn't want to risk feeling a bit disappointed at what should be just a happy time. We did have a boy this time.

So many replies, thank you!

@AnUtterIdiot 3 weeks until the scan so no, not yet! Still not sure what to do but have absolutely loved reading these

Hi there!

We found out DS's and do not regret one bit! I felt like I knew he was a boy, I felt like I had such a strong bond with this little baby (had a name for him too). I was worried that if I turned out to be a girl I would not be able to bond as easily as I would feel guilty so that was why we decided to find out.

BUT at my dating scan the sonographer asked me if I intended to find out at the 20 week scan the sex of the baby. When I said "Yes", he went into a full blown lecture about how wrong and selfish I was being for wanting to find out. I actually left there crying!

SO I done my research, I read actual published journals to find out if there were any pros and cons. It seems that there is a small amount of increased bonding and less PND in the groups that found out the baby's sex. But one article explained that actually it was more about how different mothers prepared in different ways rather than whether they found out the sex or not. For some women, they take great comfort and control knowing the sex and that allows them to mentally prepare but for other women it is the opposite, they find the surprise is what bonds them; those women who were the former but were unable to find out the sex of the baby were the ones changing the stats on bonding and PND on the groups who didn't find out the sex.

I presented my findings to the sonographer when I went to the 20 week scan and he was actually baffled how much I looked into it haha! Anyway he let me know the sex of the baby without any further rants from him.

I had a terrible pregnancy and was hospitalised for seven weeks. I found out but we kept it a secret. I felt I bonded with him from the moment we knew it was a boy. All of a sudden he wasn't he or she he was my son. Found out with my second as well. It did help knowing in advance what we needed before they were born but I did feel closer to them somehow after finding out.

We had a bit of a rocky start due to family genetic issues so spent the first 16 weeks of this pregnancy waiting for the CVS test & then the results. So we decided it would be nice to know for bonding purposes as for the first few months we almost felt like we had to keep all our emotions at arm's length just in case we had to make some difficult decisions after the results came through.

So we actually found out by phone on the day we got the call to tell us everything was OK - I rang my husband & woke him up to tell him he was having a daughter & it was still pretty memorable!

We really wanted a girl so we decided to find out. There have been no girls in my DH's family for 140 years. At the 20 week scan the sonographer didn't have to tell me as I could see straight away that our baby was a boy! It really helped me bond with him and we talked about "him" and bought little boy clothes which I enjoyed. He will be our only child and I dont regret finding out at all.

Found out with DD at 25 weeks. She was in an awkward position during anomaly scan. I was devastated that unable to find out hen but as the pregnancy progressed I needed scanned very very regularly so was able to find out and check everytime Just in case it was wrong. I am not a patient person. Her father had other children and to be honest couldn't have cared less , still doesn't but that is another story.

This one will be finding out as well, my patience has not increased and DP is super excited to find out too. Possibly because he knows I would drive him insane with the wondering. We will probably have a private gender scan so that DD can see baby too

My husband really wanted to find out and I really wanted a surprise with my son. We agreed not to find out as I was having a rough pregnancy and he felt it was only fair. We won't find out this time either.

We'll be finding out! I want to know so I know what names to think of 😅
I'm not sure whether we'll tell family yet though or keep it between us!

I found out with both of my two, no regrets. Congrats and good luck OP.

I will find out again. I have a real fear of giving birth and even though baby is kicking away in me, I haven’t connected with them at all yet. It makes me very sad. I was so excited about having my first.

I’m hoping once I can picture a little boy or a little girl it might make it feel more real. Or once we pick out a name or make up the nursery.

I really want to feel that connection but I can’t reframe it beyond knowing what I have to go through before I get to be their mum.

No. I didn't want to know and DH wasn't bothered. We did the nursery a sunny yellow.

Thanks for everyone's answers - so interesting!

@InspiredByIntegrity we wouldn't do blue for a boy of pink for a girl anyway so no issues there! Think we're going for greys

We didn’t with either of ours as we both thought the surprise would be more exciting. No regrets at all, the family all took bets on sex, weight and day 😁
Both times I was huge so was convinced it was a boy, first time was right, second time was wrong, but was so convinced about it that when my boyfriend said we had a girl I asked him twice if he was sure 😂

We did not find out. My husband wanted to find out but at our scan the nurse said that it is my decision and whether the dad wants to find out or not it is not up to them! My husband wasn't bothered and finding out together when our daughter arrived was magical

I found out with both my children, so much easier to pick clothes etc, I didn’t want white and cream everything, I wanted to know their name for door name plates but I’m a control freak so I don’t understand how people can turn down the opportunity to find out the sex. Just because you want to know the sex doesn’t mean you will be able too many times baby is in the wrong position, then the decision is made for you anyway.