How do I get partner to understand how tired I am?

[CarlyCape]

It's my first pregnancy (that's made it past 5 weeks). I'm tired. Exhausted even. I don't sleep properly at night and when I'm at home I end up falling asleep during the day until 11/12 o'clock. I work full time mon-fri and have horrible morning sickness that I'm trying to cope with. DP stormed in today at 12 and demanded I get up, telling me I'm just going to make myself more tired. I explained that I was awake all night feeling sick and have finally managed to sleep and that I think I know when I need to sleep or not. He thinks I'm being lazy (I've never been a lazy person in my life).

This, along with pregnancy hormones, is making me feel incredibly unsupported and like he doesn't want to try and understand how rough it is feeling like you have a hangover all the time. His ex who he already has a child with didn't have morning sickness apparently, however that doesn't mean that my pregnancy is going to be just as hunky dory!

How do I make him understand? I feel like he doesn't care...

He sounds really stupid - everyone knows how tiring early pregnancy is! Can you take him with you to a doctor's or midwife's appointment and ask them to spell it out for him?

@HollowTalk he's coming to the 12 week scan, which is in a month but I'll likely (hopefully) be feeling a bit better by then! I don't know what to do. I feel judged for simply wanting to stay in all day and eat ice cream in my pyjamas. Surely I'm allowed to do this?

Will he believe the NHS since he doesn't believe you?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/tiredness-sleep-pregnant/

@ClareB83 how bizarre. I literally screen-shotted that about 30 seconds ago!

This one is a bit more comprehensive:

www.babycentre.co.uk/a2911/tiredness-in-pregnancy

Early pregnancy is exhausting. Your body is going wild with hormones. Maybe not everyone feels like that, but loads of women feel as rough as hell. Get him to read up on it online if he won't take your word for it. Although marching in and demanding you get up seems excessive behaviour from him. What will he do when you are BOTH sleep deprived with a newborn?

I was going to suggest a Dads guide to pregnancy but it can be hard to get other people to read a whole book.

They won't really chat to you at your 12 week scan either. If you want that you'll need to take him to your next midwife appt but hopefully you can sort him out without that.

Thanks @AlexisColbysFANCYfrock - I feel really alone. My friends have partners who go out and buy them ice lollies and tell their kids to tiptoe around because 'mummy is sleeping'. I am on the verge of having a massive row I really am...

@ClareB83 I doubt he will read the NHS screenshot let alone a whole book!

Yes that was the vibe I was getting OP.

Maybe invite your other Mum friends round and you can all discuss how exhausting it is and how their OHs have supported them - bit of guilt tripping.

Otherwise a massive row where you rip him a new one sounds ideal.

Even if you were being lazy (which you're not, early pregnancy is incredibly exhausting) what business is it of his? If you choose to sleep every spare second you have that's your right. He sounds like a dick.

Thanks @ClareB83 - I have approximately 0 mum friends around here as I moved to a new area late last year (so we could be close to his daughter may I add!) - I think the massive row may have to happen. He's incredible stubborn and it won't change his behaviour he will just end up pissed off. Half tempted to book a week away for myself...

@PearsandCustard I don't know how to make HIM realise this. He's never seen me cry before but this pregnancy is making it extremely hard not to so I may just pull out the waterworks for the first time in 3 years...

Do it OP. A week away where you can sleep whenever you like will be amazing!

We went on honeymoon when I was 22 weeks and every single day involved a nap!

I imagine his ex has a different story. Everyone who I know who's had a child has described that terrible tiredness, even if they weren't sick.

Thanks @ClareB83 @HollowTalk - really am at a loss here.

My DH wasn't quite as disbelieving of my exhaustion/sickness with my first pregnancy, but he did give off a slight vibe of 'you're pregnant, not ill', which used to really wind me up, so I do feel your pain OP! He still expected me to want to socialise at weekends and have guests over and generally be really buzzy and active. Sod that! I was working full-time and unsociable hours and I really didn't think it was unreasonable to be able to come home, have a bath, eat and then go to bed early, or to spend a lot of the weekend napping and looking after myself. It was completely uncontrollable tiredness, and I think most women can relate to that feeling in the first 12 weeks-ish.

I hd hyperemesis with DC2, so DH had to face up to reality then, as I was (literally) either puking or lying on the sofa crying or in hospital on a drip for about the first 6 months of my pregnancy. He did come up in that pregnancy, thankfully.

Definitely have a conversation about it.

come up trumps

His brother and his infuriatingly annoying sister in law have now turned up and are downstairs. I had no idea they were coming and I'm now sat upstairs in my pyjamas trying not to be sick as nobody knows I'm pregnant. I literally give up!! I just want to be comfortable in my own house.

You tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he either allows you to make your own decisions about what you need during this pregnancy or he fucks right off. His attitude is appalling and I'd be very concerned about how supportive he would be for the rest of the pregnancy and beyond. Comparing your pregnancy to his exes? Oh no, no no no! He doesn't sound worth keeping around tbh. Sorry OP, I know that's not what you want to hear, but honestly his attitude and behaviour don't sound like those of a good partner at all.

@AlexisColbysFANCYfrock I understand that completely. We went out the other night and he said it wouldn't be a late one. It was with his work mates that I had never met before. We were in a different city and he didn't want to get a taxi back because it would've cost £40 between 2 people. We got home at 4:30am. I'm starting to think he's just a bit of a dickhead to be honest.

Point out that your are growing a whole person, when he grows one, he can have an opinion.

Totally normal to be exhausted.

Thanks @TheMogget x

Hope you can just carry on doing what you need to (ie resting!). I never had morning sickness issues but yes ++ to 1st trimester tiredness! Fingers crossed it starts to improve for you in the next few weeks.

Thank you @Pythonesque - currently sat upstairs crying in to my pillow hoping nobody will hear. Didn't realise pregnancy was this shit!