Unreasonable?

[mischiefmanaged01]

DH and I are expecting our first baby we are 25 weeks but have been super organised and the nursery is ready complete with cot, Moses basket etc. His step sister had a baby in December, all very exciting. Anyway his step mum has bought said child over today whilst his dad is helping him with some projects. I’ve been out all day. DH has said that whilst he and his dad popped out she put the baby to sleep in our baby’s cot... he wasn’t overly impressed but I’m fuming. It’s our baby’s room, we have worked hard to make it special for our first child and wanted it to have the first sleep in there. I don’t think it’s helped by the fact that DH’s step sister hasn’t bothered to make a nice nursery for her own baby, so it feels a little like step mum is trying to steal our thunder. I really want to say something. But I’m not sure if I’m just being hyper sensitive

Personally I wouldn't mind that as surely it makes sense if he needs sleep and is over at yours and there's an empty cot? Others might disagree. Sounds like there's not a lot you can do about it now anyway!

Fuming?? Ah come on!! The cot won't be all used up or anything. And your baby won't even know. Tbh, there'll probably be loads of stuff stored in the cot while baby point blank refuses to sleep in it!

I would be fuming. That’s your nursery for your baby. It would be different if your baby was born and was months old, then it would be okay for another baby to go in their cot. But the cot should be first slept in by your baby.

However, I wouldn’t say anything. It’s done now. I would personally change elements of the nursery, maybe add in some extra decoration so that it feels new and special again. Make it clear to your DH that your SiL is not to put her baby in the nursery again.

Really? You’re mad about this? I’m actually a bit shocked.
It’s a baby, who needed a sleep. Babies sleep in cots. Your baby will have no idea that another baby has slept in it already. If they did know, you wouldn’t care. You didn’t even see it. I cannot for the life of me fathom why this is an issue.

And your baby won’t even know. So let’s put our babies in card board boxes then. The nursery is special to the OP and her husband.

And what would you hope to achieve by saying something? Apart from sounding like a loon. They can’t go back and change the fact it happened!

I cannot understand why you'd be fuming. I think it's a nice thing, unless you extremely dislike your DH's step-sister or something?

God, you'd have gone crazy in my house then: beautifully decorated nursery which the cats insisted on sleeping in for the remaining 5 weeks of my pregnancy.

I wouldn't like this either actually! Fair enough if ops baby is born and has slept in it but they've made it nice for their child - it's ready and waiting for them not someone else!

What would his mum have done with the baby if they hadn't bought the cot yet? There is not a cot at every house where you take your baby is there? She should at least have asked first.

Def cf material imo. Strip the cot and stand the mattress on its end until nearer your due date.

Awk come on. This is your DH's (step)niece or nephew. Your own baby's future (step)cousin. It may have slightly taken the shine off your lovely new nursery in your head but do you really begrudge a 3 month old baby a nap somewhere comfortable and suitable?!

I could not bring myself to care about this at all, not even a little bit.

I can understand how it could be a bit annoying but you're massively overreacting

Does the nursery look any different now it’s been slept in? Would you have been able to tell if your DH hadn’t told you?
I am honestly gobsmacked that people would be ‘fuming’ about this.

Personally, I wouldn't be upset about this but I do understand why you may be a little put out by it, especially if you were not asked. However, I can understand why someone would also assume it would be okay, because at the end of the day the most important thing is that the baby needs to sleep somewhere where they are safe and comfortable. I think saying something would come across badly, but perhaps your partner could mention that you want to keep the room clean and prepared if they baby comes round again? If not, I think you should just try to relax, put it at the back of your mind and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. I think attaching loads of meaning to another baby sleeping in the cot before yours is just an unnecessary stress x

I totally agree with you I'd of been fuming

I don't get it tbh, I wouldn't be bothered at all. It's not like they have damaged anything.

You’re fuming because it’s your first pregnancy and this is symbolic to you. That’s understandable. But also they haven’t done anything wrong. You would not give a shit at all a few weeks in (where you’ll be desperate for the baby to sleep anywhere, and won’t care if it sleeps on a rocker chair, on you, anywhere as long as it sleeps!) or if it was a second child. The cot hasn’t been sullied or anything. Also your baby won’t be in the nursery for a good 6 months after birth so by then it’ll still feel special when they go into their own room.

I don't think I would be bothered by this. I had my baby a few months before my friend and she was happy for my LO to use any of the things she had ready for hers when we went round.

It wouldn't have bothered me, your baby sleeping in the nursery you have created will be a completely different memory than another baby having a nap in there!

I'm assuming that the majority of people saying that it's outrageous CF behaviour don't actually have children yet.

I understand why you might be a tad annoyed... but YABU.

Look at it the other way. How would you feel if your child visited relatives and desperately needed a sleep, wouldn't settle and there was an empty cot upstairs? Now, how would you feel if that relative said your tired, tetchy baby couldn't sleep in the cot because it was being saved for an unborn baby? I tell you what, you'd probably be a bit annoyed.

I can understand you being a little upset but think you're over reacting. This is family.

You sound a bit judgemental that she hasn't made the perfect nursery for her baby and I certainly don't think it was a strategic move to 'ruin' yours.

Also thought that sounded a bit judgmental.... I didn't bother either. Babies are expensive enough!

I think YABU. Baby won't know if it's been slept in before, and it was probably the most sensible and safe place for baby to be. I would just forget about it and move on. If it really bothers you just tell her that it's out of bounds. I understand you're annoyed but I don't think it's worth having an argument over. It's normal to be slightly annoyed, but your reaction is a bit ott. I'm expecting my first and really don't think this would bother me at all.

So let’s put our babies in card board boxes then.
Perfectly fine. Haven't you heard of the Finnish baby box project that they have introduced in some NHS trusts?