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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unreasonable?

94 replies

mischiefmanaged01 · 24/03/2018 17:57

DH and I are expecting our first baby we are 25 weeks but have been super organised and the nursery is ready complete with cot, Moses basket etc. His step sister had a baby in December, all very exciting. Anyway his step mum has bought said child over today whilst his dad is helping him with some projects. I’ve been out all day. DH has said that whilst he and his dad popped out she put the baby to sleep in our baby’s cot... he wasn’t overly impressed but I’m fuming. It’s our baby’s room, we have worked hard to make it special for our first child and wanted it to have the first sleep in there. I don’t think it’s helped by the fact that DH’s step sister hasn’t bothered to make a nice nursery for her own baby, so it feels a little like step mum is trying to steal our thunder. I really want to say something. But I’m not sure if I’m just being hyper sensitive

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

spiderbear · 24/03/2018 20:32

**over reacting

HolyShet · 24/03/2018 20:38

I think its quite a weird thing to do, esp if the baby has its own pram that it sleeps in.

But it's not something that would have upset me tbh. It in no way diminishes the love and care you've put into making the nursery for your child. My first baby literally slept in a drawer for the first night he was home as he was early and we were in denial . And he never slept in the cot when we it did eventually arrive, he preferred to sleep with us, so hey ho.

YorkieDorkie · 24/03/2018 20:40

You're being utterly ridiculous. Classic PFB.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 24/03/2018 20:45

Ditto what Chienrouge said. I’d’ve prob left the plastic on the mattress.

Original poster

mischiefmanaged01 · 24/03/2018 20:46

The cot is built and there is a sheet on the mattress to prevent our cat from getting her hair all over it if the door is open. So she’s got a sleeping bag out of the drawer... hardly normal behaviour I believe, when her pram she usually sleeps in is downstairs. I’m going to suggest yes probably a slight over reaction, but I still don’t agree she was right to put her to sleep in my baby’s bed when we were not in. It almost seems sneaky that she waited for both myself and DH to be out... anyway. Thanks for the opinions I will quietly seath to myself instead. Let’s go with pregnancy hormones. Thanks for the opinions, even though I may not necessarily agree with them all!

OP posts:

Pinklily1 · 24/03/2018 20:56

I was reading this thread thinking I would feel a bit disappointed in this too, the idea that someone had slept in DC's new nursery before them. However, I got to iam's message and it stopped me in my tracks. I am so sorry for your loss iam. I cannot imagine what you have been through. You are absolutely right in your comments.

Who cares if another baby slept in the cot? If the baby had a good sleep and was cosy, safe and comfortable, that's all that matters.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 24/03/2018 20:57

Getting a sleeping bag out of the drawer to put her in is weird.
Bit of a drip feed though.

AssassinatedBeauty · 24/03/2018 21:25

She can't have timed the baby to be sleepy just for when you were out. Do you honestly think she was somehow trying to be malicious and ruin your nursery?

mummabubs · 24/03/2018 21:49

Others might not mind (and that's fine, we're all different!) but I made it clear to DH when SiL and her 2 children came to visit when I was expecting our first that I didn't want our nieces sleeping in the nursery/ in the cot for the same reason. I understand how it can feel like you want your own child to use their things first.... and that's not wrong!!!

HobnobBob · 24/03/2018 22:11

As for being judgemental about the lack of nursery- they have had all the things bought for them and just haven’t taken the time to organise it into a homely room for baby.

So? Who gives a shit? Neither of mine had a nursery because I was living with my in laws at the time and babies are supposed to stay in with you for six months. You sound judgmental and not very nice, and I am being polite. Get a grip.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 24/03/2018 22:36

I made it clear to DH when SiL and her 2 children came to visit when I was expecting our first that I didn't want our nieces sleeping in the nursery/ in the cot for the same reason

I bet you expected them to be rather nicer than this to your baby when it arrived

anon99827 · 24/03/2018 22:44

I would be really pissed off too. But I'm petty and get upset over nothing. there's nothing you can really say or do as it's done now. And you couldn't have really said no at the time if you were there. Try not to let it bother you if you can x

MagicalCreatures · 24/03/2018 22:54

Hi OP
I get where your coming from. You’ve worked hard to get where you are. Bought new things, is not unreasonable to just particularly want something that means a lot to you.
Those memories and moments may seem silly to some people because everyone’s lives are different and some people have been through things that put certain things into perspective for them. They are entitled to their opinions.
But for you, you had built yourself up to look forward to a few certain little things (but little things that meant a lot to you) and it’s been taken away from you.
But out of experience, after a few sleeps on it, it may still jiggle at you every now and again but you will soon forget all about it. And soon enough when your gorgeous baby comes along, you will have so many more important things to think about that it will become a distant memory.
And yes, though I don’t know your DH step mother and can’t judge her personally, I have been a victim of malicious and sneaky people who can be very clever at doing things on purpose knowing how you will feel about it and then act dumb to the whole thing. They do exist. And it’s a horrible feeling but you have to stand tall and not let them win. X

pigeondujour · 24/03/2018 23:18

I agree with you OP - it's a really weird thing to do without being offered let alone while you and DH weren't even there. Brand new things are special and especially something like your first baby's room.

It's not really fair to use bereavement as evidence that OP is BU. It's patently obvious that the two things aren't directly comparative.

mummabubs · 25/03/2018 12:03

Not at all @LisaSimpsonsbff. As I said, everyone has their own boundaries and preferences and that's ok. Our pregnancy wasn't an easy one and we spent a long time not knowing whether our child would be ok or not, so I don't feel ashamed at having felt protective over the things I'd bought for my first child. No need to be nasty about it.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 25/03/2018 12:50

If we're playing that card, I'm pregnant after three miscarriages so have a bit of experience with anxious and difficult pregnancies myself, and I still can't understand why someone would be so petty over this.

MagicalCreatures · 25/03/2018 13:43

No 2 people are the same. Every one deals with things and experiences differently.
And that’s ok.
The world would be a boring place if every one was the same

mummabubs · 25/03/2018 21:07

Not "playing" any cards, merely explaining my position. No need to be so aggressive in my humble opinion!

Esker · 25/03/2018 22:45

I don't think YABU to be a bit annoyed, but I think you sound mean spirited when you say "DH’s step sister hasn’t bothered to make a nice nursery for her own baby, so it feels a little like step mum is trying to steal our thunder."

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