Unreasonable?

[mischiefmanaged01]

DH and I are expecting our first baby we are 25 weeks but have been super organised and the nursery is ready complete with cot, Moses basket etc. His step sister had a baby in December, all very exciting. Anyway his step mum has bought said child over today whilst his dad is helping him with some projects. I’ve been out all day. DH has said that whilst he and his dad popped out she put the baby to sleep in our baby’s cot... he wasn’t overly impressed but I’m fuming. It’s our baby’s room, we have worked hard to make it special for our first child and wanted it to have the first sleep in there. I don’t think it’s helped by the fact that DH’s step sister hasn’t bothered to make a nice nursery for her own baby, so it feels a little like step mum is trying to steal our thunder. I really want to say something. But I’m not sure if I’m just being hyper sensitive

I’d be disappointed and probably rant to DH but I wouldn’t make a row over it. Family is so important especially with a newborn to deal with.

I can't imagine being remotely bothered by this. My nephew slept in DS's cot when he came to visit twice. Can't remember if I was asked if it was ok or not but I can't think why it wouldn't have been. Doesn't make the nursery any less DS's room.

I can see your point.
But once you have your child this will all seem very very irrelevant.

I have dc and am annoyed for you.
So if the visiting baby sleeps in there at every visit is the mattress still classed as new when the op's baby arrives? Sids guidelines etc.
Suggest they bring a pram next time.

It’s a non-issue, baby needed a sleep and there was a nice safe cot available. As for it being ‘worse’ because SIL doesn’t have a nursery, they are completely pointless. They don’t sleep in them for months and are glorified storage.

I'm pregnant with what will be my first child and I think you are being massively precious. This is a non issue.

I would feel the same ... :(

So let’s put our babies in card board boxes then.

Urm, like a Finnish baby box? Super safe and being recommended all over. Won't the baby be sleeping with you for 6 months anyway?

The most recent SIDS guidelines state that the mattress doesn't need to be new as long as it is well fitting and in good condition.

April, really going by that logic the cot will be unsafe for the op's baby anyway after they've slept in it a couple times.**

I don’t think it’s helped by the fact that DH’s step sister hasn’t bothered to make a nice nursery for her own baby

Umm, most babies don’t have their own nursery. You are being totally ridiculous on that point. And the rest too tbh. It’s a cot. Your child won’t care who slept in it before them.

I can understand that you are annoyed because you wanted your baby to be the first to sleep there and these things mean a lot when you are pregnant with your first child.... but I do think you are overreacting a bit. I honestly would not bring this up because it will be hard to understand for anyone who isnt pregnant with their first child. I wouldnt bother having an argument about it because they are unlikely to understand.... at their stage you just want your child to sleep.
If it means a lot to you then next time make sure any visitors know that the nursery is out of bounds.

I'd be annoyed if I bought something... be it a top.. shoes.. pram.. whatever.. and someone used it without my permission before I had... it's irrelevant what the item is, YANBU...

Wouldn't bother me. The baby needed to sleep and there was a cot there. I definitely don't see the benefit of mentioning it.

I don't understand what the problem is. The baby needed to sleep and you have a cot that currently isn't being used. Where would you prefer she put the baby down to sleep?

Why is it an issue that another baby has slept in it first? I can't see how it can be a problem.

It appears it’s a mixed review then. I am not the confrontational type but I’m just frustrated. They bought her over in her pram which she sleeps in at home so it just seemed a bit unnecessary to sleep her in our child’s bed. If our kiddy had slept in it I wouldn’t mind. As for being judgemental about the lack of nursery- they have had all the things bought for them and just haven’t taken the time to organise it into a homely room for baby.

they have had all the things bought for them and just haven’t taken the time to organise it into a homely room for baby.

You know they don’t have to right? Babies don’t have to have a nursery. Some go straight from parents room into siblings room. Many babies around the world sleep in the same room as their parents and 6 siblings for their entire childhood. And you’re rabbiting I’m about a baby having a nap in a cot get a grip.

That is judgemental, @mischiefmanaged01! You know that often people don't put babies into their own nursery before 6 months or longer, so there's no rush to get it sorted. Plus the baby won't care what it looks like.

You sound a bit upset that they've had baby things bought for them, as if they don't deserve to have had anything given to them.

Kids don’t need homely rooms. They need love, attention, food, hugs and a safe space to sleep. I would never begrudge a tiny baby a comfortable place to sleep if I had one available. Rather I would never refuse a baby a comfortable place to sleep for ‘sentimental’ reasons.
Incidentally my one year old doesn’t even have a room of his own. He sleeps with us. At 18 months he’ll move in with his brother and I will spend maybe an hour or so organising this.
This is stuff. It’s material. Let it go.

Neither of mine had a nursery until they were 6 months old, because I knew they’d be in with me for at least that long. It wasn’t because I ‘hadnt bothered’ to prepare the nursery, it was that I’d made a conscious decision not to. The room was more useful to us in other ways than as an empty nursery.

You haven't had a baby. Just wait until yours needs a nap. You'll get it. You'll live it, learn it, look back and see what a ridiculous woman you are being.

To be honest it sounds like you have bigger issues with them than what happened here.

The baby is a CF, go NC.

Agree orange. There’s obviously jealousy or rivalry on OPs part.

YABU to have to cot and nursery completely set up by 25 weeks! I am 39 weeks and haven't even got a cot yet, and the nursery is full of cardboard boxes. It's not a big deal. The baby needed a sleep and you had a baby bed ready to go... get over it.