Unfriendly users!

[sunandfire]

Don't get me wrong, there are a bunch of helpful, polite women on here, but why are so many of them the opposite? The moment you express a view that's a little out of the ordinary or unconventional (in a completely innocent, polite way, mind you), they can become really blunt and quite horrible. I don't have this problem with other groups/online forums I'm on - only Mumsnet. Any little thing I mention about nutrition, lifestyle, medicine etc (in a completely harmless and respectful manner), they'll interpret as malicious in some way and respond with all this rudeness and sarcasm, which I really don't understand. Sarcasm seems to be a particular favourite amongst users. It's not a very welcoming community, I don't find - not unless you fit a very specific box of thinking. I didn't realise women had it in them to be so blunt and unfriendly. Never before, either online or in real life, have I come across such a bitter, 'chip on their shoulder' community of women. If this isn't your experience, I'm glad, but unfortunately it's been mine. I dunno, maybe I'm just a millennial 'snowflake'...

Anyway, I think I'll get off this and stick to my other groups/forums. I always click off the app feeling confused, frustrated and misunderstood... :/

Why is this in pregnancy though?

@Ubercornsdiscoball because this in the topic I've been posting most of my threads in, so it's the women in 'pregnancy' who have given me this experience.

Bye, then

I agree though, there are some serious keyboard warriors on this site. Forceful at best and rude/offensive at worst.

It doesn’t have anything to do with pregnancy though...

@Ubercornsdiscoball yes, but I'm getting the women in 'pregnancy' who have given me this experience to maybe think about how they're making other users feel before they decide to respond with a snappy, blunt, impolite comment. Perhaps they don't realise how they're being, perhaps they don't care... I'm just bringing it to their attention.

I suppose it depends what your "unconventional views" on nutrition and medicine are? I don't have much patience with anti vaxers or holding strong views on modern medicine that are based on rubbish or conspiracy theories read on FaceBook.

What views did you express that you felt were met by sarcasm or bluntness?
There are a few rude posters on each thread but on the whole I find this site refreshingly honest and straight talking and very supportive.

You want “flouncers corner”..,

Stand not upon the order of your going...

Some people, including me, actively like that this site is intolerant of nonsense, fluffy thinking, and "Ur baby Ur rules hun xxx" wankery.

There are other communities that no doubt suit your preference better.

I completely agree there been so lovely woman and some woman that obviously need to attend anger management or go to a manners course...

@ILostItInTheEarlyNineties as little as saying 'I'd rather wait to get my urine results back first before taking antibiotics as I'd rather avoid potentially taking them unnecessarily (as they kill your gut flora, can lead to thrush, and can lead to resistance over time), if it turns out I don't actually have a UTI' - made to feel like you're committing some rebellious act, you're stupid, and you're killing your baby.

Or politely asking if anyone has experience of getting rid of strep b naturally (didn't say I'd refuse antibiotics in labour, just wanted to know if there was anything I could be doing NOW to improve the situation and maybe eliminate the NEED for antibiotics if I manage to successfully get rid of it) - again, misunderstood as being rebellious and putting my baby in harms way.

I understand that users may have genuine concern (although this concern usually results from misunderstanding, not because there's anything much to be concerned about), but this concern can be expressed politely rather than rudely - no?

I think one thing you have to remember is that many users have waited a very long time to have a successful/healthy pregnancy and to them, the idea of doing anything that is not medically recommended is reckless and dangerous.

I think I’m reality, there is usually a good argument for being rational and looking at lots of different evidence and options. (I say this as a medical profession who knows that she would not go along with certain standard practices due to outdated evidence, minimal risks etc.)

If you're finding this with not one but multiple threads, isn't the common denominator you? I've found this a really helpful, supportive place in a very anxious pregnancy, even when I've asked slightly silly questions!

It's the same women in pregnancy who use the rest of the site, we don't all just stick to one board.
I do agree some people can be unnecessarily nasty on here and that isn't nice. But I think some are just straight talking and like to get to the point and answer your questions. What kind of responses did you get?

@QueenAravisOfArchenland I can appreciate that, as long as it actually is 'nonsense'... but I find that a lot of users are quick to dismiss anything that disagrees with their current understanding as 'nonsense', without reflecting on the fact that maybe it's THEM who doesn't know something? Maybe THEY could benefit from explaining their understanding on the matter? Very closed off, defensive attitude. Even if the person is genuinely spewing nonsense, I still don't think it warrants the kind of rudeness that I've been subjected to at times. Politely correcting the person is just as effective, if not more (in my opinion). Understandably, we all get things wrong at times. Don't see why we can't address it with basic understanding and politeness.

I like Mumsnet because it is blunt and to the point. Sometimes it comes across rude but I'd rather that than the "aww Hun" brigade. Different people like different things in a forum.

@QueenAravisOfArchenland expanding their understanding*

Going from your update I'm assuming you've been diagnosed with a uti caused by Group strep b infection in pregnancy? This can cause serious complications for your baby and should be treated with anti biotics. Your new born must also be put on a course of ABs as there is a chance that the strep b is passed to them, particularly during a vaginal birth.

Sorry to derail this thread but perhaps you got angry responses because posters were aghast, assuming you would risk going without medicine in favour of herbs or something!
It doesn't sound as though you are against taking anti biotics. Sometimes they are necessary to prevent serious complications from an infection; septacemia, pneumonia and meningitis to name a few nasty bad ones.

I think you do have to be a little thick skinned to post here and don't take individual responses as a personal attack.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy anyway!

U ok hun?

@Loosemoose28 thank your for your concern! Luckily, it turns out I DIDN'T have a UTI, so I was WISE to have waited for my results before taking the antibiotics (which of course, I didn't have to do). They wasn't sure if the strep b was found in my urine, or if my urine sample had been contaminated by vaginal discharge/debris whilst taking the sample (as I didn't take it midstream). A second sample which I did take midstream showed that strep b was not present, indicating that I didn't have a UTI - phew!

Also, a swab taken a few weeks later did not detect strep b, which means that the strep b has 'gone' for now). I know all about strep b, the risks associated with it and intravenous antibiotics recommended during labour - I was never going to refuse the antibiotics during labour if I was found to still have strep b colonisation near to my due date.

I just hope the strep b remains 'gone' - fingers crossed! 😁

@ILostItInTheEarlyNineties sorry, I was supposed to tag you in the above comment ^

At the end of the day, people on here are strangers on the internet. Why do you care if they are honest in their opinion? I love that about this site. Trust me, you won't get the same cut throat honesty from any of your friends or family! If you don't like the answer, move on to the next one...

@ArizonaLeone perhaps I'm just too sensitive for this site. Not going to lie, it kind of hurts me when people are unnecessarily rude (especially when I feel I've been misunderstood), that's why I 'care'. I don't dish out rudeness to anyone, not matter how much I don't agree with what they're saying - I'll always approach it with politeness and understanding. It's one thing to 'correct' something you feel is incorrect, but it doesn't have to be done rudely (in my opinion).

To be honest OP, I'm starting to get irritated just by your use of block capitals, so I'm leaning towards the 'you are the common denominator' theory.

But anyway, mumsnet didn't get nicknamed 'nest of vipers' for nothing you know. As a PP mentioned, that's why some of us like it!