Unfriendly users!

[sunandfire]

Don't get me wrong, there are a bunch of helpful, polite women on here, but why are so many of them the opposite? The moment you express a view that's a little out of the ordinary or unconventional (in a completely innocent, polite way, mind you), they can become really blunt and quite horrible. I don't have this problem with other groups/online forums I'm on - only Mumsnet. Any little thing I mention about nutrition, lifestyle, medicine etc (in a completely harmless and respectful manner), they'll interpret as malicious in some way and respond with all this rudeness and sarcasm, which I really don't understand. Sarcasm seems to be a particular favourite amongst users. It's not a very welcoming community, I don't find - not unless you fit a very specific box of thinking. I didn't realise women had it in them to be so blunt and unfriendly. Never before, either online or in real life, have I come across such a bitter, 'chip on their shoulder' community of women. If this isn't your experience, I'm glad, but unfortunately it's been mine. I dunno, maybe I'm just a millennial 'snowflake'...

Anyway, I think I'll get off this and stick to my other groups/forums. I always click off the app feeling confused, frustrated and misunderstood... :/

@GingerFoxx the antibiotics weren't to treat the strep b (that wouldn've been intravenous antibiotics during labour, which I wouldn't have refused if it was still detected around my due date), the antibiotics were to treat a UTI in its early stages. You misunderstood my post.

@GingerFoxx would've*

I think if strep b is detected in your urine as you said then it's generally an indication that you're carrying that infection, although in your case it was a false alarm (?) there could have been a colony of strep b. It can sometimes cause miscarriage or birth defects in utero. That's the risk.

You want my honest opinion?

Get off Mumsnet.

Not because people don't want you here. Not because you aren't welcome. But because it really is of no use to you if you are going to be upset over what other people post. You will save yourself a world of anxiety.

Why not join netmums? Far more suitable.

I find it interesting when people post on any social media platform to announce that their leaving rather than just sign out but even more interesting when they then stick around to respond to every comment made on their post. To me this seems attention seeking; especially when you you are so desperate to leave that you have gone to the effort of creating multiple user names/accounts.

@ILostitInTheEarlyNineties I was carrying strep b (not anymore, as it wasn't detected in a later swab), but they weren't sure if it was detected in my urine (indicating a UTI) or my vagina as there was an issue with the first urine sample. Gave a second sample and had a wait an extra 2 days until the results for that sample were to be revealed. Didn't want to take antibiotics unless I was actually found to have a UTI. As I didn't have symptoms of a UTI, I assumed that if I did have one it must be quite mild and in its early stages and that waiting an extra 2 days would generally be ok (even the midwife, herself, said this). Turns out I didn't have the UTI, so I was glad I didn't take the antibiotics (they give me TERRIBLE thrush) - part of me was confident I didn't have one, as I used to get them often and so are familiar with what they feel like. If I did have symptoms of a UTI, I would have taken the antibiotics before the results came back. I just used my common sense, which I don't think was a bad thing (clearly, it wasn't).

@Bluebirdsky I thought someone would leave a comment like the one you left much sooner. I find it interesting, too. However, I didn't anticipate how tempting it would be to 'explain myself' to responders. Quite hard to just ignore it, when I feel like people are sitting there with false/misunderstood perceptions of me. I need to learn how not to care what others think!

@Bluebirdsky I think people like to 'announce' that they're leaving not just as a dramatic 'goodbye', but also to get the people who might've contributed to their decision to leave to think about how they may be making others feel. By simply signing out, you don't feel you've said what you feel needs to be said.

I got through two hyperemesis pregnancies almost solely through the amazing, kind, non-judgemental support I received on here on the long-running hyperemesis thread. So I'm afraid I don't agree at all.
And I'm not the only one - many women came onto the thread to discuss potentially pretty contentious things, like considering termination because of how sick they were - and in all my time on there I never read a judgemental or unkind comment.

I think people like to 'announce' that they're leaving not just as a dramatic 'goodbye', but also to get the people who might've contributed to their decision to leave to think about how they may be making others feel

Do you honestly think randoms on the Internet give a flying fuck about some other internet random deciding to deregister from a forum? Really?

Have you not been on the Internet long? People really don’t care, no one will remeber you as a poster come this time tomorrow most likely.

Just leave or name change and stop moaning!

@motherofpearl I’m glad that’s been your experience, but unfortunately it hasn’t been mine. The only ‘topic’ that’s had nothing but kind, respectful, supportive people in it has been the ‘mental health’ topic. I guess when it comes to topics of a more sensitive/distressing nature, people are generally kinder. Honestly, though, I’m glad your experience has been pleasant. HG is an absolute nightmare!

I’ve not read all replies but I did reply to your getting rid of strep naturally thread, I hope I didn’t upset you.

I have had strep in previous pregnancies (3
Miscarriages and my 1 daughter) and I also know someone in real life who didn’t know she had strep and her son died shortly after birth so if I did sound harsh it’s because I often Fret about strep due to that. It can get into the womb before birth which is why the general consensus was take the antibiotics before you’d got the results back.

I also do like the straight talking attitudes on here and I find it to be more informative than the other sites like netmums.

Don't take things to heart so much! On here, some people are rude yes, but most are helpful and give good advice, you'll not get a better wealth of opinion and support anywhere better than here!

OP, you need to understand the demographic of MN. It has a reputation for having knowledgeable, educated posters who give no-nonsense advice, and so it attracts more posters who appreciate that. It also has a pretty high proportion of posters whose own lives, and those of their children, have been saved by conventional medicine. Many MNers are highly educated and scientifically literate.

Consequently, MNers tend to be pretty cynical about non-conventional medicine, largely because there isn’t a large evidence base to support its use especially in the event of potentially dangerous conditions. I’m afraid this isn’t the place for you if you want to discuss alternative therapies.

I wish you all the best for your pregnancy.

I can’t take credit for this but as I’ve seen it put elsewhere - Nethuns will tell you what you want to hear. MN will tell you what you need to hear.

I agree OP you need to worry less about what others think but I think it's extremely optimistic to think others would consider or reflect on their comments because of a post announcing you are leaving.

I've only seen unfriendliness towards anti-vaxers, and tbh those selfish pricks deserve it.

As for your strep-b issue, I totally agree with you. And so does NICE.

It's why the NHS doesn't routinely test for strep-b. Giving antibiotics out like sweets just increases antibiotic resistance.

Much better to just monitor baby for signs of infection and treat then

I understand what you mean to a certain extent, some people can come across as quite abrupt and that can be surprising but I've found most people are happy to share they experience and offer support, much more positive experiences than bad, but like with everything there's always the odd few being knobs!

I agree with bux I can see how your thread was poorly received, not because posters took a dislike to you but in response to you considering alternative "natural" remedies for something as potentially damaging as strep b in pregnancy.
There's plenty of crap circulating the internet on questionable alternative therapies, a lot of that written by ignorant completely unqualified theorists. It's frankly dangerous to pursue alternative treatments if there is a risk to your child. That will be met with a knee jerk reaction on here and plenty of derision I'm afraid.

Anyone encouraging a pregnant woman to eat Manuka honey and cinnamon to treat a serious infection would be rightly flamed and I'm glad it's like that on here.

@ILostItInTheEarlyNineties I completely understand that, but a lot of the time I’d feel that my threads were misunderstood. I think people read a few buzzwords and form an angle without actually reading the full thread or reading it properly - it’s as if the knee-jerk reaction you describe prevents them from doing so. I wasn’t saying “I found out that I have strep b and I won’t be taking antibiotics to treat it during labour - instead, I’m relying on natural remedies to hopefully clear the strep b and prevent my baby from getting an infection”, but I was saying “I found out that I have strep b and was wondering if there are any ways that I could get rid of it naturally before I go into labour, so that I don’t need to take the antibiotics during labour as I won’t have the strep b anymore?” One indicates that I’ll reuse the antibiotics even if the infection is still present during labour, the other indicates that I’d like to know if there is anything I can do to get rid of the strep b before labour.

Those who understood my thread would have understood that I wouldn’t have been putting my baby in ANY risk!

Can I ask nicely what you want to achieve from this thread? I think coming off mumsnet is wise if it's genuinely upsetting you and you honestly want to "educate" people on how they respond to you. I would be surprised if many people changed posting style. As pps have said, people here are generally quite well informed, scientifically literate and not into "everyone is entitled to their opinion" type posts. That's the kind of thing I like, but I get it's not for everyone.
This does feel a little bit like a group telling off 😂

I appreciate that might not quite be what you were trying to ask for OP, but for anyone who has seen or heard of a baby being dangerously ill with strep B (my cousin's baby very nearly did because of it), they might find it galling that you'd even be trying to find an alternative when you've said "I have found out I have strep B" (quoting directly from you) and in that case, antibiotics have been recommended for you from a doctor.

Like other people have mentioned, anti vaxxers and the like get a flaming on here. And for good reason. I'm not saying at all you come under that category, but it's sometimes difficult to communicate the full picture and all of your thoughts in a post and online (this goes for your side and other people's replies to you) - so people read that and just wanted to be firm that you should not be relying on natural remedies that you've read on the internet over a doctor recommendation.

It's a shame you feel criticised but I'm just trying to explain why what you said may have come across badly. Oh and it's a bit pointless commenting that you're posting just so people may question what they've done to you - no one will remember or care, sorry but that's the truth. The post is just for you to have a rant about everyone, let's be honest. It won't achieve anything else.

My advice: chalk it up to experience, shake it off and make the most of it here. Or leave. Good luck with your pregnancy either way.

*died, not did. Stupid autocorrect.

I see your point but be aware that threads are used as a source of information for others in a similar situation. Therefore a poster claiming that they cured their own strep b by lying in donkey milk and eating bananas could have catastrophic consequences for someone else. I think that's why posters were falling over themselves to shut down your line of enquiry in this case.

You sound sensible enough though.