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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Probably a silly question - Hen do related

33 replies

MrsXx4 · 23/02/2018 12:39

We starting TTC in May. I have my Dsis hen party in July, I have organised it. I organised quite an active event, think inflatables, slides, water all for fun, not competitive and I am sure you could take things at a slow pace if you so wished.

My 'may be a silly question' is if I am early days pregnant, talking 4-8 weeks can I still take part? the website says 'not suitable for pregnant women' and obviously if you had a big bump then I can see why but is it silly to still take part in something like this in the early days with no bump showing?

I don't want to tell anyone we are expecting until we have our first scan so wouldn't be able to sit it out without raising suspicions.

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gryffen · 23/02/2018 13:19

If you were later in pregnancy then I would say no - but early on the first 13 weeks are the danger zone for things going wrong so I would just take it easy, don't jump down things but have fun.

If the advice is "not suitable for pregnancy" and you risk invalidating insurance then it's a 5050 call.

Good luck on hen do - welcome to being the responsible taxi caller lol

scaredofthecity · 23/02/2018 13:22

The risks are low as baby is low and protected in your pelvis but you may feel that you don't want to.
Pregnancy hormones can make you very overprotective!

bathandpjs · 23/02/2018 13:27

Personally I wouldn't. If anything I happened I would always be wondering "what if..."

Could you put off TTC until after the hen do?

TheCatsMother44 · 23/02/2018 13:30

I was going to say that chances are you won't fall pregnant that quickly but it can happen so you do need to think about what you would do fall pregnant so quickly.

For me, I would either start ttc after the hen or, if I was pregnant, claim to have badly hurt your back (or similar injury) that means you can't take part.

userabcname · 23/02/2018 13:43

Hm I probably wouldn't have risked it and regardless I wouldn't have been able to take part as I had severe morning sickness and incredibly painful boobs from the get go. As it's only 2 months, perhaps wait until after the hen. It could take you a while to conceive but it also might happen straight away (it did with me).

Girlwiththearabstrap · 23/02/2018 13:48

I'm going against the grain here, I think that early on the baby is so tiny and well protected in your pelvis you'd be ok to do most fun type stuff wouldn't you? I did go ape at 6 weeks and assumed that the "not to be done in pregnancy" warning was a common sense approach and to protect the company rather than to be taken super literally.
That being said if you do get pregnant you might not want to do it due to illness/anxiety. You could always say you hurt your back/neck or something if you do want to sit it out.

I know someone mentioned above always wondering "what if...". Miscarriages are generally not caused by an activity the mother did. I always think that kind of thinking can just end up feeding anxiwty and lead to people avoiding perfectly safe activities/food etc and becoming more and more worried in early pregnancy.

Twitchett22 · 23/02/2018 15:06

I conceived in may and didn't even know until July. I know if you're TTC you will probably be taking regular tests but my point is people are 6 weeks pregnant without knowing all the time, they go on girls holidays, drinking, go karting etc and the majority are all fine. Like pp said miscarriages happen and unless you've had a major trauma to your abdomen (bad car crash etc) the mc is unlikely to be caused by anything physical. So i wouldn't think twice about doing the activities i think it would be just fine.
However, you dont know if you're gonna be really suffering with early symptoms, sickness etc so I'd probably leave TTC for a few weeks. It you want to TTC ASAP then just try a couple of weeks before the hen do so if you do conceive straight away you'll only be a couple of weeks and hopefully will be too early to get any symptoms. Plus you could have a drink too lol

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 23/02/2018 15:09

Thank you for all the replies.

I totally get that its only 2 months and why not wait until after the hen but I am heading to mid 30's and we have already put off TTC for Dsis actual wedding and we are getting desperate to try now, it is taking over our lives and something we are both longing for. With every month that passes the harder it gets. To TTC from May onwards means getting the ball rolling because we do have anxiety over how difficult it may be to get pregnant and it also means that I wont affect Dsis wedding in any way as I'll be so early pregnant I can still wear my BM dress etc.

I really don't know what to do and I know no one can really say as its one of those things that will never be the same from one person to another, I just wanted clarification that it wasn't a totally insane thing to be thinking of doing.

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Pregnantgrumpygal · 23/02/2018 16:22

You can’t put off ttc for this in my opinion. You might not get pregnant quickly so you won’t be pregnant at the hen do. Or you might get pregnant quickly and be so pleased about being pregnant that you will happily miss out on the activities.
Only you can know the answer to this, I know I didn’t put off ttc once I decided and it took me nine months to get pregnant. Didn’t even put off ttc for my own wedding! You do what’s right for you

OrigamiOverload · 23/02/2018 17:03

Tbh given your update I would start trying now! Who cares about a bridesmaid dress really?!

I accidentally got pg with DS 5 months before DSis wedding. I went back to the shop we got the bridesmaids dresses and ordered another in a bigger size and had it altered to fit my bump. Problem solved!

Farmmama · 23/02/2018 17:40

You can't keep putting TTC on hold because of family events that are coming up, there will always be somethng! I fell pregnant very quickly but that didn't stop me enjoying a great holiday in Africa where I did sandboarding at 12 weeks, even with pregnancy sickness (I was over the worst of it by then thank goodness!) The Baby is so small in those early stages that it is very well protected and there is no bump to hinder you. I am a horse rider and have only just stopped riding at 26 weeks as my bump got in the way. I realise being a horse rider may make me less risk averse, but everyone looks at these things differently. My midwife said the risk isn't to the baby as such, its more that if you have an accident that requires medical intervention then that could be the risk (think anaesthetic, morphine etc). I imagine the chances of that at this hen are very slim. The activity itself will not be a cause of miscarriage. It's your call but if you are pregnant at the hen and you really don't feel comfortable taking part then that's your prerogative - just say you have hurt your back 😃

tinytowtruck · 23/02/2018 19:03

What origami said!! I definitely wouldn't put off ttc for a wedding. I was shocked at how quickly it didn't happen for me and most of my friends. Sure it could happen first time, but if it did it would be a blessing anyway. Good luck op x

bettydraper31 · 23/02/2018 19:34

Don’t put off ttc, there will always be something.

But on the other hand, you’re not pregnant yet so don’t worry about taking part in the hen do now, you’re getting way ahead of yourself, just relax and enjoy ttc

Needmorehands · 23/02/2018 19:47

I ran airfield anarchy, a 10km obstacle course at 8wks pg. You don't know how sick etc you'll be feeling, and it may not happen until later which would help your decision as well!

Fia256 · 24/02/2018 06:35

Definitley don't put off ttc! There will always be an event pop up at some point! And as for taking part, I personally would choose not to but down to my own anxiety more than anything, however, when I was 6 weeks I fell down the stairs HARD and broke my coccyx bone. I was in agony and rang 111. They said baby is very well protected and not to worry at all about miscarriage. And everything was fine, so really, chances are you'd be fine to go and just be a bit more careful!

Arapaima · 24/02/2018 06:43

I agree! Start TTC now, don’t worry about the bridesmaid dress and see how you feel about the hen do nearer the time.

Personally I’d want to do the activity if I felt ok, but there’s a chance that during the safety briefing you will be asked “is anyone pregnant?” and you must not lie as it will invalidate their insurance. So if you’d rather not tell anyone, better not to take part at all.

Amatree · 24/02/2018 06:54

Given your update I would say start now, why on earth are you delaying because of someone else's wedding?! You can still go to a wedding pregnant you know! Anyone who kicks up a fuss because you need to change your dress isn't worth worrying about. I have so many friends in their thirties having problems, it doesn't have to be the case but it might be and you would regret those lost months not trying.

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 24/02/2018 08:50

I know you are all talking sense. I’m just worried I’ll be seen as selfish and not there for her. I only got married 9 months ago and she played such a massive role in my day and showed me unlimited amounts of support. I want to do the same for her and make sure the run up to the wedding is all about her and not about me.

I probably haven’t explained that well.

Me and my husband are just getting ready to go away for the weekend and I know we’ll spend the whole time debating this very thing.

OP posts:

Aspenn17 · 24/02/2018 10:04

I went on a hen do and did a fairly full on ‘assult course’ when I was about 6 weeks pregnant, I had only found out the week before and I was maid of honour so had organised the whole thing and there was just no way to get out of it as obv I hadn’t told people yet but luckily everything was absolutely fine. However I wasn’t experiencing morning sickness yet and I was pretty fit before hand (The fake drinking was more of a challenge than the assult course!)

You are a very good friend worrying about putting your friend first but I wouldn’t let it dictate when you have a baby, 2 of my bridesmaids were heavily pregnant on my wedding day, we just exchanged their dresses for something more suitable in the same colour, I honestly didn’t mind at all, I still felt like the day was about me.

Buxbaum · 24/02/2018 12:49

If the company say that the activity is unsuitable for pregnant women then it is because they are not insured and you should not do the activity. That part of it is pretty simple.

However, I completely agree with pp that you should not delay ttc any longer. Hopefully you will conceive quickly but if you do have problems then you will kick yourself for wasting these months. If you're pregnant for the hen do or the wedding then you deal with that when it comes. You don't have to fling yourself down a waterslide to be a support to your sister.

bathandpjs · 24/02/2018 12:58

Have you spoken to your sister about TTC and her wedding? If you were pregnant at her wedding and the dress didn't fit or couldn't be altered there may be another role you can play I.e being a witness?

As others have said it may take a few months to get pregnant anyway. What would happen with regards to the wedding if you had an accident/surprise?

PieAndPumpkins · 24/02/2018 13:29

Many people don't even find out they're pregnant between 4-8 weeks. Go for it, just be warned you might feel sick come the hen do if you do conceive.

OrigamiOverload · 25/02/2018 09:59

If you are pregnant during the run up to her wedding it will only be all about you if you make it all about you. And from the tone of your messages I don’t think that will be a problem - you sound like a good sister. I was maid of honour for DSis whilst pg and I took part in everything. I perhaps couldn’t dance as much as I might normally have done at the actual wedding but that was it.

It might take some time to conceive. At 28 it took me 3 months, got pg accidentally at 30 and now pg at 34 with 6 months trying. Not very long really but I have to say DH and I were beginning to worry it wasn’t going to happen this time.

Happened · 25/02/2018 10:39

Honestly I wouldn't wait, I'd start TTC now. It can take years or one month but I wouldn't want my sibling to wait on something like that for my wedding. I also lost my first baby (which afterwards I found is much more common than you think) so I wouldn't wait now if we wanted to have another baby.

You sound like a lovely sister though!

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 26/02/2018 11:45

Thank you for all the replies.

Oh no, I wouldn't make it all about me, its mainly my paranoia and anxiety about something going wrong or being super unwell with it that means taking focus away from my sister. If all goes smoothly then no one will need to know a thing and I can just go along with whatever.

We were holding off altogether until after her wedding as I just had horrible visions of me being sick the morning of her wedding or infront of all her guests while she says her vows or something!? I am a big over-thinker by the way! me and DH discussed it a lot and decided we felt comfortable with May and thought we would just get on with it.

I tried to broach the subject with her but then I found out that her best friend (also a BM) said that she was TTC and my sister got a little put-out by it, she wouldn't say anything to her but I could tell she was a little worried and I can understand that because planning a wedding is stressful and once you've spent money on peoples dresses you don't really expect to have to put anymore thought into it.

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