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Original poster

People drinking around your baby?

35 replies

GeorginaFall · 09/02/2018 18:27

Hi everyone - just wondering what people do when they have guests/family round with a small baby at home? I would not feel comfortable drinking around someone else's baby as I wouldn't have all my faculties if I picked them up etc, but I mentioned that to my family and they were horrified at the idea of coming for lunch and not having wine or beer etc. Also not sure if I would want people drunk around me all the time while I am sober and breastfeeding etc. What does everyone else do about this? Do you just let people drink but then not let them touch the baby?

OP posts:

Chienrouge · 09/02/2018 18:29

It wasn’t something I was ever concerned about. I was sober, and relatives would only have had a couple.

LittleBearPad · 09/02/2018 18:29

I used to breastfeed and have a glass of wine!

I never even gave it a thought. No one I know generally drinks to excess. Maybe if they were noticeably pissed I’d be a bit more careful. But one or two I wouldn’t even think about.

Greensleeves · 09/02/2018 18:29

There's a massive gulf between having wine/beer at a family meal, which is completely normal and will in no way affect your baby, and being in the middle of a raucous piss-up with people falling over and vomiting!

In the nicest possible way, you are being a bit precious. Of course people can have a drink with their dinner if your baby is present. Or a couple of glasses of wine in the evening. You can even have some yourself if it will help you chill out a bit. Your baby isn't going to disappear in a puff of smoke because someon'e having a drink.

PurplePirate · 09/02/2018 18:29

There's a difference between having a drink and being drunk.

Assuming you are not planning on bringing your baby clubbing or pub crawling you shouldn't encounter this problem. Or are all your family and friends pissheads?

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 09/02/2018 18:31

I don't really see the issue.

Firstly you can have a few drinks and breastfeed, that's not a problem. You shouldn't bedshare after drinking but feeding is fine. Secondly, if someone isn't actually babysitting for you, why would it matter if they had a couple of drinks? I wouldn't hand my baby to an actively drunk person but I don't tend to have actively drunk people in my house anyway. I don't see the problem with someone having a couple of glasses then holding them. Are your family in the habit of getting totally blitzed over lunch?

It would be pretty controlling and inappropriate to ban people from having a glass of wine while your baby is present.

WTFIsThisVirus · 09/02/2018 18:31

People don't tend to fall over after one drink at a family meal.

welshweasel · 09/02/2018 18:32

You’re being ridiculous. Fair enough not wanting to leave the baby in the care of someone who’s had a few drinks but banning people from drinking altogether is weird. And you can drink whilst breastfeeding. So long as you’re sober enough not to drop the baby there’s no issue. We often took newborn DS to the pub, he slept and we had fun!

PotteringAlong · 09/02/2018 18:33

I’ve definitely been known to have a glass of wine in one hand and a baby attached to my boob feeding!

Are you saying that your baby is not allowed to be around anyone drinking any amount of alcohol, ever?

Bouledeneige · 09/02/2018 18:33

Precious.

Pootlebug · 09/02/2018 18:35

Wtaf? I wouldn't hand my baby to a person who was hammered. Glass of wine or two - no problem, including if you're breastfeeding

Pennywhistle · 09/02/2018 18:35

Well I wouldn’t have wanted babysitters to be drinking when they were babies, but a glass of wine, at lunch in your presence?

Presumably you wouldn’t let anyone who was drunk hold your baby in the first place?

GiveMePrivacy · 09/02/2018 18:35

I think you're being a bit precious too, OP. If someone gets pissed, they can't hold the baby (unless sitting down?) , but they'd have to be absolutely trolleyed and tripping over baby to be a danger. No need for them all to behave like they're in the presence of someone who'll keel over if they sniff wine fumes. Plenty of women have babies with men who are drinkers, too. Most fathers don't go teetotal when the baby is born.
Have a lovely family meal and let your family enjoy your gorgeous baby, as long as they're not too wobbly!

Buxbaum · 09/02/2018 18:38

Are your family incapable of drinking and not becoming very drunk?

You can have a drink when you're breastfeeding, by the way. Time it if you are worried - have the drink during a feed (it doesn't go straight into the milk) and it will have left your system by the time the next feed is due.

metalmum15 · 09/02/2018 18:40

I had my 30th not long after having a baby and we had a huge piss up at home. I was sober but there were plenty who weren't, they weren't picking baby up so it really didn't matter. Unless you have wild 3 day parties every weekend, i really don't see the problem. A couple of glasses of wine or beer doesn't make someone completely plastered.

Buglife · 09/02/2018 18:40

What’s the issue, do you think they will harm the baby? Do you think alcohol fumes will harm the baby? Do you think someone will tip a glass of red over the baby’s face? I’m not trying to be mean but think about what it is that you think is actually the risk here. Calculating risk around a newborn is so hard as most parents go crazy and decide all manner of perfectly normal things are bad or risky. If it’s because in your mind now drinking is unwholesome and Just wrong around a precious baby but you don’t know why, that’s fine but is unfounded. Also if you are just annoyed at other people having a drink when you can’t then I am with you there, it’s a pain, but it is unreasonable to force it on guests I feel. Also as PP have said maybe relax, have a glass of wine and sit feeding baby. I am very much looking forward to my post birth champagne at home with my new DC2 (alas still got 20 weeks to wait...)

Original poster

GeorginaFall · 09/02/2018 18:41

People don't have to be so rude! To clarify - my family are not people who can just have a couple of drinks - they would come round and have bottles and bottles and get totally wasted. Obviously if I am at someone else's it's not my business what they do, but at my place I am not sure about having people getting smashed. I also absolutely wouldn't feel comfortable drinking whilst breastfeeding.

OP posts:

Buxbaum · 09/02/2018 18:43

To clarify - my family are not people who can just have a couple of drinks - they would come round and have bottles and bottles and get totally wasted.

That's one hell of a drip feed, OP - and it is not normal. That's why PP thought you were being precious. It sounds like you have bigger problems than whether or not they pick up your baby when tipsy.

SparkleFizz · 09/02/2018 18:44

All depends on how much people are drinking, really.

Someone who was heavily drinking wanting to pass baby around would worry me.

But someone having a glass or two of wine during a meal wasn’t something that ever bothered me. It takes more alcohol than that to make most people too drunk to be unsafe near a baby.

And also, as long as you’re sober enough to care for a baby safely, drinking alcohol while breastfeeding is fine.

mindutopia · 09/02/2018 18:45

Uh, I drink around my baby, so not a problem to me! No, honestly, it's not something that ever occurred to me. We have both drank around our dd (who's 5 now) since she was probably a few weeks old. She has lived to tell the tale! Personally, I wouldn't let a falling down drunk person who was slurring their words to hold my baby, but I don't know many people who get falling down drunk at Sunday lunch. But no, not an issue at all. We drink. I drink while bf (again, not falling down off my tits though). My dh drinks. We have a drink or two when we are home alone with our kids. It's never been a problem. I think you might come across as a bit crazy if you refuse to let other people have a glass of wine at lunch around your children. They really aren't that breakable (trust me!).

DancesWithOtters · 09/02/2018 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mindutopia · 09/02/2018 18:53

For what it's worth, our family are definitely the types to heartily enjoy many bottles of wine. Maybe not at 11am on a Tuesday. But for Sunday lunch and for evening meals or Christmas or family gatherings, yes. People get pretty jolly. Not violent, being sick everywhere, police being called drunk, but definitely tipsy. Again, never been an issue. We just make sure one of us is plenty to sober to parent and we let the aunties and cousins and grandparents enjoy themselves.

SparkleFizz · 09/02/2018 18:54

Cross posted.

Your family’s attitude to drink sounds very different to that of most people I know. My family and in-laws, for example, will typically have one or two small glasses of wine with dinner, then put the remains of the bottle away for the next day.

If your family are incapable of stopping until they’re totally wasted, then I can understand you wanting them not to drink at all when at your home and round your baby.

WitchesHatRim · 09/02/2018 18:55

You are being very precious.

I also absolutely wouldn't feel comfortable drinking whilst breastfeeding.

Well unless they are forcing it down your neck, I presume you don't have to.

Twitchett22 · 09/02/2018 18:59

I can't wait to have a drink when I've had my baby, someone even told me to pack a mini bottle of prosecco in my hospital bag!
Alcohol around babys really isnt a big issue, unless there is no one responsible to care for the baby. You know you're not gonna get hammered so you will be there to watch your baby (although a glass of wine whilst breastfeeding is a good idea imo) and i cant imagine that your family will all be rat-arsed after 2 drinks so they'll be safe to hold baby. If they're gonna stay at yours for hours and get totally hammered then by that stage they'll have all had their baby cuddles and you can just use the excuse your taking baby upstairs for a sleep. If someone banned me from drinking alcohol near their baby I'd be offended, i know my limits and as soon as i felt wobbly I wouldn't dream of wanting to pick up a baby.
I think you need to relax a little OP, take things as they come, yes babys change your life but they don't dictate it, life can go on very much as normal.

Wellthen · 09/02/2018 19:05

A friend of mine did exactly that, for a very similar reason. She says her in laws drink to excess and she didn’t want to find herself having to physically stop a tipsy person picking up the baby. They had the blanket rule - no handling of youve had a drink. It wasn’t popular but, I think, because they were completely clear from the start, the in laws did follow the rule.

I do think it’s precious in general. Would it be possible to discuss it more and explain your concerns about drunkenness? I wouldn’t want my kids exposed to that, whether or not they’re being picked up (I’m thinking more when they’re older). But if you think they’ll say ‘yes we’ll drink less’ and then ‘forget’ then go ahead, I think you’re right.

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