Not going into labour and hysterical

[Agapanthus1984]

I'm 40+4 and my piece of crap body is refusing to go into labour. I've had two failed sweeps, between which I've forced myself to go on agonisingly painful long walks and have agonisingly painful sex which has done absolutely nothing to induce labour. I've wasted nine months trailing all the way to a distant hospital because I wanted a water birth in their brand new midwife centre, but if I go much further overdue I'm going to be denied that and forced onto the shitty NHS obstetric ward.

The hospital wants to induce at 41 weeks and I've refused because I don't want to be drugged up and have a painful unnatural labour with a high risk of further interventions and subsequent difficulties with breastfeeding or post-natal depression. Now they're telling me if I don't consent to induction my baby will probably die because of being overdue. Nobody is supportive of my decision to refuse induction.

I feel like a failure because I'm not even capable of having a baby. Not only has my piece of shit body become bigger than everyone else's and covered in stretchmarks, I'm also incapable of giving birth. At every midwife appointment I'm sitting next to these tiny women with barely any bump and no stretch marks, and I hate them because the bitches will probably go into early natural labour too. The only thing I hate more than them is myself. I'm terrified of my baby dying but I still refuse to be induced. I just want to go into labour naturally and have my water birth in the midwife centre as planned. I literally can't stop crying.

Try not to get in a state.
My second was born at 40+12 - I was booked for an induction at 42. One of the first things I remember after birth was sking the midwife if she could cancel my induction appointment!
the days really do drag at this stage. Try to keep active. Keep eating and drinking to keep your energy levels up. Get as much rest as you can.

By the way - I swear it was the fresh pineapple that finally got DD to shift.

Fingers crossed.

Oh my gosh. I feel for you.
I was 40 + 10 I had to be induced.
I was miserable and huge and fucking pissed off at everything. I mean everything. Bloody uncomfortable and so angry.
It’s really hard and there’s sod all to say to make it better.

I remember the frustration well but I'm about a week or less, you'll be so amazed by your body you'll never doubt it again.

I went to 42 + 3 with my last. I didn't reuse induction - but I did make my own decisions at every stage. I had the pessary but asked to be allowed to labour naturally rather than break waters. They left me to it all night and I got to 9cm on my own and had a water birth. Good luck!

I tried the massage points I read up about online and I went into labour a few hours later! May have been totally coincidental though 😁

Both my pregnancies stretched to 42 weeks, fyi this is when risks to baby start not 41 weeks. I needed induction with both and ultimately was petrified of needing a surgical birth. Tried everything 2 sweeps, spicy food, pineapple, sex, long walks. Nothing worked. But when they put the pessary in, which only contains a small amount of hormone that your body would naturally produce, I delivered within a couple of hours.
At 40+4 you still have a week and 2 days but book the induction in. Hopefully fingers crossed you won't need it but from my experience, they booked up. Good ol' NHS!
Try not to worry, all will be ok, if your perfect birth doesn't happen, you won't care when holding your perfect baby.
I also breastfed both my boys till they were 1 yr. I think the earlier baby's struggle more than the bigger ones. If you decide to go over 42 weeks they just have to provide more monitoring for you.

Also I work in paediatrics and having spoken to some of the senior doctors, there are more risks to baby with a water birth as this is "unnatural". Not one medical professional I have spoke with would opt for one.

I feel for you

I was the same absolutely desperate for a water birth, I had 3 failed sweeps (they couldn't even do the sweep because of babies head and the cervix being too far back, it went on and on and on so I was booked in for induction at 11am... some how I went into labour at 10am just as we were leaving, so I wasn't induced I was so happy I was getting my water birth

After houuuursss i ended up in the labour ward and with an epidural as my labour was so long (20 hours) and I just wasn't dilating (baby then pooed inside to make it all even worse)

I would try not to beat yourself up over it, it doesn't always go to plan and that doesn't make you any less of a mother, it's sounds like you have done amazingly well so far and have tried everything (as did I, I didn't move off the bloody yoga ball), just try and go with the flow as much as possible, I know it's hard I remember being absolutely devastated and pissed off when I thought I had to be induced, then I was so happy I could have one, then I was fuming in labour that I was dragged out of my birthing suite!

Good luck op I hope everything goes well xx

I had an induced labour and a natural labour. The induced one was less painful and shorter than the natural one.

I trigger my natural one I think with eating lots of fresh pineapple.

Good luck and hope baby arrives safely soon x

I understand how frustrating it is. You want your baby now and you want to give birth how you planned.

But I promise you in a week or hopefully less when your baby is here you really won't care as much how it happened...ward, pool, kitchen floor all you will care about is your beautiful baby. So hang in there, it will all be over soon xx

Please don't beat yourself up, OP.

Like you, I wanted a natural birth with minimal intervention but unfortunately my body didn't play ball. I ended up on a hormone drip, hooked up to a monitor throughout and had to have forceps because she was getting distressed. Not pleasant. Thankfully she was born healthy, and I BF her.

My 2nd was an EC, and I now know that I have difficulty birthing because I have a wonky pelvis. I couldn't BF him which I felt wretched about, but he's now a strapping 16yo and a fabulous athlete.

This will sound a bit harsh, although I mean it kindly. It's not just about you. It's about getting a healthy baby out and keeping you both safe. We're so used to being able to choose every aspect of our lives, but childbirth just doesn't work like that. You have to listen to the professionals.

Good luck with everything, and enjoy your beautiful baby when they arrive

Sorry, meant to add that I found the EC much better than the forceps birth. Recovery was less painful too.

look, you need to draw a line under the hows and whys and wants

in ten days your baby will be here...whether you pop that child out singing, dancing, weeping, in a pool or have it scorched out by a pointy purple dragon IT DOES NOTMATTER

It really doesn't.

It’s natural to be pissed off at this stage but it will happen when it happens and as many have said, as soon as it’s happened you won’t care how it happened.

You have to trust that the medical professionals are making the best decisions for you and your baby.

Being induced doesn't mean you'll be off your head on drugs. It doesn't mean you'll need intervention or struggle afterwards with depression.

Birth plans rarely go to plan. There's every chance that you might start labour naturally, get in a water pool and end up with a caesarean section.
I've given birth in a NHS hospital as have thousands of women and it wasn't "shitty". You won't be on a ward, you'll have your own delivery room. Most women forget about the ordeal of childbirth as soon as they glimpse their beautiful baby.

In the nicest way, calm down. Stop all this self loathing and feeling like a failure because you haven't gone into spontaneous labour. You're just setting yourself up to be disappointed if you insist on some sort of ideal childbirth scenario in your head. Be kinder to yourself

I strongly advise you to heed the advice of your HCPs.

I was induced at 40+12, It finally started working at 40+14, they broke my waters, I still had a water birth in a midwife led unit with just gas and air. It can be done.

All that matters is the safe arrival of your baby. Do what you need to do to acheive that.

There is nothing wrong with your body.

As an aside, don't push yourself to do anything that leaves you in agony. Whether that's long walks or energetic sex. Your ligaments are very stretchy in pregnancy. you don't want to cause yourself an injury.

You may also be experiencing round ligament pain- jabbing pains around your abdomen? The best thing to do is stop, rest and avoid strenuous activities that make it worse.

Running on stress and adrenaline and getting yourself into a state of anxiety isn't going to encourage your body to go into labour.
Try to relax and enjoy your last few days of being baby free.

Oh OP it's so hard, every woman that's gone over her due date can sympathise with you. But just know it's really normal to go over so your body is fine and ok. Don't worry about stretch marks and the size of your bump, it really doesn't matter.

I was induced at 40+11, i ended up having an EMCS but that was because baby was twisted so I wasn't dilated despite all attempts. Yes it was shit, but ultimately my baby and I were safe and that's all that matters. I breastfed with no trouble whatsoever and did second time with an elective.

If you want to try get things going naturally there's loads of things you can try. But just remember babies have their ok schedule and come when they're ready. Go get yourself a piece of cake and try be kind to yourself

Do you have someone you can talk to, OP? I'm really worried about the way you talk about yourself.

Plenty of babies are born after 40 weeks - you're only 4 days over. Try not to catastrophise this. You have a while to go before any decisions like this would be made.

It's hard to feel rational when you're overdue, but you do know that you want the best for your baby. That's all that everyone wants and your midwives will be telling you how best to achieve that. If that's through induction, so be it.

In the end, nothing else matters than your baby arriving safely. Most women (myself included) rip up the birth plan as soon as they get the first twinge. The day after the birth - even a couple of minutes after the birth - none of this will matter.

You need to try and relax. Honestly being relaxed will help. I was booked to be induced at 40+12 and when I finally accepted that I went into natural labour 6hrs before my appointment.
I'm currently 40+8 so I know how you feel. Just remember that your baby will be here one way or another. At 40+4 it's likely to happen naturally. You have plenty of time.

having spoken to some of the senior doctors, there are more risks to baby with a water birth as this is "unnatural".

Er, what? What risks? I've read the literature on water births and there's no evidence of additional risks. Would the NHS be building birth centres with pools and actively promoting their use if water birth was a risk in itself?

OP, try to chill. You still have loads of time. You can decline induction at any time, or consider it at 42 weeks but not before. You will.tive

Aargh.

...you will give birth and it will work out, whatever happens.

Don’t panic there are no 12 year human pregnancies. Mine were all 42 weeks plus apart from the twins. I refused induction as it does increase risk of intervention. Make sure they just monitor frequently and give you enough information on which to form a reasoned decision about induction. Plenty of time yet for a nice relaxed and gentle birth for you both.....if you relax.

Running on stress and adrenaline and getting yourself into a state of anxiety isn't going to encourage your body to go into labour.

^^this. You sound (understandably) very stressed. Your body is unlikely to go into labour as all the stress hormones being released will be telling it this is not a good time to have a baby.

Try and think what things would work to help your body to relax as this is probably the best thing you can do to encourage labour. Good luck.

I was you a few years ago. I cried every night and was practically begging DH to have sex with me because I thought it would work. I think deep down I was so scared and anxious that I stopped the hormones for Labour from being released.

At 12 days I was induced. I ended up in labour got to 9.5cm and then my baby got stuck and I ended up having a c section anyway.

It wasn’t bad at all.

I thought it would be the end of the world. As I was labouring I went into a huge bath on the ward, it did sod all for the pain and I wa better walking around/dancing with my tens machine on. I had an epidural and that was amazing. The dr’s and midwives kept me informed and in control the entire time and I felt positive about my birth experience.

It might not be the way you plan but the birth is the first lesson you have in realising that there’s a whole new independent person growing in your body and you have to do things when they want.

Could you ask for a c section?

I had one after induction and it was much easy than the actual induction- including the recovery.

I also breastfed successfully for over a year.

I've been where you are and God it's hard but it will happen.