Not going into labour and hysterical

[Agapanthus1984]

I'm 40+4 and my piece of crap body is refusing to go into labour. I've had two failed sweeps, between which I've forced myself to go on agonisingly painful long walks and have agonisingly painful sex which has done absolutely nothing to induce labour. I've wasted nine months trailing all the way to a distant hospital because I wanted a water birth in their brand new midwife centre, but if I go much further overdue I'm going to be denied that and forced onto the shitty NHS obstetric ward.

The hospital wants to induce at 41 weeks and I've refused because I don't want to be drugged up and have a painful unnatural labour with a high risk of further interventions and subsequent difficulties with breastfeeding or post-natal depression. Now they're telling me if I don't consent to induction my baby will probably die because of being overdue. Nobody is supportive of my decision to refuse induction.

I feel like a failure because I'm not even capable of having a baby. Not only has my piece of shit body become bigger than everyone else's and covered in stretchmarks, I'm also incapable of giving birth. At every midwife appointment I'm sitting next to these tiny women with barely any bump and no stretch marks, and I hate them because the bitches will probably go into early natural labour too. The only thing I hate more than them is myself. I'm terrified of my baby dying but I still refuse to be induced. I just want to go into labour naturally and have my water birth in the midwife centre as planned. I literally can't stop crying.

utterly I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. It takes a lot to share your experience to help others and it's so lovely you're doing so.

OP I know giving birth how you plan seems like the most important thing but it's really not. In the scheme of things it's a day or two/ three in your life which isn't anything really. My first birth was the complete opposite of my planned water hypno birthing experience and I couldn't have cared less at the end of it.

The most important thing is keeping you and that baby safe, that's why the medical professionals are saying they want to induce at 41 weeks. Try think of your baby in your arms as the end goal and focus on that rather than the labour.

You got pregnant to have a baby. Labour is only a tiny part of that. Babe safely in arms is the goal. You need to calm down and focus on that. Induction/section/ whatever- you will still be able to breastfeed. You won't automatically get PND. If your body won't play ball it's time to hand over the reins

The induction doesn't sound ideal but I doubt your current line of thinking will help you if you do end up being induced or if natural labour doesn't go smoothly. Could you take back a sense of control by developing several other birth plans - one for induction amd one for csection? That way you at least will have thought consciously theough your preferences in those scenarios. Even with multiple birth plans its unlikely to go exactly as you imagine but at least it might help you feel more in control now.

Re breastfeeding, I want to reassure you that it can work out with an induced birth. I was induced at 40+3 as waters broke but no labour. I breastfed for 18 months with literally no problems, not even pain in the first week (I breastfed for 20 months with my second, who was born by caesarean). It really doesnt necessarily have any effect on feeding.

My ds was 10 days overdue. I went into natural labour and had him in the pool with no interventions. No sweep either because they weren't able to do one. When he came out, the first thing the midwife said was that there was no way he was 10 days over, more like 3 and the due date was wrong. So don't worry, babies have their own agenda (mine still do), they'll come when they're ready.

Are you sure that they don't have a pool on the labour ward as well as in the birth centre? Many hospitals do so it is worth checking.
As the others said try to keep yourself calm, I know it's hard but your body is less likely to labour if it thinks that it's already in 'fight or flight' mode with huge surges of adrenaline pumping round.
Stick to your guns about waiting longer for induction- look up the NICE antenatal guidelines on induction and show them that in fact if everything about your pregnancy is low risk it's normal to wait until 40+10-12. Maybe suggest that you are happy to have additional monitoring during days 7-12 but you really want to wait as long as possible for natural labour.
The hospital most likely has a Consultant midwife who works on the birth centre; call up and ask to speak with him/her, explain your situation and your wishes ask if she can support you - they specialise in normality and will be able to advocate for you.

Good luck, I know it doesn't feel like it now but baby will be here before you know it and however they arrive it will all be worth it in the end.

Oh OP, just wanted to send empathy as a few months ago I could have written your post. I went to 42 weeks with my little one and had refused induction all the time beforehand. However leading up to 42 weeks despite my repeated statement that I didn't want one they booked me in for one anyway and told me to refuse on the day if I still felt the same. Then when I was 41+3 a community midwife told me I needed to think of my child and started quoting stillbirth risks to me (which even at 42 weeks is only 2 in 1000, so 0.2%, but she just phrased it as "the risk doubles"). I was a first time mum and the very mention of the word stillbirth terrified me so I caved and went in for induction (like you I'd been aiming for a midwife led waterbirth and I felt so miserable that due to no fault of my own this was taken away from me. And like you I tried EVERYTHING to bring on labour from about 39 weeks to no avail!!) I won't lie, I ended up being one of those who needed additional intervention and we have breastfeeding problems as a result, however the big hinger for me on whether induction would be something I'd ever accept again would be: where you live, so they let you go home after they've induced? My friends in England who were induced at the same time were allowed to go home and do the first stage in the comfort of their own home. Where I live, once you're in, you're in. Not allowed to leave. So whilst waiting for my pessary to kick in I spent the entire night on a shared ward listening to women around me screaming in pain, begging for drugs and then vomiting after said drugs. It was not only terrifying but also meant when my labour kicked in fully I'd had a grand total of 30 minutes sleep.

I know when it's your first it can be easy to follow professionals words rigidly, and I have the benefit of hindsight because of how it worked out for me... but I really wish I'd stuck to my guns and refused induction. If you're sure that's what you want then stick to it OP, you can always opt for monitoring and that way feel reassured that your body will go into labour when your baby is ready, not when local policy dictates they should be born by. Best of luck xx

I'm now 41 weeks with induction scheduled for 41+6. Crying every day and absolutely terrified that I won't go into labour naturally before that date. I feel like there are no good options at this point - I have a choice between accepting unwanted and risky medical intervention or risking my baby dying.

Also extremely upset about the pressure being applied by the NHS. At 39+6 the midwife insisted on an internal exam and attempted sweep even though I technically hadn't reached my due date, and she also insisted on booking an induction for 40+6 which imo is too early, especially considering I wasn't even overdue at the time she booked it. I've had two more failed sweeps since then and have been subjected to questions about why I'm not putting my baby's safety first by agreeing to induction. I've since contacted the hospital who agreed to put back the induction by a week until 41+6 - turns out the midwife had lied to me when she said the hospital wouldn't permit me to go beyond 41 weeks. However when I asked if I could go beyond 42 weeks if necessary the hospital told me I'd be risking placental deterioration and the death of my baby, and if my baby keeps growing he won't fit out of my pelvis by that point and I'll require a caesarean. Absolutely beside myself with fear and worry, and devastated because I've had a healthy pregnancy until now and it's all going to pieces at the end.

You need hugs. Lots of hugs. Accept the fact that you will have an induction at 41+6, that's a great result to get it pushed back and you've done all you can to maximise your chances of a non-induced birth. Make your peace with that. You've done your best for your baby.

Then go and do something to distract yourself. I played lots of computer games and watch endless Grand Designs and practised my hypnobirthing. Do something that occupies your brain as best you can.

I really think you need to relax. Even if you don’t need to be induced a water birth has a slim chance anyway. I wanted one both times but DC1 I had a tiny bleed so that was a no no, then DC2 I got to the lovely MLU as planned but then had in in the assessment area 20 mins later as I was more in labour than I realised.

My advice - go swimming today - let yourself the pleasure of being in water - it does feel wonderful when you’re heavily pg. put your feet up when you get home, have a glass of wine to relax (1 glass this late on won’t do any harm) and see if you can relax your mind. I don’t think labour will start while you’re so stressed.

OP with all due respect I think your level of upset, fear and worry is not healthy. I suggest you look after your mental health - for example:

• borrow a hypnobirthing book from the library, read it and listen to the meditations
• ask your GP or midwife if there is a perinatal mental health nurse or midwife you could speak to
• go to a pregnancy yoga class
• book a massage or acupuncture session (some claim acupuncture can help bring on labour, there’s no evidence but it can’t harm)

You are catastrophising and I think you need to calm down and challenge those negative thoughts.

I do sympathise regarding the pressure your midwife has been putting on you, and you could consider making a complaint about her. But at the moment I think you should try and focus on feeling calmer.

Please don't be hard on yourself OP.

My first was born on his due date, so I expected my second to be early. He wasn't.

Every day that went by I got more and more frustrated. In the end I had a nice warm bath, a nice drink and went to bed. Labour came that night, I think because I had given up and relaxed, but who knows.

I had water births with both of mine, I was very lucky. I would also have delayed induction, it was an absolute last resort for me.

The WHO states the average length of pregnancy is 37-42 weeks. It has been known for babies to come as late as 46 weeks naturally (not that you will get there, but just emphasising that this could be completely normal for your body and baby). Your trust aren't being supportive and should be offering additional monitoring if you decide you wouldn't like an induction. There are absolutely circumstances where medical induction is necessary, and we should be grateful for that as a society, but I don't think they should be pressuring so much purely because of due dates. There is a slight increase in stillbirth rate, but it is nowhere near as high as I've heard it made out to be. Something like 0.05% risk to 0.5% risk. That's an example though, I don't have the exact percentages to hand. It does not mean that your baby is going to die, just that the risk is ever so slightly higher.

Perhaps ask them for evidence that your baby is at risk, and if there's anything aside from due date there isn't anything to suggest you or your baby are in danger?

They don't consider induction in my trust until 40+10 and some trusts are as late as 40+14.

Have a little google of AIMS (Association for the Improvement of Maternity Services). There are a few downloads on there about induction and also your rights (I think that one is called 'Am I Allowed?'). I've found their website very useful in the past. Also have a look at the WHO for information.

The decision on your care lies with you. The doctors and midwives aren't responsible for your birth, but they are so buried under guidelines, targets etc. Do some research and question them. Work with them to have the best birth for you. You and your midwives/consultant all want the same thing - a healthy baby and a safe delivery.

Additionally, a consultation on the phone or in person with a private midwife could be invaluable at providing more reassurance, as they have time to explain and go through your concerns. Unfortunately our NHS staff are under so much pressure they really struggle with time and sometimes explanations.

Best of luck and wishing you well. It won't be long and you will be holding your beautiful baby

Seriously, the more stressed you are the less likely you will go into labour.

Medical intervention doesn't have to be a horror story.

Make peace with a possible induction... read some positive induction stories.
Relax as much as possible. Get your oxytocin flowing as that's what your body needs to go into labour x

I think you need to relax. Your body won't release the hormones to start labour if you are stressing or worried.

Induction isn't as bad as you think. Although I haven't personally experienced it, one of my closest friend's was induced both times. Her labours were about 1 hour long both times and very straight forward, far more straight forward than my natural labours.

I had both my children at 39 weeks. I wanted a water birth both times but didn't have one either time. First baby was back to back so I ended up on a drip and constantly monitored, second time I had hyperstimulation so the baby was in distress, again I was on a drip and constantly monitored. I was refused the pool both times, but I was fine with it.

What I'm trying to say is being induced doesn't mean a horrible cascade of interventions over days it can be straight forward and equally going into labour naturally can still mean you don't get the birth you wanted. You have to go with the flow and just keep your eye on the prize at the end. Good luck and try to relax!

You need to calm down.

Labour usually only happens naturally when the body is ready. If you are stressed and trying all sorts to bring it on it could have the opposite effect.

The hospital have their policy for good reason. If you decide to decline induction they can't force you. They will do scans and check ups regularly to ensure the baby is ok. But eventually if you haven't gone into labour yourself you will have to make peace with being induced.

It does not matter how the baby gets here as long as they are safe. Induction doesn't have to be more painful and stressful, it doesn't automatically mean instrumental interventions and it certainly doesn't mean you will get postnatal depression and struggle to breastfeed.

Just calm down and accept that whatever will be, will be, as long as there is a healthy Mum and baby at the end that's all that matters.

I’m sorry you are so upset. Book a reflexology treatment. I’m sure it got ds moving. He was 12 days late. Honestly, try to focus on the big picture, take the advice offered here. We have all been in your position. You need to distract yourself with some nice planned activities. I like the suggestion of going swimming.

It’s a bit harsh. I know you’re frustrated but there are people who can’t have babies full stop so saying these things are very insensitive.
PLENTY of people don’t go into labour until induced and it’s nothing to do with your body it’s just that baby doesn’t feel like it - welcome to motherhood. First lesson is that things don’t revolve around you anymore

Honestly please stop being so silly. There are thousands of women all around the world who are induced when overdue. What exactly do you think happens when you’re induced?! It’s the safest option as you are constantly monitored the whole time, more than someone who is having a “natural” birth. Medical intervention isn’t a bad thing! I was induced with my first at 42wks and we both survived. Having a “natural” Labour doesn’t matter to the baby as long as it comes out safely and healthy.

Also not every induction is a horror story - my friend was induced at 40+ 12, second pessery got things going - 9 hour labour not a graze, was marching around town 5 days later!

@Mrscog I hear more smooth stories than not. my induction went smoothly at 40+7, first pessary worked, baby came with no issues and no pain relief or intervention at all, fairly long labour... but not as long as my first and only “long” because I expected it to be quicker!! Ha. (other than cord being wrapped but not preventable so nothing to do with induction) 2 days later I had to go into work to help new staff do something and ended up working a few hours with a newborn strapped to me...( then went back to bed to nest).

I honestly think all this talk about birth plans and the like have a lot to answer for. You can't plan a birth. No one can. Even if you're booked in for an elective section you still run the risk of going into labour beforehand.

But talking about birth plans and options in the wrong way gives women the impression that a) they are able to chose the birth they would like and b) something is wrong with them or their body if they "fail" to achieve that birth.

OP, it's so easy for us to just say "calm down" but it will help if you can destress a bit, even if it's just for your sake. You have not failed. Your body hasn't let you down. But sadly the baby will come when the baby comes and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Other than continue to have conversations with the healthcare professionals about when and how you are comfortable with being induced.

Both my children were 41 weeks plus, went into labour naturally, and we're both (just) under 8lb... not shockingly massive!

Hang in there! You're stressing yourself which will not help you at all xx

I was induced at 42 weeks and was terrified, it did take me a while to get going (2 days) but once I did it all happened pretty quickly. The only intervention I had was the induction gel, my waters broke in their own, I avoided the gel and birthed on gas and air.
The only difficult thing was they insisted on constant monitoring so I couldn't be mobile, but i know other trusts have mobile monitoring.
Overall it was ok as labour goes. Certainly not the horror show that induction is said to be.
Many women have pleasant inductions, you tend to only hear about the bad ones.
Fwiw i'm hoping for another induction, but this time early due to severe pgp.
The chances are you will labour on your own, I'm the only person I know that was induced for lateness. And if you don't it will probably be ok!

Please don't put your want for a natural birth ahead of the safety of your baby.

I understand it's frustrating but there's still time. I went overdue with both of mine, was induced with my first at 15 day's over, and whilst it wasn't my 'ideal' birth, five and a half years later I can assure you that it really doesn't matter! With my second I went into labour naturally at 40+6, it all happened so quickly, one day I was very pregnant, the next I was in hospital, chugging on the gas and air, ready to give birth.

I also want to point out that I breastfed both of mine successfully, being induced doesn't mean breastfeeding is off the cards, nor does a natural birth mean it's a guarantee. Don't lose hope, don't beat yourself up. Just try to relax and enjoy having this time to yourself before your life changes massively.

You really need to calm down, its not good for you or your baby. Have a bath, listen to some relaxing music, read a book. Anything to take your mind off it. Being induced isnt the end of the world. I know loads of people who have been and they were fine as were their babies.
I wasnt planning on having a premature labour, but it happened to me. Twice. I didnt get to hold either of my babies when they were born, i wasnt even allowed to see them until they were a few hours old.
Please have some perspective, i know you are stressed, but things could be a lot worse than things arent going the way you planned.
I hope you do manage to go into labour soon