Not going into labour and hysterical

[Agapanthus1984]

I'm 40+4 and my piece of crap body is refusing to go into labour. I've had two failed sweeps, between which I've forced myself to go on agonisingly painful long walks and have agonisingly painful sex which has done absolutely nothing to induce labour. I've wasted nine months trailing all the way to a distant hospital because I wanted a water birth in their brand new midwife centre, but if I go much further overdue I'm going to be denied that and forced onto the shitty NHS obstetric ward.

The hospital wants to induce at 41 weeks and I've refused because I don't want to be drugged up and have a painful unnatural labour with a high risk of further interventions and subsequent difficulties with breastfeeding or post-natal depression. Now they're telling me if I don't consent to induction my baby will probably die because of being overdue. Nobody is supportive of my decision to refuse induction.

I feel like a failure because I'm not even capable of having a baby. Not only has my piece of shit body become bigger than everyone else's and covered in stretchmarks, I'm also incapable of giving birth. At every midwife appointment I'm sitting next to these tiny women with barely any bump and no stretch marks, and I hate them because the bitches will probably go into early natural labour too. The only thing I hate more than them is myself. I'm terrified of my baby dying but I still refuse to be induced. I just want to go into labour naturally and have my water birth in the midwife centre as planned. I literally can't stop crying.

Wonder if op hasn't replied because she's had Baby?

I reckon she's had it, the angst was probably a sign......

But in case you haven't yet OP most people who are left to labour naturally do so at 40+ weeks. In fact I had 2 babies myself at 40+4 and there was no failure at all. I was raging on my due date with dd1 though.

I was induced with 2nd and 3rd with pessary, it took 2 for baby no.3. I was offered birthing pool both times but baby no.2 came alot quicker than expected and with no.3 I got sent to labour suite as my BP went a bit chaotic.

Both inductions were same as spontaneous labour pain wise, I was strapped to bed with spontaneous labour.

Like many have said the way you are feeling is completely understandable but you need to try and relax. The body doesn’t want to give birth when you are anxious and stressed. The baby will come, and when they do it will be like they have always been here. So honestly, try to relax and baby will come. Best wishes and hope baby has already put in an appearance

It's an estimated due date, not a delivery time specified like a courier! There's really a window of about 3 weeks when a baby can be born and be on time. You're only 4 days over the estimated due date, chill.

@Agapanthus1984 I feel for you!

I'm in a similar situation 40 + 6 and will have my second sweep today.

Fed up of all the texts and calls!

I've put on 3.5 stone and being only 5'2, i look very different, to which everyone likes to tell me!

Is it unlikely a pool birth is possible with induction? xx

Hope the silence is a good sign. You do not have to be induced as you know. Both my babies started labour on their actual 42w date not the 5-days-earlier-by-scan date. Thinking of you x

40+5 and still no baby

People keep telling me they had their babies up to 43 weeks, but the hospital is pushing me to induce at 41 weeks because it's their policy. They're talking to me like a child and trying to convince me that induction at 41 weeks is a good idea and I'm just hormonal and stressed, and I'm putting my baby at risk by refusing. The pressure is worse than the waiting and is causing me immense stress. I'd be a lot happier if they would just leave me alone to give birth in my own time!

The hospital rules are that natural labours go in the midwife centre (private rooms with their own bathrooms, pools and spare beds for birth partners) but inductions have to be done on the obstetric ward (which hasn't been updated for decades and is literally a ward with only curtains for privacy and strict visiting hours). So no natural labour = no midwife centre = no pool for a water birth and no privacy.

I can understand why you're stressed, but please do try to keep calm. Your hospital don't sound great, but they can't force you to do anything and you can absolutely tell them you're making an informed choice to decline induction for now and you don't want to discuss it again until [x] weeks. Don't force yourself to do things that hurt just in case it encourages labour - the stress will counteract any effect they might have anyway.

Induction also won't be the end of the world if that's the way you end up going.

Aw that's rubbish op, I managed to get sent to midwifery suite on my induction. Lovely big pool was filling up, I was looking forward to it until I became severely dehydrated and had to move to the labour suite to be monitored and get drips ☹️

Fingers crossed baby makes an appearance over the weekend.

Long walks, sex etc will not have the slightest effect on when you go into labour. It is all nonsense.
You arent really overdue yet.
There is only a risk to your baby if there are reduced movements or other evidence of deteriorating placental function.
I would recommend that you make sure you have everything ready, then put your feet up, eat small nourishing meals, keep hydrated and watch some entertaining, non scary box sets.
I had my first at 41 weeks. Perfectly normal.
It will turn out ok.
You are almost there.

Also I work in paediatrics and having spoken to some of the senior doctors, there are more risks to baby with a water birth as this is "unnatural". Not one medical professional I have spoke with would opt for one

PipLongStockings, I appreciate you're trying to help the OP out but I'm not sure making such a sweeping negative comment which could upset a lot of other women is the right way to go about it.

OP, I get it's the hospital's policy but if you really really don't want to be induced and are happy to go to something like 43 weeks, providing there isn't a real medical reason why you can't go to that point, you don't have to. I've known of people changing hospitals for the same thing as one trust or hospital has strict guidelines on dates whereas the other doesn't. Bear in mind as well that those dates are estimates still.

But once you are in established labour you will go to the delivery suite surely? It's only the early stages that will be on the ward.

Can't you have a chat with your community midwife? Or is she the issue? It's weird because when I had mine the normal induction date was 42 weeks if all was well. So the idea that it is dangerous to go.over that is . But it probably increases the risk of some things.

You'll get privacy when you're in established labour. There's no way you'll labour or be giving birth on a busy ward with just a curtain pulled around you. You'll be moved to a delivery suite.

Your dh will be permitted to stay. He won't have to stick to the usual visiting hours. Unless you have surgery or complications, you'll also be packed off home with your baby very soon after giving birth so no hanging about on wards.

Some of your stress is perhaps fear of the unknown. Everyone feels anxious and frightened before giving birth and emotions are all over the place.
I was terrified about what to expect and tortured myself watching old episodes of One Born Every Minute

I think you have to relinquish control to the medical professionals and trust them to do what's in yours and the baby's interests instead of fighting it.

Semen is a natural source of prostaglandins which can stimulate labour for women around their due date.
A synthetic prostaglandin is what's in the pessary used to first attempt to induce labour in hospital.
So there is some truth to the sex to bring on labour idea.

I rather enjoyed my induction, I certainly don't recognise your description of it. Fair enough some people would have looked at my labour as a failure (although I would probably deck them if they said it to me) but to me it was a really positive experience, I was in awe of what my body did (with a bit of nudging) and in love with my baby. I felt like wonder woman

Could you try some massage, reflexology or something to help you relax and feel more connected with your body? I m concerned that the stress hormones will hamper labour and that you may be vulnerable to PND. Could you talk to your midwife not about induction but about how you feel about the possible loss of your planned birth? Some hospitals have specialist midwives who might be able to talk to you about your plans.

I was induced via a hormones drip. Long labour 30 odd hours. No medical intervention apart from the drip. Also went on to BF for 2.5 years.

I understand the rate of intervention is higher when induced but it's not always the case

You are pregnant and carrying a baby, which is amazing and thousands of women would be envious of you. I appreciate how everyone has an idea of the birth they would like, but ultimately the ONLY thing that matters is the you and baby are safe. If the doctors are telling you the safest thing to do is have an induction, you should follow their advice. I know it sounds harsh but things dont always go as planned and there's not a lot you can do.
Plus you will never have to give birth on a busy ward. They induce you on the ward then when your labour is established and you have regular contractions they will move you to a delivery room - private room, your own midwife, and your partner can stay the whole time you're in there. They only move you to the ward after you've had baby, and sometimes they send you straight home instead.
I appreciate you're frustrated, but seriously see how fortunate you are to even be in this position, in a few days you will have a beautiful baby, and in the grand scheme of things it's really not important whether you give birth naturally in the back of the car or you have an EMCS. Try to relax and go with it.

Oh my goodness AnUtterIdiot I'm so sorry about your baby. What an awful thing to happen. I think you give a very measured account of the risks of placental failure.

We all take for granted a healthy baby. I have a friend who have suffered stillbirth at term due to a womb infection from not being induced within 24 hrs after her waters had gone. She nearly died herself too. another friend's first child was very severely brain damaged from hospital's undue delay in CS when baby was in distress. So personally on my last two babies I have insisted on being induced at 40 weeks (as I was over 40) and for all my children my birth plan was "intervene if you need to" and my husband was briefed to say "if she needs CS then the answer is yes and do it now!!" If I was out of it!

All I cared about was having a healthy baby in my arms and appreciating how lucky I was for us both to be safe. It turns out I had them all "naturally " but that really doesn't matter to me and I wouldn't say it's something I'm proud of. It's the bringing them up that's the hard part....

I am not trying to worry you OP. I'm SURE none of these disasters will happen to you no matter what decisions you make. I just feel that it's easy to take a positive outcome is healthy mum & baby for granted , until we have personal experience to realise it's not a "given".

I'm so sorry utterly. And you make very good points in a really sensitively written post.

I was induced at 36 weeks as the placenta was failing. I'm diabetic and was told very early on I'd have to be induced at 38 weeks. I spent months arguing over induction and eventually got them to agree to let me go to 40 weeks then induce. However they spotted the placenta issue and baby was promptly evicted. I wanted the whole natural birth, water, lighting music etc.

I was only on the drip max 1 hr and only pushed a few times and baby was born. The crap curtains and chipped paint had no influence on my labour.

I'm positively looking forward to my next induction with this pregnancy

Pretty much all of my NCT group planned on having a water birth on the midwifery led unit but didn't for various reason:

1. induced at 37 weeks due to pre-eclampsia
2. twins (planned induction at 37 weeks with vaginak birth) but had an emergency c section due to cord prolapse
3. baby came very quickly so no time for pool or anything else
4. induced 40+6 for reduced movements. That was me. The ctg showed abnormal heart rate. I had a lovely labour on a shitty NHS obstetrician unit. I had a spinal and epidural and delivered vaginally with no forceps or anything. My breastfeeding has been great from day 1. No issues at all.
5. induced 40 weeks for late onset pre eclampsia
6. induced due to slow labour and meconium - mother had a temperature and baby was distressed
7. emergency c section.

Water births are not all they're cracked up to be and there's no way I would have coped with the pain. If I have a baby again, I will definitely have an epidural. No amount of hypnobirthing breathing will help you through those contractions in my opinion. Labour is built up as this big thing but it's just a means to an end and the end is a safe mum and baby