Not going into labour and hysterical

[Agapanthus1984]

I'm 40+4 and my piece of crap body is refusing to go into labour. I've had two failed sweeps, between which I've forced myself to go on agonisingly painful long walks and have agonisingly painful sex which has done absolutely nothing to induce labour. I've wasted nine months trailing all the way to a distant hospital because I wanted a water birth in their brand new midwife centre, but if I go much further overdue I'm going to be denied that and forced onto the shitty NHS obstetric ward.

The hospital wants to induce at 41 weeks and I've refused because I don't want to be drugged up and have a painful unnatural labour with a high risk of further interventions and subsequent difficulties with breastfeeding or post-natal depression. Now they're telling me if I don't consent to induction my baby will probably die because of being overdue. Nobody is supportive of my decision to refuse induction.

I feel like a failure because I'm not even capable of having a baby. Not only has my piece of shit body become bigger than everyone else's and covered in stretchmarks, I'm also incapable of giving birth. At every midwife appointment I'm sitting next to these tiny women with barely any bump and no stretch marks, and I hate them because the bitches will probably go into early natural labour too. The only thing I hate more than them is myself. I'm terrified of my baby dying but I still refuse to be induced. I just want to go into labour naturally and have my water birth in the midwife centre as planned. I literally can't stop crying.

Your pregnancy is not going to pieces and an induction is not the end of the world. As posters above have said, things really could be so much worse. It won't automatically lead to risky intervention or PND. I was induced at just before 35 weeks with pre eclampsia and it was actually fairly straightforward. A bit of a shock and I hadn't planned it that way, but the most important thing was that the baby got out safely, not that I got to splash around in a pool giving birth. You've been advised induction for a reason and none of us can really medically advise on that so it's wise to take the advice of medics on board.

Try and do something fun and relaxing to take your mind off things and see if there's someone you could speak to if the anxiety is all consuming. It'll all be ok. And just think, this time in 2 weeks you'll definitely have met your baby!

I think you are leading yourself to potential pnd. We get that you are disappointed and pissed off to still be pregnant and that is reasonable but you need to accept the situation for what it is. There's sweet FA you or anyone else can do about it for one thing .

Take it from someone whose dc are older, motherhood rarely works out in the way you wanted or planned. You can't control them anymore after they are born than before. So get used to it.

Of course you've still got 5 days during which you are highly likely to go into labour and may even have exactly the experience you want. Waterbirth is overrated imo, for one thing I found the water far too hot. Then my waters broke there was meconium and I had to get out. I'd only got in about 20 minutes previously, it's a good job it wasn't the middle east or there'd have been riots over the waste of water .

I think it's concerning that you're spending the last few days of pregnancy crying and feeling so anxious and devastated. Can you be honest with your midwife about how you're feeling, or ask to speak to someone about it?

First babies usually involve a long labour with some intervention. You really need to be resting in preparation for that, whether it happens naturally or needs a kick start. That's all an induction is; a kick start before your body takes over.
And babies are demanding! Make the most of getting sleep and rest now while you can.

It's possible you are suffering with pre natal depression or anxiety. I don't think this level of stress and catastrophising about the birth is healthy or rational. neither is obsessing about any intervention you might need.

Everyone panics when childbirth is imminent, that's normal.
However, if you are really struggling with thoughts of not being in control surrounding the birth then that needs to be addressed now. Do you have family or friends you can confide in? That might help as will telling your midwife how stressed and anxious you feel.

Induction doesn’t mean disaster. Ds3 was induced, I had the pessary in the morning , I was mobile no pain relief other than gas and air and he was born late afternoon. He was breastfed for 2 years nearly .Of all my three I have really good memories of his birth.

How are you doing OP?

Oh, OP, it’s horrible you feel that the hospital are pushing you into making a decision you don’t want to make... but they’re just trying to balance the wishes of the mother with the safety of the baby.

It’s not about the candles and water and music for them - it’s about the safety of you and your baby and that is the most important thing here.

Please get a second opinion from a doctor/midwife if you wish and also listen to your body, but please don’t ignore professionals completely. They do know what they’re doing most of the time and some inductions do work really well without problems. (And also births don’t always go to plan, regardless if it’s a natural start or not!)

Please try not to be so angry and negative - the biggest impact you can have on your birth is to be calm and positive. I am 41+2 so I know it’s annoying but remember that if your body was not a lovely place to be your baby would be out already, so see it as a compliment! Many people will have a natural birth after pesary induction without needing the hormone drip. My hospital only put me on this at 41+5 so I am sure all other things being low risk you can wait til then. The pesary is fairly easy going so won’t stop you having a water birth.

But however the birth happens the truth is it doesn’t matter - how you bring your baby and child up once it’s born is the key thing to focus on not how it comes out of your body! And being spiteful and negative like you are in this post is not going to make you or baby happy so try to kick yourself into a better mindset!

Do you have meditation recordings etc for delivery to help keep you calm? If not downloading these and listening to them would be a good use of time while you’re waiting.

Good luck OP. Stay calm.

OP, I’m asking this as gently as I can....what makes you think you know better than medical professionals? I understand that you have a particular birth plan in mind, but things don’t always work out the way we wanted. Try to stay calm and stop fighting everything. Listen to their advice.
Good luck.

Just to let you know I was induced on Saturday. Birth was fine, I was on a mobile monitor so I could move around and all was good with Baby. I feel great and he breastfeeds really well.
Try not to worry. Hope it all goes well.