Early Gender Scan Wrong?

[Lauraelisabeth9]

Hi all,
No judging please I already feel bad enough myself.
I had an early gender scan today, we were so desperate for a girl, mainly me and after a bit of trouble we were told it was a boy. This pregnancy has been so so different to my boy though. I was wondering what are the chances of it being wrong. Obviously I’ll wait until my 20 week to confirm better but just wanting some advice. The pictures weren’t overly clear either. Thanks.

In the nicest possible way, OP, I think you have to step away from focussing on whether the scan is wrong or right, and adjust to the fact that you will have either a boy or a girl and at this stage there's nothing you can do about that.

If you carry on focussing so much on the sex of the child you really want it to be, then if it turns out to be the opposite sex, then it won't be fair either on you or on your new baby.

stepawayfromgoogle yes and yes.
But I have never once said I was disappointed. I stated my scan went very clear has any one ever had an early scan be wrong...

@StepAwayFromGoogle I do think there's a difference between having a different POV and basically telling people they are not entitled to feel the way they do. As @maybebaby88 has touched on, the same argument about gratitude could be made to any woman talking about symptoms on the Pregnancy boards (or moaning about their children on any other boards).

It would be the height of insensitivity for anyone to speak about gender on the infertility boards, or to anyone in real life who's had fertility issues. In fact, if I did feel like the OP I wouldn't feel able to tell anyone in real life because I'd feel ashamed as well as worried that people might think that I was disappointed in my beautiful children (or that those beautiful children might hear back and think similarly).

I am coming from this from the perspective that I am anxious about pregnancy loss - I feel unbelievably grateful to be pregnant and absolutely the only thought in my head going to a scan is "Please let the baby be alive and healthy". But buried deep in childhood experience is a hope that I might one day have a daughter. I was so, so happy when I was told I was carrying a healthy boy. But being totally honest, when they told me it was actually a girl it was a cherry on top. I can't really explain it or help it, I wish I could, I don't fully understand it but it is what it is. I don't think that everyone who feels that way should be told that they are not entitled to ever say this to anyone, no not even in the recesses of an anonymous internet forum.

No advice re scans but just wanted to defend you, OP. I’ve got two girls and now I would have been very sad to have never had a girl- for reasons that I can’t entirely articulate. Is nothing to do with sequins or bows-in fact both girls dress very neutrally and have certainly never had a big bow handband on their baldy baby heads!- I just wanted a girl to have a similar relationship with to the one I’d had with my Mum, I think.

Fell - but you're not sad about not having a boy?

Bottom line, having girls is absolutely no guarantee of a great mother/daughter relationship. Several of my friends have very strained relationships with their mums. Similarly, all my friends with little boys have great mates - my DD is much less bothered about me!!

There are loads of great things about having 2 of the same. When the baby is here, you will just be glad he or she is exactly whoever he or she is, OP!

(I lost my mum too, so I do get that - I just think we put too much weight on sex. In fact relationships with family don't really depend on that, they depend on personality and lots of other things!)

Rebecca no, I’m not in the least bit sad to have never had a boy (and probably won’t now, if we stick with two). I couldn’t really tell you why and I know that you’re quite right about the likelihood of a good relationship being dependant on the person and not the sex of the person- my Mum was much, much closer to my Grandad than my Nan-but as I said I can’t articulate it. Just deep in my bones I knew I wanted a daughter in a way I’ve never wanted a son.

Of course had I had sons I never would have said it to them (in fact, I’ve never said this out loud to anyone in real life despite not having had sons). And I know that I would have loved any child, not just girls. I was just chiming in to say that I get it.

The only person I know whose sex scan (think it was 19 weeks may have been earlier) was wrong was told they were having a girl and it turned out to be a boy.

We had a scan with Ds at around 21 weeks and it was obvious that he was a boy.

I totally agree with @FellOutofBed's last post.

I was convinced my first was a girl until I found out he was a boy. I was disappointed as I am close to my 3 sisters and Mum so just had an idea I'd have a girl. Anyway I had a girl next and was meh, they're all babies. The only difference for me personally is I feel a new passion for better treatment of women- which includes not shaming them for speaking out about how they feel even if others cannot identify. That is my experience but you are entitled to feel differently and ignore anyone that is trying to make you feel bad, they are not and never will be in your shoes. Be honest with yourself and speak the truth and life will be a lot easier, too many people bury their true feelings for shame when they're not harming anyone else...with that said you have no control over this so take others advice on how to look positively on having another boy as this will benefit you x

In response to a few comments and in defence of the OP, I think it's completely natural to feel disappointment. It doesn't mean the baby isn't very much wanted or loved, it doesn't mean op isn't grateful all is ok at the scan, or that she hasn't worried throughout so far, it just means amongst all the worry and love for the baby, there was still a hope for a certain gender! And that is completely natural and nothing to have to feel ashamed about.

And to back up my post, I have had 4 losses in a row (one at 20 weeks which still haunts me now) and I'm currently 6 weeks with hopefully what will finally be our rainbow baby. I have a ds and a dd already, and I can honestly say, even after all we've been through, had I got 2 of the same sex already I'd still feel a slight feeling of disappointment if number 3 was the same. As we've got one of each though I genuinely have no preference, but I wouldn't be in the wrong to either. I'm so grateful for every day I'm still pregnant and will continue to be, but that doesn't mean there's no room for a bit of hope in what the baby could be.

Fia
You've explained it really well! Hope everything goes well for you and your family ❤️❤️❤️

@Fia256 thank you so much you have explained it perfectly and it’s nice to hear from someone with similar experiences that I am in fact not the worst mum in the world. I’m sorry for your losses it’s horrendous, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! But massive congratulations on little rainbow I hope these next 6 weeks go fast and well for you I know the dreaded wait I felt like this one ended up being 6 months it dragged so much! xxx

I had scans with both pregnancies at 15 weeks and was told girl and they were both correct.

My nub theory was wrong