How do i respond to "was it planned"?

[welliwasntexpectingthat]

About to go public next week on third pregnancy. So far have just told parents and both sets asked either "was it planned" or said " i take it it wasn't planned". I'm fine with this from them but i know i'll get it from friends/colleagues etc and whilst i could say i'll tell you when it becomes your business, i dont want to so how can i close it down politely?

I had this from a couple of work colleagues and one of them got me on a bad day so I did actually snap “no he tripped and I fell”. I also got asked if DH was happy about it and replied “well it’s his so yes”. People are so nosy! I have a friend who had twins and because she was in her late thirties everyone assumes she had IVF. They even used to ask me if she’d had it and I would always ask them why it mattered!

God anyone would think people were all out to get pregnant people spitefully

Yes or no

'Was you?'

I'm a teacher and would contemplate saying something along the lines of "No, I blame our sex ed lessons. The state of education nowadays!"

Seeing as both of mine weren’t planned I had that question a lot. I used to say... no they were not planned, but everything happens for a reason. What’s meant to be is meant to be. This is my mantra. At the end of the day it’s not anyone’s business but your own. You don’t have to answer. People just love being nosy.

I'm sure it was on here I saw the response, "No I slipped and accidentally fell right onto DH's erect penis, oops" hmm.

Can't believe that I got to Page 3 before someone said 'Mind your own business', you're all far too polite hence the subsequent questions. Close it down the first time, an impolite response is perfectly acceptable to a rude question. I've noticed this on here, people go to extremes to explain their reasons, I told anyone expressing an opinion that only two counted where our children were concerned, mine and my husband's, that tended to shut them up.

I'm having the same as you OP at the moment, because there is a small gap (Dd2 only 7months), and I struggle not to be offended- even my GP and booking midwife asked!!!! Don't mind the 'you'd think you'd know what did that by now' jokes etc. Everyone else "yes." Death stare.

Kerala the GP and midwife have to ask. It's one of the questions they always ask at booking in as it's relevant to mothers state of mind and AND/PND potential.

But why are you offended? My dd was an accident, conceived when ds was eight months old. I didn't have any moral failing, and we're not idiots - we were just a little bit careless one morning. If asked I said she wasn't planned right then (we'd always intended to have more than one child, just not nearly so quickly) but we were very happy to have her. No one ever responded negatively, it's not unusual after all.

UnitedKungdom the midwife never asked me. Not seen the GP this time but don’t think they asked me either

The midwife did ask me, it was on the booking forms.

UnitedKungdam- i am a gp and no it isn't. Not like they did anyway. (This is not my first experience of them, see previous). Midwives I know seem to feel exempt from manners. OP why not justbe upfront- "if I tell you (at work) its planned, you'll think I'm trying to max out my mat rights, if i tell you its an accident you'll think i'm stupid and causing the company hassle, so i'll leave you to choose"

For clarity, the GP said "ah, well, do you want me to refer you for termination, what eith it being so soon, and your age?" (I'm 40) then stuttered "...unless its planned..." and the midwife said "so i'm guessing this was an accident then, as you have your hands full already, and you must know the risks at your age" - that is NOT supported mothers mental gealth. That is just rude.

No medical professional has ever asked me.

A work college asked me if my very planned baby was "a shock" when i told her. I replied with "no was yours?"

People have tended to ask me this because I'm not married to dp so people seem to think we would never have planned a baby - which is just ridiculous.

I think it is incredibly rude. It's none of anyone else's business planned or unplanned. No matter what it's a baby which is the most precious thing.

It definitely is a question in the booking-in process - I did it last week, and there's a box for 'is this a planned pregnancy?' on my maternity notes. However, the midwife didn't actually ask me, she just ticked 'yes' after I'd said that we'd already had three early miscarriages this year and that I was under the care of the recurrent miscarriage clinic, and I guess there a quite a lot of circumstances where you're already going to have given enough information for the midwife to infer the answer without having to actually ask you.

No matter what it's a baby which is the most precious thing

I think people are mistakenly thinking this has anything to do with being planned or not. It doesn't change either way. And people asking whether a baby is planned are not are NOT asking whether its precious or not.

I don’t remember being asked.
If anyone dares I think I’d say “no. Oh my god what do I do? Do you want to buy a baby?” 🙄

1st, you'd look pretty stupid saying that as it's clearly not what they are asking.

Not as stupid as they do asking a question that’s none of their business in the 1st place. I find a little sarcasm often goes a long way in proving a point.

@welliwasntexpectingthat do you realise you made the huff post?

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/was-it-planned-pregnancy-question_uk_5a4b630de4b025f99e1d5326

I should change my name to DailyMailandHuffPosteatmyshit!

And how would that help?

People are so thoughtless. Isn't it a shame we can't respond in the same way, due to a good upbringing. Enjoy the new addition.