How do i respond to "was it planned"?

[welliwasntexpectingthat]

About to go public next week on third pregnancy. So far have just told parents and both sets asked either "was it planned" or said " i take it it wasn't planned". I'm fine with this from them but i know i'll get it from friends/colleagues etc and whilst i could say i'll tell you when it becomes your business, i dont want to so how can i close it down politely?

I love some of these responses!

I would chicken out of most though and go with, ‘what a strange thing to ask!’ Or add ‘why do you want to know?’ on to that!

I had this when we were expecting our first. I was 23, so I guess fairly young to some people and had just gotten engaged when we decided to come off the pill. I just replied with a simple 'yes!' Xx
Congrats.xx

Are you really asking if we were having unprotected sex?

My stand in at work was really nosey, asked loads of questions even if baby was planned

Weird

‘Yes but don’t tell my DH that’

I'm sure it was on here I saw the response, "No I slipped and accidentally fell right onto DH's erect penis, oops" .

'Why do you ask?' is the perfect response (that you can actually use).

"Where you?"

I hate people that ask that question. So rude! I also got asked a few times ( had twins over age of 40) " are they ivf?" from people I barely know!!!

Had a variation of this continuously about the conception of my triplets eg Are they natural ? Did you have IVF?.Difficult to say why people feel entitled to ask but it always made me squirm .

I wonder why on earth people ask this. Do they have a preferred response in mind? It's so strange.
So if I could have my time again, I would simply ask 'why?'

'Did you mean to wear that dress?'

I never ever had a good answer because I was always shocked someone would ask, even about the 819th time

DH would always say "we know how birth control works" and then glare at the person.

bauble once single I had 'and do you know who the father is?' more than once.

I never understand why this question is a big deal. People are so prickley.

My first 3 were planned, and very close together so I've often had this question. 4th was not planned. I always said 'yes, planned and we've just been lucky it happened quickly'. And for the 4th say with a laugh 'not planned! We're totally swamped with the 3. But I think it will balance us out'. No bit secret either way!

My account asked if my second pregnancy was planned. MY ACCOUNTANT!

Fuck me, I hate this. It's so bloody rude! People are genuinely asking about your family planning/sexual habits. It's grim and why anyone would think they had any right to know about those things is beyond me. And anyway, what difference does it make?! Pregnancy is happening otherwise you wouldn't have been told about it presumably.

DH's aunt asked whether it was planned and so did his DB. He said "that's a very personal question and I don't think it's any of your business" to which his DB had the graciousness to drop the issue but his aunt proceeded in asking again! He just said "we're very happy with the news". I read the best thing here on MN somewhere where someone said a colleague replied to another colleague with something like "no, we're going to complain to the condom company cos of the massive tear it got" or something equally ridiculous like that to embarrass them. I wish we'd have thought of something great like that at the time.

"Ooh yes, we've been shagging like rabbits!"

(Pregnant with #3.)

Some of these are great. My issue is that i want to basically dodge the question as i don't want people to know either way (esp work) but for various reasons don't want to appear prickly to colleagues (despite their rudeness in asking). I need work to not know if it was planned or not so i'll choose a reply carefully. Thanks.

In that case 'please fuck off and mind your own, there's a dear'.

I don't know y when u r pregnant people think they can ask u anything, I don't mind the question to much just that people u hardly know ask u it I said no she was planned but felt to uncomfortable discussing my sex life with people I hardly know

You could say something like, ‘you get asked all sorts of questions once pregnant, don’t you?!’ Just bat a rhetorical question back.

I had an unplanned baby, I just told people who asked it wasn't planned and then gave a detailed explanation of how contraception failed us. I like a good overshare and the look on people's faces was brilliant! I hope it made them think twice about asking people in the future 😂

So so rude of people to ask such a question! I agree with pp, I would go with "Why do you ask?" (save that some of these nosy twats will take that as implicit confirmation that it wasn't planned).

Alternatively, "I'm sorry, are you asking me whether my partner and I deliberately or accidentally had unprotected sex? bemused smile Do you think we know each other well enough to go down that line of questioning...?"

My first was an accident, and so when I announced my second pregnancy it sparked that question a fair bit especially at work. At first it didn't really bother me and I just replied with a simple "yes thankyou". But the more people who asked the more it wound me up. I think the first time I snapped I said "yes she was planned, not that that makes any difference whatsoever!" That same person went on to ask if they are by the same dad!! I was furious!!

I'm now pregnant with my third. I doubt we will get that question this time as most people know the struggle we've had to get here so far, but I think if I do I'll just give a simple "excuse me?" "Why?" Or "does it matter". It was planned, and we've gone to hell and back to get here but it would still wind me up to give them the simple answer of yes as I think it's so rude!