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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Going to lose my baby

115 replies

1987Laura · 27/12/2017 11:36

Many of you may have seen my previous posts of getting bad news at scans then got told things weren't as bad at the last scan. Had another scan today where more things were seen. Not looking good and looks like i will need a termination. Devastasted isnt even close to what i am feeling right now. My partner was working away and is now on his way home so we can go back into hospital tomorrow and see the consultant

OP posts:
Iamchanging · 29/12/2017 20:50

Just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you. I had to have a TFMR in October at 25 weeks and there are no words. Happy to chat if it would help x

Original poster
1987Laura · 29/12/2017 20:57

@iamchanging i am terrified of feeling her come out as shes so big. How sore is the whole thing?

OP posts:
Iamchanging · 29/12/2017 21:27

Hi Laura, how many weeks are you if you don’t mind me asking?
I was almost 26 when I gave birth to my daughter, but her head was actually measuring at almost 29 weeks due to her condition. She was my firstborn so I had no experience either. She was breech so her legs came out first but it honestly wasn’t that bad at all, I was high on gas and air but no other drugs. I think I was in such mental agony with what I was going through that the physical pain wasn’t even close to as bad as that. You just sort of feel an uncontrollable urge to push, like nothing I’ve ever experienced. The pushing stage I found to almost be the easiest part of it all, and I had no tears. I won’t say try not to worry but honestly for me it wasn’t bad at all.

Iamchanging · 29/12/2017 21:30

And I know what you mean about talking about it, for weeks I was the same and other than my husband I could only talk about it to my family / friends via text otherwise I just cried my eyes out when I tried to speak.

BrutusMcDogface · 29/12/2017 21:45

Forhive me for saying, but a close friend of mine said the same as Iam; that the delivery wasn't painful as such but pressure and urge to push. She said it was totally different to her subsequent live births, which were painful.

You poor, poor, poor thing. My heart goes out to you. 💐

Original poster
1987Laura · 30/12/2017 07:46

I am 21 weeks

OP posts:
Bez9087 · 30/12/2017 08:34

Hi Laura
Sorry you are going through this 😥
I had a tfmr in 2011 at 27 weeks. I was very scared like yourself etc didn’t know if I wanted to see him let alone hold him and I told the midwife my fears. What I will say is take the pain relief you are offered. I was offered it and kept refusing until the head midwife told me there’s no point me trying to be brave in a very difficult situation if they can help with one aspect of it and that was the pain then to accept it. I did and I am so glad I did. They are really nice and sensitive the midwives and when it did come to push it only took two pushes to get him out I was so nervous as previous birth had been difficult at full term but they said you don’t necessarily need to get to 10cm and sometimes is a little easier to push.
Nothing will prepare you for it and I’m so sorry you are going through this. Take all the time you need, ask the questions you need to ask. Life is cruel sometimes but trust me 6 years on I haven’t forgot him at all it does get slightly easier with time but I think it’s more manageable now my grief than what it was in the early days.
Agree with pp try speaking to arc. I also found a lovely forum on baby centre which was tfmr board and had ladies on there at different points and that really helped me through it all.
Thinking of you Flowers

Afreshnewyearplease · 30/12/2017 08:36

Thinking of you op Flowers

Original poster
1987Laura · 30/12/2017 08:44

Sorry but what does tfmr mean?

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 30/12/2017 08:46

Termination for medical reasons x

Bez9087 · 30/12/2017 08:46

It means termination for medical reasons xx

Original poster
1987Laura · 30/12/2017 08:52

Thank you. I really can't decide whether to look at her or not as she has a cleft lip like me which will look much worse as she is so small. Do they take a photo?

OP posts:
Afreshnewyearplease · 30/12/2017 09:07

I think they will take photos if you ask op

Iamchanging · 30/12/2017 09:11

My husband and I felt the same, really couldn’t decide if we wanted to look at her. I can categorically say that we are so unbelievably grateful that we did. My baby girl had a big head so didn’t look entirely normal, but we couldn’t have cared less. She was ours and we love her, and it really helped with the grieving process that we got to give her a cuddle. The hospital do take pictures but we preferred the ones we took ourselves. They should also take little hand and feet prints which we have now framed.

abbsisspartacus · 30/12/2017 09:13

There is a company called remember my baby who will come in and take pictures for you if you wish

babymouse · 30/12/2017 09:14

I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

Have them take pictures, even if you don't want them now you might later.

Original poster
1987Laura · 30/12/2017 09:16

Thank you. On our way into hospital now. I am so so scared

OP posts:
rainbowruthie · 30/12/2017 09:21

Thinking of you Flowers

Iamchanging · 30/12/2017 09:28

It’s hell, and cruel and unfair but you will survive this even though at times the pain is overwhelming and you feel like you can’t. Here to talk all day if you need it. Prepare for a lot of sitting around, I went in at the same time as you and didn’t give birth until 3.30am the next day. It took 3-4 of the pills from memory for me. Thinking of you x

Hulaballoo · 30/12/2017 10:05

Sending so much love your way. Heartbreaking 💔 can't imagine the pain and sadness 😥 huge hugs and lots of love 💐

Original poster
1987Laura · 30/12/2017 10:11

Thank you

OP posts:
Spottyparrot99 · 30/12/2017 10:17

so sorry to hear you are going through this. My first was still born. Slightly different situation as she just died from unknown causes and was 41 weeks. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see her tbh as it was a long process and I was worried she wouldn’t look like a regular baby. She did though. Her colour was a bit off- and there were a few other bits due to the time elapsed between her death and birth- but she was still the most beautiful little girl ever born. And if I hadn’t Looked I wouldn’t have known who my son ended up looking like! Absolute double of her as a newborn 4 years later. Anyway, if you chose to look of not is of course up to you all- but if you decide not then do ask for photos and you could always get them put in an envelope for later if you want them. We also the opportunity to go look at her after a few days in the chapel of rest- but I wanted to remember her as she first was so didn’t. However, I know other families who got comfort from this.
I hope everything goes as peacefully as possible for you today. On a practical note don’t hesitate to ask for as much pain control as you need. I found the midwives to be so helpful and got evwryrhing I needed to be able to birth my daughter comfortably as possible. Sending love to you and your little one. X

ElizabethLemon · 30/12/2017 10:21

So sorry Laura, I’ll be thinking of you and your daughter today x

TheVanguardSix · 30/12/2017 10:28

So heartbreaking.

I went through this at 26 weeks, 6 years ago now. We went onto have a healthy blessing, our little boy, but we never forget our Madeleine.

Please join the ARC forum. It was a lifeline for me during that dark time.

The delivery will be pain free. Just ask for help with that. The beauty is, you can have all the painkillers in the world because they won't harm baby. Cold comfort. Sad

Let EVERYONE hold your hand and carry you through. There is strength and safety in numbers. Your midwife can arrange footprints/palm prints/photos.

The hospital will help arrange a funeral service individually or as a group with other parents of babies gone too soon. Make sure DH or your mum take down all of the relevant information and numbers of who to contact.

You can stay with baby afterwards for as long as you wish. Flowers

BeakyPlinder · 30/12/2017 10:28

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Life can be so cruel, be kind to yourself at this difficult time. X

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