To tell family you're in labour or not... what did you do?!

[MotherofKitties]

Hi all,

I'm 37 weeks and pondering on whether to tell parents if and when I'm in labour or just wait until the baby is born, and I'm keen to get others opinions/experiences on what you did/are planning to do!

One set of parents live abroad and the other two sets live a good 3+ hours away, so if we did tell them we would have at least 3 hours before they could get to us. All sets are very keen and have specifically requested that they be told when Ive gone into labour, but I'm not sure I'd be happy saying anything to anyone until I've given birth.

My overriding thought is not to tell them with my reasons being, 1. Labour can go on for days and I don't want my husband and I bombarded with messages/texts/calls when our focus should be on delivering our baby, 2. Unless we end up being in hospital for several days I won't want any visitors in hospital 3. When baby is born I want at least a few hours of just 'us' family time, especially with 4. An hour or two back at home just the three of us before we start having family arrive and visit to us a little bit of time to adjust.

These to me are all very good reasons why not to tell our parents until our baby is actually born, and whilst I am more than happy to tell any potential disgruntled grandparent "I didn't want anyone to know until she was born and that's why we didn't tell you I was in labour", my husband thinks we should tell family but just tell them to keep away until we say it's ok to visit.

What did you do/are planning to do? If you didn't tell family, was anyone really disgruntled or put out you didn't tell them you were in labour or was it not an issue? Did anyone tell their family pre-birth and did you have any issues with people constantly trying to contact you/visit before you were ready? Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Xx

First time round, I told some people because I was in labour for 33 hours and was bored and cheesed off.

"Hi there. Whatcha up to? Any news? Entertain me. Want to come over for tea? Btw, in labour." etc.

Second time around, I was keenly aware of the boredom for all concerned last time, so decided not to wake DH up (I had turfed him out into the spare room because I was restless) and laboured on my own for a bit, but then it came on SUPER FAST like BOOOM and I only got to the hospital an hour before dd2 popped out (4 hours start to finish). Probably should have told DH a bit sooner, on reflection.

I think it's fine not to tell people if you don't want to. I don't think our parents seriously expect to be kept up to date by a woman physically in labour. If they're a bit WFT afterwards you just say it all went so fast etc. etc. (less convincing if you put in a 33 hour labour, mind!).

1st time it started in middle of night and she was born by mid morning so no chance.

2nd time MIL babysat while I went in for an appointment - was having to go in every 3 days for complications - they decided to induce so we called and said that was happening. Then didn't send much else message wise til we walked through the door with the baby in the evening

Personally I didn't want to tell our family due to how my mother reacted when my sister went into labour also I really wanted this special time to bond as a family.

When my sister when into labour she had already told mother that she wanted it to just be her and her now husband in the room. So when she got the message that they were in hospital she called consistently, BIL was very clear that they'd call with news when they're ready and he wouldn't be answering the phone again. SO SHE TURNED UP AT THE HOSPITAL!!! Instead of it being about them the midwives kept coming in to say she wasn't leaving and was demanding to come in and be updated. Sister told them to tell her to bugger off. She eventually went home but kept calling the hospital demanding updates!
Sister still hasn't fully forgiven her for her behaviour and making it about her.

So I didn't tell them even though I knew I was being induced and was clear that no one was to visit the hospital which was hugely unpopular but it was want we wanted.

Do what is right for you x

Its private. Don't tell them.

I did tell a few people. I was excited and I wanted to share. We all know first labours can take days anyway, and my folks are far too sensible to pester for updates or turn up on the doorstep until invited. With DC2 of course we needed childcare for DC1 and had a few friends and parents on alert to help out, so of course they had to know.

I was induced so everyone knew roughly what was happening. My husband and my mum were both with me for labour and delivery, not sure if they updated others during labour. Couldn't have cared less what was going on to be honest and it was quick labour so not sure they had time.

I knew my sister in law was in labour and it was very hard not to keep texting to check she was ok, think I did a few times. Do whatever feels right for you at the time.

The first time, we told my Mum straight away as she was one of my birthing partners. DH told PILs when I was in active labour and actually in the labour ward. Something we regretted as I had lots of complications, the birth was traumatic and the last thing we needed was lots of phone calls from relatives asking why we hadn't been in touch for a few hours 🙄

This time I'm more than likely having a planned CS. I will tell my parents so they can look after DS but no one else will know anything until the baby is safely born. If I didn't need childcare, I wouldn't tell anyone.

I am definitely not telling anyone, the inlaws are fine but they keep saying they will come and help during labour and no matter how many times I say that I want the first 24-48 hours just us 3 they don't seem to listen! I'm hoping to give birth ~38 weeks so that they will be on holiday whilst I give birth, my parents are 200 miles away so won't be able to come up for a while after anyway and it's unfair as its their first grandchild too. So nope no one is being told. Unless I go into proper labour at work in which case work will know haha!