To tell family you're in labour or not... what did you do?!

[MotherofKitties]

Hi all,

I'm 37 weeks and pondering on whether to tell parents if and when I'm in labour or just wait until the baby is born, and I'm keen to get others opinions/experiences on what you did/are planning to do!

One set of parents live abroad and the other two sets live a good 3+ hours away, so if we did tell them we would have at least 3 hours before they could get to us. All sets are very keen and have specifically requested that they be told when Ive gone into labour, but I'm not sure I'd be happy saying anything to anyone until I've given birth.

My overriding thought is not to tell them with my reasons being, 1. Labour can go on for days and I don't want my husband and I bombarded with messages/texts/calls when our focus should be on delivering our baby, 2. Unless we end up being in hospital for several days I won't want any visitors in hospital 3. When baby is born I want at least a few hours of just 'us' family time, especially with 4. An hour or two back at home just the three of us before we start having family arrive and visit to us a little bit of time to adjust.

These to me are all very good reasons why not to tell our parents until our baby is actually born, and whilst I am more than happy to tell any potential disgruntled grandparent "I didn't want anyone to know until she was born and that's why we didn't tell you I was in labour", my husband thinks we should tell family but just tell them to keep away until we say it's ok to visit.

What did you do/are planning to do? If you didn't tell family, was anyone really disgruntled or put out you didn't tell them you were in labour or was it not an issue? Did anyone tell their family pre-birth and did you have any issues with people constantly trying to contact you/visit before you were ready? Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Xx

Told my DM but not till 3 days in, when I was fed up and needing her sympathy! She'd already worked it out anyway. I hadn't planned to hell her until DS arrived, and certainly told no-one else during labour. Didn't want them badgering me or DH. None of their damn business till there's actually something to announce!

Would they be upset if you didn't tell them? They'll be the last thing on your mind while you're in labour anyway. Maybe your partner could text them? But with strict instructions they don't come or do anything until baby is born if that's what you wish? I'm sure for your sake they would.

I was induced so everyone knew anyway lol. I know my partners dad text him a few times for updates and then we called as soon as baby was born.

I had people constantly messaging me while I was in hospital as I was 10 days overdue pretty much everyone knew when I was being induced but in the end I turned my phone off as I was fed up of it!

Good grief no.
All family- grandparents first- ad soon as each child was born. But nothing before hand. They were both relatively quick labours (7 hrs) ending in emcs/crash CS. Might have mr ruined it if it had gone on for a while.

We told our parents first time round and my mum and MIL sat in the waiting room asking every half hour if they could come in. It was added stress I didn't need. Second time round we had to tell my mum as she was minding DD while we were in hospital. Thankfully they all stayed away until they got the call to come in.

I asked dd not to tell me till it was all over with baby no. 1, to save me being on worry-guts tenterhooks for hours. I was never going to be there for the birth anyway, her Dh was all she wanted.

However I was at her house when she went into labour with no. 2, who was in such a hurry to make an entrance, I hardly had time to worry at all.

I'm being induced on the 13/7/17 so have told family that baby will be here some time between 13-16 July and we will let them know when he is here so we are entirely in control to when we tell them. The due date is an estimated date and rarely an exact date so people shouldn't be bothering you.
If I wasn't being induced I would probably only tell those closest to us and those we could trust not to come until we were ready as a family. You never know how ur going to feel afterwards but I think it's a personal thing you and ur partner need to discuss and agree on. Good luck

Hi,
Just looking for some advice. Second baby due in November when my daughter will be nearly 22 months. I am looking for a double pram to suit them both. Love the Silver Cross Wave to look at but it so heavy and difficult to push. Favourites at the moment are Icandy Orange and Uppababy Vista. Need something sturdy as will be doing lots of dog walking on lanes and paths. Recommendations please

Hey OP. We told immediate family (parents) that I was in labour but nobody messaged or rang us at any stage. My husband then updated to say baby had been born.

When you say you an hour or two at home, that sounds more than reasonable! Would family really try to call round before you'd had this time alone?

If they're likely to impose and just turn up I would definitely not tell them until the baby is born, and then instruct them that you will be in touch about visiting.

If they're going to wait until invited, I don't see any harm in letting them know the baby is on the way.

We told our parents when things got serious and I had diamorphine but we told them not to come until we said they could. I had my ds at 2pm. They arrived at the hospital at 7pm. It was fine.

I had made it clear when I was pregnant that I didn't want people at hospital waiting for the baby to arrive so they knew the score etc.

I had no intention of telling my mother because I'm the youngest in the family and I'd seen her reaction to my sister and SIL going into labour (i.e. flat spin and panic if you don't get news within half an hour). As it happened, my waters broke when I was on the phone to her, so she promptly went into a flat spin and phoned me/my sister or my brother every 30 mins to see if there was any news. It was a protracted labour that ended in a c-section about 30 hours later! I'd have loved to be able to ring and say "you've got another grandson" though.

The second time I was having a planned c-section and my parents were going to pick up our ds from school and bring him to meet our babies, so they had to know.

No need to tell anyone (unless you have an older child and need childcare) - fortunately all my family lived 100s of miles away so wouldn't have dreamed of turning up.

I find it odd that anyone would announce they are 'in labour' .

I certainly wouldn't expect to be told if my DIL was in labour.

I told my dad but I kind of wish I hadn't, because it was a long labour and he sat at home and worried for hours. It did, however, lead to the following immortal conversation:

-Dad, there's no need to worry but the baby's coming today.
-Oh. Well, I'm having ears syringed tomorrow!

(He actually meant that he wouldn't be able to come and see us until the day after, but it came out sounding so competitive )

I didn't want to tell anyone until baby was born, but circumstances meant I had to tell my mum. I told her to assume no news was good news, leave us alone, and we'd let her know when it was all over. Cue endless hysterical voice messages to my husband, and when he didn't answer (he was kind of busy...), even more hysterical calls to the hospital, meaning concerned midwives had to come and ask me to contact her. Made me cross that she didn't respect our wishes, and as usual, made it about her.

I'd advise not telling.

Good luck!

You do what's right for you and sod DH. Not his call.

But I loved this However my brother decided to pay us an unexpected visit on the morning we were due in, with my mom so had to usher them out and tell them. Both were very excited and kept it secret for us!

Well ours weren't of the "must be there and involved variety" so we did tell them.

When DD2 arrived and then a few years later DD3 we certainly had to tell my parents as my Mum was coming to our house to look after the older ones.

It was fine. You do what is right for you.

Oh, almost forgot - I also asked her not to tell anyone, but she decided to interpret that as 'nobody but the entire family'. So I was also getting messages from them (not that I checked my phone until hours after).

My waters broke with first and my husband phoned his mum who came down then his parents, my mum and sister all ended up in waiting room then had them all in after birth and his aunt, uncle and cousin who was waiting on their dil/wife giving birth 🤣.

2nd time I was induced and they knew and parents were down after birth.

This time I think I'll just keep it me and husband and husband can bring kids down, rest can wait till we're home.

First time around we were living temporarily next door to my DPs, and when my waters broke suddenly (and with quite a lot of blood) at 35 weeks, DH ran straight in to DMum for help. She came into the hospital with us (she is/was a nurse, so even though she had no midwifery training it reassured us a bit for the half hour drive). Then the poor woman got abandoned in the lobby (strict policy of one person only in the labour ward) and had to ring her brother for a lift home.

Neither she, my Dad, nor my aunt and uncle called or texted between then and when DH rang DPs to tell them about DD1.

For DD2, DD1 was already staying with DPs (we were abroad and all our expat friends deserted the place for the month of August, so we had no backup - so DD1 just went to stay with DPs). I rang DM when I was admitted because I was bored (dilating to 9cm with no contractions I could feel - was very odd), and to tell her to start looking into flights to come over.

I have absolutely no idea whether DH said anything to MIL - she was on the opposite side of the planet, hated making international calls and didn't own a mobile, so there was no chance of a sudden arrival or repeated text messages or calls. (I suspect things may have been different if she wasn't so far away)

I know DH called both sets of parents once DDs had arrived.

My Mum actually said she'd rather not know when I was having DD. She thought she would worry too much.

My waters went at midnight and we eventually went to the hospital at 5am. The poor dog got a quick walk round the block because DH was worried about him being left until 12 when MIL could get there on her lunch break.

Obviously had to ring mil once she was up to tell her because we needed her to go and get the dog. DH phoned my mum because he didn't think it was fair that his mum knew and mine didn't.

I didn't mind either knowing because we knew none of them would go telling anyone else, they wouldn't have just turned up and neither of them were expecting any sort of update. The next time they heard from us was 14 hours later while I was in recovery from the c section.

My nan actually phoned me while I was in labour and didn't have a clue. She was telling me that I only needed to hold on for 4 more days and I could have dd on her birthday! she actually got to meet her great grandaughter for the first time on her birthday!

I think it depends on what your family members are like. I knew my mum would go nuts so didnt tell her until ds was born. In the event, he was born at midnight, we told her at about 1am, she woke up my brother in the middle of the night to make him drive her the 2 hours to the hospital, woke up my friend on the way to the hospital to announce the birth, got to the hospital before visiting time and created a massive scene when she wasn't allowed in! Needless to say with DS2 I didnt tell her until 7am and firmly told her the visiting times. I did have to tell my MIL though as she was looking after DS1.

With my first it didn't have to tell the parents because I was around them when labour started, the second time only the MIL new because she had to babysit. this time around I don't plan to tell anyone when labour starts I'm having a homebirth and dont want any visitors I may even delay announcing the birth (if my other children are at school)

My boyfriend texted my parents when I went into labour. Cue a text every 20 minutes for the next 12 hours asking "Any news?"

This thread is making me have a rare grateful moment about my family!
I don't have DC (yet) but the drill with DNs in my family seems to be grandparents are told (even if not babysitting/involved) and they tell everyone else. I love sharing in the excitement. But none of us are morons who expect updates throughout!

Why tell them? It might put noses out of joint but they'll get over it. Knowing you are in labour isn't going to make anything happen any quicker!