Devestated at potential CS. Please tell me your positive stories

[Hollyhop17]

Hi, I am 36 weeks and due to HG scheduled for an induction at 38 weeks. At my scan today they told me he has turned from head down and is now breech. I have booked in for a manual turn next week but if that doesnt work I am likely to have a c section, which I really dont want.

Due to HG, I will only be pregnant once and so sad at the thought of not experiencing labour. I am also incredibly worried about bonding and what I will be able to do in the first days and weeks.

Please share your positive birth and post natal stories.

A very scared and upset FTM

Hi, had ELCS for DS who turned breech. Turn didn't work so had a section.

Worked really hard this time round for a VBAC. I'm 38 weeks tomorrow and it's now looking uncertain. Last week it was looking impossible and I think I coped better last week when it was almost impossible rather than unlikely! So I know what you mean about control.

There's such an emphasis on natural birth, but you're already being a great Mum- doing what's best for baby based on the advice you have. I hope the turn works, but it doesn't you'll be just fine

I had HG with my second baby. Oh the blessed relief to be on the operating table. It stopped instantly. I think I had blocked that feeling out until I read this thread. I can still remember the taste of carrots in the dinner after the CS. I hadn't been able to even think about a vegetable without vomiting for months.

I had an emergency c-section after failed induction. I didn't breastfeed because I was taking a relatively new anti-epilepsy drug which no one was happy to say wouldn't sedate my baby.
In spite of both of these, we bonded straight away and are still (10 years on) extremely close.
My labour was extremely traumatic and took a while to recover from emotionally, but relatively little time physically. I have a small scar, and only have a shelf above it when I'm overweight.
I did have feelings of failure, but these were due to NCT indoctrination about "right" ways to do childbirth etc. My grandfather kindly pointed out that if I'd given birth 50 years earlier either one or both of us would have died in the process, and that made me rather more accepting of the whole experience.
On balance - when you're surrounded by people worrying about birth plans, it's easy to focus on doing that bit in the way others feel is correct, but ultimately it's far more important to have your baby delivered in the safest way for both of you, as that leaves you in the best place to start your lives together. Best of luck xx

I had an ECS and my baby was in special care for 2 days without me but I went down every 3 hours to bf and we have an incredible bond. It's hard to move but you do what you have to for this amazing little person

Ah I remember some very dark times with HG. Honestly you will feel so good when the placenta comes out. I know you can't imagine it now because 8 months is a long time to be sick as a parrot every minute of every hour of every day... but it will be great to just feel normal. I didn't mind losing sleep and being busy with nappies etc because I was so energised from just being able to eat This probably explains why I didn't lose any pregnancy weight

Would it help your thought processes to see the possibility of a c-section (if you need it) as a wonderful opportunity to have a healthy child? I've lived in the developing world where the majority of the population could not have accessed a c-section if they needed it, and you may imagine the consequences. I ended up with a elcs (transverse DD), and while it wouldn't have been my first choice, the outcome was much better than labour could have been.

5 weeks sounds OK for help - I was pretty sore for the first week (though not unbearable), then significantly better the second. BF was difficult because DD had a tongue-tie; not related to the c-section.

I am a midwife. What I say to the women I care for is:
if the birth you have is not the birth you planned, you will be emotionally fine so long as, you felt that you and your baby were kept safe and that the people looking after you, cared about you as a person.
Happily, the feedback I get is that this is overwhelmingly the case.
I also tell them to write a birth plan for CS, if that is likely and/or something they are worrying about. This can give you back some sense of control. For example, you can specify skin-to-skin in theatre at the earliest point. If you are not able to do it, your birth partner can.

My first baby was breech so she was born by ELCS. It was a lovely calm experience and everyone was very nice to me in theatre. I got to hold her straight away and then fed her in recovery with no issues. My husband wasn't allowed to stay over but I had the support I needed overnight. I was able to look after her pretty well from the start and slings weren't really an issue. 5 weeks is more than enough time.

My second was born as a VBAC. Natural labour. My waters went 10 days early. Not so relaxed or comfortable!! I won't lie, the recovery was easier but I'm not sure about the birth!!

However it happens, you still give birth to your child and I didn't find any difference in bonding

Don't feel bad about missing out on labour. I'd happily swap with you if I could! My labours where ghastly awful. I guess you will be curious about labour but really it may be massive bonus if u don't have to go through that. Ive had 2 cs. Both were beautiful. I felt very safe comfortable and reassured (did not feel like that at all during labour!). baby was brought straight to me for skin to skin. Was a lovely birth experience.

Make sure you have some strong painkillers to take home for the first week just in case paracetamol and ibuprofen aren't strong enough (they weren't strong enough for me). I rested and did very little the first week just enjoyed my time with new baby and let other people worry about cooking cleaning etc. Day 1 I had help washing. Day 2-3 I only needed help to get in and out of bath as I was scared of slipping but I could wash myself and walk to and from bathroom by myself. Home on Day3 was able to do stairs but would avoid doing it more than once or twice a day during first week. Was out on short walks by week 2 both times. Was able to lift toddler for a quick cuddle by end of week 2 (altho they didn't recommend it) as well. Week 3-8 able to do long walks with pram. Jogging gently again by 8 weeks. Just build things up very gently and slowly and listen to your body. Stop if u get any pains and u will be fine.

Honestly?

I was gutted when I ended up with an emcs. I'd bought into the "think positive" lark and was going to have an uncomplicated VB. i am very physically strong with an hourglass shape so wide hips.

I cried every time i heard about someone having a vb for a long time. A close relative had one of those "arrive on the bathroom floor after a 30 min labour" babies a couple of weeks after mine.

I properly grieved my lost vb. or the idea of it. Felt my body had one job, and failed miserably.

People told me "all that matters is a healthy baby" and that used to piss me right off. It did matter. It was usually said slightly condescendingly too by women who had had vb, and also said "you'll manage it properly next time". I felt like i wasn't part of the proper mothers club who had experienced birth propery.

For the positive side- I'm 12 years down the line now and like all grief the strong feelings have faded. They are more mixed now too as i'm not sure i'd have enjoyed a vb!

So- allow yourself to feel crap and upset. Don't let people minimise and tell them that actually, you are upset (if you are).

Then get on and enjoy your baby :)

This thread has really helped. I have stopped crying and going to bed feeling a bit more positive.

Thank you very much for sharing your stories. It is much appreciated. I didnt know there were risks with a manual turn so will speak to my midwife about that tomorrow.

Oh I should have said I had DH at home helping for 2 weeks. After that I was on my own.

As far as I know it's not just the manual turn but the monitoring afterwards that can be an issue.

I've had an emcs under General (almost lost her) then a lovely and calm elective under spinal for DS. With DS we even had delayed cord clamping in theatre, a first for my hospital!

My planned CS was marvellous.

The surgical team were so friendly, kind, calm and accommodating. I actually had a quite enjoyable experience.

DS breastfed right away in post-op for 30 minutes.

Then they took me back to the surgical bay. I walked to the shower 4 hours later and then they put me on the post-natal Ward.

Getting up from a sitting position can be difficult and painful so sleep sitting up a little if possible.

My husband was really helpful with helping me get DS up etc.

I was walking fairly normally after a couple of weeks.

At 4 weeks we went to Peppa pig world with DS1 and I walked around all day without a problem.

I was driving again that day too.

Keep on top of pain meds. Don't push yourself further than you can go.

Huge congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck for the delivery of your little one. No matter how it happens

I was induced and never dilated so had a c section 5 days later. DS is my one and only. I'm not sad for minute. It didn't have any impact on breastfeeding which has gone well and no impact on bonding at all (we are smitten with each other ) I remember his birth clearly, his first cry. Admittedly he was placed in his dads arms rather than mine while I was stitched up but actually that's a really lovely moment for them to have had (and they were sat right next to me)

It was a pain that I wasn't supposed to drive but in hindsight I probably could have driven a lot earlier than I did.

I recovered really quickly,bled a lot less than my VB friends did, no tearing, no burning when weeing, no incontinance problems.

It'll be ok OP, honest 😊.

EMCS here at 28 weeks gestation. DD was held up for me to see for all of 3 seconds before being whisked off to NICU.
Despite it being a complete emergency and having no idea what to expect from a CS (we hadn't looked at a both plan or even bought a cot/pram/car seat at this point) we all got through it.
I didn't hold DD until over 12 hours later and she was in hospital for 2 months wired up to various machines so I needed a nurses help to get her out for a hold.
I was in hospital for 2 days and after that had to get up every day to spend 8/9 hours at the hospital. I actually think having to move around aided my recovery. If DD had been home I'd have just lay in bed feeling sorry for myself.
Feeding was a struggle but I think that was more because at 28 weeks pregnant my milk hadn't come in. But I persevered, with the help of a hospital grade pump, and was up expressing every 3 hours.
There have been no issues with the bond I have with my DD although it worried me for a long time too.
It still upsets me that things didn't go quite as I'd hoped but it is what it is and it's made us all who we are now.

The delivery is only the start of your journey and a small part in the scheme of things. What's important is that they arrive safely. The love you feel for your first child is unlike anything else and it will get you through.

I had planned section for polyhydramnios. I had a hold of DS2 just after then he was taken away for a chest X-ray so we were apart for about 90 mins (DH stayed w DS) whilst I was in recovery.

Ds2 breast fed until he was 2!

The only bit I found more difficult after c-section (I had a ventouse in my first delivery) was at 0300 the first night when I just ran out of energy and one of the midwives changed Ds's nappy. I found I needed one more dose of morphine than I was written up for and occasionally when I laughed or twisted I would 'catch' my scar because I'd forgotten about it.

If I'm honest sometimes I feel a bit sad because I didn't have a completely natural delivery with either but now they're 5 and 7 I feel so much better about it all. Labour generally lasts less than 24hrs vs a whole lifetime of being a parent. Sometimes I do think that NCT could have focussed a bit more on the first 18years rather than just the first 24hours!

I had natural birth with DC1 and emergency CS under GA with DC2.

I didn't get to hold DC2 for four hours due to complications (with me). He had to have formula for his first feed as I was still unconscious. After that first feed he was exclusively breast fed for six months and we had no problems feeding at all and continued until he was 10 months. We have an incredibly close bond. By contrast breastfeeding DC1 who was born naturally was a nightmare, I had PND and a harder time bonding.

I really think the birth makes little difference.

I had an emergency c section 2 and half years ago. I was induced at 37 weeks due to obstetric cholestasis and high bp. My son's heart rate slowed right down during labour and I was rushed down to theatre. It was 2am on Christmas morning and I was terrified - however, when I got there the doctors and nurses were absolutely incredible! They could have put me more at ease. During the surgery they were all singing along to the radio - Shakin Stevens - Merry Christmas Everyone. Most surreal experience ever. But it was absolutly fine. Smooth sailing. My husband was by my side the whole time and I had a nurse holding my hand the other side. I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant with my second and my midwife asked me at my booking in appointment if I want to have a VBAC or an elective c section and I'm 100% going to the elective. I've been through 6 hours of labour and I'm quite happy not to experience it again (pathetic I know) The recovery isn't the easiest but you just need to take it easy. All it means is lots of rest on the sofa and snuggles with your baby. Regardless of your delivery, the outcome will be the same. You will have a beautiful child at the end.
All the best to you and I hope it all goes smoothly. Xxx

I wondered if you were aware of gentle ways of trying to get baby head down? May not be suitable for your case but I've heard people talk about the website called spinning babies which has exercises you can do. I know our local hospital doctors are aware of it.

Also just wanted to reassure you that you can do a birth plan for cs and even choose music you want to give birth to, so that might help you feel more in control.

Finally even though I had vb I was too exhausted to do the skin to skin or feed for the first 2 hours, plus I had stitches and pain afterwards. Not as major as cs I expect, but I couldn't really pick my baby up and walk around with her at first at all.

Good luck and wishing you a positive birth for your baby.

I've recently had an elective section. It was wonderful, utterly painless, and recovery had been quick.

I had ski to skin contact within about 2 minutes of her being born, and she fed from me whilst I was in recovery within about 45 mins of the surgery. We have bonded extremely well.

One massive advantage of a planned section is that whilst with many vaginal births, you'll be in pain from birth injuries, need to be whisked off for repair etc, you be pain free in the immediate aftermath (and I waited for the pain to hit after and it really wasn't very bad at all, I was surprised by how little there was.).

Had both an EMCS and an ELCS. Both babies were breech.

Both calm, both quick, both with a quick recovery. Very little pain. Bonded easily with both babies, a section doesn't stop you holding your child.

Recovery is best when you take it easy. Pillow on tummy when you get up, drinking loads of water, look after yourself.

You'll be fine op, honestly

I am so sorry you feel devestated at this change of plan. But I am even more sorry that you were put in a position where you feel this way in the first place. HG is horrendous and I can see how you can focalise on the birth as a way of getting through it. But there is a nasty, I would even say dangerous, emphasis on the Internet forums and even by the NHS on the glories of unmedicated vaginal birth and all sorts of explicit and implied warnings about who deviating from this script will negatively affect you and your baby in some way. It simply isn't true. If you were to believe some people, you need to do XYZ in exactly that order to guarantee ABC outcome (usually something nebulous like bonding that can't be measured), and skip any of the steps at your peril. It simply isn't true. You are your baby's mother and you don't need physical things to love her. Love isn't based on skin-to-skin for a prescribed number of minutes, or breastfeeding in the first hour or having a vagunal delivery or any of these other things. Love is emotional, not physical, and cannot be prescribed like this. Fathers, adoptive mothers, grandparents who have only ever seen the baby on Skype from New Zealand, all sorts of people love and bond with babies without any of these physical steps.

So please don't replace your focus on natural birth with a new focus on skin-to-skin within a certain time or whatever. The birth of your baby will be a significant moment for you however it comes about. You don't need a checklist of steps. Of course you can have preferences and express these and I hope they will be respected as at as possible but so much about birth is unpredictable and uncontrollable and plans can change in an instant.

I hope you don't think I'm dismissing or writing off your feelings. It just makes me sad when the chorus of Internet voices about "perfect natural births" leads to women feeling undermined or devastated when the one-size-fits-all model isn't the right thing for you and your baby.

Best wishes for a lovely, healthy, safe, boring delivery and a happy healthy mother and baby.

I had an emergency section and would agree with everyone that it hasn't effected bonding or breastfeeding at all,
In terms of recovery everyone is different but if you can have people help you round the house so you can focus on looking after your baby then that helps your recovery and you as a new mum.
If you are going to have a c section then make sure you have some big knickers and clothes where the hemline doesn't sit where your scar will be (I had to send someone out for this as I found everything sat just on it). My close caboo was a life saver in terms of getting out and about by myself with my baby and I changed her nappy on a mat on the bed or sofa but wished I'd had space for a changing table as doing it on the floor was a no go!
Good luck and go easy on yourself whichever birth you have, take the pain relief you need and ask for help when you need it'

Oh and I was out of the house doing stuff every day from day 4, slow but with very little pain, as long as I was taking painkillers. My recovery was quicker than most people I know who have had vaginal births.

I chose to have a section, so perhaps feel very different about it, but I've got a beautiful baby, whose birth I enjoyed. There was no being in agony for days or hours. Medicine is awesome.