Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

BF is not best for baby, it is the norm...
FF is worse for baby.

I'm a scientist 👩🏻‍🔬

Bf is best - on a population level. That does not mean it's best for every mum/baby dyad. If a woman is struggling to feed and sinking into depression, maybe ff is better for her?

Also: we are adults with autonomy. The data on bf vs ff isn't as strong as is often made out, in western populations. There are an awful lot of confounding errors (that Brazilian IQ paper is riddled with them.) yes bf is better overall and bf should be encouraged in general. But that doesn't mean that a woman who ffs should be censured. It makes me really cross.

Ds was bf and wouldn't take a bottle - if we'd have ignored all the 'nipple confusion' crap and given him a bottle alongside from the off we wouldn't have spent months worrying about his weight.

Yes cherries.

My friend was the only one on the ward who had chosen to breastfeed so the first time she tried 4 midwives gathered around her and began pawing at her and DC, all of them telling her 'no, not like that, like this', 'he's not latching right, maybe he's tongue tied' and putting so much pressure on her that she ended up feeling so anxious after a difficult birth that she gave up.

She expressed for a while and then switched to formula. All the while feeling guilty for not breastfeeding. She's over the guilt now, she knows it was the best thing for her and baby.

There are many different reasons women choose not to breastfeed and I think lack of support when starting off is a contributing factor.

"The problem you have here op is this. if a mum wants to breastfeed and struggles she needs all the support you can give her. If she wants to bottle feed you support her doing that too your job is NOT to coerce women who don't want to into doing it."

This. So much this! I know you say on this thread that you have no intention of doing do, but honestly, and in the kindest way, you do come across as naive to the genuine struggles that women face and if this is the underlying attitude you have then I fear you will end up making, especially first time, mothers feeling conflicted or guilty about their choice and you honestly have no idea of the impact on that poor woman's wellbeing this can have.

Please make a conscious effort to support each and every woman in whatever decision they make, because make no mistake that there are plenty of health visitors out there that Base their opinions and advice on their own ideal, rather than the choice the mother has made. Please don't let yourself become one.

'Fed is best' isn't helpful, though, is it? Of course babies need food to survive.

1% of babies are still BF at 6 months old. It's safe to say that FF is 'winning' in the feeding stakes. Instead of focusing on individuals who have their own reasons for BF/FF, we need a rethink about how to embed BF as the norm in society. Like I've said, it's a generational struggle.

"Do you want a cup of tea?"
"No thanks"
"Why?"
"I just don't want one."

Apply the above to BFing.

I agree with the OP, this analogy doesn't work at all.

A cup of tea is not a sentient human being.
A cup of tea gains nothing, emotionally or physically, in the short term or the long term, from being drunk or not drunk.

I find it quite sad that discussions around the choice to BF or not mainly revolve around what suits the mother/parents, and very little weight seems to be given to the baby's needs/wants: they're basically always going to prefer being BF! And breast milk is unarguably better nutritionally for them than formula. But they don't have a voice, so it's easy to sideline their side of the 'argument'.

Also, I don't think all women DO know the benefits of BF to themselves. Just this morning Apple news ran a story about newly-discovered long-term improvements to health and life chances amongst women who breastfeed; the longer the better, basically:

https://apple.news/Ak3mwq-2QDunqj4NhfuM_Q

Ok, HCP, GP, health visitor, whatever. Doesn't matter. If you're patient facing you are not doing your job well if you're judging, or coercing. No one owes you an explanation of why they won't bf.

I say this as someone who bfd for bloody ages. Breast, bottle or a mix. What's best for the individual pair is up to them. You just support them.

I'M NOT A FUCKING MIDWIFE!
But you have done a breastfeeding workshop "as part of your training". So presumably your employers envision that having some impact on your work (I don't know what your role is)?
And there is scope for you to bring this attitude of yours into the workplace?

you do come across as naive to the genuine struggles that women face - maybe, just maybe, that's why I asked.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant I didn't want to bf. After 9 long months it was time for my other half to chip in. People put far too much pressure on mum's to bf and I don't think the benefits are much different. Dd is 2.5 never be ill other than the odd cold, and is far excelling her development milestones.

I am well aware of the health benefits, I'm not stupid or misinformed like many people seem to think formula feeders are.

My preference is to formula feed. And at the end of the day, it's my body, my decision.

Mainly I wanted my body back. After 9 long months of sickness (lasted 5 months and was vomiting around 15 times a day), aches, pains, heartburn, being unable to eat and drink what I want etc, being tired, I was so done.

I also wanted support from my DH and others when it came to feeding. Having a couple of nights a week where I didn't have to get up to feed was nice. DH always did night feeds at weekend when he didn't have work the next day. I didn't want to be chained to the baby day and night and not be able to go anywhere without them.
That's not to say I spent a lot of time away, quite the opposite, but I wanted the option to be able to go for tea with a friend or take a long bath.

I am a good mum, my kids thrived, are happy, healthy and eat a well balanced diet. I refuse to feel guilty because I didn't breastfeed.

I just knew I wanted to, and so I did I assume some women know they don't want to, so don't and then there are women who try and don't get on with it.

CSLewis - thank you!

n0rthern 🙌🙌

I'm pregnant with my first and undecided about whether to go breast or formula.

I'm not convinced by the excessive health benefits of breastfeeding. Surely if it were so clear cut then it would be obvious in later life whether someone had been breast or bottle fed.

My reason for leaning towards formula is that I find the thought of being the only person who can nourish my child too much responsibility. I don't think that makes me an irresponsible person though.

Not everyone likes the idea of that level of attachment. Maybe as my pregnancy progresses I'll be more up for the idea, but if I don't want to do it then I'll not feel bad about it.

And there is scope for you to bring this attitude of yours into the workplace? - believe it or not HCP ALL have personal opinions that they won't bring into the workplace. Just because I believe something or disagree with something, doesn't make me bad at my job. We all have personal opinions on patient choices, but keeping them to yourself is part of the role. Voicing my views on MN is not the way I act at work.

My apple news link didn't work. Try this one:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/06/21/breastfeeding-lowers-risk-heart-disease-stroke-mothers-study/

""Do you want a cup of tea?"
"No thanks"
"Why?"
"I just don't want one."

Apply the above to BFing.

I agree with the OP, this analogy doesn't work at all. "

It works just fine as an analogy when considering if "I dont want to" is an acceptable answer to a question.

It is obviously a shit analogy if using it to compare BM with tea. Which I wasn't. Because Im not a clueless fool.

1% of babies are still BF at 6 months old. It's safe to say that FF is 'winning' in the feeding stakes.

I very much doubt that this is true. In my group of about 20 mums, our babies are now passed 6 months, about 75% are still breastfeeding.

My apple news link didn't work. Try this one:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/06/21/breastfeeding-lowers-risk-heart-disease-stroke-mothers-study/

you do come across as naive to the genuine struggles that women face - maybe, just maybe, that's why I asked.

Ok. So at first he latched ok. Fab, I thought, bit painful but we will get there. Then he started screaming. And he didn't really stop for about nine months. And god it hurt, I mean really hurt. The anaesthesia wore off during my c section and it hurt more than that. My nipples bled. He was never satisfied, I felt a failure. He lost weight. Then More weight. We were judged and told that formula was the devil. So we kept on bf (although I'd have ignored them all if his health had gone past a point.) he was hungry. He cried more. He never slept. My nipples bled more. I was woken every twenty minutes for 18 months (try that, it's quite effective as a torture method.) he lost more weight. I got mastitis, then abcesses. No real help, apparently my latch was fine and I just needed to toughen up and ff was still the work of the devil.

What I really needed was someone to say 'yes Ana, it can hurt even if everything is going right. And it's exhausting. You're doing a great job, can I support you in anyway? And if you want to stop you don't need anyone's permission.'

Another one here who wanted my body back. Also was so drained from birth and blood transfusion after birth I don't know if my body could physically of taken the stress!

I didn't receive any judgement for FF and celebrate both options. - whatever works for the individual.

Susiebabs my advice to you would be to remain entirely open minded about it. You don't know how, for example, your labour will go. I had a shocker which ended in an emergency c section. Had I wanted to breastfeed, I don't think I would have had it in me anyway.

On the other hand, my sister had no intention of breastfeeding. When she had my nephew, he latched on immediately and away they went.

You don't need to decide now.

I'll just re-post my entire post as it seems the vital part providing the context was missing (what a surprise!!)

"Well my original question was WHY people don't want to. "because I don't want to" isn't an answer to that 😕"

Umm.........actually, it is.

"Do you want a cup of tea?"
"No thanks"
"Why?"
"I just don't want one."

Apply the above to BFing.

HTH.

They mean exclusively bf, ayeamarok which is a daft measure because by then most babies are having the odd taste of stuff/the odd bottle.

'First five months nutrition provided predominantly by bm' would be a much better metric