Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

I chose not to breastfeed. Yes I was aware of the supposed health benefits but I didn't believe they outweighed my valid choice not to breastfeed. Many years on and I still think you would never know who had been breastfed and who hadn't based on their health history.

Mine thrived. Didn't get any more infections/illnesses whatever than any other child in their peer group.

I didn't want sore nipples, I didn't want pancake breasts, I didn't want to be the only one who could do the feeds unless I expressed milk. Which again I simply didn't want to do.

Selfish? It worked for me.

I'm pretty Meh about the whole breast vs bottle debate. Both work. Make your choice.

The anaesthesia wore off during my c section and it hurt more than that

😰 There's an advert for FF if ever I saw one.

Apologies for duplicate post.

"It works just fine as an analogy when considering if "I dont want to" is an acceptable answer to a question."

Agreed.

"It is obviously a shit analogy if using it to compare BM with tea"

Also agreed, but you say that's not what you were doing. What were you doing then, if not comparing declining a cup of tea with declining to breastfeed?

You sound bloody patronising and I'll choose what I do with my body and my child not you.

CSLewis I don't think I'd agree with that sentiment.

A baby's mother is often it's primary caregiver, and this is absolutely the case if mum is breastfeeding. If this is the case, the what's best for mum is definitely best for baby.

If baby''s primary source of food, love and comfort is stressed, drained, exhausted, or even just resentful of the pain etc due to breastfeeding, this is not going to be idea for the baby. The physical love and comfort and bonding between mother and baby is much more important. Breastfeeding is a fantastic way to achieve this if you can, but can have the complete opposite effect for a mother who is struggling.

There is much "evidence" reported in the news, they almost always fail to include any limitations to the study, and omit the fact major role that confounding factors also play.

There is also the dangerous assumption that breastfeeding is always, inevitably the best way to nourish a baby. In any other mammal species we can easily acknowledge that some babies don't feed well, some mothers don't nurse well. But for some reason we are exempt despite it being th same natural biological process.

It's very important to have a balanced understanding of infant feeding and to remember to take into account the absolutely ridiculous number of other factors that influence infant feeding, both positive and negative.

And to above all respect the decision made by mothers to feed their children. Fed absolutely is best.

Haha, GahBuggerit, someone actually thought you were comparing the relative merits of breastmilk and tea!

I'm a scientist too **Anatidae.
BF is better on a population level and if BF was the norm the population would be so much healthier. Every population is made up of individuals so if the population is healthier then so must the individuals be on average.
Just because "someone FF and their child is healthy" is about as valid as saying "someone smoked and lived to 100).
That's the science.

"It works just fine as an analogy when considering if "I dont want to" is an acceptable answer to a question."

I was doing this ^ using it to illustrate why "I dont want to" is acceptable as an answer, no weird comparisons to tea and breastmilk made, just that "I dont want to" is a complete answer in both situations.

Right well thanks for all the responses, and again I'm sorry for offending anyone - it really wasn't the intention. I have nothing against FF, and have bought some incase I struggle to BF, for any reason. There has been some really good responses and helpful comments re breastfeeding + FF for when DC arrives.

I managed to BF my DS until 6 months when we went into formula. It was exhausting. He has CMPA which meant I had to cut out all dairy and soya and take calcium replacement.

BF isn't always the easy answer although I persevered. When we finally went over to formula once prescribed by doctor it was a massive weight off shoulders. I could finally share giving bottles with my OH as even though DS was EBF I could only pump max 2oz if expressing so could never get enough to leave him with a bottle and also couldn't go very far if I ever went out without him as I couldn't express enough.

I think a lot of wanting to FF comes from ease of use, being able to share the load (as mentioned expressing isn't always easy) and the massive amount of guilt tripping people get for BF in public.

Comparing ff to smoking is ridiculous.
What a twattish analogy

You seem very naive and your workshop clearly didn't give you enough information about breastfeeding if you have had to ask this question. I've had two children- I mix fed my first child and exclusively breast fed the second one for 6 months. The first time round, I was totally overwhelmed by how relentless and painful breastfeeding was in those first few weeks. Nobody had told me about cluster feeding, which pretty much destroyed me at the time. I tried to express and barely got any milk out at all. I introduced formula for my own sanity.
I do think there is a real issue with how breastfeeding is promoted in such workshops by midwives, health visitors etc. Yes it is the natural option and has many health benefits for the baby, I would agree it is the best option, but I don't feel that there is any real information out there about how tough it is in the beginning and I've never seen information given out about formula feeding/mix feeding as a potential option.

I know Flogging

made me laugh anyway that someone actually thought that!! Like, I can turn a PC on, type on it, so Im pretty sure one can assume I know tea isnt like BM

Although a nice cup of builders tea IS pretty good.....

Thanks @sorefeet1983. I'm defo remaining open minded and I swing between the two all the time. I've seen it play out so differently for family and friends to that which they expected. :-)

I do believe that it's entirely the mum's choice and hers alone. The baby doesn't come into it in my mind. A baby won't thrive without a happy and healthy mum, and feeding is a big deal.

Every population is made up of individuals so if the population is healthier then so must the individuals be on average.

On average IS the population 😁 Not the individuals!

What's best for the individual mum and baby is up to them. I could bang on all day about the confounding factors in most attempts to assess the epidemiological impact of bf. The bulk of the research on it is quite poor

If everyone was bf we'd have small %point rises in survivor resistance to a subset of infections. And a lot of dead babies because like all mammals, a small but significant proportion of humans aren't great at bf ing. The bond between mum and baby and the mental health of the mother has a MUCH bigger impact on health outcomes.

And apart from that it's autonomy! It's their choice! I chose to bf. That was my choice. But it was hard and it's had some significant and lasting health impacts on me. Was that worth it? I dont know. My experience is my individual experience, it doesn't extrapolate out to the population level.

When you've struggled with latch and a screaming child after a c-section then start preaching not now

Completely agree with you, @Susiebabs

Good luck when the time comes, hope all goes well

*cherries:

"*A baby's mother is often it's primary caregiver, and this is absolutely the case if mum is breastfeeding. If this is the case, the what's best for mum is definitely best for baby.

If baby''s primary source of food, love and comfort is stressed, drained, exhausted, or even just resentful of the pain etc due to breastfeeding, this is not going to be idea for the baby. "

I'm afraid I totally disagree with this, because it yet again conflates 'what is best for mum' with 'what is best for baby'. I honestly don't think that a baby is very bothered by how tired, stressed, drained etc their mother is whilst she breast feeds them. They're in survival mode, essentially selfish (though not willfully so).

They (the babies) are better off, nutritionally and emotionally, being breastfed rather than FF, in almost all situations. This is not to say that there aren't plenty of situations (many of them have been mentioned on this thread), in which the mother is NOT better off, physically and/or emotionally.

But that is precisely my point: that what is best for babies (breastfeeding) is NOT always 'best' (I.e. preferable) for their mothers; but when this conflict of interest occurs, the baby usually loses the argument.

Umpteenthnamechange - I didn't make the bike comparison, but thanks for the "stupid" comment.

Because they might already have one or two babies, have struggled hugely due to contradictory advice from midwives and health visitors. Have battled through inner thrush of the breast, mastitis, abscesses, cracked nipples, unendurable pain. Babies with palate problems, tongue tie or other illnesses.

In short experienced mothers who have learnt bf isn't always easy or straightforward and put their happiness and mental health above the NHS/Public Health mantra of those who should know better that in a first world country the differences are infinitesimal. What mothers Don't need is to be made to feel guilty by silly girls who have never had children but have attended a workshop giving one point of view and digested a leaflet.

I failed to feed my first child. Due largely to crap advice and support from hcps. I then developed and due to the guilt from unnecessary judgemental comments from my silly little bitch of a health visitor. I did feed my second.

Guess what, my first has just taken a first from Oxford. My breast fed second interviews but was not offered a place.

Also, for some women breast feeding, even with a good match can be very very painful. Finally, It's a choice which women are allowed to make and should never ever be made to feel guilty about

When you've got a bit more experience and have had a few babies do come back and let us know how it went. For the time being I suggest you keep learning about life and keep your trap shut.

Teaforme that's poor logic indeed

You can't use small scale studies, gather their tenuous finding's and automatically assume that the "health benefits" found will automatically translate to whole populations... There are far, far to many external factors involved and the studies are flawed because by nature it is not ethical or feasible to perform more robust and accurate ones, such as RCT's.

ayeamarok

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/what-is-baby-friendly/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/breastfeeding-rates-in-the-uk/

1% of mums still BF at 6 months

Because I didnt like BF and because DD screamed every time she was fed and wouldn't latch on.

The midwives were useless despite banging on during antenatal about how much help they would give us. When it dame to it they were too busy to help.

The hospital ward midwives were no help either, showing me a different way every time and having no time to help.

So I gave up as I was so stressed out. DD went on bottle and we were both happy.

My life, my baby, my decision. Nobody should ever be made to feel guilty because they don't. Of course it's great if you can get support and do it but it doesn't work out that way for everyone.

You're asking for a simplified answer to an emotive question op and not expecting to offend anyone.

I'm not having a pop at you for not having had your baby yet but at this point you're all wide eyed about the prosepect of breastfeeding.
To be honest after I went to one of those talks the woman were so invested in promoting breastfeeding (afterall that's what they were paid to do) I genuinely thought anyone and everyone could breastfeed.
The scenarios they gave me in hindsite were ridiculous.
The women running the talk made me feel like was a doddle (oh just co sleep and feed, dream feed, you don't have to do any housework while you're feeding just sit with baby) I was certain without a doubt I'd be breastfeeding and making sure my baby got all these amazing benefits.
But the reality was completely different.
I was resuscitated after having dd, on drugs that meant I couldn't breastfeed and really ill. The midwives were lovely enough to cup feed her for me but when I tried to breastfeed a few weeks later I just got no where, she wouldn't latch properly, she had a physical problem with her mouth, she had an undiagnosed mechanic swallow problem and I couldn't do it.

But because I'd been to that talk where I was led to believe all woman can breast feed I felt like an utter and complete failure for not managing to do so it affected my mental health.

So wanting a simplified answer is a bit insulting to parents who have been through hard times breastfeeding as you cannot appreciate the guilt involved with stopping until you've been there to be honest (sorry if that sounds patronising I don't mean to).

You keep saying you're not asking the Mum's who had a valid medical reason which again appears judgmental to mothers who just decided not to and when woman say because they just didn't want to you pry further because that's not enough of an answer for you.

I didn't breastfeed my second child because I didn't want to. That's it.
Obviously there were elements involved in my decision making process but bottom line I just didn't want to and I knew she'd be fine either way so it wasn't really a difficult decision to make the second time around.

There can be a million reasons people 'who can' breastfeed don't and frankly interested or not, they're not your business.
It's about as easy as asking people who smoke why don't they stop knowing the benefits?
Why don't overweight people just eat healthy knowing the benefits?

The answer is because that's life, everyone is different based on their past experiences, upbringing, values etc everyone has walked their own path and that affects their decision making process.
Personally I don't think breastfeeding versus formula feeding is a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I appreciate some people do.

I think when you're going to make statements about not understanding why the mothers who can BF don't despite knowing all the benefits, meant to or not it comes across as a bit judgemental.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy op and I wish you well in your BF journey wherever it takes you.