Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

You HAVE disrespected peoples decisions by saying 'I don't want to' isn't 'good enough'.

Do you ride a bike op?
I don't understand why everyone doesn't ride bikes, it's easy and has great health benefits, better for the environment
Why would you drive a car when you can ride a bike? Cars are unhealthy and you can go to exactly the same places on a bike.

I honestly never once, ever, had a midwife try to tell me how to feed my baby.

They asked my choice, I told them. It was accepted, written in my notes and never discussed again.

Having watched many, many threads here I was expecting a shooing and surprised and delighted that my informed choice was respected.

If you think that advertising is all posters and TV ads you are very naive.

AyeAmarok speaks the truth!

Modern research is showing that many previous studies are flawed and meta analysis and sibling studies are showing more and more that the benefits previously over sensationalised by some organisations are only slightly improved in BF babies, or impossible to detangle from confounding factors.

That is not to say that there are no advantage's if you can breastfeed and get on with it well, I just think that we are being slightly patronised in that our health services feel the need to absolutely force benefits, which in a modern country with clean water supply and modern formulas are bordering on negligible , down are throats, because maybe if we had the actual facts, we would decide that breastfeeding wasnt worth the hassle?

Maybe we should rethink this strategy since so many women who actually want to breastfeed are being failed in their support to do so, and women who don't end up being successful are subjected to years of crippling guilt, and I do feel this is largely in part due to the campaign methods used by the NHS to promote breastfeeding. It's not working well for anyone!

You HAVE disrespected peoples decisions by saying 'I don't want to' isn't 'good enough' - you've quoted me as saying it isn't 'good enough' - where have I said that?! All I said was my question was just Why don't people want to? So if the answer is just "I don't want to" that's fine, but not really answering the question I asked. Chill the fuck out.

@MissBax you will find, that you can make an innocent statement (and this is on both sides of the discussion) and your tone will be taken out of context.

I posted on my Facebook (rookie error!) at 6 months about how I'd managed to ebf all that time and how I was proud of what I had achieved. I instantly got a message from a girl calling me a "fucking cunt" "sanctimonious bitch" telling me that I had slagged her off (didn't even make reference to her) and her baby was happier, healthier and cuter than mine. My baby was ugly. She reckoned she would be "weird" and then lots of comments about bitty blah blah blah. She said at least her baby's dad had a "proper relationship with its dad" and my dd would never have that with her own dad because she had never been fed by him.

Totally unfounded and out of the blue. Never had any issue with this girl previously etc but it was obviously such an emotive subject for her and it was jumped on from a very simple
Comment. Not directed at anybody specific.

So don't be surprised if you get accused of being goady etc because it's a very very sensitive subject.

Agreed cherriesinthesnow And added to that, women who try to breastfeed but can't or have too much pain, are at higher risk of PND. I think women should know the truth.

RoseVase2010 - if someone asked me why I don't ride a bike, I'd either answer, or not answer. I wouldn't jump down the throat of the person who asked it/call them stupid or naive/call them judgemental etc.

You HAVE disrespected peoples decisions by saying 'I don't want to' isn't 'good enough'

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This

I bf DD1 for 6 months, and am nearly finished with bf DD2, who is 7 months. I haven't particularly enjoyed bf either of them to be honest. Firstly, no-one warns you that for the first two weeks in particularly of breast-feeding it's very sore, as very young babies want to be on your boobs for hours and they literally suck your nipples raw. NCT classes try to tell you that breastfeeding is only painful if they aren't latched properly, but this isn't true. All nipples take a while to 'toughen up' to begin with. With DD1 she also gave me a cracked nipple and the pain of that was horrific. I can only describe it as feeling like someone was cutting my nipple with a piece of glass every time she latched. I also had blocked milk ducts a couple of times, and that's really uncomfortable too. DD2 had difficulty latching (she was borderline prem) due to an immature latch and one particularly enjoyable night when she was 3 days old I spent 6 HOURS trying to get her to latch, with her screaming at me the whole time in hunger and me sobbing hysterically (baby blues kicking in a bit), before having to get specialist help from a midwifery unit. Being responsible for every bloody feed is no fun either, especially when you are just desperate for a few solid hours sleep (and bf babies tend to wake more for more regular feeds than bottle fed babies). Yes it is possible to express milk for some people, but a lot of people find it difficult. Firstly, you need to have some time where the baby is peacefully asleep (or being held by someone else) whilst you do it. It would often take me over half an hour just to get a couple of ounces out, which on occasions the DDs would just swallow in a minute when given by DH and then start screaming for more, meaning it gave me practically no break at all. Then DD1 started refusing to take expressed milk from a bottle at all meaning I literally couldn't ever leave her for more than an hour or so at a time. Plus there's just the social aspect of it. Having to bf for the first time in front of FIL was just horribly socially uncomfortable for example, even though I was being very discrete. And although I've never had anyone say anything to me, I've had dirty looks before from people for breastfeeding in public. Breastfeeding definitely isn't easy, and without meaning it sound patronising, maybe you should wait until you've had some real life experience of breastfeeding before being so pious about it.

Thanks glitter - I think my tone has definitely been misinterpreted. I didn't mean to offend ANYONE!

Gahbuggerit yes I never truly understood the term "toe curling pain" until I started breastfeeding.

It seems reasonable to me that like any other set of muscles, if you've never used them before it can take a while to build up to using them pain free. I was just so shocked at how much it hurt at the beginning.

Once you know what you are doing it doesn't hurt at all but like any other skill you (and the baby) have got to practise before you perfect it.

And that's the other thing to remember. Some babies are better at it that others!

One of mine crawled up my tummy, latched on and went like a train within an hour of birth.

The other was exhausted and just really struggled for the first week.

We got there in the end, though it took months, lots of tears and a lot of hard work.

I do have friends who popped the baby on, never had mastitis and never had any problems. They are the exception in my experience. Most people find it hard to start with.

My advice it always "try and make it past six weeks if you possibly can, it gets much easier after that".

So will you accept "I will formula feed" as a final decision by the Mothers you will come into contact with?

Pouncival

You HAVE disrespected peoples decisions by saying 'I don't want to' isn't 'good enough'

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This

You're agreeing with something I didn't actually say.

"would you like the opportunity to try and benefit yours and your baby's health?"

Problem is, you come over as a bit patronising. Maybe you don't mean to. You've been on a course about breastfeeding and suddenly want to accost all the mothers who didn't, and ask them why they didn't. It's a rather simplistic question. I don't know many people who outright chose to FF. The vast majority tried and failed to BF for many complex reasons. One or two of them chose FF, and that is entirely their business. Your naïve question is pissing a lot of us off.

All 3 of my dc were FF, but not for want of trying to BF

I think people are sniping at you because your question implies that we are lacking in the knowledge that you recently learned on your course. Your judginess is written between the lines.
Just my opinion.

I breastfed 2 children and hated everything about it - the sensation, the time it took, the responsibility, not being able to leave them, the pain.....i could go on.

So will you accept "I will formula feed" as a final decision by the Mothers you will come into contact with? - wtf?! When have I ever said I would do otherwise?! FFS!

I chose not to BF, and I knew that I wouldn't be from the minute I found out I was pregnant. I understand the benefits, I read all of the information that was provided to me. For me, the issue was mentally, I couldn't get my head around the physical aspect of BF. I did not feel comfortable with having a baby BF from my body. Completely my decision.

My DS is a perfectly healthy little boy, I do not regret my decision in the slightest, as it meant I got to enjoy having a newborn, rather than putting myself through the emotional stress I would have felt if I had been pressured to BF

Because adult women are allowed to make decisions about their own bodies?

This! Absolutely correct. We are lucky to have access to modern formulas that are safe and so effective.

HOWEVER a lot of the same women on here who believe this and agree with this also have VERY strong feelings against elective csections.

If we are adult women who are allowed to make decisions about our own bodies and we are lucky enough to live somewhere with amazing first world medical facilities and providers, why is there so much hatred for women who don't WANT to have a vaginal birth?

Everyone is so scared of offending someone who either can't or chooses not to BF that we support FFing wholeheartedly - why not the same attitude for birthing choices?

OP you've had a really hard time here.

Unfortunately, when you do things differently from other people, those people take it as a criticism of their way of doing things.

Best of luck with breastfeeding, I've really loved it although it's bloody draining. Had to forcibly remove DS1 from boob at 30 months due to inability to conceive DS2, who is still chugging away at 13 months. This is what worked for me, different things work for different people (although I strongly believe we have a longstanding societal and generational issue with breastfeeding).

Oops, hadn't finished. If I had my time again I would bottle feed. I'm a big believer in happy mum = happy baby, and I definitely wasn't happy.

'The close bonding of a mother/baby breastfeeding pair is beneficial for survival, interrupting it by 'giving Dad a turn at giving the feed' is the patriarchy attempting to undermine the bond or insinuate themselves into the relationship'

That ^^ is hilarious and one of the best things I have read in an age

*- "would you like a cup of tea" -

• "would you like the opportunity to try and benefit yours and your baby's health?"

Yep, exactly the same.*

Yeah. You are a GF for this statement alone. A naive one, at that.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my second. I will not be attempting to breastfeed this baby, the same as I didn't attempt to breastfeed my first. Who is a fine, healthy, happy 2.5 year old. I have even double checked with my midwife that the hospital still has formula available (as I understand a few had stopped stocking it) because I'm so set on this.

Why? Well, to be clear, I don't need to justify my choices to you or to anyone (and sometimes it winds me up on threads like this that FF mums feel the need to justify their decision automatically, without even being asked the question).

But if you really are interested and not being a GF, I've had a tough pregnancy and I want my body to be my own again. I want DH to do half the night feeds, which he is more than happy to do. I don't want to cluster feed with a bored toddler hanging off my leg looking for attention that I can't give her. It also makes me feel a bit sick (not other people doing it, but the idea of milk leaking from me. It has already started and i don't like it much). It is just not for me.

I like the routine of formula feeding. It worked really well for us the last time. I experienced no judgement from any midwives etc. Yes, we still fed on demand (I've seen it said that FF babies are not fed on demand, in my experience this is not true), but very rarely did DD demand to be fed within 3 hours of her last feed. We bought a perfect prep and is a game changer. I found FF incredibly easy.

I'm aware of the health benefits of breastfeeding. I'm also aware that by the age my DD is now, no one knows or cares how she was fed as a newborn. So I won't be losing any sleep over it.

You said 'I don't want to isn't an answer' in your post at 12.15. So you think that isn't enough? You think there should be more justifaction seemingly. So that suggests you think it isn't good enough no?

So you either respect that or you don't. I'm not having a go at you, I'm pointing out the flaws in what you're saying when you say you don't care what other people do and you're not being judgemental - when you clearly are.