Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

I didn't breast feed because I didn't want to. It's called choice and as a woman I would never challenge any other woman who chose differently. The midwives on my post natal ward were very supportive and I can honestly say no one in real life has ever asked me how my babies were fed. I am happy with my decision and if I were having a baby today I would still choose formula.

I read post after post/thread after thread on mumsnet of horror stories about sore cracked nipples, feeds every 15 mins, some babies screaming unless permanently latched on and the hell of sleep depravation - no thanks. The routine of formula feeding meant very few sleepless nights happy smiley babies and made those precious first months lovely. I really loved every minute of having a new born. My babies were fine, I was fine and we all lived to tell the tale.

I didn't because I physically couldn't produce enough milk. I tried for 6 months and had to mix feed and pump hourly....I was exhausted by the end and the bloody midwife telling me I was letting my baby down when I switched to formula properly was the final straw.

I would be interested in knowing why the people that 'know they don't want to' feel that way too.

Asking where a dislike of something comes from isn't denying anyone's right to feel that way or to act on it...its just asking if they know why they feel that way.

In my experience other such questions that will get you screamed at are 'why do you find the idea of female armpit hair disgusting?' and 'why are you so repelled by the idea of your male child wearing a dress?'

BertrandRussell, I am considering formula now because I don't want to set myself up for feeling like a failure by having this rosy pumping plan that is just unrealistic. I can imagine myself panicking before I go back to work, having a meltdown cause I can't pump and have left myself with no alternatives. And then dragging my husband to my office so I can feed in my breaks.
I know I shouldn't pay too much attention to other people in this decision, but the amount of unwanted advice you get in pregnancy, especially from close friends and when it's your first, it can leave you feeling like a failure before you even begin. That's another reason why I imagine some people give up before they have even started. "At least I can rely on formula, I know that's not going to fail"

Because I wouldn't of been comfortable breast feeding in public/in front of extended family or friends. Although I have no problem with people breastfeeding in front of me.

Because I've heard nightmare stories of nipples cracking and mums being in awful pain.

Because I would like to know how much my baby was getting. My baby was a hungry baby and was draining 7oz bottles at 6 weeks old.

Because I struggle to eat healthy and like a drink and cigarette.

Because I couldn't of breastfed for a year if baby didn't take to a bottle (like some do).

Because I wanted my partner to have as much as responsibility as me with baby.

Because I went back to work after 6 months and didn't want to faf about expressing.

List could go on.

It is absolutely judgemental in any case if you don't respect the decisions of other people about their health and bodies or you don't.

As a HCP and even as a human being; people need to understand this.

And yes it can be hard to understand but you either respect other peoples autonomy or you don't.

I've known people with capacity and full knowledge of the implications not want life-saving treatment or treatment that will enhance or extend their lives.

Its their decision. BF or not is small fry compared to that. You either respect other peoples decisions or you don't.

"Go on the feeding thread and say you want to FF, the end,"

Say you want to bf and the horror stories pile up and nobody would blame you for completely giving up the idea.

I was definitely going to bf. I had been bf. My brothers were bf. I understood all the benefits, and hey, it's free, right?

Turns out I couldn't bf, for multiple reasons ranging from a tube-fed baby in NICU to terrible breastpumps to wanting my body back.

I was wracked with guilt for a long time. Threads like these are still, 2 years later, like a knife in the gut.

If you're a HCP, the very first thing you need to know is that this issue is hugely, massively, completely emotional and complex for a lot of women, on all sides. Your surprise at people's reactions is worrying.

You know, even all the men I have ever known don't show as much interest in other peoples breasts as some other Mothers do

"Neither should be made to feel guilty or pressured into either choice."

And yet you've posted saying you believe that breastfeeding is best, basically. You haven't got a clue. Hopefully you get a bit more open minded before you qualify as an HCP because its this sort of low level judginess that your posts are exuding that contributes to post natal depression and women feeling judged for not breastfeeding. You're completely disregarding maternal mental health in your very firm belief that any women who doesn't breastfeed is "Not taking the opportunity to better hers and her childs health" or whatever it was you said.

tiggy - I was talking about the former - those who know from the get go that it's just not for them and aren't going to try.

Thanks Morphene

As a PP I didn't want to either. My midwife asked me at the time and I said I wanted to formula feed. I was fully expecting her to try and talk me into breastfeeding. She didn't, she respected my decision and didn't ask me why. She said "OK" and then we discussed bottles and sterilising. I think you could learn something from her.

MissBax milk doesn't come in for a few days with baby number 1, so they should just be getting colostrum at the start. Don't take the constant feeding as a sign that your baby isn't 'getting enough', it's just that they have tiny stomachs that empty quickly.

And yet you've posted saying you believe that breastfeeding is best, basically. You haven't got a clue. - yes, I do believe breast is best, based on scientific research. That doesn't make me judgey and I still would never push any woman to make a choice, other than the one she wants.

You're completely disregarding maternal mental health - no I'm not.

They haven't been able to advertise first infant formula for years and years, that's not new.

Your comment about it being easy to share feeds by expressing shows how little of a clue you have about the reality of breastfeeding. If this is what you think having just finished a training course, then no wonder the midwives and HVs are so incapable of providing the support needed to help more women who do want to BF to do it. Your post explains a lot.

Ps - the "benefits" really aren't as strong as you've been brainwashed into believing. In studies where all other factors being held constant, the difference it makes is negligible.

And not that breast milk isn't the obvious first choice for a baby, but 1) more modern research is emerging (lots based on sibling studies) that the benefits are being a little overstated, and that there is very little difference between breastfed and formula fed children. It's also important to not that these are statistics and there will still be a diverse population of breastfed babies and formula fed babies who are all completely different, some will breastfed babies will be more intelligent etc that ff babies and dome ff babies will be more intelligent etc than bf babies, it really isn't the be all and end all of their lives. And 2) just because breast milk is the number one choice doesn't mean breast feeding always is.

Not exclusive to MN, but the amount of poor advice I've seen on bf threads and posts across the web is scary. There is a lot of misinformation and old wives tales that get bandied about. I had to leave a couple of Facebook groups because of comments of fixing newborn babies water, breast milk going "bad" in the breast and that cluster feeding was your baby manipulating you.

Even from midwife to health visitor, it's totally dependant on the age of them, when they trained, who trained them, what their parents told them. I've got a friend who is a mw, her mum is a hv and gives her daughter completely different advice from what she gives at work.

I don't know anyone who is clueless about the benefits of breastfeeding in real life it's everywhere drilled into your head

She didn't, she respected my decision and didn't ask me why. She said "OK" and then we discussed bottles and sterilising. I think you could learn something from her. - jesus Christ, WHERE have I not respected anyone's decision?! I have literally not disrespected ANYONE'S decision.

I breastfed for 4 months and it was the worst time of my life. I had no money to buy clothes that were suitable, I felt self conscious breastfeeding in public so stayed inside. I felt ugly, I leaked milk onto the few clothes that did fit. Or they got sick on! I only ever had my son when he was crying. He cried a lot!

Turned out to be a cows milk allergy and once he was on prescription milk he was better. Until I made the decision to do that I was basically told to feed him more as he was cluster feeding, growth spurt or some other bullshit that explained the crying. He put on a few oz every few weeks and he was basically slowly starving as his body rejected most of the milk. HV thought I wasn't feeding him correctly. I had two HCP that said he had tongue tie, and a GP that disagreed. I was told a few times I wasn't feeding him right, but a few more times that I was. He had green mucus poos which were said to be because he was only drink fore-milk or something. Another HCP disagreed with that whole concept of hind milk/foremilk.

The level of inconsistent advice was shocking and left me lacking confidence and left my son suffering for the first 4 months of his life. I asked the gp what I should do as I was going mad with the crying and I truly didn't want to be around him anymore or have him close to my body. I do think it's effected the bond I have with him now.

I don't know anyone who is clueless about the benefits of breastfeeding in real life it's everywhere drilled into your head

Unfortunately there are ALOT of people who don't know the benefits. They may have heard that "breast is best", but alot don't know why this is.

Neoflex

I would start with full time breastfeeding and see how it goes. The first 3 months are very important to building your supply. You might find that you will need to express at work to keep your supply going, and yes you may well find that you have difficulty expressing, but the benefits of breastfeeding are worthwhile even if it is just for 2 months. Given the choice, I would establish breastfeeding for at least 6 weeks before messing around with a breast pump.
The reason I think breastfeeding mothers have more trouble expressing is that letdown is a physical reaction, like a reflex. Those that breastfeed almost full time will start leaking milk when they hear their baby crying. It feels to many like a tingly/pins and needles feeling in the nipples, sorry if TMI. I had a premature baby in hospital, so would come downstairs and see the breastpump and leak! It was as though my body was conditioned to react to the pump over time, while mothers of babies who breastfed full time would have the letdown happen as they started to feed their baby, but their breasts might not respond in the same way to a mechanical pump. Does that make sense? Hopefully it does a bit.