Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

right there thats is you judging formula feeders. Come back when you have any idea what you're talking about you naive silly person. - well aren't you charming. So stating a fact (the benefits to mother and baby) is me being judgemental?

See my experience of MN is the polar opposite.

Go on the feeding thread and say you want to FF, the end, and the first reply will be "why not just give BF a go to do the best for your baby?" quickly followed by progressively more judgy posts. There might be 4 or 5 posts being supportive of the Mums choice.

Formula companies haven't been able advertise stage 1 for years. That's not new news

I totally respect any woman's choice, it is their body and their baby. HOWEVER (and I am prepared to be flamed) I do hugely judge women that don't even give the baby colostrum. It's SO important, so nutrient rich that I cannot understand why anyone wouldn't let baby have that for 2 days and then move onto formula. But that is just my opinion.

My son went from 75th centile to 2nd centile (91st for height so very very skinny at 2nd centile) over 8 weeks of breastfeeding. HV, midwives, doctors, lactation consultants, all said nothing was wrong and I just need to keep peresevering, feeding on demand, and topping up with pumping. 'Demand' was LITERALLY about 22 hours a day.... when exactly was I meant to pump? I did whenever I could, but nothing much came out.

Anyway. Eventually he got diagnosed with a 90% thick posterior tongue tie at 8 weeks, and got it snipped soon after, but by that point my supply was awful and he'd had 8 weeks of not getting what he'd been trying so hard for. HIs latch was perfect and I had no pain, luckily. But, we combo fed for another 2 months before completely cutting out BF at 4 months, as he wasn't getting any benefit from it. All his nutrients was coming from the formula.

If I hadn't listened to all the 'breast is best, you must keep trying' advice, I would have had a much healthier baby.

SO! I'm not prepared to put this next baby through what was basically starvation, soooooo if things start to go south with BF this time, I won't listen to all the pros and will have no hesitation to switch to formula.

I have a friend who never tried BF, she simply didn't want to. Fine by me!

@MissBax they've not been allowed to advertise it for a very long time. It carries harsher restrictions than alcohol.

And they have to use very specific language as well. I used to work at a magazine and it was one of the very few places they could advertise it. I had numerous conversations with people from companies saying about how follow on etc was just a loophole and the little cows and polar bears were effectively subliminal advertising.

However at the end of the day I do think, based on people I know, there's a lot of blanketing on both sides. I've been cut out of groups of mum's because my ability to bf has made them feel guilty. But I've seen groups of bf openly criticise ff mums.

Until you are in that position yourself you won't know though. I was very fortunate. I never had mastitis and I managed to coast through cluster feeding hell, nipple biting etc and actually had a very easy time. It's not the case for most and the amount of tears and pain was phenomenal. I can't even begin to imagine what some people have gone through.

It's a very vulnerable time for a woman and a very emotive subject. Everybody I know who was "oh I'm definitely going to bf" ended up not.

Formula companies haven't been able advertise stage 1 for years. That's not new news - fair enough. I wasn't aware, nor were many of the other 150 HCP's that were there.

Couldn't get DS to latch, after 24 hours of midwives yanking my breast out of my top without even asking, trying to express and DS refusing to even take a drop from a syringe I said fuck it and gave him a bottle. I did try mix feeding but he loved his bottle (tried pumping milk but only got 1ml after an hour) so gave up completely at 4 months.

No regrets, my sons happy and healthy. I'm sure if id persevered in the first few days I could've exclusively breast fed but I was done in.

"So is pumping really that difficult? Is it this big challenge?"

For some people it is- for some people it isn't. You can only try and see.

Why let other people sway you from trying a plan you've worked out and which seems entirely feasible.?

For me, it just seems like the obvious choice and I was just wondering why people would choose otherwise

Because they are not you.

MissBax I am massively pro breastfeeding and breastfed my twins for 18 months. We didn't use any formula at all.

But it was hard.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life.

It really hurt in the beginning.
One of my babies had problems latching.
I had both thrush and mastitis and huge cracks.

I basically didn't sleep for the first 6 months.
Local NHS support for breastfeeding was rubbish.

I had this lovely idea that breastfeeding was natural (it is), wouldn't hurt if I was doing it right (not necessarily true in the early days) and would be easy (it was by 8 months, before that not so much)

I only kept going because I had a supportive DH and because my DPs were so supportive. and because I'm stubborn as hell

I completely understand why people give up. I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who tried but just couldn't keep going.

It is a wonderful thing to do for both Mother and babies long term health but it's not always as straightforward as the books suggest.

I hope it all goes well for you when the time comes.

If I hadn't listened to all the 'breast is best, you must keep trying' advice, I would have had a much healthier baby. - Yeah, that's terrible, and being pressured to do so at the cost of baby's health is unforgivable. There needs to be support on both sides - for those who want to BF and those who want to bottlefeed. Neither should be made to feel guilty or pressured into either choice.

Most women start trying to breastfeed. But many give up within a short space of time.
If the NHS actually wants more women to breastfeed, it should invest in better post natal care. It used to be women were kept in hospital post birth until breastfeeding was established. Now they are told breast is best, and shoved out the door with at most a few pamphlets.

OP - I understand you're just asking about the choice not to BF however it's a really emotive subject so that's why you'll get a lot of sharp responses, particularly as you've never been there

It's clear you don't have a child yet and one thing I'll tell you that you can never experience without going through it yourself is the hormone factors - believe me, hormones are THE most unpredictable things on the planet - your emotions and sleep patterns are in turmoil, you feel like a deflated balloon or beached whale and you don't get over that very quickly unless your really lucky. There's so many demands in your time. Don't even start on cluster feeds or feeding on demand because that just breaks you, especially with no sleep and you've not even got dressed for days. You'll have sore nipples and cracked nipples, particularly with your first baby which I can assure you is horrendous - bad enough they're sore and healing, but when that baby gets hungry the healing goes backwards - you can't Ever seem to heal - then there's the worry there's a problem with your baby because the milk in her mouth is pink -cue panic about baby ... turns out your nipples are bleeding into their mouths.

I think I'll stop there I'm bringing back too many terrible
Memories

Why don't you wait and see how you feel when you have some real experience, not just something you've read in a book?

And 'I don't want to' is a perfectly valid reason. My body. My choice.

I bottle fed, never breast fed. Sometimes I wonder retrospectively if I had bf would my son have the same number of allergies that he does have. I do wonder if I made the right decision.
My main reasons for ff was I wouldn't in a million years feel comfortable bf in public. I also don't think I would have coped breastfeeding. I wouldn't have been able to share the feeds with my partner. I used to do the nightfeeds and dp would do the first morning feed (6am) which meant o got a lie in. I also wouldn't have been able to have any spare time, that may sound selfish, but for me and my wellbeing it was important. Even if it meant being able to go to Tesco without the baby. Or nipping out to see friends. If I bf I would need to take the baby with me (assuming I wasn't pumping etc).

midwives yanking my breast out of my top without even asking How in hell are you supposed to establish breastfeeding in this environment? Appalling

Scarlett - yes why do they say it shouldnt hurt if you are doing it right? I did manage to BF DS2 for nearly 2 years but it did hurt when he first latched on Id say for the first 3 months until I got used to it. The first few days I cried every time he fed and nearly packed it in but I was able to sleep in the day so was able to perservere. Fucking hard, very hard. Constant thrust, mastitis and a breast abscess, had all 3 at the same time at one point.

I believe 'proper' BF supporters are truthful about this sort of thing instead of the majority of MW who dont seem to have a clue.

I'd choose not to if I needed to take medication that's not suitable when breastfeeding (hopefully won't have to, fingers very firmly crossed!) but otherwise I can't find a reason for myself not to try and to be honest the idea of not breastfeeding never even crossed my mind with DD (although it was really difficult to begin with, more so than I expected) and that seems to be the general attitude where I live - every single health professional when pregnant with DD and after I had her, and now when I'm pregnant again - just automatically assume that I breastfed and will breastfeed this baby.

All I would add is that you can make no decision till the baby comes. I was intent on bf but for me it wasn't possible and the midwives made the decision to give baby a bottle. It was tough to get over the pressure i had put on myself. Much like birth plans etc, I think its very much a wait and see decision. Congratulations on the baby!

Why don't you wait and see how you feel when you have some real experience, not just something you've read in a book? - because I'm allowed an opinion, even when I've not experienced something first hand.

"Sometimes I wonder retrospectively if I had bf would my son have the same number of allergies that he does have."

sometimes I think if mum had formula fed me, I might not have inherited the asthma, eczema, etc from her. So please don't worry, we can all worry about everything but you did what was right for you. for the record I'd never have breastfed either, and my non-breastfeeding friends often said of the "sharing" by expressing - "what, so you spend half your time feeding and the other half expressing?" - just seemed like a horrible choice and impossible if you want to return to work fast anyway.

First of all, and I know you didn't say this at all and are just curious, I still think it's important that it is a choice for the mother to make, and it is important that we remove maternal guilt from this choice. Not everyone feels guilty, and if you have made an educated and balanced decision to formula feed (or really however you came to that conclusion), then it's really no one else's business. Hope that didn't sound rude as I certainly didn't mean it to :)

So onto reason's. I do personally feel that maybe there are "good" and "bad" reasons for choosing to formula feed, but that doesn't mean I think it equates to a good or bad choice, and will leave out the ovicious reasons of some women physically being unable to breastfeed from the list.

"Bad" reasons to formula feed -

• poor breastfeeding support and gyidance resulting in a failure to successfully establish breastfeeding, despite the mother wanting to breastfeed (I feel this is very common in England)

• accepting myths surround BF/FF as absolute fact, for example the idea that breastfeeding will make breasts sag (it's pregnancy that does this) or that formula fed babies will automatically sleep better on formula and that this is necessary.

• peer pressure in some communities/ among family and friends. - in some communities it is not considered normal or appropriate to breastfeed. there have also been suggestion's in some communities by charities like UNICEF (will check though as I'm not 100% sure it comes from them) that formula is seen as a kind of "status symbol". I'm not sure of the validity of this one but it's still an example of peer pressure.

"Good" reasons to breastfeed

• if baby is truly showing signs of not being able to successfully feed at the breast and the mother is not able or wanting to express.

• if a mother has educated herself on the realities of breastfeeding, as in not been bombarded with overstated benefits nor being dismissive of the benefits it does offer, and deciding that on balance she feels happier formula feeding.

• if the mothers mental health or emotional wellbeing is being put at stake in order to continue breastfeeding. it can be a very emotionally draining and exhausting experience for women, some of whom will cope and some of whom will not.

• if the mother acknowledges that infant feeding is a spectrum rather than an either or and works out how to mixed feed successful then there is also no reason for her to feel in any way guilty for no exclusively breastfeeding.

• mother needs to go back to work, and feels that the benefits of going back to work and improving her socioeconomic status is more beneficial to her baby than breastfeeding, and she doesn't want to continue breastfeeding because of this decision (although of course you can Bf and work, but its not easy for everyone)

So as you can from all the posts here (sorry I haven't read before I posted but am going to!) There are many many reasons and contributing factors to why a woman might choose not to breastfeed, and there are many other aspects of being a good mother that have nothing to do with breastfeeding, both choices are equally valid, and babies will thrive with a caring mother no matter how they are fed :)

All I would add is that you can make no decision till the baby comes. I was intent on bf but for me it wasn't possible and the midwives made the decision to give baby a bottle. It was tough to get over the pressure i had put on myself. Much like birth plans etc, I think its very much a wait and see decision. Congratulations on the baby!

Thanks Lou :) when anyone had asked me "are you going to BF?" I have answered if I can. Got my hospital bag packed and have packed some formula too, incase it doesn't work for me

Exactly, breast is best and everyone can do it.

Except it's 3am and you've not slept for a week and your baby won't latch on and feed for longer than 3 sips before they fall asleep, only to wake you up again at 5am, like they have for the past week, 24 hours a day.

I don't think it's important how a child is fed as long as they are fed safely and well. Boob or bottle it's no ones business except the mother and baby's.