Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

I breastfed for 3 days. I hated it. Ds hated it. He wasn't interested his jaundice wasn't getting any better and frankly I was sick of sitting with my boobs out looking at a screaming baby who wasn't interested.

I full well knew about the health benefits but I thought there would be more benefit in making sure my baby didn't starve to death at that point

Felt the same way as you OP in my smug first time pregnancy world. It looks so eeeasy, oh the health benefits, the bonding etc etc, why would anyone not do it? I couldn't wait! One v difficult pregnancy/birth followed by no milk/no sleep/baby rapidly losing weight whilst I was rapidly losing my mind and formula feeding suddenly seemed like a miracle!

Clalpolly - but I don't really feel like it was hard won really? I dunno maybe I'm just stoic. I had "really bad" morning sickness when pg and if people asked about it I'd say it was all alright but then if they asked for further details were horrified at how bad it was. Same with the BF I just felt like all those things were par for the course. So I think there's an education aspect to increasing breastfeeding rates. If one is prepared for it to be shit they might have more realistic expectations. I know people who quit because they got mastitis. That's absolutely ERI choice, I'm all for body autonomy. But if you were taught that if you breastfeed you will get a sore swollen tit and it will be awful, maybe that would be less of a stumbling block? I don't know. I'm definitely not saying that if you struggled and quit you weren't trying hard enough though.

If you try to promote BF you're seen as pushy or a bully, trying to make other mothers feel guilty because they couldn't or wouldn't, had too many problems, etc.
If you've had difficulties and managed to work through them that's frowned upon too because you're making the ones you couldn't feel guilty.
Try starting a positive thread. I wonder how long it will be before the negatives have to chip in.

Toes, I'm stoic too. I won't bore you or others with my struggles and my shocking care. I didn't get there.
I still feel like a failure. Not a nice start to motherhood.

And tea, this is beyond "being negative ". Being negative doesn't cover how it feels to fail.

It's not the promoting breastfeeding that's bullying, it's not.

But when you have people saying (I'm not saying they have in this thread) you'll be failing your baby If you don't bf, that you're selfish if you don't bf or whatever that's when it gets unpleasant.

If you want to breastfeed, great. If you Don't, great.

I don't understand why anyone gives a shit what others do and what they feed their baby with. I honestly do believe fed is best.

"Sorry Bertrand you've done it yourself in this thread by saying those who want to bf should just try harder, it'll be fine"

Really? I honestly don't think I've said anything of the sort! Where?

I tried breastfeeding my DS and I couldn't do it due to a few problems so I ended up putting him on formula. I felt like such a failure and I was so down and depressed that I couldn't breastfeed him. So when I had my DD I chose not to breastfeed her because of the worry that I won't be able to and didn't want to feel like I've failed my baby again.
BUT I really regret not trying to BF my DD so as I'm currently expecting DC3 I'm determined to BF and not give up!!

My breast milk went from 200ml a pop to zero overnight with DD - I expressed, she couldn't latch at all, it was so stressful. It was massively affecting me mentally at a time I was already overwhelmed and at 6 weeks I said "no more".

This time, if there is even a hint of the same struggle I'm doing FF. I plan to anyway as of 8 weeks in as I want my body back and - in my experience to date - that the likelihood of baby sleeping well is increased when not feeding on demand.

OP you said I am expecting at the mo and can't wait to breastfeed - one of my friends text me and asked if I was going to as she didn't understand why the midwives were encouraging her to

Good luck - if you're trying and it's just not happening and you've got HVs and midwives going "come on come on" at you ad nauseum it could be one of the most demoralising experiences of your life.

I know a few people who didn't want to breastfeed because they thought it was "gross". I find that odd tbh. Makes me wonder what they said about me when I BFed for over 2 years!

"As I said. If you are pregnant and want to breastfeed, ignore Mumsnet. Chances are that with a bit of effort you'll be able to. Unless the horror anectdotage has made you so tense and worried that you are too scared to try. "

14:58 You said this, Bertrand, "with a bit of effort you'll be able to".

Clalpolly - that's so sad :( I'm really sorry you went through a huge struggle and we're still made to feel bad. I really don't understand HCP who are horrible to people who tried. It makes no sense to me at all. Surely they should be celebrating every day that someone manages to breastfeed and gets them closer to their targets? Like, they know how lactation works, being a dick to you isn't going to make your boobs miraculously start producing milk once you stop.

I just didn't want to

I think we've all got the message that op fully intends to try, Bertrand . She wasn't posting for reassurance; she was feigning total incomprehension as to the reasons other people would choose not to.
And telling people that not wanting to wasn't a proper answer; they needed to try harder to give a better explanation.
She doesn't need you jollying her along.

It took years (literally) before I had someone say to me that I had done brilliantly even to go a couple of weeks with all the health horribleness I endured then and after.
I am absolutely delighted when I see that someone else has managed a good long stint, especially if they had a tough time. But when they turn it into "I did so everyone can" I get pretty upset.

titsywoo (great name) I never thought it was gross before I did it, And don't see anyone else doing it as gross. Don't have a problem with it at all. But when I did it, I just thought it was a really weird feeling and unpleasant. And the milk dripping and breast pads and stuff made me feel a bit gross.

That's just me personally though and even perhaps with a different baby I'd feel differently. I definitely don't look at anyone and think they're gross.

As long as baby is fed then that is all that matters. No need to confront everyone with a holier than thou attitude.

Correct me if I am wrong, but the largest societal section of people BF promotion is specifically trying to reach, because of the lowest BF rates, are groups of younger people, who come from and live in communities with wide ranging problems such as lack of education, poverty, addiction, other MH and physical health problems, disenfranchisement, isolation, etc. This group of people need a multi pronged approach. At the moment, the BF rates are not significantly going up in those groups, while at the same time, the one size fits all, somewhat patronising, HCP BF communication/promotion (Breast is always best! It's so natural, easy and convenient! Everyone can and should do it!) makes the rest of the mothers feel excessively guilty about making informed choices not to, or failing to, breastfeed.

If the worst thing I had had to endure was some old fashioned dick head giving me evils because I fed my baby in a cafe, it would have been a piece of piss. Or some family member saying I was wasting my time or my partner wanting "his " tits back.
I had none of those things. None at all.
I would defend to the hilt anyone who had to endure that.
That's not what made me fail.

You wouldn't tell someone childbirth doesn't hurt at all, I dont understand why MW's in general dont tell the complete truth about BF. It does a lot of damage IMO

Yes x 100!

The 'negativity' is a crushing feeling of failure that I can't begin to describe.

The most basic answer to that question is - because someone comes from a culture where lots of people don't breastfeed. That's because many of the other issues raised here (low supply, mental health issues etc) must also apply to Norwegian mums, Hungarian mums etc, but for some reason it doesn't seem to stop these women starting to, or continuing to breastfeed.

In Hungary 98% of women breastfeed at birth and nearly that many are still exclusively breastfeeding at 3 months.

Mini is here. Time to leave this thread.

Therefore I imagine in a country where 98% people breastfeed there must be support. It's support women need .

I come from a family where everyone bf, I still couldn't do it.