Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

OP, I was just like you before I had a baby. I didn't understand why the breastfeeding rates were so low. I didn't understand why so many women would "choose" to formula feed.

Then I had a baby, went through hell trying to breastfeed and finally gave up at eight weeks (I don't regret that decision for a second, by the way).

And now I get it.

I was supported through feeding problems, but was not supported in a way that would have helped me. After becoming nearly psychotic with PND due to lack of sleep, literally constant pumping and BFing a screaming baby who never had enough until FF topups (so being stuck with tons of paraphernalia to sterilise and prepare despite BF), crying with guilt over topups, inability to bond and love my DS because my guilt. I projected my difficulties onto his constant screaming and I saw him as a monster persecuting and torturing me, pointing out my failures and pushing me to the edge. Somewhat extreme, but it that uncommon things to happen. The kind of support I needed would have been for HCPs to reassure me it was fine to stop for mine and my DS's health, and prescribe me formula if I needed it and was on low income. Not yet more bf group addresses!

My baby was born 3 months early and my milk never came in, not properly. Some other mums in the unit had preemies and were able to.
I was told that breast is best, especially for preemies and tried my best to express what little I could. Doing it in the ward next to the incubator and at home every 3 hours. I tried hand expressing too and ended up giving myself bruises.
They gave him donor breast milk and then formula. They upset me so much making me feel like a failure. Like I wasn't trying hard enough. They had special breast feeding midwives who gave me the 'talk' saying that they wouldn't be able to give him donor milk for much longer. No matter what I said, they didn't seem to believe me until a nurse at the unit actually felt my breast and realised there was next to nothing there.
He was on special formula, then normal and now cows milk. He's nearly two now and doing brilliantly.
I understand 'breast is best' but it's not always the case.
A friend of mine chose not to breastfeed and that was her choice. Her child is also doing very well too.

I wanted to feed ds,he was 8 weeks premium and the SCBU were next to useless in fact they were just concerned that I was screened off - yes,they actually rushed and got a screen "in case any of the dads were uncomfortable."

I mean,ffs any men there were devoted dad's worried about their own little scraps hooked up to monitors and in incubators not looking at me ,I even had a shawl across me so nothing was visible.

When I needed help with ds's latch they huffed and puffed and got me a bottle of formula.

I expressed for 6 weeks instead and it nearly killed me.

Have you read this thread? How many positive stories?

The OP asked people to say why they didn't breastfeed.

Are you expecting people to post about how they found breastfeeding easy and wonderful and consider it very important for bonding, but they decided not to bother bf and FF instead?

People are trying to tell the OP, who has never breastfed and, apparently, despite having just done a workshop about it has no idea about the reasons why people might not do it.

That is really sad Bertrand

I do feel the whole infant feeding culture in this country is in a sorry state

And I do really genuinely believe that knowledge is power, and people's perceptions are really important, particularly in how we interact with eachother.

For example, if you are constantly plowed with what a holy grail breastfeeding is, without understand everything behind this information, and at the same time are not given adequate information to anticipate what breastfeeding will be like, and then it doesn't work out for you - then due to your incredibly high expectations of an unknown situation, compounded with how insanely essential it is to your baby to have any hope of a positive start in life, you are very likely going to feel a hell of a lot of guilt.

And so when you see people in your life or on MN or wherever talking about how happy they are to be breastfeeding, how wonderful it is etc, then maybe you feel resentful. And the negative emotions you've built up as a result of your own dreadful experience cloud your judgement - breastfeeding is hard, and not a lot of woken in this country relatively do it for a prolonged period - so they must be bragging, right? Of course they're not! But unfortunately it doesn't stop people feeling hurt, and some people unfortunately react to that.

It's not right at all, it's not healthy for anyone. But I do feel like the source of it is a bigger picture that needs addressing, and that would help everyone feel confident, empowered and happy with their choice.

And if we do take on board new evidence and treat formula as the acceptable and valid option for aome women that it is, I even believe that removing this guilt and fear of failure would encourage and improve breastfeeding rates.

See? Called twattish because I dared mention how I enjoyed it I rest my case.

Oh and ds was born in a big London teaching hospital, just awful.

I read an article by someone who works in PR/lobbying who has recently joined the Breastfeeding promotion campaign in England and Wales. She says it's the most difficult job she's ever had, and the accusations of bullying, victim blaming and shaming are constant. She's never had to tiptoe around as much before everyone in her life - the whole area is completely toxic in the UK. And the Formula companies have so much power. Oh and this isn't someone straight out of uni who didn't realise how hard work could be - highlights on her CV include negotiating peace talks in Northern Ireland.

I also firmly believe that figures should include those who bf for shorter than 6 months ..... it negates the fucking hard work us mums who didn't manage to their stupid bench mark - not that ff is bad of course but loads of people bf for weeks or months and I don't think they get counted

"glitter, that's because those threads, without fail, have posters making nasty, sometimes veiled sometimes not even, digs at mothers who formula feed."

Utter, utter bollocks.

I thought I'd be a natural at it. I wasn't. I gave up after two weeks of agony - I was in so much pain and my baby fed for hours.

Sometimes, I wish I had persisted - it's so much easier than bottle feeding once you get the knack.

I think support is so important - looking back, I don't think I did.

I wish you all the best for breastfeeding your baby but, I warn you, not every mum (or baby) takes to it well.

I have a huge plexiform fibroma covering most of my right breast and nipple which I begged for years to be removed and was refused as it was considered cosmetic. When my son was born I was determined to feed and struggled myself to almost collapse as it was only possible to feed from one side. I was then told by a HCP that I should have considered getting the plexi removed before getting pregnant to give DS the best start in life .

"'glitter, that's because those threads, without fail, have posters making nasty, sometimes veiled sometimes not even, digs at mothers who formula feed.'

Utter, utter bollocks"
Sorry Bertrand you've done it yourself in this thread by saying those who want to bf should just try harder, it'll be fine.you have no idea how hurtful it is to read that sort of thing.

Get some self awareness before you post again.

Op, hope it goes well for you and I hope you get great support if it doesn't.

For anyone who is interested in new BF vs FF studies, I recommend you look into the PROBIT study. Very interesting reading - and bear in mind that the study wold have been even more conservative than usual in its measurements of breastfeeding outcomes because it was a RCT able to be conducted because it measure breastfeeding support rather than breastfeeding.

It's not bollocks. Tell yourself it is if you wish, but it isn't. There are posters who do it on every single infant feeding thread they see.

And I'm not saying this from a position of someone who didn't breastfeed and who is feeling defensive about it. I did (do), exclusively. But I read the OP on t hose threads and play bingo with myself about how many posts there'll be before the digs start. It's like a version of Godwin's Law. It happens every time. I'll link to a number of perfect examples, if you need me to. It's very easy to find though, if you just put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Aye, bully for you. Aren't you fantastic? Put yourself in the shoes of someone who struggled and imagine how it feels.

I tried to BF, I found it excruciatingly painful with first born.

Second I persevered but having a newborn and a 2 year old made it so hard. I only lasted a month and switched.

It's hard, as you become a milking machine especially when they are tiny

I think 'horror' stories (or in other words - just peoples experiences) are needed.

Too many times we are told it shouldn't hurt if you're doing it right, EVERYONE can do it, its easy, convenient, natural, makes you feel great etc etc often paint a very unrealistic picture of BF. So when it is painful, difficult, inconvenient for some, feels strange and so on new Mums may think they are odd and weird and not doing it right so just stop when they may not really want to.

You wouldn't tell someone childbirth doesn't hurt at all, I dont understand why MW's in general dont tell the complete truth about BF. It does a lot of damage IMO.

Tomatopuree yiur post about patient about patient autonomy is spot on.

However the culture of formula feeding is more entrenched than people understand. It's also quite a young culture in the scheme of things. It's not an equivalent it's just a man made device.

Neither of my children ever had a drop of formula. I boycott nestle it was never an option. Bf was really hard work at times. I fed 12 and 18 months. I was glad when they weaned but accepted there was no other option. I in the context of my own family firmly believe that still.

I work with new mothers very closely. I ask them when still pg how they plan to feed. I make encouraging comments if they say they might try and bf. Beyond that I don't give it much thought - it's about the bigger picture.

Dummies on the other hand I would ban them altogether I hate them and they impede speech. I've been removing dummies since I was a student. Yuck

Oh and fwiw I love breastfeeding. Can't say it was easy or hard, just a regular level of struggle. I was under no illusions that I'd ever get my body back now I had a child, and that would be true if they were breast or formula fed, birth or adopted (and we considered all of this options). They would still need your constant care and attention and cuddles all the time. I lost more than half my blood giving birth this her, then was in HDU and DH wasn't allowed to stay so I didn't get a chance to sleep until after we got home a few days later. I've had mastitis 3 times, and a few blocked ducts, a bleb or two and carried on. I had PNA. These are all valid reasons for quitting/not starting but they didn't bother me that much apparently. I fully expect to be called a twat now but ho hum.

Toes, you are not a twat for telling us about your hard won success. You'd be a twat if you said that those who didn't get there didn't try hard enough.

And I wrote that while breastfeeding a very wriggly 13 month old which is why it's so full or typos and autocorrects. She bites now, which is a pain in the arse tbh.

Clalpolly, not sure if your post a few ago was directed at me, but of so I think you have misunderstood me!

If I did, Aye, I apologise.