Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

@MissBax you didnt make the bike comment?

What's this below then?

Umpteenthnamechange - it's my reply to RoseVase2010's bike comment.

Op if you're still interested (after this huge thread!)you should have a look at the Infant Feeding Survey. It has been cancelled so 2010 is the most recent one but there is a section about feeding choices. The most common reasons for women chosen to ff from birth were that they didn't like the idea of bf, convenience or due to lifestyle and someone else being able to feed their baby. The most common reason women wanted to bf from birth was for the health benefits for the baby, other common reasons were convenience, they believed it would create a closer bond with the baby and it's cheaper than f.

When you've got a bit more experience and have had a few babies do come back and let us know how it went. For the time being I suggest you keep learning about life and keep your trap shut.

Being rude doesn't make this conversation productive. When you resort to rudeness it tends to overshadow anything valuable you may have said previously.

I've found this really interesting. Thanks for the thought-provoking points.

It has also been a lesson in watching the tone of posts on MN! I think maybe OP's post was just badly put and her day has taken a beating as a result...good luck with your pregnancy @MissBax and I hope things work out as you want them to. :-)

You focus on your baby and your decisions and let everyone else do the same. Apply this throughout parenthood.

Yes, so you did comment and you found that comparison fine to entertain. And yet a woman's choice is so difficult for you to comprehend that you raised an issue with the tea analogy.

Jesus Christ. Have you actually had a baby? Have you ever fed one? Do you think you are the first woman who's going to walk into labour with all sorts of noble aspirations? Or the first women with the grit to stick to these aspirations?

You're either so naive that you don't even understand how loaded and emotive a subject matter you have goaded about feigning innocence.

Or you're a goady fucker.

But stop with this pretence of wide eyed innocent wonder.

Thanks Susie - you too! ☺♥

I completely think that op was not being a goady fucker. If you all think about the before you had children and your expectations of how things will be I bet it's very different.

It's a bit like someone said, you go to a talk about healthy eating. Are told it's cheaper, better for you and only 1% are allergic to vegetables. Then look around to see nobody doing it and slagging it off, ignoring all "the benefits" but in your own case you've not had to eat anything yourself yet. You'd be a bit puzzled about it and curious as to reasons why.

I think it was all perfectly innocent.

@Umpteenthnamechange

MissBax hope you're still looking at this thread! Feel compelled to give you a comment from my experience.
I too went to bf workshop, totally sold in the benefits of bf (also I liked the idea that it was free and didn't involve sterilising/washing stuff lol). I felt- I have this ability, why not do it?
Now I'm expecting no 2 and still planning to bf.
But what the workshop (led by a healthcare prof who had not ever tried bf, and with no guest speakers who had done it either) failed to share is that it can be bloody hard.
I was unlucky, had nipple thrush (WHAT??), blocked ducts, cracked nipples, approaching mastitis, dd had tongue tie and cows milk allergy eventually diagnosed months later, you name it. At times it was exhausting. At times it was excruciatingly painful (yes worse than labour). But past the 7 ish week stage it got great. Convenient, lovely to bond with my dd and it made me feel so proud, I was growing a little human with my own body! Amazing.
My mum tells me I've got a stubborn streak. The nhs prep and aftercare was severely lacking. The one thing that helped me from a hcp in the Nhs was an older nurse on the post natal unit. She said to me, the thing that means whether mums will stick at breastfeeding or not is determination. Or something like that I was a bit woozy at the time. Anyway that stuck with me- a challenge!!
Reason I quit after 11 months, back to work, could never express well and wanted to wear tops and bras that didn't involve me negotiating getting a boob out all the time!
Hope this helps...and best of luck whatever you choose. Xx

That was a bit of a black and white comparison (I know there is a LOT more to it than that!) but until you've experienced first hand it's very tricky to to understand the range of emotions and conflicts that occur at what seems to be a simple argument.

You breezily talk about health reasons but don't get the heartbreak .

Then look around to see nobody doing it and slagging it off

Then what happens? You can go to a talk, look around yourself, consider why nobody seems to be doing it and pause for a minute without having to go to a forum create a post and making it out like people are slagging it off.

I too was pregnant in 2015. I did all sorts of pregnancy classes and read all sorts of books. I went on to breastfeed for a year. At no point right up till I had a few months old would I have dreamed of being as naive as this. The most optimistic I got was "well I'll see how it goes" and as it happens it went rather well. I did not trot out of my classes with a belly sticking out in front of me thinking "awww why does that poor baby have a bottle? I know I will breastfeed!"

@Ginger782

I'm still breastfeeding my 14 month old. I always wanted to breastfeed as I knew the benefits, both my mother and grandmother are big breastfeeding advocates and I've been lucky enough that I've never had a problem with our feeding. However I can certainly understand why people wouldn't want to. I've always had adequate supply but found it hard to express (manually and with a variety of pumps) plus my DD still won't take milk from any bottle (tried several) or sippy cup (despite drinking water no problem ) so basically all the milk feeds have always been on me which is a strain and limits my time away from her. I can completely see why some people would be unable or unwilling to make that commitment and it's fair enough. I plan to breastfeed the next one but when I recall cluster feeding evenings and endless night feeds with a newborn, the thought of that alongside a toddler makes me shudder.

I personally had no bad experiences with feeding in public but I know several people who have and who were too uncomfortable to do so. This put an even bigger restriction on them as they felt they couldn't leave the house for the first few months basically.

I don't think people should be shamed for their feeding choices and I feel lucky to have had the easy experiences I have. I never understood how or why breastfeeding was constantly described as hard until I did it.

Umpeenth you are being very harsh to the OP who has already posted an apology for any unintentional offence caused.

Can you really say that when you were pregnant you didn't have a nice, shiney, idealistic view of how parenting would be? I certainly can't.

MissBax is pregnant, excited about her baby and has come out of a training course all fired up and enthusiastic about the benefits of breastfeeding.

What's so wrong with that? Hmm?

It's obviously a very emotive subject but I see nothing in the OP or her subsequent comments that count as goady. She's just enthusiastic and interested.

To continually virtually kick a pregnant woman seems mean to me.

if MN had a crib sheet to assist with navigating the threads, I think "don't ask for opinions on breastfeeding/utter anything remotely similar to "breast is best"/ask how best to sterilise bottles/discuss other people breastfeeding/discuss feeding baby when you have none of your own", should probably be in bold letters.
Sometimes, I think there are women on here who prowl like lionesses, waiting for the moment to strike some unsuspecting victim, whilst I'm sure some of the prey post things with "buffet" written on their forehead!

I had terrible mastitis on day 3 and milk never properly came in. Mixed fed for 6 weeks then FF.

I breastfed DS1 for two weeks. I have really small nipples and he struggled to latch. I dreaded every feed because it was agony and usually ended up with me in tears. Then I got mastitis and an infected nipple which led to sepsis and I could have died.

I decided what was best for my baby was to have a mother who was alive and well, rather than risk getting so ill again. I have very little recollection of the first 3 weeks or so of his life as I was so ill. I then spent the next 7 weeks or so feeling I'd failed him, and my mental health took a real battering, possibly because the midwives when I was admitted to hospital with sepsis were so utterly vile to me about giving up breastfeeding.

With DS2 (almost 6 years later) I was petrified of breast feeding in case I got ill again. I tried in the hospital and I couldn't get him to latch. I'd already decided that I wasn't going to get myself into the same state I was in with DS1. As a result I've enjoyed DS2 much more and I believe he's a happier, more settled baby because I am happier.

Yes I know there are nutritional benefits to breast milk, but what's more important for me and my baby is that I am physically well enough and mentally strong enough to look after him properly.

As others have said even if you are mega pro breastfeeding it sometimes just doesn't bloody work out. Bf dd1 for eight months when I had her at 18 but wouldn't do it in front of anyone ever. Ds screamed for the whole first year of his life and chomped down on nipples from day one so couldn't do it but dd2 I fed for over three years. My age made me care less about whipping tits out in front of people, I just did. not. care. You may have an ideal in your head when you are pregnant but trust us all when we say it doesn't always work out that way and you may be very disappointed. If you force yourself to feed despite problems you will probably end up extremely stressed, tired and feel guilty, so just be open to the fact shit happens.

Oh yes and from day 4ish till 8ish the first 10 seconds or so of every feed hurts like mad, like grit your teeth hurts. I wasn't aware of that treat before I started and could envisage that putting a fair few people off continuing.

But I wish you the best op and hope the birth and feeding goes really well 👍

For example, look almost anywhere or ask almost any HCPs and they will say that everyone (apart from a teeeeeeeny, tiny, nonexistent minority) can produce enough milk. Then look at how sections and even a slightly premature birth can affect milk supply. Sometimes takes ages to come in and you're playing constant catch up with pumping between feeds. I can tell you I did this. I had no quality of life. I had no sleep and had my boobs out constantly for 3 months, until my DS got reflux and refused breastfeeding and then expressed milk, preferring the thickened, prescribed formula. I felt exhausted beyond belief and so guilty, but at that point I was able to say "fuck it". Sections are quite common and "normal", and people should know more about how it can affect your milk supply. Also, how struggling like I did was a great contributor to my PND and that of others'. Sometimes the benefits are not beneficial enough, in the balance!

Gah:*

"made me laugh anyway that someone actually thought that!! Like, I can turn a PC on, type on it, so Im pretty sure one can assume I know tea isnt like BM "
*
You've misunderstood the objections to your post. No one thought you were comparing tea with breast-milk. ^
^
You were comparing declining a cup of tea with declining to breastfeed though; in your own words: "Apply this to BF. HTH."

That unworkable comparison is what I commented on. Answering a question which has no impact on any other human being, cannot be compared to an answer which will have a significant impact on another human being.

On a personal note, I always blithely assumed I would breastfeed, as my mother had done before me. In the hellish first couple of weeks after my eldest child was born, I understood, as I had not before, why many women give up at that stage. As others have commented, it was painful, distressing and very difficult to get over that hump, but I'm very glad I did, both then and for my subsequent babies.

For anyone out there worried about all the potential difficulties, I'd simply say that, usually, where there's a will, there's a way.