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Original poster

Lack of respect about choice of food for baby

31 replies

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 00:23

Hi all,

Today i had my baby shower and it was truely lovely but this evening i had some family friends visit. They asked abt if i would bring my baby up veggie (i am/hubby not) we said we'd all eat the same at home, when he's old enough, as this is what we currently do... they kept arguing it was not better for baby/we were fircing our views on him/stopping family sharing their diet with him... it got quite tense and i felt upset. Not once did i say meat eating is wrong ir harmful just not my choicem i walked off as was getting emotional (34 weeks) then they left without an apology or bye as thry feel i upset them!
The problem is, we've been family friends for 28 years. I feel hurt and betrayed by them but i also dnt wanna lose them. My mum is upset too as v.close to them... what do we do?

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Mainlywingingit · 28/05/2017 00:34

I'm a bit confused- so your hubby eats meat? Therefore your child could also eat meat alongside your husband's choices or do you mean you want him to be vege?

Is that the same when he goes to school at 4- will he be following vege then or is it the meals at home with you?

They were unreasonable to bring this up at a) this stage and b) your baby shower .

Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 00:44

He ets meat out of the house but as we usually eat together at home, he doesnt at home. This would probably continue but as i would predominently make the food, i would not serve meat. If he wanted to feed the baby meat when they can eat it i wouldnt stand in their way. My main issue is not the food but the lack of resepect and feeling of being "come at" over and over about something whic quite frankly is none of their business. I feel quite hurt and also shocked as i did not expect this from the people in question. All i did, alongside hubby was try to give our own choice but absolutely no judgement of anyone else's choice...

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Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 00:45

He might be veggie but i have no way of confirming this when he isnt even born yet!

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AssassinatedBeauty · 28/05/2017 00:47

They were in the wrong to bring it up and to then make such a big deal about it. They're also incorrect in their beliefs about a vegetarian diet as well. They were also insensitive not to notice that they were upsetting you. Not your fault at all.

I'd leave it for a while and see if they come back to you and apologise. I presume it's your mum that has passed on to you the info that they were upset?

calimommy · 28/05/2017 04:30

Oh everyone has an opinion. And apparently it's very important. 🙄 I'm sorry to say that this won't be the last time you endure the opinions of others about your body/baby/life choices. Learn to form a smile and say thanks for the tip. Start a new conversation immediately so they know that the discussion is over. I've learned that this is the most effective way to tell people you think they are full of crap and your just fine as you are thanks very much.

Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 04:35

Thanks for the advice and support. I feel very judged about something so irrelevant to the current situation with an unborn baby... it seemed like i was railroaded into the whole thing.
It ws actually both a mother and daughter who argued i was wrong and the mum told my mum the dauhter probably won't speak to me again. I've known her her whole lofe so this seems pretty harsh and unfair. Its also very distressing.

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calimommy · 28/05/2017 04:41

Ah the Mother-Daughter combo! What other way is better for them to fuel each other's believe and reassurance that they were 100, nay, 110%! correct in questioning and arguing about something which has NO BEARING ON THEIR LIFE WHATSOEVER. Fear not if they don't speak to you again, it sounds like they are complete tools. Seriously.
On another note I'd say they will back like flies on shit as soon as the baby arrives. Those types cannot stay away. And they will definitely bring up the food issue again, I recommend my previously mentioned tactic. Or else bar them from the house. X

calimommy · 28/05/2017 04:43

I'll just add, I know all of this because I have a mother who has very strong opinions on how everyone else lives their lives. She is right and we are wrong. 🙄

Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 04:44

Thanks for the support. I really needed to hear i wasnt wrong. They messahed to say "lets bla.e the hormones" presumably mine and the love me lots. Note the absent apology and assumption i was unreasonable due to pregnancy hormones. I'm not happy with this response.

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AssassinatedBeauty · 28/05/2017 04:46

I wouldn't let them get away with asserting that you were irrational and unreasonable when in fact your response was entirely reasonable given that two supposedly good friends were giving you grief over something that is none of their business anyway!

Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 04:52

Thanks for support. It makes me feel i'm not going mad@

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Hobbitch · 28/05/2017 05:15

The daughter will never speak to you again because of the way you choose to feed your child? Wow. She sounds bonkers!

It's really upsetting being put on the spot like this on a special day for you, not to mention they were the ones in the wrong. There are tons of vegetarian children and they're fine. Total overreaction on your friends' part. As for them 'blaming hormones' that would make my blood boil! Definitely don't let them get away with that. You could answer something like 'As my child's mother I will choose how I feed him / her and I don't see why you are making such a big deal of it since it won't affect you in any way.'

Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 05:34

I wish i had the articulacy to say that at the timr but i just felt too upset so it came out less clearly... i dmt know what to do now because i just have to wait for them to apologise really... i feel awful for my mum (who brought.me up veggie) it feels like her best friend is calling her parenting bad.

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calimommy · 28/05/2017 05:40

Most condescending message I can imagine. Wow. Just wow. 'Allowing' you to take the blame. How generous. I'd be raging. They are not very nice people OP.

oleoleoleole · 28/05/2017 05:43

I'd reply and say no I'm not blaming my hormones. How me and DP bring up our child is our business and you really upset me.

Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 05:48

I could do... im just scared i'll lose people we've cared about for years. I am terrified of confrontation and worry people will only het worse if i stand up for myself. I thought "i' upset" was enough but they got cross with me for that! At 8 months pregnant i thought they'd be more sensitive. . It feels like it tainted my lovely day now...

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DoubleHelix79 · 28/05/2017 05:57

We're in pretty much the same situation: DH eats meat, I'm vegetarian (but eat fish). At home we just don't bother with meat, but DH will eat meat when we're eating out or invited somewhere. DD is only 12 weeks, but I fully expect some questions from well meaning family when she starts eating proper food. I'm German, and among the older generation not eating meat is simply inconceivable
We haven't thought our approach through yet, but I suspect we'll keep in-house meals veggie but let her try meat when we're elsewhere if she wants to. When she's old enough she can make her own decisions.
By the way I've found it helpful to refer to the millions of healthy children raised by strictly vegetarian Hindu parents in India when challenged on whether children can possibly survive without meat. Will probably do a lot of polite explaining and changing the subject. Not worth getting angry about.

DoubleHelix79 · 28/05/2017 05:59

By the way that was meant to be a smilie, not a bottle symbol, not sure what went wrong there...

AssassinatedBeauty · 28/05/2017 06:04

The thing is they've shown themselves to be a bit unpleasant here, and judgemental. Both of them piling in about it together and backing each other up. They've showed you their true colours, and it is disappointing if they've otherwise been good friends for years. I don't think I'd be able to forget about it and carry on as if nothing had happened. They'd have gone down massively in my estimation and I wouldn't be worried about trying to please or placate them as a result.

Original poster

user1483719818 · 28/05/2017 06:05

Thanksyes i suspect that might be our take on it but even if we dont let them eat meat, its not poor parenting, its personal choice. I cant believe people think they have a right to argue with you about this when it is your own childmnot theirs

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BakedBeeeen · 28/05/2017 06:27

It's not the food that's the issue, it's the fact that they are telling you how to parent your child and bulldozing over your opinions as if you are wrong. There are so many other issues re bringing up your baby that I'm sure they will have an opinion on too! You need to be firm and have some stock phrases ready for them like "thank you for your advice but we have decided that this is how we are going to bring up our child".
They sound like insensitive idiots, send them a message saying you would like to refrain from discussing it again, as you got upset and would appreciate an apology for their behaviour.

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/05/2017 06:31

Wow, they sound like prize twats! You have done nothing wrong at all op. Also, there are billions of people in other countries following an exclusively veggie diet; I really doubt that it is harmful or we'd have seen the scientific evidence by now!!

PetalMettle · 28/05/2017 06:41

Agree with everyone else. And for what it's worth my toddler won't touch meat even when it's offered. I cover off protein with dairy and iron with leafy green veg plus I'm still feeding

BouleBaker · 28/05/2017 06:45

Message them back saying that if they are hormonal at the moment then you will forgive them their comments, after all time of the month issues can affect all women and it was nice of them to realise how ridiculous they were being.

PetalMettle · 28/05/2017 07:34

Haha, excellent

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