We have found out the gender and I don't know how I feel about it...

[DuRezidal]

I am 16 weeks today and we made an appointment for a private gender scan. I had no idea what I was having, but I did always envisage having two daughters.

We took my 5 year old daughter with us as she wanted to know.

The baby was not very cooperative for quite some time, and then finally the sonographer asked if we still wanted to know. We said yes and she announced we were having a boy.

Since that moment I've just felt strange and don't feel as excited as I would do. I can't say this to my husband as he is absolutely delighted, he never imagined we would be having a boy but he is so so happy. So I feel a bit guilty that I am not glad I am having a boy.

It's silly because I know that I have a daughter who is perfect, but I just envisaged having another little girl.

Body/Roses - you're both completely failing to understand the OP's POV.

She's not ungrateful or disappointed, she's just having to adjust to a reality that a few days ago, didn't exist. In all likelihood, these feelings are entirely involuntary and as PPs have indicated, fairly commonplace.

I'm currently in exactly the same position as the OP but I'm getting my head around having a girl, rather than the boy I was convinced I was having. It's like being told by the scientific community that the Earth is in fact flat, when you know and believe it's round.

FWIW, DD1 was suffered very serious brain damage at birth. I know about grief and the desire for a healthy baby, so if anyone wants to preach at me about my feelings .... Please don't.

@OhTheRoses I feel you are just projecting your own experiences now on other people's lives. I have never once had a 'whinge' about having a boy, how dare you even suggest that.

Perhaps if you feel so strongly about people voicing their feelings on pregnancy then this is not the forum topic for you.

No matter how much or how little someone has been through, they are entitled to have emotions and feelings that are important to them. I have every sympathy in your losses, but that does not make my own emotions any less important than the ones you experienced. Each experience is personal and perhaps until you can differentiate between those it would be wise not to comment further.

Not preaching

I agree with PPs. These god awful threads are always about woman moaning about getting a boy when they hoped/ wanted/ imagined/ desperate needed a girl.

It's more than a little tiring and frankly revolting to read about these attitudes to having sons.

I felt a bit numb when I found out DD was a girl. I had two boys and strongly felt that I didn't have a gender prefference. DH quite liked the idea of a girl but also no real prefference.

Part of my problem was I'd rather oddly got it into my head that this little being growing, kicking and wriggling inside me was a boy. I guess that mentally I'd started to identify with my baby as a boy and I felt a bit almost let down my my own body/ mind that i'd assumed the wrong way.

Also, like you've mentioned, i felt i knew what to do with boys. I had slight panic (for a very rational person) about stupid things like how do you change a girls nappy. I'd changed loads of girls nappies too.

Now you know, you have plenty of time to adjust and become accustomed before meeting face to face.

I don't think its odd at all to need time to take in information like this.

I was kind of sympathetic towards the OP initially because I thought she was being very honest about her feelings and seeking support to understand them.
However this statement My best friend has just been sending me some outfits for little boys as I said to her I wouldn't even know where to start (obviously after the baby grow point) deserves a

You buy him clothes OP - you know just like you did with your daughter

I reckon the idea of two dressed up pretty princesses is probably what this is really about.

My DS loves dressing up OP and looks fabulous!! You might get one like that....

You are being silly op.

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately became convinced I was having a boy. I'd always imagine myself with a son, never a daughter. Come the 20 week scan and I found my "son" was actually a daughter. I had to ask the sonographer to check again, I was so shocked. But my astonishment was one that lasted about 3 minutes if that. My focus was on that my baby was healthy and wanting it to remain that way.

I am surprised that someone who is as eloquent as you is taken aback that not everybody responding to your post can understand your perspective.

@MintChocAddict she was actually just trying to help in the way she knew how. I actually said to her that I didn't know where to start with having a boy (all my animals at home are female, my competition horses are female) and she just sent me some pictures of little boys looking very cute and said she was excited to buy him clothes.

I will not be replying any more to this thread as it has turned into a post that was not originally intended. The problem is NOT that I am having a boy, it is how I FELT when I was told it was a boy. I will reiterate I was not disappointed, but nor was I excited and I had the added emotional pressure of my daughter being upset because she wanted a baby sister.

@Alisvolatpropiis I was just a little shocked that people had missed the point. I was not disappointed that I was having a boy, but nor was I excited. It was a post about my personal emotions and I had hoped others would comment and suggest how they progressed from that initial neutral feeling, which I have got from some posts.

Good respose to roses OP.

My heart breaks for your losses OP but I don't think you should be so dismissive of other people s feelings by comparing to your own situation. Health is of course the most most most important thing.. but sex of the babies is still a big deal to some and that's ok.

I agree with the idea that you don't care as much if you find out as baby born as you're just so happy and in love with them there in your arms to even think about things at all. Finding out from a screen is a bit odd.. I found it a bit odd and ive been thinking about it a lot when of I had just found out at birth I would have been jusy like yay and got on with it

Although maybe I wouldn't this time as I know i am unlikely to have any more... maybe not having a girl.would have been a bi of a shock and I would have wasted some of those precious first few days thinking about the fact I now will never have a girl?? Who knows... but I don't think it's ok to make op feel guilty. Its not nice or fair

Ignore people op. Go see the "pink or blue" thread to see how desparate some mumsnetters are to turn anything into a row.

Congratutions on your boy. . They are so much fun !

A healthy baby is precious ... just remember that

Hi OP, my DH desperately wanted a daughter but we had two boys. I knew there may be disappointment at our scan the 2nd time round and wanted us to have time to move past it so there was no question we were going to find out the sex. I think the way forward is to consciously shake off negative thoughts about it - focus in on buying some special boy bits and create a special space for him, getting picking a name....change your internal dialogue about it.

My boys are so loving, cuddly, spice of life - they are a lot of fun and you will know just what to do because your his mum and you'll love the very bones of him just you wait and see

Telling someone how the should or shouldn't feel isn't helpful and wont achieve anything. Feelings are things we cant control and often the best way to come to terms and understand your feelings is to air them.
I understand the negative replies on this thread are also people airing their feelings, but I suggest you make your own threads for that, you wont heel your own hurt by hurting others.

OP Congratulations! Im sure you just need a little time to get your head round an idea thats new to you and you will feel that excitement soon don't feel you have to force it at the moment. Its probably a very common emotion but a lot of people will be scared to admit it and probably beat themselves up over it for a long time because of that

i wanted a girl for the duration but i found out at 20 weeks and lived with the disappointment... he's 5 weeks old now, he's perfect and i wouldn't change anything about him i actually feel terribly guilty for wasting time being anything other than over the moon.

It gives me some comfort knowing that I am not the only one out there who has felt like this because I was worried that this made me a bad person. I am not the most maternal of people, i absolutely adore my own daughter but I am not the type of person who fawns over other people's babies/children.

I don't feel any differently this morning but he is currently bouncing about and at least I now know he is a he and can start to form a bond.

Honestly op I think you should share how you feel in rl, with dh or your mum perhaps? It doesn't make you a bad person to feel the way you do and I really think talking it through might help you work through some of your feelings.

Pregnancy hormones are an absolute bugger and can make us worry and feel guilty over almost anything. We all have an imagined future for our unborn babies, sometimes we create one before they are even conceived. When that future changes it can be unsettling and make us feel fearful, but talking it through can really help.

I haven't experienced what you are feeling but I absolutely wouldn't judge you if you were my rl friend and wanted to talk.

Reading this makes me very glad that I never found out the sex of any of my dcs. Why do it??

Also, I have 3 boys and my 3rd is sat next to me having had his third nail painting session this week (he's opted for gold and glittery, looks fab). He also likes colouring in, looking after his doll, Mr Baby, and giving lovely cuddles. My other two boys have no interest in any of those things so it just shows that even when you know the gender, you have no idea what your baby will be like!

I don't feel ready to discuss it in real life as my husband and his family are so excited that they are finally getting a boy (my husband's siblings and him have all had girls). My mum actually feels exactly the same as I do, actually more so. She really wanted me to have another girl and when we told her yesterday she was a little disappointed.

This is something I would much rather keep private in real life and work through it on my own. Hence why I used this to try to see how others moved forwards from a neural emotional blank upon finding out the sex.

We decided to find out the sex as we have so much stuff from our daughter, so at least now we know we can send all that to the charity shop and get organised for the new arrival.

I just don't get it! How can you (and your mother!) be so down about having a son? A beautiful baby boy who will be no different to your daughter! I hope he never comes to find out how disappointed and indifferent his sex has made you feel. That can be very damaging to a child's mental health.

I was going to have four girls - all planned and timed perfectly but then real life took over. I had my four girls but a lack of timing and self control coupled with a nice weekend in Oxford meant I knew almost certainly number two was going to be a boy. I was right and whilst I was slightly ambivalent during pregnancy I fell in love with him from birth. He was the most perfect baby and a very beautiful toddler. He's personality won everyone over (and still does). He was witty and charismatic from the outset and very different to his sister s questioning perfectionism in everything she did. Pregnancy makes women's emotions a bit random at the best of times. Just start imagining the cutest little short dungarees and shoes with a train on. Just imagine the lovely slobby kiss where he reveals that snails are crunchy and you feel a bit of shell against your face. Imagine a child/teenager who doesn't pick food around the plate and pick off tiny bits to eat but rather opens the fridge and eats the entire contents whilst asking what's for supper. I didn't want boys but actually, they are rather nice.

I had the same feeling too but in my circumstances it was because it is the same age gap I have with my brother who I now have a terrible relationship with and I was terrified that dd and ds would be the same and so I felt that same sex siblings would have a different relationship.

I accepted it in the end because I realised that my children are different and how I parent them will be different from how my parents raised us.

Ds is amazing but I did feel for a while that he was a more difficult baby. I also think its normal and have known other mums experience the same.

Boys are delicious. I'm completely besotted with mine - every bit of him is heart-stoppingly lovely, even the tantrums. I thought he was a girl until a 16 week scan too...

I am PG with DC2... I assumed it would be another boy but turns out I am having a girl. I'm not very good at guessing the sex, clearly.

I am delighted and very excited (I didn't really care either way whether boy or girl) but it is a bit weird as I guess I am used to boys! Took me a couple of days to get my head around it after I had assumed there would be another boy in the house.

Give it a couple of days - once your baby is here you will be so happy you won't care what is between his legs.

All this "I want a boy for my husband" is a bit much OP, along with all the assumptions about rigid gender roles. He'll be your child too. I think you need to modernise your attitude and approach, its 2017, we need to encourage children of either sex to do and be what they want, what interests them, and you are very lucky to be having a healthy pregnancy so far.