We have found out the gender and I don't know how I feel about it...

[DuRezidal]

I am 16 weeks today and we made an appointment for a private gender scan. I had no idea what I was having, but I did always envisage having two daughters.

We took my 5 year old daughter with us as she wanted to know.

The baby was not very cooperative for quite some time, and then finally the sonographer asked if we still wanted to know. We said yes and she announced we were having a boy.

Since that moment I've just felt strange and don't feel as excited as I would do. I can't say this to my husband as he is absolutely delighted, he never imagined we would be having a boy but he is so so happy. So I feel a bit guilty that I am not glad I am having a boy.

It's silly because I know that I have a daughter who is perfect, but I just envisaged having another little girl.

I think this happens because you had a picture in your head of the baby you thought you were going to have and now you have to let that go and replace it with a picture of a different baby. You are kind of grieving the 'loss' (for want of a better word) of that first one but haven't gotten to know the 'new' one yet.
Having had a girl you were basing your ferlings about the new baby on ehat you know of your existing child. A boy is an unknown quantity. But you will adore him and when he is born you really won't want anything other than him.

It's ok. Pregnancy is a long hard slog you are under no obligation to be excited.

It's like when I had DS and the love for him didn't kick in until he was about 3 weeks old. Before that I was just...on autopilot. I felt guilty but did it make me a bad mum? No. Some people just need more time and space to process these big life events than others. It's OK.

I know all about the putting a smile on op. When people were asking about my pregnancy but I'd already miscarried, I just couldn't tell them so smiled and pretended everything was ok. Irationally, you feel like youre disappointing them!

I've got 2 boys and they are ace. My friend end has a DD and a DS and they adore each other and her DS is always looking out for her DD. Alternatively I know someone with 2 DDS and a DS and the sisters absolutely loathe each other! Sex isn't an indicator of how they will be or relationships etc.

I "only" have boys (as mil often reminds me) and I wouldn't swap them for the world. They are preteens now and kind, funny, thoughtful and loving.

Boys rock, well mine do

I suspect you had another girl in mind so it may take some adjustment but honestly OP you'll be fine.

It was all so much easier years ago when we weren't scanned, we just waited until they were born.

I have one of each and it's wonderful!

You probably just feel that you know where you are with girls, but little boys are just as amazing and you'll be fine.

It won't matter one bit when he's born. I felt the same with DS2, once born I knew he was always meant to be and wouldn't change him :)

Boys are awesome. We have two.

Girls are awesome as well.

I wanted a girl because I think I couldn't imagine having boys. But when my boys arrived, they were their own lovely selves and I adore them.

Try not to worry, OP. When you meet your baby and get to know him, things will feel very different.

I cried in my 20 wk scan when we found out I was having a boy... I'd always wanted a boy, but had convinced myself it was a girl for some reason! I'd gotten all excited about girls names and clothes. I definitely think it was the shock rather than the disappointment. However DM has never let me forget my upset and still mentions it, and it's bloody awful to be made to feel bad about feelings from years ago. I love the bones of DS and he is my world! Hormones are crazy at the best of times

I wonder would any of you feel this way if you didnt know the sex.

You're hardly going to push your newborn away and say god I need time to process that I havent got the sex I want. You just get on with it.

Id settle for a baby of any sex I doubt I'll have any.

I had a dd first and wanted a second dd but when dd came alo g he was so lovely and my boy love kicked in now I'm very happy I had a boy as well. He is much more loving then my dd and very funny and entertaining.

Would you prefer anti boy then DuRezial it's pretty much the same thing. These threads are always the same. Someone having or with a boy who wishes they could have a pretty pink princess instead. It's very old now.

Thank you for the replies, it is somehow comforting to know that others have been through these same emotions.

@strawberrypenguin perhaps if you feel that way it would be a good idea for you not to open gender posts, especially ones that clearly state uncertainty in the titles.

It's sort of a morbid curiosity that maybe just maybe it won't be an anti boy thread. But I don't think I've seen one yet.

I don't think this is an anti boy thread though. If you actually read my posts I have never once said I did not want a boy.

I actually wanted a boy for my husband because I think it would be lovely him having a boy to take to things while me and my daughter attend the dressage competitions across the country.

You're lucky OP. Count your blessings

Of course this happened before scans!

I know women who have spoken about it to me, and how awful it was. They all said how much better it would have been to know in advance.

Why cant the boy go to dressage?

Ear marking their roles before birth is a bit much.

@Batteriesallgone I do know someone who this happened to also, but she had a little girl and had desperately wanted a boy. It took her a very long time to bond with her daughter, something she regrets very deeply and wishes she had found out at her 20 week scan as she felt it would have given her time to adjust and come to terms with having a little girl.

@FreeNiki of course he can come to dressage events, if he shows an interest he can come. But like with my daughter, I will not push him or her into the horses just because it is what I do as a job. My daughter only really started to ask to come with me this year (she is 5) and as I am a professional rider I spend a lot of time on the road so it will be nice for my husband to spend time with his son taking him for tennis lessons at the gym, having a kick about (my daughter does not like playing football but had the option) etc.

@FreeNiki and just to add, most males I know much prefer show jumping and Eventing anyway as it's far more exciting than dressage

Yeah that's not cool OP. Your DD is only 5 and your DS isn't even born. They aren't going to be carbon copies of you and your DH they will be individuals. Horsey blokes exist as do rugby playing girls, and it doesn't help anyone to be closed minded about the opportunities open to your children. The kids are the ones who lose out when you do that.

Hmm. Baby one was a boy, miscarried 1u weeks. Baby two, I don't know, miscarried at 7 weeks. Baby three DS1 at 36 weeks (nearly died). Baby four was a boy, miscarried 12 weeks (died just before scan). Baby five, 20 week scan identified significant congenital heart problems probably not compatible with life. He was born at 27 weeks and died within a few hours. Baby six, miscarried at about five weeks. Baby seven - 41.5 weeks, v healthy. Was a girl. I was so desperate for a boy to replace the lost boys but the minute she was born it was perfect. The adrenaline and the love makes it perfect.

You knew it was evens Stevens OP. Can't you just be thrilled that the baby is healthy?

I am a bit to be honest. I don't think you realise how lucky you are.

Congratulations. Please have a chat to yourself and move on.

Baby one miscarried at 17 weeks.

I'm with ohtheroses on this

@OhTheRoses I am so very sorry to hear of the sadness you have been through.

However, this was not me being ungrateful that I am having a boy, as I have said I did want a boy for my husband as I know how much he would love to have a boy and a girl. It did not matter to me whether I had one of each or two girls, so that is why I was so surprised at the lack of emotion I felt when we were told it was a boy.

I don't feel disappointed that I am having a boy, but I don't feel excited either. When I had my daughters scan I came out of the scan room feeling so happy and excited and just feel blank at the moment.