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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Funeral at 39 weeks - what to do?

117 replies

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 12:40

My grandma passed away this week. Her funeral date has been set and I will be 39weeks. My parents are worried about me going and getting very upset and raising blood pressure etc. I don't know what to do. They have suggested I miss the church service and just go to the wake which will obviously be a less emotional part. I don't know what to do. It's my first baby and Midwife has mentioned I am showing signs I might be early... if I miss the service and just go to the wake is that disrespectful to my grandma? I'm already feeling uncomfortable and tired etc and I'm only 37 weeks...

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Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 16:54

The wooden pew thing was one of the points made by my mum! It would be 2 hours there and back with a bit of driving inbetween to get to all the different places.

Don't know why you are being rude SWS, it's really not necessary.

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Blossomdeary · 19/02/2017 16:54

I think you should go unless you feel unwell on the day. Go and celebrate the life of someone you loved. I am sorry for your loss .

Life is full of births and deaths that sometimes coincide - I was present at the birth of my DGD and a day later had a call to say my Mum had died. The birth was one of the most treasured moments in my life; and I had phoned my Mum to tell her about it - the nurse said she would not understand what I was saying (she had a dementia illness) but I was determined to convey the message, just as we would if she had not been ill. When I told her she said the only lucid thing she had said for over a year. She said: "Oh how lovely." So I know I did the right thing - the nurse was amazed.

PotteringAlong · 19/02/2017 16:56

How long will the funeral be that you can't sit on the wooden pew? Go to the funeral.

Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 16:56

Blossom I am so sorry for your loss. Lovely how your mum responded.

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PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/02/2017 16:57

I agree with SockswithSandals Many people have you cope with many terrible things when they are pregnant.

The world doesn't stop because you are having a baby.

My friend buried her DH when she was 30 weeks.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/02/2017 16:58

*to cope

Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 16:58

I almost wish I hadn't started this now!! I wasn't looking for people to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Just asking for what you would not in my situation. I think I will leave it here. Thanks to the people who responded nicely. X

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SloanePeterson · 19/02/2017 16:59

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not quite the same thing but I went to my grandmas funeral when ds was only 6 weeks old. I took him in a sling and tbh I wouldn't have missed it. Yes it was upsetting but you'll not have the chance to do this again. I worried it would be inappropriate to bring such a small baby but everyone was happy to see him there, it lightened the mood a little and yes I agree with the poster who said life goes on. Having you there will give people something positive to focus on. Obviously if you go into labour then it's a no. All three of mine were at least two weeks overdue and though I was tired and uncomfortable, I'd have easily been able to attend a funeral, and certainly would have done had my grandma passed away earlier than she did. But the decision is entirely yours

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/02/2017 17:01

I almost wish I hadn't started this now!! I wasn't looking for people to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Just asking for what you would not in my situation.

Eh? That's the same thing.

So you basically want people to say no don't go then?

Leggit · 19/02/2017 17:01

I almost wish I hadn't started this now!! I wasn't looking for people to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Just asking for what you would not in my situation.

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 19/02/2017 17:02

You have clearly decided you don't want to go, feel slightly guilty and want to be told it is fine. You must of course do what you want to do but not going to a funeral (even 2 hours away) is ridiculous.

user84637252772 · 19/02/2017 17:04

I have to agree with SWS.

It all sounds a bit melodramatic. You are an adult not a 6 year old child that needs protecting from it all.

I went to a very long catholic service at 35 weeks, sat on a hard wooden pew, knelt on the floor for relevant parts, sobbed my heart out, it was very sad, but I was fine pregnancy wise.

It really sounds like you are looking for excuses to not go.

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 19/02/2017 17:04

And not that it matters what people think but if someone in my family who was directly related to the deceased didn't turn up because they are pregnant I would think it was ridiculous and so would most people.

user84637252772 · 19/02/2017 17:05

And she is your granny not a distant aunt or someone you barely knew.

picklemepopcorn · 19/02/2017 17:07

I'm sorry you are feeling pressured by this thread. At 39 weeks I wouldn't have wanted to be two hours away from home, sat on a wooden pew. You will have to sit still respectfully, which may be tricky. I certainly couldn't have, I'd have been prowling round at the back!
You and your granny know your relationship, there is no need to prove it to other people. Your nearest and dearest have said that they think it may be too much for you. A bunch of random folk on here shouldn't make your mind up for you.
You could have a quiet time at home, light a candle, think about your special times together. You might need a handhold though, can you organise a friend to sit with you?

Whatever you decide,

Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 17:09

Thank you for the nice note pickleme, I certainly do feel pressured now!
I just really don't understand why people feel the need to be so unkind

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Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 17:10

I have been with my grandma every other day for two weeks before she passed and said my goodbyes then. I feel that was the most important part.

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Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 17:12

For people to say I am rediculous when they don't know how I feel or the situation is just uncalled for.

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tabulahrasa · 19/02/2017 17:12

"I almost wish I hadn't started this now!! I wasn't looking for people to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Just asking for what you would not in my situation."

So you only wanted posts from people who think a healthy normal pregnancy is reason enough to not go and sit on a pew?

I'm not even understanding why it's crossed anyone's mind for you to miss it...

Your granny has died, you're upset either way, unless the funeral involves climbing a mountain or sky diving I'm not sure why being pregnant affects someone attending...

Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 17:12

Ridiculous*

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user84637252772 · 19/02/2017 17:13

You asked for opinions! Nobody is being unkind, I think people are just a bit bemused by your attitude towards being pregnant.
Sitting on a wooden pew and knowing you will get upset aren't really reasons not to go to a close relatives funeral.

Turquoisetamborine · 19/02/2017 17:14

I went to my stepmother's funeral at 39 weeks pregnant. She was very young and it had been a very shocking death so my mam didn't want me to go as she was frightened for the baby. I insisted on going but she arranged for my cousin to accompany me and it was all fine.

I would go if I were you, only you know yourself though and know how much you will be affected by it.

OhTheRoses · 19/02/2017 17:15

To be honest now you've said it's two hours there and two hours,back, at 39 weeks I wouldn't have gone. Will there be a stone setting/rose planting later where you could say a prayer and introduce baby?

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 19/02/2017 17:16

People are not being unkind - you asked for opinion and most people in your situation would go and have done it themselves. You think people are being unkind because you want us all to agree with you.

Original poster

ps2304 · 19/02/2017 17:17

I guess it's a combination of the 4+ hours driving, the uncomfortableness of being up and down and on hard seating all day and the fact I find funerals extremely upsetting. Thanks to everyone for responding and I will just be seeing how I feel closer to the day.

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