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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Single mothers to be

47 replies

Elkalv · 14/02/2017 21:23

Hi all single mothers looking for a bit of support and encouragement as it gets lonely and scary to do this alone. I am very happy to be pregnant and want this baby more than anything but I never expected to be a single mother. 3 months on it only all starts feeling real and panic sets in. Please share your positive stories if possible! Love to all mothers to be.

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Laura2507 · 14/02/2017 21:34

Hello Elkalv

I'm single, I've actually had IVF using a donor to have this baby as I'm 35 and not risking my fertility to wait for Mr Right (have rest of my life for that!)

I do sometimes wonder what the hell ive done!! I've had terrible sickness, time off work and I live alone with no immediate support (parents are in the process of relocating and friends are at least 40 mins drive). I'm hoping to make some mummy friends by joining pregnancy yoga then baby classes etc.

I do worry about the newborn stages and finances too, however I remind myself that having a baby is tough for most people, single or not, and at least we don't have an annoying partner getting under our feet or not pulling their weight like I've seen happen with other couples. The hard work was not a big enough reason not to do it on my own, if you get what I mean

Anyway I'm 14 weeks so similar to you I guess!

Don't worry I think the reality of it all and panic happens to many mums to be, not just us singletons xx

ColourfulOrangex · 15/02/2017 08:24

My first baby, DS now 6 I was with his dad until he was 3 weeks old when he decided to do a bunk as he wasn't ready Hmm (I was 19, he was 26 and this was his 3rd child he has custody of the other 2) so I was a single parent with my little boy, he has just turned 6 and I won't lie at times its been difficult without the support to just get 5 minutes on your own but I wouldn't change a thing, me and my son have an amazing bond and I feel proud knowing we done this on our own...
I am not 18 weeks pregnant, myself and the dad were in a serious relationship, 2 years, engaged etc baby was planned however in November he was killed in a traffic accident, it's been hard as I have suffered from terrible morning sickness from 3 weeks and I'm still suffering now but knowing that little person in us is so so loved...of course you will panic at times and want to run and screaming but when you see that little face in a few months time or even on the scan, the first kick etc you know you might be single parent but you definitely are not alone and they are so worth it x

Original poster
Elkalv · 15/02/2017 08:43

Thank you girls!
Laura you are so brave to decide to do it solo and go through it you are truly independent woman) I am looking forward to make some mummy friends as well to share ups and downs along the way)
colorfulorange I am so sorry about your loss of your partner, you are very strong woman and I can not even imagine how hard it must be for you now, hope you look after yourself and your family and friends support you. And this little bean will be reminder of your love and your time together with your partner! And I hope I will have a special bond as you do with your older one. Time to start the day and go to work for me ( while I still can))) have a good day girls! Xx

OP posts:
ColourfulOrangex · 15/02/2017 18:22

Elkalv thank you, it's hard But worth it, everyone deals with things differently, you will be a great mum for your little one x

Laura2507 · 15/02/2017 20:55

ColourfulOrange that's heartbreaking to hear about your partner, I'm so sorry you had to go through that Sad it must be awful to lose a partner at any stage of life but during pregnancy just seems so cruel on everyone. I admire your strength at getting through such a difficult time xx

Elkalv it's amazed me how many people have said to me how brave I am. I think it was the initial decision that required bravery but actually now I feel like I am just experiencing same nerves and anxieties as any new mum. I think all new mums have it tough with or without a partner. I do miss having someone to share it with and look after me on sick days but I also don't have to think about anyone else apart from me and the baby and can be completely selfish. There are also no compromises on names, I get to choose my favourite names with no one to veto! I have come to the conclusion there are pros and cons to all family set ups. There is no perfect family but as long as there is love and security for our little ones that's all that matters Smile

Karmaisabitch · 16/02/2017 00:10

Colourful, I am so so genuinely sorry for your loss!

As others have said, you certainly are a very strong woman!

Op, I'm going to be a single mum & each day I get worried but then realise that I'd much rather have my baby than my ex! You'll do a fantastic job!

PsychedelicRaccoon · 16/02/2017 00:10

Single Mum-to-be at 22+3 here Grin

ColourfulOrangex · 16/02/2017 09:25

Thank you all...
so when is everyone due? My little one is due on the 19th July, my son is hoping for a sister and we find out on the 1st March x

Karmaisabitch · 16/02/2017 16:30

I'm due on the 14th April....knowing my baby, he'll be late as he's a very lazy baby!!

ColourfulOrangex · 16/02/2017 16:55

That could come in handy Karma he may be a very good sleeper when he arrives Smile

Karmaisabitch · 16/02/2017 16:56

I bloody hope so! He used to be so active to the point he'd keep me up but now he's become so lazy!

The only time he wakes up is when I'm hooked up to a CTG machine, then he kicks so much the machine beeps!

INeedNewShoes · 16/02/2017 17:03

Can I join?

My baby is due at the beginning of may and was conceived via IUI with donor sperm. I'm 34 and similar to Laura decided to prioritise my hopes of being a mother Smile

Sorry to those of you have not chosen to be expecting and single. I do sometimes wonder what you must think of those of us who have deliberately set out on this route!

Karma - I've nicknamed mine 'contrary baby' because of not moving for ages so that I get to the point of calling the midwife but then he/she starts beating me up with their little feet!

Colourful - sorry that you have been through such a lot Flowers

ColourfulOrangex · 16/02/2017 18:20

Thank you INeedNewShoes I'm sort of looking at it as I will always have a part of him with me, we knew each other for 9 years so is nice to have a little part of him and we had decided names Smile

I think people who have set out on there own from day 1 are extremely strong - anyone doing this alone is strong - but to know you are having to give the little one double is such strength and I think you should be proud of knowing you are capable and noone will love that little baby more than you already do

Laura2507 · 16/02/2017 19:01

I'm due 15th August, 1st baby Smile

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 16/02/2017 19:11

My neighbour was/is a single mum - I think she did it on her own using fertility treatments but we never asked TBH. She was also worried about it but TBH she ended up better than any of us as we used to sit there and complain about our partners who were AWFUL in the newborn phase and mine conpletwly let me down and it def would have been easier without him around as I wouldn't have had any expectations of help, whereas she could just enjoy her baby without any of the relationship drama.
She did used to utilise friends to babysit to get time off to herself each week and also coslept so the nights were bareable.
She did miss out on sharing the baby milestones with someone but used to share them with her mum who was overjoyed at a grandchild when she thought she wouldn't have any.
Hope I haven't been insensitive. Really admire you ladies and I could be a single parent yet as my marriage still extremely rocky. I would had done ivf too if I'd been single at 34/35. Instead opted for settle on the guy just to have babies - and look how that's working out Blush

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 16/02/2017 19:13

Ps colourful sorry for your loss

Karmaisabitch · 16/02/2017 19:28

Ineednewshoes, I think you are a very brave woman to choose to do this alone! You don't have any of the fuss of an ex partner or the bad feelings or a crap dad....I honestly take my hat off to you for choosing to completely do this alone! Much braver than I am! If there was a way I could buy a good dad for my son I would lol.

Babies love to worry us! He loves making me feel silly in front of the midwives!! However, I'm not sorry for worrying about my baby, we are mums it's what we do!

Original poster
Elkalv · 17/02/2017 21:00

Oh girls sorry missed so many nice replies. I decided that as I am 33 and I started to think that I do want child (ren) with or without partner. My boyfriend at the time did say he doesn't want to have kids but we were together for about 3 years. When I got pregnant I thought we will work it out but even if not I will be happy to do it alone. So here I am ) I am glad to know that I am not alone and I am due 1st of august! Thanks for your input as well inneedofaholiday2017, it's good to hear there are benefits to being single with a child)! But I do hope it works out for you with your dh!

OP posts:
Scaredycat2016 · 17/02/2017 21:58

Hi ladies, can I jump on? Lovely to read your positive stories.... Sometimes it's so daunting :) I'm 16+5 due 31st July. Xx

Original poster
Elkalv · 17/02/2017 22:41

Scaredycat the more the merrier) we are actually same day due, do you know yet boy or girl?

OP posts:
Karmaisabitch · 17/02/2017 23:03

Scaredy, is this your first??

ColourfulOrangex · 20/02/2017 19:40

Just thought I would check in and see how everyone is doing :)

I thought my sickness had stopped Saturday only for it to come back full throttle last night :( on a positive I have my 20 week scan next week and I'm mega excited Grin

Original poster
Elkalv · 20/02/2017 23:10

Oh you are lucky! You are half through the pregnancy then. Congrats and you get to see the little bean ! I am going to be 18 weeks and can not wait for next doc appointment, have you felt any movements yet?

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ColourfulOrangex · 21/02/2017 03:03

I know I can't wait, I'm taking my little boy with me to too as he wants to see his little brother or sister, oh won't be long for you! I've felt the odd flutter I think but nothing too obvious, have you yet?

INeedNewShoes · 21/02/2017 07:30

I started feeling proper unmistakable kicks at 20 weeks but I gather this was quite early to feel kicks. It turned out my amniotic fluid level was low which is probably why I felt more (it's back in the normal range now thankfully).

My baby likes to unnerve me. He/she beats me up constantly one day then goes quiet for a day or so just to be keep me on my toes.

I'm 28 weeks and starting to panic a little about getting everything ready in time and things at work wrapped up!

Colourful - I hope you have a better day today. I was so lucky to not suffer with sickness. I had horrid nausea but that was all.