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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Family at the birth

42 replies

chelle85 · 09/02/2017 17:01

I am only due in August but my SIL gave birth yesterday and both sets of parents were at the hospital all through the labour and saw the baby immediately after the birth (like within minutes)

I was speaking to my husband about this last night as I feel like I only want him to be there and have time for skin to skin with baby and freshen myself up before I would want anyone else there. He seemed to think they would be upset by this but I don't think its unreasonable. Its not like i'm saying my parents can be there but his can't or that they can't meet baby for a week. I just want a couple of hours to myself and my husband.

What are your plans and do you think not having parents at the hospital for the birth is unreasonable?

OP posts:

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BlahBlahBlahEtc · 09/02/2017 17:10

My mum was there the first time, but everyone else waited at least 2 days to see the baby. This time it's just me and my partner, everyone else will wait 2 days 2 weeks depending on how close we are. I wouldn't want any one visiting me in hospital.
If you don't want them there, they shouldn't be there. It's your incredibly private moment (well apart from obv people). You're not responsible for them taking it badly.

Whatsername17 · 09/02/2017 17:12

For both my kids I did the same as you. Only dh there. Dd2 is 3 weeks old tomorrow. She was born at 4.30pm and I told both sets of parents that I didn't want visitors that evening. It annoyed mil but I needed time to recover and time with dh, dd1 and dd2 together. Do what is right for you. Tell your dh that if they get upset because you want a bit of space it is there issue not yours. I deliberately chose a hospital with strict visiting hours too.

user1471495191 · 09/02/2017 17:18

Yup, I had a strict DH only at the hospital policy. Both sets of parents were invited to the house once we came home.

Eminybob · 09/02/2017 17:19

No no no way would I want anyone at the hospital apart from DH! We didn't even tell anyone I'd gone into labour until after DS was born.
Mil, FIL, bil and sil came to the hospital in the evening, a few hours afterwards.
My parents didn't see DS until a few weeks later as they live away.

babynelly2010 · 09/02/2017 17:27

Dh only and birth plan said no relatives allowed. None of my family put a foot in the hospital. Everyone met baby at home.

WatchingFromTheWings · 09/02/2017 17:33

You need to be very firm about your decision. My first DC was by emergency C section and following 2 DC were pre-arranged C section. On the first 2 my 'D'M turned up as I was being wheeled from theatre into recovery room despite being told to wait and we'd let her know when we were ready for visitors. Third time round I lied about the time I was booked in then she was phoned when I was ready to see her. She was sooooo pissed off but tough. Do what's best for you.

NameChange30 · 09/02/2017 17:33

Having my parents and PILs at the birth would be my idea of hell. I only want DH and the midwives - if I was having anyone else it would be a professional doula.

My parents (who live 1h-1h30 away) will be welcome to visit me at the hospital/birth centre when I feel ready - hopefully a few hours after the birth if it all goes well (touch wood) - but not before.

If PILs lived nearby it would be the same rule for them, but they're further away so they will have to wait a bit longer before meeting the baby, because I categorically do not want them around until the baby is born.

I don't think I'm alone in this.

You're the one giving birth and you get to decide. If anyone is pissed off it's their problem. DH's job is to be your "gatekeeper".

Trifleorbust · 09/02/2017 17:36

What SIL did is totally irrelevant - do what you want to do.

NataliaOsipova · 09/02/2017 17:36

Parents at the birth? Dear God, no. Mind you, I wasn't that chuffed that DH wanted to be there - some things are definitely better without an audience! I'm surprised the hospital allowed the grandparents there to be honest; I always thought the DH/partner thing was just a courtesy as normally medical procedures are strictly just patients.

Ilovewillow · 09/02/2017 17:37

I wouldn't have wanted anyone else at the birth. Our first was a hospital delivery and we went home the next day and didn't see relatives for a couple of days (they do live some distance away though, had they been local I would've been happy to see them when I was home). Second child was a Home birth and was just me, husband and my 5 yr old daughter. Again a few days before relatives descended. It was a very special time both times.

MyBreadIsEggy · 09/02/2017 17:46

I had just me and my DH there for the actual birth both times. 1st in hospital, 2nd at home.
With my first, my parents came to the ward for visiting hours when DD was about 8 hours old.
With my second, my mum was in the house looking after my 17 month old. As soon as DS was born I was asking for my mum, so she met him when he was less than a minute old!

PotteringAlong · 09/02/2017 17:53

Just me and DH at the births. Children met their new siblings before anyone else and to meet them with just us (i.e. No grandparents). Grandparents welcome at the hospital for visiting hours as long as children had all been introduced to each other

ExpectoPatronummmm · 09/02/2017 18:23

I've had two babies and pregnant with my third. As close as I am to my Mam & sister there's no way I would have them in the room while I'm having a baby.
They did come at visiting time though

LastnightaDJ · 09/02/2017 18:36

You are totally not BU. I'm not even sure that I want my husband at the birth this time round.

CocoLoco87 · 09/02/2017 18:38

My parents came to see DC1 at first visiting time and PIL came at evening visiting time.
For DC2 MIL had an appt in the hospital the day they were born so she was allowed to pop in out of visiting time. My parents came in the evening.

I wouldn't have wanted them to be at hosp while I was in labour. I'd feel pressure to get the baby out quick. Have them cone to visit in the allocated time slots IF that's what you want. Your baby, your choice.

Trifleorbust · 09/02/2017 18:42

Oh god, in the room? As if!

Gaaaah · 09/02/2017 18:48

Never had my mum there as much as she tried to push me into it. Wouldn't have dreamed of it, she would have tried to take over and I'd have ended up slapping her probably.

When dh and I had our first child together, it was all planned that my mum would bring my older dc to the hospital first. I wanted the baby's siblings to see her. My mum had to come with them because they had stayed with her. Dhs parents just randomly showed up before they got there having not listened to dh at all. I was furious but had to go along with it as they just charged into the room.

It's your choice. Don't feel obliged to do anything just because sil did.

kissmewherethesundontshine · 09/02/2017 18:59

I want my DS to be first to meet baby, can see family being a bit upset but it's tough! Stick to your guns OP

Ilovecaindingle · 09/02/2017 19:10

Tell your dh if he is willing to sit here with his penis and testicles hanging out for all the family to see then they are welcome in the delivery room. .
Or tell them hospital advice is just to have the ones there who were present at the conception.?

KatnissMellark · 09/02/2017 19:11

My Dad remained DH to ring him when I was in labour so he could come to the hospital the other day. I almost pissed myself laughing and told him not to be so ridiculous -what if I'm in labour for 3 days? What if I'm too poorly to see anyone? What if I'm a hormonal wreck struggling with BF and only want DH. No one is banned as such and I've not set any time limits but people will be informed once the birth is done amd dusted amd invited as appropriate according to mine and baby's health.

drinkyourmilk · 09/02/2017 19:11

Only my DH will be at the birth.
My family live in another country so won't see baby for 2 weeks (tickets booked!), my dh family is only an hour away- we will see how I feel. I'm being induced so a possibility of a section.

likeacrow · 09/02/2017 19:17

Ilovecaindingle laughing so much at this!
I'm expecting my first in 3 weeks and don't want anyone there apart from DH. My mum will get to see us shortly after as she'll be house/cat sitting for us and everyone else can wait until I'm ready, which may be the day or 2 after, parents in law included. If I need a shower and a sleep before facing people then so be it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/02/2017 19:35

It's not a performance. Not unusual for mums of mums to be there but not many mums have dads or in laws. Have who will make you feel more comfortable. SIL was unusual. Bet MIL didn't have all the family present. (My mil didn't even have Gil present, apparently wasn't an option in 1973).

SquedgieBeckenheim · 09/02/2017 19:41

I don't really get the whole thing of family hanging around at the hospital during labour and seeing baby straight away. I only had DH with me. I had pre-eclampsia and so DD was premature. Both DD and I were very poorly, so visits in the first couple weeks had to visit the hospital.
My parents were staying with us to dog sit, so they came up to the hospital later that day. My brother just happened to be visiting the area the next day so he was the next one to visit. The in-laws came up a couple days later. Friends had to wait till we were all home.

missnevermind · 09/02/2017 19:56

I had a long labour in hospital with my first. And my parents live round the corner from the hospital. I had been in about 24 hours with my 1st and they came round with supplies and to give DH a break when everything kizcked off. So they were on the premises but not in the room. But they waited and came in an hourish after the birth.
With my second they were looking after my 2 and a half year old and the baby was born late at night so they all came early the next morning together.
My 3rd my parents were looking after the first 2 but the eldest was 10 by then. My sister and DH stayed with me the whole time. DS had been invited though and was great the whole time through. She will never have her own children and she thanked me for sharing with her. - We both cried -
Ok last one. DC4s birth was long with a last min refused selective section and 2 failed inductions and then a natural labour that refused to progress after 24 hours. DH was with me all the time and DSis came in and out as a.designated birth partner. That one ended up with all hell breaking loose when the baby's heart kept stopping and the staff arguing about a emergency c section. Only DH was allowed in surgery and recovery but when I was moved from recover y back to the labour wars DSis had called Mum and Dad and we all arrived at the room together.

I was so happy to see everyone and for them to meet the new baby straight away.
DHs parents complained after the 1 st birth that he had phoned at 11pm and woke them

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