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Pregnancy

Family at the birth

42 replies

chelle85 · 09/02/2017 17:01

I am only due in August but my SIL gave birth yesterday and both sets of parents were at the hospital all through the labour and saw the baby immediately after the birth (like within minutes)

I was speaking to my husband about this last night as I feel like I only want him to be there and have time for skin to skin with baby and freshen myself up before I would want anyone else there. He seemed to think they would be upset by this but I don't think its unreasonable. Its not like i'm saying my parents can be there but his can't or that they can't meet baby for a week. I just want a couple of hours to myself and my husband.

What are your plans and do you think not having parents at the hospital for the birth is unreasonable?

OP posts:

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chelle85 · 09/02/2017 20:11

Glad everyone seems to be on the same page as me. Just to clarify they weren't all in the room when she gave birth , just her mum and my BIL but the rest had been there at the hospital and been able to visit whilst in labour up until she was ready to push. The last thing I want is an audience!!

OP posts:

CaptainMorgansMistress · 09/02/2017 20:19

The sphincter theory (Ina may gaskill I think?) says that the cervix basically works similarly to other sphincters. So if you consider the kinds of conditions in which you would feel comfortable having a pooh / not able to do one, these will probably be similar to the conditions in which you will find it easy to relax and progress through labour.

So how comfortable would you feel trying to have a pooh whilst knowing your family and inlaws were just outside the room, knowing what you were doing and waiting impatiently for you to finish? And you can ask DH how he would feel too!

Essexgirlupnorth · 09/02/2017 20:19

My mil wanted to be there for the birth I said hell no. She did offer to come up while I was in labour (was long) sonny husband could go home again I said no. In the end my PIL came to pick us up when I was discharged in the evening after she was born so 21hrs after she was born.
My parents live 5hrs drive away. Called them the night before to say I was in labour and in hospital. Daughter was born at 6am and called them about 8am to say she had arrived. They drove up and arrived in time for afternoon visiting.
Where I have birth there wasn't any where on the ward to wait anyway.
Do what suits you and your husband. The staff won't let them in to see you if you say no anyway.

NapQueen · 09/02/2017 20:20

You could always just not tell anyone you've gone into labour, then once the baby is here safe and well you or dh can call with the announcement and "these are the visiting hours"

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 09/02/2017 20:22

I had dh only at birth. Parents allowed later or next day. It's up to you.

If there is one time in your life when you get to call the shots, this is it. Stand your ground!

chelle85 · 09/02/2017 20:35

CaptainMorgansMistress love the analogy. Though hubby happily sits with the toilet door open and probably would at parents houses too!!

Defo putting my foot down on this one if I have too

OP posts:

raviolidreaming · 09/02/2017 21:25

I assumed it was just in television programmes and films that everyone waits for news in the waiting room!

MollyHuaCha · 09/02/2017 21:44

CaptainMorgansMistress and other PPs are so right - just knowing that all the parents and in laws are pacing the corridors outside, ready to burst in cooing and aahing is NOT conducive to a relaxing birthing environment. Just say no. Enjoy your birth the way you want it, have your skin to skin contact, then when you have freshened up they can see baby when you are ready.

Incidentally, I was in labour for 45 hours, after which I was (thankfully temporarily) incontinent. DC was in special care and I needed a lot of help br-feeding which involved me sitting topless on a pile of absorbent pads whilst br-feeding counsellor spent hours trying to latch baby on. Hardly a great environment for a squealing, present-wielding bunch of grandparents.

Please get yr DH to stop them all coming till you are ready for them!

MinnieNoush · 10/02/2017 08:44

No way!! I had to break it to my mum that she won't be at the hospital, she was upset but it didn't change my mind at all. The birth is all about me, my husband and our new baby and we will invite family around to our house to meet the baby when WE are are ready!!
Be strong, this is about what you and your husband want, not what your SIL did!!

Lunalovepud · 10/02/2017 09:06

I put my foot down with my and DHs parents about DC1 - refused to tell them when I was is labour etc and said we'd call when baby had arrived and sort out a time to visit when we'd been home a few days and had had time to ourselves with the baby.

They were pissed off and threw all kinds of strops etc but they got over it (we didn't care - we were too busy with DC to take any notice of their drama) and now don't expect anything different with the arrival of DC 2.

All families are different - do what is right for yours but our you, DH and DC first.

As it was, PIL called DH drunk when DC was 2 days old demanding a date for a visit and when they did come, they were so awful I'll never forgive them. Telling me to leave a 6 day old baby to cio, observing that I hadn't lost my baby weight etc... Then MIL had the cheek to tell DHs aunt that things were 'fraught' when they came over and she was pleased to be there to help. Errr things wouldn't have been fraught if you'd stayed away MIL and your 'help' was the last thing me and DH wanted!

I don't think they are surprised that there will be no hospital visits this time.

thecatsarecrazy · 10/02/2017 09:10

Me and dh then visits the next day. After having d.s2 my mil appeared on ward about an hour after I got there. She had d.s1 with her though so that was nice

Aebj · 10/02/2017 09:21

First DC was just me ,midwife and a trainee midwife. My friend came along 10 minutes after I had him and phoned my now dh. Joys of being a military wife!!! My parents visited when ds was 2 days old and stayed a week. MIL visited when he was 4 weeks old.
With ds2 it was just me and dh. My parents looked after ds1. They visited me while in hospital with ds1 as dh had to go to work! ( was lucky he was around for the birth). They visited every day with ds 1 until dh returned 4 days later. MIL visited when he was a couple of weeks old.
I would of hated my mum at either births. If MIL was there I would of been fine with that ( she's fab I'm very lucky)
Do what you feel happy with

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 10/02/2017 14:53

Bloody hell, YANBU! I love my PIL, but there's no way I'd want them there during labour (not that they'd want to be there I imagine!).

It you who's giving birth, not your DH, it's his job to pander to your every wish to make it as easy as possible.

SuperUnicorn · 10/02/2017 15:48

It wouldn't be for me to have either lot of parents there at birth or visiting in hospital, unless we had been there a while and I wanted to see them if it wasn't looking like we would be home shortly. Some people like the additional support but I'm not a fan of an audience, I'm thinking even less so if I'm feeling rough.

Bluebellevergreen · 11/02/2017 00:21

He seemed to think they would be upset by this but I don't think its unreasonable.
Whose uterus is this? Yours?

Then you have the peace and quiet you want for your birth and they can suck it up.

No way I am having a curcus for my birth

Bluebellevergreen · 11/02/2017 00:21

Curcus? circus

WantingBaby1 · 13/02/2017 13:40

No way! I only want DH at the hospital, if we do decide to tell family I'm in labour tell they will also be told when I'm up to having visitors, be it the same day, the next or a few days later. They can like it or lump it. We've all waited a long time for this arrival, a few hours/days won't hurt. Your baby, your body, your choice.

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