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Original poster

AIBU to be thinking about missing my sisters wedding

53 replies

mummyof1soon2b2 · 30/01/2017 14:37

My sister is getting married in the summer,around the same time I am due baby number 2,if I haven't had the baby then I will definitely go to the wedding,I know its still a while off but I am starting to panic about what happens if I have the baby before the wedding.The wedding is 2 hour drive away from my house,Me and my hubby don't drive so are going down with my parents and my daughter in their car.If I have had the baby before the wedding we wont all fit in the car,If we went by train we would have to get 2 trains and taxis to get there,which I don't really want to do with a newborn baby,also we are staying over for 2 nights,again not sure if I want to do this with a newborn baby.what would you do?

OP posts:

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Stuffedshirt · 30/01/2017 14:41

You really have to do what's best for you and your little family of DH and new baby.

There's no way on this planet that I could have gone with my first newborn. I was completely shattered and walking around like a zombie for months. Life was a blur of feeding, trying to snatch some sleep, bloody baby crying and crying and just struggling with a newborn.

Don't fret about it, just decide now that it would be too much for you. That's what I would do.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 30/01/2017 14:44

I'd say don't worry yourself now. Say to your sister " Your do your best to go depending on what the circumstances are at the time"

Some womem are fine after birth and are out and about in no time, others aren't

Some babies are easy/portable/content others aren't

Just wait until the time to make a decision

Original poster

mummyof1soon2b2 · 30/01/2017 14:45

I just don't think my sister would understand,we only have each other no other siblings,I had to pull out of being her bridesmaid,cant go to the hen do,I just think she will be really pissed off,also my daughter is her flower girl,so if I don't go,she wont have a flower girl either,this really is stressing me out

OP posts:

strawberrypenguin · 30/01/2017 14:47

If your daughter is looking forward to it and your parents are willing could they take her the wedding instead of you?

Devilishpyjamas · 30/01/2017 14:47

What's the gap between the wedding date and due date? Unless you're having the baby or literally only just had the baby I think you have to go really.

If you have a very newborn baby could your dh & dd go by train & you & baby go in the car?

MoreThanUs · 30/01/2017 14:48

Plan to go. If you can't as the baby comes on or near the day, people will understand and you get sone credit from being willing to go!

Trulyamnearanear · 30/01/2017 14:48

All sounds a bit impossible either way, tbh. With a newborn or if you're imminent. Will she/ you be very disappointed if you can't go?

shinynewusername · 30/01/2017 14:48

Would your DD go with her GPs, even without you? You might welcome some 1:1 time with the new baby and it would avoid DSis losing her flower girl.

BikeRunSki · 30/01/2017 14:50

I didn't go to DB's wedding. It was 8 hrs drive away and I was 37 weeks pg. My nephew set up a webcam. It was all fine. DS arrived 5 days later.

Pinkheart5915 · 30/01/2017 14:51

Please don't worry yourself over this right now.

If you can go you will, if you can't your sister needs to learn to be an adult and accept that- Her wedding will go ahead with or without you

Wait and see at the time.

You may feel fine, you many not. Every women feels differs after each birth, I was out and about shortly after birth my Sister was still in hospital 5 days later. There is no way of knowing

At the time if you aren't up to it maybe your DH could take your dd to be flower girl on his own?

BeingEB · 30/01/2017 14:52

Have your parents take your daughter if necessary, other than that it's going to be play it by ear. If you do feel up to going with the baby, maybe your parents could rent a bigger suv type vehicle for the trip, it probably wouldn't cost more for a couple of days than the cost of rail tickets/taxi etc.

OlennasWimple · 30/01/2017 14:53

DD goes to wedding with your DPs.

You and DH make a decision nearer the time whether you can all go, or whether you and baby / DH and baby are not able to make it.

I don't think that you can do anything else, really.

Stress to your DSis that you desparately want to be there and will do everything that you can, but can't give her a 100% guarantee because you don't know how things will be at the time.

Bloopbleep · 30/01/2017 14:54

I'm in an identical situation and we've agreed if I don't feel up to it for whatever reason it's ok. I'm hoping I can hold off for a week after the wedding to have the baby but it's not really my decision.

Original poster

mummyof1soon2b2 · 30/01/2017 14:56

My daughter hasn't been away from us overnight before,so I don't think she would be happy staying away for 2 nights without us,it might seem to her like we are sending her away now we have a new baby.The gap is 5 days between the wedding and due date,Yes she will be really upset if I don't go,she doesn't have kids herself so I feel she doesn't really understand,she has been funny with me since I told her I was pregnant and seemed annoyed that I couldn't be bridesmaid or go to her hen do so I think this will make her hate me

OP posts:

IMissGin · 30/01/2017 14:59

5days between wedding and edd? I may possibly consider if 5 days before and I felt well, take bag/car seat/notes just in case but otherwise no, absolutely not. Do you have other support for DC1 when in labour if your family are all away?

Original poster

mummyof1soon2b2 · 30/01/2017 15:02

Nope have no support if they are all away

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shinynewusername · 30/01/2017 15:04

Could your DD have some practice nights away with GP between now & the wedding? I get what you mean about not wanting to send her away with the baby comes but, balanced against that, is the excitement of flower girl-ing. Lots of DC would be much more excited about a starring role at a wedding than a new DB or DS

BeingEB · 30/01/2017 15:06

Maybe allow your dd to have a couple of sleepovers between now and then with your parents to get her used to being away overnight? How old is she? At the time if you can't go, you can big up how pretty she's going to look in her bridesmaid dress and how important her job is, how much fun she's going to have and how jealous you are and you bet the baby wishes he/she could go too.

usernumbernonsense · 30/01/2017 15:08

Is it that you can't drive or you don't have a car? If the former I would look at renting a car. I just can't imagine missing my sisters wedding - but then I am one of those annoying people who bounce back directly after birth and can move mountains in those first weeks yet find it hard to take a 6 month old anywhere.

Gazelda · 30/01/2017 15:11

I agree with starting to get your DD used to the occasional stay at Grandparents and bigging up her exciting role. There's no way I'd be travelling with a baby only a few days old.

Original poster

mummyof1soon2b2 · 30/01/2017 15:11

My parents would be more than happy to take her,but I don't know if I would want her being away from us for the first time so far away when we have just had a baby,shes so sensitive and I know it would make things better if at least my daughter went to the wedding,but I feel like I'm being put in a position,ill look bad if she doesn't go,but I am really worried at how my daughter would be without us overnight for 2 nights,I really don't want problems with her and the baby so early on because I sent her away when the baby was first born,just to please my sister

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyof1soon2b2 · 30/01/2017 15:13

We cant drive,i really don't want to miss my sisters wedding

OP posts:

monsterbookofty · 30/01/2017 15:15

Maybe you and your two dc go with your parents and your dh gets the train?

diddl · 30/01/2017 15:19

Even if you haven't had the baby you still might not want to go-2hrs travelling plus 2 nights away.

Don't send your daughter just for the sake of your sister.

My sister was supposed to me my bridesmaid & her daughter a flowergirl for my first wedding.

She told me on the Weds that they wouldn't be coming.

Neither of them made it to my 2nd wedding either.

I ended up married, that was the point of the day!

CocoLoco87 · 30/01/2017 15:22

DH and DD go with your parents and leave you and baby at home. Or you and DD and baby go in car and DH gets train.

Try and make it work if you can. It's a huge thing to go through heavily pregnant or with a newborn but I don't suppose your sister will understand till she has her own children unfortunately. What do your parents think you should do? They must understand the dynamics of you and your sister's relationship

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