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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

"Was it planned?" Grrrrr

42 replies

UnicornPee · 03/12/2016 21:05

If one more person asks, after finding out I am pregnant, "was it planned?" I will slap their face with my chubby pregnant hand.

I'm never easily offended but why ask that question?

Me and my OH have been together over 10 years and this is our 3rd baby. Hardly abloody shock is it?

But people seem to ask the question (had it about 20 times up to now)
YES I HAD UNPROTECTED SEX ON PURPOSE!!!

Sorry just needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Largemelons · 03/12/2016 21:08

I'm pregnant with number 6.
Early days but judging by the reactions to 4 and 5, I'm expecting to be accused of
A. Not having a telly
B. Being mad.
The telly one is the most frequent. Even a dr asked me that.
It's not funny and mildly insulting.
Say congratulations and leave it at that!

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout · 03/12/2016 21:12

Oh I hated that!!

My fourth pregnancy, with DTs, people kept asking if it was planned because no one in the world is stupid enough to plan a fourth pregnancy, are they?

It took every ounce of effort to smile sweetly and say, "Yes, the pregnancy was planned, the twins were a complete surprise."

WTF? Whose business is it anyway??

crayfish · 03/12/2016 21:36

I'm only on my second and it was the first question that loads of people asked me! Somebody also said 'and are you happy about it?' (head tilt) as well, and that was a colleague I barely know.

There will be a reasonably small gap between DC1 & 2 and that's the only reason I can think of for people's reaction.

It was definitely planned, in fact it took six months of trying for me to get pregnant!

thecatsarecrazy · 03/12/2016 21:45

I'm very surprised me and dh haven't been asked this. We were with our last 2 children. There's an age gap of almost 8 years between second and this. Baby was planned but I thought people would assume otherwise

SleepFreeZone · 03/12/2016 21:47

I was also asked by lots of people when I was pregnant with my first at 37. I was hardly a gym slip mother!! (As it happened it wasn't! 🙊)

Original poster

UnicornPee · 03/12/2016 21:52

Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets annoyed.
Be never asked this question to anyone before- it's none of my business to know the answer.
I especially hate it when people I barely know ask it (nosy bloody colleagues looking for gossip) grrr

OP posts:

Sparrowlegs248 · 03/12/2016 21:55

I got this a lot when pregnant with ds, I was 38, it was long planned. I remember saying 'you don't get pregnant by accident at my age' roll on a bit and I'm pregnant again, year older, no not planned.

DrinkingCocktailsInTheSunshine · 03/12/2016 21:55

I was questioned by people when pregnant with my second. Planning my third now, so I expect it will be the same.

veryfriendlylion · 03/12/2016 21:59

I have been asked this a few time...baby is due Boxing Day which I think gives people the idea that it's somehow to ask if we'd planned it. DH and I work in a boarding school so have slightly less formal relationship with parents as we look after their children day/night but I've been shocked at the amount of pupils' parents have thought it was appropriate to ask if it was planned!?

0hCrepe · 03/12/2016 22:05

Just about everyone asked me this as there's a 10 yr age gap between my two youngest. Is it really that hard to believe someone would actually want to have another?

Spam88 · 03/12/2016 22:16

This was the first thing my friend asked when she found out my brother was having a baby. Utterly bizarre

Original poster

UnicornPee · 03/12/2016 22:26

I only ever ask "when are you due" "will you find out what it is?" Or if they already have kids "what do they say" but never ever "was it planned/ did your OH mean to jizz inside of you unprotected"

OP posts:

FlipperSkipper · 03/12/2016 22:28

I got asked if mine was planned, I suspect because I'm 38, husband is 42 and we've been together since I was 20, so I guess people think we'd have done it earlier if we wanted to. In fact we've been trying for 5 years and done 5 IVFs and had 2 miscarriages, so yes it's very much planned!

Mehfruittea · 03/12/2016 22:28

DH and I had been together 10 years, ttc for 5. 2nd IVF attempt was successful. And people who knew our journey still asked if it was planned! As if they wanted to hear "no. IVF failed again. So I just relaxed and stopped worrying, decided kids just weren't for us. Then I got pregnant the next day!" Morons.

I also got asked if I knew who the father was. I replied...barring a mix up with jizz samples...and left the, to squirm!

MazDazzle · 03/12/2016 22:39

Urgh. I hated it too. I knew my 3rd would be my last and wanted to enjoy every minute of it. We were over the moon when I fell pregnant and my 2 DC were thrilled.

BUT almost everyone pulled a face and asked if it was planned! Then they assumed I'd be hoping for a boy as I have two girls already.

sj257 · 03/12/2016 23:27

I've been asked this so many times as it's our third child after with nearly 9 years between this baby and our youngest. So rude!

Imstickingwiththisone · 03/12/2016 23:34

Totally agree it has honestly never even occurred to me to ask this question but people seem to think its ok to ask whether you intended to conceive when you had unprotected sex as if it's the norm. First time I was actually taken back as I hadn't realised this was what people do, now I know its really common. Same as 'when are you having kids/another?' when youre not pregnant. Fuck off people it has nothing to do with you.

ConvincingLiar · 04/12/2016 08:01

Last person who asked me this I replied with "are you really asking me whether I deliberately had unprotected sex with my husband?" She said yes! I told her that yes then, I did. We've been together 14 years, married 6, have stable jobs and home and a 2 year old. It's probably the same fuckwits who keep asking when you're going to get pregnant. Maybe they want to check their nagging worked?

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/12/2016 08:09

I did resort to 'thats a bit rude' last time.

BendingSpoons · 04/12/2016 08:18

We got asked this by a couple of people with our first. We were late 20's and in the previous 2 years had got married and bought a house together. Hardly shocking a baby was next!

jpeg28 · 04/12/2016 09:33

My aunt asked this too! She knows I had a miscarriage in March and then when my mum tells her I'm pregnant again she says "Oh was it planned?".... is she serious?!! Just because I'm not married why should that mean I haven't planned to have a child!!

FoxMulder · 04/12/2016 09:45

I've only been asked this once. It made me laugh, I was a bit taken aback. I think people assume it was because I am married with a 2yr old but actually it was a surprise. In fact, my boss said "well I'm not surprised". Err...I was.

Pooky77 · 04/12/2016 09:47

The nurse giving me my flu jab asked if my baby was planned. I said yes why do you ask. She replied well I figured if you'd got to 39 without having kids you must have decided you didn't want them and then had an accident. I explained we struggled to conceive for years and got pregnant via ivf so our baby was very much wanted and added that I found her assumption offensive. She didn't even apologise. Some people have zero sensitivity.

Propermardy · 04/12/2016 09:54

I hate this. What on earth has it got to do with anyone else whether you planned a baby or not? People even asked me this AFTER I lost my son at 5 months pregnant. As if it would make a difference to my grief either way. I think it was because there would be a 5 year age gap (because it took us that long to fall pregnant again, knobbers) from my son and I'm also staring down the barrel at 40. Ohh, hadn't realised how wound up this still makes me, sorry for the rant! Slap away, OP.

Theknittinggorilla · 04/12/2016 09:55

Yep - with ds1 and ds2 I got congratulations. With dc3 I get 'was it planned' and 'are you trying for a girl?'.
So rude. Yes very much planned thank you, and I have absolutely no ability at all to decide on the sex of the baby so no I am not 'trying for a girl'.
Is three children really that unusual that it could only possibly be an accident? Grrrr.

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