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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

"Was it planned?" Grrrrr

42 replies

UnicornPee · 03/12/2016 21:05

If one more person asks, after finding out I am pregnant, "was it planned?" I will slap their face with my chubby pregnant hand.

I'm never easily offended but why ask that question?

Me and my OH have been together over 10 years and this is our 3rd baby. Hardly abloody shock is it?

But people seem to ask the question (had it about 20 times up to now)
YES I HAD UNPROTECTED SEX ON PURPOSE!!!

Sorry just needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 04/12/2016 10:09

I always just said 'no' with a really serious face when strangers asked this when I was pregnant with my kids. It always shut them up immediately. Non of my family or friends asked this question.

I found my tolerance for stupid questions dwindled to nothingness while pregnant so was occasionally quite short and sarcastic in reply I was in hospital with dehydration from being sick and someone in the corridor started chatting to me and asked 'but you're so small! are you sure you're 28 weeks pregnant and not only 12?' I had heard variants of this loads of times by this point, and was very grouchy and tired so I gave a look of horror and exclaimed "God I think you're right! I've completely imagined the first 16 weeks of this pregnancy! The scans must have been DVDs and the doctors are in on it all " and then turned around and walked back to my room. Not my finest moment but being noticeably poorly in a hospital gown, attached to my wheely drip is not the bloody time to start commenting on my weight!

WarwickDavisAsPlates · 04/12/2016 10:10

Do you already have a boy and a girl op?

My friend is pregnant with her third now and she's had this a lot. People assume that because she has one of each she wouldn't want another, as if one of each is the parenting dream.

When she was pregnant the second time all she got was "I bet you're hoping for a little sister for DS" so I think people are probably just rude regardless.

Original poster

UnicornPee · 04/12/2016 10:16

Haha lots of funny replies here. I'm so glad ally of people feel the same as me. Now,after someone suggested, if I'm asked again; which I will be, I will say WHY YES ME & OH HAD LOTS OF PLANNED UNPROTECTED SEX, WOULD YOU LIKE ALL THE DETAILS? Then they will majorly get the hint that their question is F'ing ridiculous.

Yes previous poster, I have a girl and a boy so perhaps same reason as your friend! :) x

OP posts:

babynelly2010 · 04/12/2016 10:40

People ask me sometimes with 3rd, I haveboy and girl already, and I say the truth - no. People never expect that answer and I tell you I get such shocked face each time it is hilarious. I am very happy with my pregnancy but really if you are not ready for the real answer then why ask.

crayfish · 04/12/2016 10:47

Oh I've had loads of 'I bet you're hoping for a girl this time' too, although I think this is because people somehow think baby girls are 'better' than boys for some reason. I was delighted with my DS and would be equally delighted with another boy, or a girl, it doesn't matter!

Lules · 04/12/2016 11:15

I was asked this by HR when I met to discuss maternity leave! Which in addition to being really inappropriate- I was 29 and married so I don't think it should be that much of a shock

InstantMom · 04/12/2016 12:53

I was asked this a lot with dc3. In fact a lot of people just presumed it was unplanned and would say things like
"I take it it was a wee surprise" or
"oh that must've been a bit of a shock for you" ... well it was but only because it happened first month of trying!!!

I was also asked by someone in a position of authority in a judgmental way and I gave a sort of feeble sheepish yes it was . When I think back I wish I'd said it was none of her business!

MoonlightMojitos · 04/12/2016 13:20

This is my 1st and 90% of people have asked me this question!!!! It really suprised me because I would never ask it to someone myself, let alone half the people who have who are colleagues etc not even close friends. I mentioned it to dp and he said everyone has asked him too but he wasn't bothered by it and didn't understand why I think it's so bloody rude!

MoonlightMojitos · 04/12/2016 13:28

Oh and I'm 27 and me and dp have been together 6 years and live together so again not sure why it would be a suprise, I think people just ask it, I wonder if they're attempting to make conversation?!

TheTantrumCometh · 04/12/2016 13:36

My second pregnancy (and the only one of my three to actually be planned) I had one lady I knew ask me, more than once, "Are you happy?" Because baby was due before DD turned two

I have had a friend ask me if this pregnancy was a shock, so slightly more diplomatic than asking if it was planned, but she knows I was adamant I was not having anymore. Ever

MoreBushThanMoss · 04/12/2016 13:40

Imagine if you said "no not planned, and were bloody devastated" .. What would the response be then I wonder ...

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/12/2016 13:41

I thnk it's pretty harmless. I think most people are just naturally curious about others choices in life & obviously whether you're happy to be pregnant or not. If someone isn't visibly thrilled to be pregnant saying 'Congratulations' doesn't always seem to be the right thing to say. Was it planned feels less 'harsh' than 'are you happy about it'.

Of course you can feel how you like about the question, but people really are not asking about your sex life.

lljkk · 04/12/2016 14:05

Mine weren't planned. I didn't mind if people asked.

Seems like you can only take offence if you think it's bad to have unplanned babies. The person offended by the question assumes that the question was meant as an insult.

In which case, the offended person must have a low opinion of people like me... who had unplanned children. Me, DH, all our siblings & most of our parents were unplanned. So I assume you disapprove of all us & all our existence, too. That's the only conclusion I can come to, when someone says they are very offended by the "(un)planned" question.

Harvey246 · 04/12/2016 14:09

Haha! I wouldn't have believed people actually ask you this but yep.. At least three of four people with my first! felt like saying 'oh no it was a terrible mistake' just to make them feel awkward they asked.

Nineloves1 · 04/12/2016 14:12

Go on, please say it. And post their reaction back to us.

Theknittinggorilla · 04/12/2016 14:22

It's got nothing to do with thinking unplanned babies are 'bad'. It's the fact that it is personal and no one else's business whether your baby was planned or not planned, particularly if you are asking this question to someone you hardly know. Just like asking someone if they are planning to have children, or more children, unless you know them well and it's a two way discussion.

2ducks2ducklings · 04/12/2016 15:13

I just had this conversation with work colleagues the other day. I'm not pregnant (but we are ttc) and another colleague mentioned that someone at work was pregnant. Someone in the office asked that question and I said that that question drives me crazy! What difference does it make and what has it got to do with anyone?
I also have a really big problem with anyone asking if you're pregnant if you're unwell/moody. How do they know your situation? How do they know you aren't currently experiencing a miscarriage and those sorts of questions are really hurtful?
Grrrr, some people are just a little inconsiderate.

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