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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is anyone having visitors at the hospital?

39 replies

butterfly92 · 30/08/2016 11:57

I am due in 8 weeks and I have already made my mind up. I just want it to be my OH and I at the hospital when I go into labour and give birth and absolutely no visitors either! We're not going to tell anybody when I am going into labour or anything like that we will keep it schtum (sp?). Also afterwards, I don't want visitors for at least a week or so because I will be trying to breastfeed and I don't feel comfortable doing it in front of everyone. My family has never breastfed any of their children, always bottle fed as they don't find BF "normal" if that makes sense! Ridiculous really but there you are. Is this ok to do and what did you do when your babies came, did you have visitors straight away etc? Thanks

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AddictedtoGreys · 30/08/2016 11:58

We had close family as visitors in the hospital, and once we were home after a couple of days some friends came to visit. But we made sure that everyone didn't all pile in at once.

MyBreadIsEggy · 30/08/2016 12:02

i told my mum that I was going in the next day to be induced, but didn't tell anyone that I was actually in labour when it started.
DH rang my parents and his parents a couple of hours after Dd was born to let them know she had been born and we were both fine.
Then my parents came to the hospital for evening visiting hours (Dd was about 8 hours old), but I invited them, they didn't just assume they were welcome and show up. In fact my mum asked me if I was sure I wanted visitors, but honestly, I just needed a hug from my mum!!
We are planning on having dc2 at home later this year, so my parents and DH's parents will be welcome at our house once we are settled after the birth it's definitely personal preference - whatever you feel comfortable with

dylsmimi · 30/08/2016 12:04

Previously we have had grandparents (of the baby) at the hospital at the visiting hours the same day and my sister came too as she was with my parents.
The visitors when we came home too. No one stayed too long or was a hassle just came for a bit had a cuddle brought presents and disappeared.
It may be easier in the hospital as there are set times for visiting if you feel you have people who would overstay their welcome at your home
Would you not even have your or dp's parents for a few weeks?

Randytortoise · 30/08/2016 12:06

I had both sets of parents and my dsis and dn. It was great. They were only allowed to be there for an hour and it broke up the boredom of being stuck in hospital .

ItchyFoot · 30/08/2016 12:07

We had dp's immediate family visit us in hospital when she was about 13 hours old. When they left my family came in. They didn't stay long. We also had people at the house pretty much right away. I just breastfed in front of anyone who felt uncomfortable and didn't bother myself.

Lj8893 · 30/08/2016 12:11

You wouldn't be able to have visitors when your in labour anyway, only during visiting hours on the postnatal ward. Completely up to you who visits and if all goes straightforward in your pregnancy and birth, then you may not need to go to the postnatal ward and be able to go straight home, giving you even more precious time as a family.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/08/2016 12:15

My parents rushed up the day DS was born. Worked quite well because it was a bank hol so my dad wasn't working, and DS was born at 3am so by the time they got there (10ish I think) the madness had died down a bit and we'd settled in. I was still in recovery though and moved to postnatal ward while they were there which was handy actually as we had loads of stuff so the extra hands were useful Only allowed 2 visitors at a time though so DH and my dad tag teamed it.

MalbecAndLindt · 30/08/2016 12:16

Definitely my parents, and hopefully DPs parents, but it depends on how long I'm in for. Well give them a heads up once I'm in labour as they own a farm and live nearly 2 hours away so will need to arrange help to oversee the farm. My brothers and SIL will probably come down to visit us at home within a few weeks (both a little over an hour away and work full time). My gran may come down, if not I'll take baby to meet her when we come out of hospital. Definitely want both sets of parents to meet baby straight away as first grandchild on both sides. But I've got another 25 weeks to go yet!

primarynoodle · 30/08/2016 12:16

My thought process was exactly the same as you. Would have maybe liked my best friend to visit after the birth but dp said no so I agreed as I had said no to all of his family. We lost a baby in the second trimester last summer which made this baby's arrival into the world a very difficult and anxious time so I wanted to have time to process everything first (and get comfortable with bf)

In actual fact he sneakily invited his mum to come the next morning when we were discharged, strong armed me into driving to his dad's to show off the baby that evening and made me feel so bad for not allowing his mum to pop in daily for the next few days he ruined the first week of my baby's life and made breastfeeding hugely more difficult for me.

I know some people won't understand my point of view (or yours) but my baby is now 8 weeks and I still g et quite upset at what happened, and dp's selfishness and cowardice at protecting me from the demands of his family have done a lot of damage to the relationship I have with MIL (which previously was ok).

My point is... If you are clear at what you want then don't be afraid to not say so as you may find weeks down the line that it is still affecting you, but if they have to wait a few days then it won't affect them! I wish I'd been stronger

2014newme · 30/08/2016 12:20

You aren't allowed visitors when giving birth 😂

welshweasel · 30/08/2016 12:27

I had a semi elective c section. DH was obviously there throughout, my stepdaughter came for evening visiting that night and my parents came up for afternoon visiting the following day. We went home on day 3 and had no more visitors for a week, just enjoyed going out for lots of lunches and walks with DH whilst he was off on paternity leave. Once he went back to work I started having friends to visit as I was bored! I was fairly happy getting my boobs out wherever though.

It's completely up to you and your partner to decide what you want though. I thought I wouldn't want anyone to see me in hospital but actually really enjoyed seeing my parents.

blueskyinmarch · 30/08/2016 12:42

When i had my first i couldn’t wait for my parents to come to the hospital and see their first grandchild. I was so proud! We had a few visitor in the weeks after but no-one stayed long or interfered. I think i would have felt very isolated without a few visitors but my visitors are good at making cups of tea and providing food with no extra fuss!

AnnaMarlowe · 30/08/2016 13:44

It might be worth allowing grandparents to have a first visit when you are in the hospital.

It gets it out of the way and will help prevent repeated phone calls from hurt Grandparents requesting a visit in the first week.

Lules · 30/08/2016 14:00

If you have to be in hospital more than a couple of days you might find that you really want to have visitors because it can be quite boring and weird. I found seeing close family also helped things feel more normal after a difficult birth

AnnaMarlowe · 30/08/2016 14:20

Lules is right, it gets so you are desperately waiting for visitors.

You might also want to think about whether you be upset seeing all the other women get visitors bringing flowers and baby presents and people telling them how gorgeous their baby is and you having no one.

dontpokethebear · 30/08/2016 14:28

I honestly can't understand why anyone would want visitors in hospital. Surely it's a time for you and dh to get to know your baby?

I was fortunate to have 3 straight forward labours, so wasn't even in long enough to warrant having visitors tbh. You might be discharged after a few hours. Hospitals seem to kick you out as soon as is appropriate.

Whatever you decide, your family should respect that.

Lj8893 · 30/08/2016 14:31

There's lots of reasons why people may want visitors in hospital! Single mother, baby in scbu/nicu are just two reasons I can think of.

Me and dd were in hospital almost a week as she was in scbu, i wanted all the emotional support I could get and loved having visitors!

Jackiebrambles · 30/08/2016 14:32

I think a lot depends on your hospital. I had both my babies in a central London hospital and the post natal wards are awful! So hot and busy.

I couldn't wait to get out and did after less than 48 hours, and I had two c-sections! No way did I want visitors there. Whilst I was in a backless hospital gown and bleeding profusely? No thanks!

So OP I agree, stick to your guns and if you don't want visitors, don't have any!

elliej83 · 30/08/2016 14:38

My thought process is that you aren't in hospital very long at all these days 1-2 days and the visiting hours are very strict. They literally lock you off the ward until bang on the hour and kick you out ten mins before finishing. Plus you can only have 2 people at the bedside usually. It's much easier to control visitors at the hospital than at home so we've said parents came come to the hospital after the birth. We probably won't tell anyone else I have gone/going into labour unless I'm induced and there for a while so people will start to notice. After that I'm going to take my week at home and telling parents and friends etc we will let you know when we are ready for visitors. I figure everyone is understandably excited but this way it's nice and easy to control x

lissaconnelly9 · 30/08/2016 14:47

It's still early days for me, but I'm already debating this topic as I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

This is my first baby and I knew straight away that I wanted both my OH and my mother there at the birth. My OH is amazing but he's so soft, and as much as I think it would be amazing to have just the two of us there, I definitely want my mum there to give me a kick up the arse/a bit of honesty if I need it, and for the extra support. We are really close though.

I think it depends how long you stay in hospital for - if I was to be stuck in for a few days, then I think I would probably want visitors. But if everything goes smoothly, then you might only find yourself being in for a day or so (who knows, maybe even less?!) so in that case, I think I would ask visitors to wait until I came home and had chance to settle back in at home instead.

At the end of the day though, it's completely up to you. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this question, and whether family like it or not, you're the one who has given birth and you're the one who gets to decide who you want to see in the hours that follow 😊

ImYourMama · 30/08/2016 14:54

I'm going to get flamed but I've already primed everyone around me and DH that grandparents can have 1 visit each at hospital then nothing when we're home for a week - 10 days. Every woman in my family has suffered PND so I will do all in my power to make sure no one interrupts our bonding time. Only having them to the hospital because the midwives will be strict and get rid of them ASAP

WindInThePussyWillows · 30/08/2016 15:00

I planned on no one except DP but ended up in hospital for 2 weeks before birth and 1 week after.
My parents visited every day beforehand and the day I was induced and DP was there as much as possible. No one else pre birth.
My parents were told not to but stayed in the waiting area for my entire 25 hour labour and birth but my twins were early and one was sent off to intensive care so they only met one twin after the birth.
They then came back the next day at met twin 2. After 3 days in hospital I let my sister and grandparents (mid 80s) visit but that was it. I was exhausted and being in hospital for 3 weeks total was quite overwhelming.

Trifleorbust · 30/08/2016 15:42

It depends how long you are in hospital, really. My sister was stuck in there for two weeks with her second, and was desperate for us to go in, cuddle the baby, chat to her and bring gifts! However, if you're in for less than 24 hours you will probably just want to spend the time getting used to the baby, learning to feed her/him and changing your maternity pads.

hopeful31yrs · 30/08/2016 17:41

My Mum and Dad, Aunt and Niece (who was 4!) all turned up in the recovery area of labour ward when i'd had forceps and a spinal (we both worked in the hospital at the time and a mutual friend who had been at the birth let them in as a favour!). I must admit I was worse for wear and vomited everywhere almost as soon as they'd left - DH nipped out to show them out and I (unable to move) made sad eyes at the couple opposite who managed to grab me a sick bowl. It wasn't my finest moment.

I don't know why they turned up - it must have been less than an hour after having DD. At the time Santa could have turned up and I wouldn't have cared less but the more I think about it the more I get pissed off at them feeling they could just arrive. Will be more explicit this time - I want my DD to be the first visitor (which will be difficult as she'll be with my parents when we are admitted) and to have some time as a family unit before streams of visitors. I don't want to keep my own mother and father away but it seemed afterwards every time I closed my eyes I got woken with their arrival. The funny thing is my mother doesn't ordinarily outstay her welcome and I have to coax her to come to us at any other time!!! Why she brought the whole bloody family with her last time was a complete mystery.

I'll definitely put my foot down this time!

Sparrowlegs248 · 30/08/2016 19:36

I didn't tell anyone I was booked in for a c section. We rang outer parents a couple of hours after ds was born. Mil was at work and popped in briefly on her way home that night. My parents came the next day in the afternoon.

I was discharged on the third day, a Sunday, and husband went back to work Monday so mum and Mil took it in turns to visit me at home each day.

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