Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is anyone having visitors at the hospital?

39 replies

butterfly92 · 30/08/2016 11:57

I am due in 8 weeks and I have already made my mind up. I just want it to be my OH and I at the hospital when I go into labour and give birth and absolutely no visitors either! We're not going to tell anybody when I am going into labour or anything like that we will keep it schtum (sp?). Also afterwards, I don't want visitors for at least a week or so because I will be trying to breastfeed and I don't feel comfortable doing it in front of everyone. My family has never breastfed any of their children, always bottle fed as they don't find BF "normal" if that makes sense! Ridiculous really but there you are. Is this ok to do and what did you do when your babies came, did you have visitors straight away etc? Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

stardust8 · 30/08/2016 20:35

Every one is different but we have a really close family and I had a traumatic delivery so after a night on high dependency I couldn't wait to see my parents and PIL for a hug and to show off our gorgeous bundle the next day at visiting time!! My sister also came in and I loved seeing them it gave me and my DH the support we needed after a traumatic time, however the day I arrived home so did the stream of other family and friends which on reflection was too much as we were all exhausted so when we have DC2 I will just ask to have a couple of days rest/recovery before friends and other family visit but everyone is different and it is your and your partners time to choose how you want to do things together!

MrsJoJo · 30/08/2016 21:00

My DS was born overseas by emcs. He was whisked away as I was stitched up before I even had the chance to hold him (all fine, just regular procedure there). It was four hrs or so before I was wheeled up to my room and an hour or so later a male colleague of my ex-husband gained access to the ward & walked, unannounced, straight into my room just after my first attempt at BF. We were polite enough and he soon realised he wasn't welcome but I still wish I could have stood up & thumped him (I couldn't have stood up as the spinal block hadn't worn off lol).

This time my DS and two DSS are all welcome on the ward; my best friend and all grand-parents are also welcome if I'm in long enough. If I change my mind then I'll make sure my DF exercises crowd control but after giving birth 6000 miles away from close family & friends I can't wait to be on the same continent this time.

LondonGirl83 · 31/08/2016 11:21

Hmm-- I hadn't thought about this. Probably my mother, maybe DH's siblings who live close enough to visit. I imagine I'll be out before anyone else has the chance to come. My two closest friends can visit if they want to but hadn't really thought they would.

Slothlikesundays · 31/08/2016 11:27

I said no the whole way through my pregnancy. That I'd want time with dp and baby etc. In the end I sent dp home to sleep (as he'd finished nights the previous morning and not slept for 36 hours) and invited my family for the moment visiting started as I couldn't wait to show them dd. Total u-turn. I'd suggest saying you'll see how you feel and deciding at the time. (I still said no to any visitors that weren't immediate family)!

DesignedForLife · 31/08/2016 11:34

I didn't with DD, but likely to be kept in for two days this time, so will be happy to have the company!

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 31/08/2016 16:22

I'm happy having the family around, tbh. Not right for everyone, though. They know they'll need to take me as they find me - certainly won't be dressing up and serving tea!

Mummyme87 · 31/08/2016 16:31

I didn't want visitors and didn't want a welcome committee at home. In the end my mother came to visit on day 5 and stayed for the weekend as DS was very unwell with meningitis and we weren't sure he would make it, and OH parents came the following week and were there when we were discharged

seven201 · 31/08/2016 17:33

Do what you want but maybe be open to see how you feel at the time. Pil invited themselves to hospital that evening (took the day off and told us the day before so couldn't really say no), my dad the next day. Both Sil on day four when we were still in hospital. My grandmother and aunt day 5 -they invited themselves! Day 6 we had on our own and it was lovely!! After then I didn't invite anyone for ages but 'let' the in-laws or my dad invite themselves but they never stayed too long. I was using nipple shields and didn't feel confident to begin with so generally took the baby upstairs to feed then gave her back for more relatives cuddles. What does piss me off is no-one offered to clean my house etc

NickMarlow · 31/08/2016 17:40

I had an ELCS. My parents came the next day, and pils that day after. Then we went home and had a week mostly to ourselves, we had a different local friend around each day for about an hour but that was it.

Once dh went back to work, family took it in turns to stay and help until I could drive (live at the top of a really steep hill!) So they saw lots of dd then.

Icarriedawatermelon123 · 31/08/2016 21:18

We agreed to have my husbands parents and my mum to come and visit after our son was born. They came 3 hours after he arrived. My MIL immediately laid on the guilt trip about me not allowing the rest of the extended family to the hospital which I shrugged off.

We were allowed home 24hrs later and we had at least 2-3 visitors a day for a week - and that was just their side of the family. It was exhausting. My MIL expected me to get up and make the teas etc., I'd really had enough after day 2. We were having feeding problems and barely sleeping and all the visitors were really disrupting everything. Both baby and I got so upset and fed up.

I've said to my husband, if and when baby no.2 comes... no visitors for a week at least. I regret not putting my foot down and insisting on having visits on our terms. I felt bad because I know everyone meant well, and my MIL was just proud to show her new grandson off, plus I wanted to please her.. but it was really too stressful for me, I suffered quite badly from PND and I felt like this experience really interfered with our first moments together.

Icarriedawatermelon123 · 31/08/2016 21:22

...pressed send too early.

My advice to you is...
Be selfish! Put you and baby first. Especially if you're breastfeeding as it can take a really long time at the beginning.
People would hang around for ages and I'd be dropping hints to get them to leave but if they wouldn't I'd just go upstairs and feed him and let him take as long as he wanted. In the first week it took us up to 90minutes!

Good luck to you and enjoy your baby, don't do what I tried to do by pleasing everyone else... you'll only feel bitter about it afterwards like me! x

Bastardshittits · 31/08/2016 21:45

With my first I was in hospital for 5 days following a crash section, PPH and a poorly baby. I was so grateful for visitors to break up the day! A couple of friends came to visit which was absolutely lovely.

With my second baby, I'd gone into hospital late afternoon as the contractions were 5 mins apart. DPs parents met him in the car park as they decided he needed his laptop. It was a cunning ploy to try and get in first to see DD, they had flasks and sandwiches apparently! I was sent home and they slunk off. Ended up being blue lighted back in and DD appeared 15 mins after I got through the door. We were home after 3hrs and they appeared pronto, along with an aunt of DPs that I had never met. Lovely lady though! I did feel a bit ambushed but also happy to show DD off.

With my 3rd DS I had another crash section. Only my mum came to visit along with DP and the 2DC. I was home after 24hrs and desperate to see people!

Whathaveilost · 31/08/2016 22:05

I think you shouldn't be set in your ways.

Anything can happen over the next 3 months. You my need family and friends more than you realise. You may be shutting out close family who could be hurt by your actions.and take it that you don't need anything from them and remember that!
You don't know what's around the corner.
Sure put you and baby first but you are not an island.

You never know, you may find yourself very proud and want people to see your baby. Speaking for myself I did and once DS was born I wanted the world to know. I couldn't believe it, I was so happy. You may feel like that but you may have already shunned people.

Do what you want, you sound like you've made up your mind but often their are consequences to actions.

littlefrenchonion · 06/09/2016 22:48

We did it and I'm so glad I did. We pre-warned everyone, mainly because MIL had got it into her head she would be there for the birth or at the very least sat in the waiting room ready to come in as soon as baby born. I think we were polite about it but it didn't go down well at the time. Hey ho, they got over it.

As it happens I developed pre-eclampsia, had EMCS, baby in SCUBU, I felt utterly shell shocked, confused and emotionally broken. Probably the worst week of my life, being totally honest! There is no way I could have coped with being friendly and 'social' on top of all that.

That's not to say you'll have the same experience, but I would recommend going with your gut feeling on visitors. You know yourself and in what circumstances you feel most comfortable and if it comes to it and you change your mind and want everyone there, I'm pretty sure they'll still come :)

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread