Rant: How do some women make pregnancy look so easy!

[Andie92]

Sorry for the rant but I'm having a harder time being pregnant than I thought, of course I'm still excited that I'm having a baby but there are things I wish I was warned about. Especially when my friends that are pregnant or had children seemed to have 'perfect' pregnancies and make it look so easy.

I'm 17 + 1 at the moment and my morning sickness is just starting to go away whereas they just sicky feeling for 12 weeks.
They had the lovely glowing complexion and I got acne.
They had enough energy to go about their normal day whereas soon as I get in all I think about is taking a nap.
They all seemed very calm whereas it feels like I can get upset over anything.
and they all looked great while I'm lucky if I can be bothered to slap on some make-up in the morning.

And then there are somethings I just wish I was warned about like, the sneeze with no other cold-like symptoms that won't go away, the random nosebleeds, the fact the hormonal changes made it more likely my wisdom teeth would start erupting again, I get itchy for no reason, earache, I can't sit down for too long it hurts my pelvis and hips hurt but if I stand for too long backache, the random abdominal pains as my womb gets heavier or (TMI) when I go to the bathroom. My midwife said it's all normal but it's just the thing people don't tend to warn you about.

Again sorry to rant just need to get that out.

I am with you!
I think everyone has this and just doesn't say!
I have anterior placenta and have always been concerned about reduced movement. Told my friend (who also had anterior placenta) and she was like you need to go get checked now. Got me really worried. A few weeks later discovered that she also always thought she had reduced movement etc but for some reason didn't think it good to share with me!

I have acne but everyone says I look glowing (yeah, glowing trying to get off my ass) and I don't think it's people being polite as other comments they make are pretty mean - oh, you have 6 weeks left, you look like your about to explode!

Every day you get through is another day less though!

You wait, they'll all have clingy babies and you'll have one that self settles from day 1.

I think most suffer symptoms but not all women are open about it. A bit like when baby arrives and you go to baby groups and everyone else's baby (apparently) sleeps through the night, except yours...

I was probably one of those women who breezed through pregnancy, nausea for first 13 wks then no real symptoms until the last few weeks when I was huge and developed carpal tunnel. By that point I was wedged on the sofa out of sight though!

So glad someone has said it.

Morning sickness until 18 weeks
Can now hardly walk because of back pain and sciatica to also be told that I might be getting carpal tunnel
Crying at the slightest thing
Huge spider in our bathroom on Sunday to the point I now won't close the bathroom door and was In tears and on edge for hours after and I know this is a massive over reaction but I cannot calm down
Crying over everything and nothing
Heartburn but only when I lie down to go to bed so I feel sick
Insomnia for no reason

It makes me feel like an awful person to say it as I am so blessed to be carrying a healthy baby but I am not enjoying being pregnant.
I also lost my job (yes pregnancy related but cannot prove it) and had 2 bereavements all while I have been pregnant so it's been a hard 7 months!

It's the same with the birth and the same with babies, toddlers and children vis-a-vie "things they don't warn you about"

Id like to know what happened to the shiny and luxurious hair I was promised... mine is dry, dull and falling out. Luckily I've got loads of it to begin with. I also look unbelievably rough every single day, got acne worse than when I was a teenager and am shattered after walking around a supermarket for 30 minutes.

I'm also just getting over a 3 week cold, I've never had cold for longer than a week and never had it this bad. Everytime I cough I strain a muscle in my lower abdomen/uterus area so that's been a joy.
God I've got 22 week to go yet... its going to be a long time.

for every women who's ever felt miserable pregnancy (and that's obviously a glass of schloer...the joys)

Some people genuinely do breeze through pregnancy.

I had no morning sickness, not even any queasiness.

I felt fine, had no problems whatsoever and was training at the gym 4x a week until 39 weeks.

My sister however, pg at the same time, had HG, SPD, GD, placenta praevia and acne - you name it, she had it.

It's just luck. But bloody annoying, I should think!

OP I had a horrific pregnancy, bad birth and couldn't establish breastfeeding, I also have severe period pain and hormonal headaches/IBS.

I have come to the conclusion I am crap at female things

I can relate. This is my second and neither were perfect pregnancies as far as symptoms go although second trimester with both (18-26 weeks ish) were the best.

Hated the nosebleeds and as taking aspirin due to having pre-eclampsia last time they lasted ages!

SPD (PGP) from week 16 not glamorous but once I started to feel the baby move it seemed all the more worth it.

I'm 37+6 now and am just looking forward to the end now though as I'm short so baby has little room.

It always looks like everyone else's pregnancy is going smooth but behind closed doors they could have terrible heartburn (I know I do), have bad headaches or nausea- things you might not see on the outside.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy :)

Not every woman gets every symptom though. With dc2 I was housebound with severe sickness for a bit. I didn't even make much effort to clean my duvet cover when I didn't make it to the bathroom fast enough . But by month 4 I was back at the gym, I can assure you I wouldn't have been there if the sickness had continued! It's down to luck.

You say now that you would like to have been warned but in actual fact you'd have been really annoyed if while you were TTC all your friends only told you the bad bits.

Just like you probably wouldn't be terribly pleased if I write a huge post about how difficult life with a newborn is. (We regularly have threads with people complaining that their friends are warning them)

I'm sorry you've had a hard time lots of women do, so it's not just you. I was sick 10 times a day for my whole pregnancy and right through labour. My friend had SPD and ended up in a wheelchair.

You don't know how your pregnancy is going to go, it's hard but I'm afraid you just have to grit your teeth.

A number of those women you think a breezing through are probably just putting a brave face on it.

Just the luck of the draw really. I felt fantastic when I was pregnant with my first, had no pregnancy related problems and managed to walk 5k 48 hours before I gave birth. The second time around I was very sick and had dreadful heartburn. Depends on the individual pregnancy and luck I think.

Hopefully my experience will make you feel a little bit better!

SIL and I became pregnant at the same time. I had Hyperemesis and was admitted to hospital, she sailed through with no sickness.

I had SPD so couldn't walk without pain, couldn't slee, couldn't do anything really. She was active right up until labour.

She sailed through, went to the theatre in the evening right through until her due date. I had to take naps at work in my car as I couldn't stay awake. I had to go on maternity leave 6 weeks early due to my problems, she worked right up until her due date.

My labour was quick and amazing.
Her labour was long, drawn out and fraught with problems.

My baby is calm, content, sleeps for 4-5 hours at a time, eats enough and is gaining weight. Has just started sleeping through the night. I enjoying being a mum.

Her baby has colic, and is lactose intolerance, she is in and out of hospital trying new formulas as they keep making her baby sick. Her baby lost loads of weight and will not sleep, full stop.

It's swings and roundabouts, sometimes you had to take the bad but guaranteed there will be some good in this. Not that I would wish SIL's situation on anyone, but I did feel a bit vindicated from when she told me "I don't understand what your morning sickness malarkey is all about, it's not so bad." When I was puking blood and on a drip in hospital (lost three stone in two weeks) and worried about losing my baby...

Every pregnancy is different. Had virtually no symptoms with DS1. Breezed through pregnancy and felt no different to normal. Now pregnant with DS2 and it's been so much harder with most of the things you are suffering with.

I mean this in the nicest possible way (and I say this as someone who got SPD at 13 weeks, could barely walk by the end and continued to have it until 11.5 months post partum, and who is currently very sick with #2 and expecting SPD to kick in at any minute... And huge issues with bladder and peeing), I think a lot of it is also down to individual attitude.

I'm very much a 'just get on with it' type of person, others aren't. I didn't complain- not because I'm a martyr, but I just didn't want to complain about pregnancy.

What I learned from already having one, is how precious a lot of people become when pregnant with their first, that you simply can't be about number 2 (I'm not saying this applies to you, just an observation amongst friends)

Me too OP, currently 30 weeks with twins and I've been crying to my MIL today because I feel so utterly shite. She turned up 10 mins later and took my toddler to her house for tea so i could sleep-I love my MIL.

I had a super easy pregnancy and felt great until my due date. I really didn't get what people were complaining about. Then I got pre-eclampsia, 6 day induction, emcs and a really clingy baby who didn't sleep through until 14 months. So, you get it bad one way or another :)

I'm 23 weeks and not really had any symptoms. Some headaches maybe but that's it. I'm expecting a horrific birth to even it out.

Oh god yes!
My cousin is a mother of 5, and looked every inch the Goddess of Fertility when she was pregnant every single time!
Whereas I looked and felt like a teletubbie I had HG from the moment the sperm touched the egg, until my DD was born, acne, terrible wind....I could go on.
Pregnancy sucks. I know it's clichè, but it is so so worth

Yes, me too, for all 3 pregnancies. But my first two births were a breeze in comparison to most women's experiences, so I'm hoping I get the same trade off a 3rd time! I've also had 2 pretty good sleepers. It will even out somewhere along the line I'm sure.

With my ds1 I had headaches, nausea but only during the first twelve weeks, then I just grew and grew - got terrible spd so couldn't sleep or turn over in bed, struggled getting out of car etc 3 day induction and emergency c section

This pregnancy so far (currently 11+4) had two full on colds first lasting ten days this one 14 days and counting with no voice and everytime I cough I pee a little. Every. Single. Time can't stop coughing which is not helpful to pre mentioned situation. My hair is greasy all the time I have been sick several times too which I didn't previously!
My throat is so sore with this cold that it's making me sick when I cough which makes me pee

Before this pregnancy I hadn't been ill for a long time but seem overly susceptible at the mo!
I'm also gaining a lot of weight and envy the ladies who just gain a bump! My nausea has meant that I need to eat to cure it so just pile it on!

Overall pregnancy hadn't been a joy, in fact this time round I had forgotten the joy of the baby until today as had the first scan, simply because I have felt so rough!

I am 26 weeks with DC3 and would love to be at home instead of working full time and trying to make myself looking respectable for work !

Fango is huge and achy, am trying not to walk like a pregnant person and wish the builders would finish our house so I can get it clean in time.

I don't complain at work though as just want it to be seen as easy (and I know it is compared with some womens experiences).

Can't wait til I can wear my maternity combats every day though instead of my dresses and heels and foundation and tidy hair :)

You're not alone! With my DD I had hyperemesis which lasted 30 odd weeks and had four lengthy hospital stays. I had an absess on my wisdom tooth. I had acne and anxiety.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and on bed rest because of a sub chromic heamotomea. I'm also sick as a dog again.

I always thought I wanted three- I don't think I've got it in me to do this again.

Only upside was that my birth with my daughter was quick and easy. Just gas and air and only a few pushes. I think that was God repaying me for the suffering I had endured!

Keep your head up, OP, at least you know what's causing you to feel bad, and it won't last forever! There are really no words for how awful morning sickness is, and how soul destroying it is when it lasts beyond the stage you are told "most" women start to pull out of it.

I finished work 2 weeks ago (at 31 weeks) and am only just able to enjoy it now, as I got the pelvic thing and having to get up and do a FT job was hard, but now I'm off its 100 times better x

This is why we are here at an anonymous message board.

No one says anything because it is so tedious to complain in real life. We all fake it to appear like super women who can manage it all. Pregnancy is miserable. I have been awake since 3:30 am because my boobs are so big I can't find a good way to sleep and keep waking up with cramps in my hands (14 weeks). Hand cramps??? Really????

I am tired and grumpy and fat. Not pregnant fat looking, just like someone who gained 2 stone in 3 months (I have no idea how much weight I have gained). Very tired. Very grumpy. I don't trust own judgement because I am so grumpy.

I don't complain at work, because I don't want to be taken less seriously because I am pregnant. I say "Oh, I felt poorly for awhile but that has passed now." I am only functioning at 50% normal capacity and I am trying desperately to hide it from everyone. I blow dry my hair and wear more make-up. Sometimes I think I could fall asleep while driving. I don't complain to friends because it is boring to talk about hand cramps and no one except DH wants to hear about my big boob problems. Even the midwife looked startled when she asked how I was and I said "miserable". Everyone fakes it because we know we are annoying and grumpy and tedious and if we don't fake it everyone will avoid us.

Here is the good news. You will forget. I forgot. The children are marvellous. Parenting is the most fun and interesting part. Parenting your own kids, the kids you made with the person you love, is extraordinary. It is worth it to make the babies. We will forget this, and we will forget birth, and we will forget the bad bits about the newborn part. This most certainly because if we did not forget no one would ever do it twice and the population would not replace itself.